Just Doin' My Job!

See, I knew Liz was bringing Shiimsa home. But did she even bother to stop and notice how hot an' tasty I look all dressed up for grad? Nope, because it's always Liz, Liz, Liz for her. So I played clueless little sis and opened that door. And did you see the look on Ma's face? She was so surprised her glasses came flying off!

I almost said "Hi, Mike," when I saw Liz today, because for some reason she's lookin' like my bro. Then I noticed she had her hair up in a nasty bun, sorta like the one Mom always wears these days. Which reminds me, Mom slapped me across the face last week, when I mistook her for Dad. It's not my fault--she had a big fishin' hat and baggy clothes on, an' she looked just like Dad. Sometimes Mike looks a lot like Dee, but without the big lips. I hope it's not genetic. I don' wanna look like a boy. (Shup up Becks, don't say I'm built like one anyway!)

By the way, did you know Mom blames me for her nose? Her nose! You see, she says her thighs are Mike's fault. Says she had nice, thin thighs before he was born, but bein' pg with him packed the flab on 'em. Says Liz gave her a big butt. Me? Her nose! Whoever heard of pg causin' fat noses?

An' she didn' think it was funny when I made a joke about the crevASSe having a nice, wide seat. "It's not pronounced crev-ASS, April, it's cruh-VAHSS. Now get Dad away from his idiotic trains and tell him it's time for dinner!"

Well, that's all I've got time for now.

April out