April's Real Blog

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

MayB sum1 shd check on Gramps?

Mike came by w/a comment last nite:
Dear April,

Formerly little sis. I believe my lovely Deanna has opted not to do her reminisces about her youth, because she had a sudden case of whiplash brought on by going from her initial reminiscence about her youth, to disciplining our daughter about Super Teddy to the news we got about Grandpa Jim.

In case you had not heard, well, it’s probably better to start at the beginning. I know how much you like linear story-telling. Mom had come over to our house to do some baby-sitting of Robin for me, so I would be able to get some writing done on my second novel Breaking the Windjammer. After she was pelted by Super Teddy, I said to her, “Thanks for looking after Robin, Mom. His sitter isn’t well.” I am sure you must be wondering if the fact we are using a sitter during the day takes away any from the salary you receive for baby-sitting for us and the answer is no, because that baby-sitter gets real money. Of course, you may be wondering why I wrote in my monthly letter from April, 2007 about how my son would be going to a daycare at the same elementary school, H.G. Davis Public School, my daughter attends. My lovely Deanna decided it was important to have a sitter instead, since that is what my son was accustomed to with Ardith Narayan back in Toronto. So, the sitter was sick with something, flesh-eating bacteria, or something like that, and mom came over to take of Robin for the first time since last year. My son greeted her enthusiastically, with apparently no guilt from having just pelted her.

Mom didn’t seem to mind. She reached out her arms to hold my son by his belly, and said, “It’s a pleasure. The only thing I planned to do today was to drop in on my dad…He’s been behaving strangely lately.” My thought was “Lately?” My son reached out for his Super Teddy, which I dutifully handed to him. Then mom said, “He just sits and stares out the window…” As she said this, my son started biting on the ear of the aforementioned teddy bear. I had wondered where my daughter’s teddy bear had gone to, but seeing my son like that, I got the distinct feeling I knew exactly where the other Super Teddy went. I think it must have been the day Deanna asked me all those questions about the stuff she found in my son’s diapers.

Mom continued on about Grandpa Jim and Iris by saying, “He just sits and stares out the window…Iris has to try and guess what he’s thinking.” My initial reaction was, “And this is different from his normal behaviour in what way?” I, of course, restrained myself, but I could imagine Grandpa Jim, sitting peacefully in his comfortable chair, and enduring the tirade of Iris’ incessant questions, “Jim? Would you like to go outside? Are you hungry, dear?” Jim successfully avoids that kind of banter by refusing to answer and then Iris starts yelling, and this time the yell is “Jim!!!” He didn’t respond to that either.

The older women in my family are all concerned because Grandpa Jim won’t react with people screaming at him. Sometimes I wish I was the same way.

Michael Patterson
OMG, I have a bad feeling that sum1 shda checked on Gramps. MayB sum1 already has. I'll try calling over there B4 I leave 4 school.

BTW, I've scheduled my road test 2 get my G2 driver's licence. Monday, December 3. U hafta w8 12 months betw getting the G1 and testing 4 the G2, unless U've taken driving instruction, which I did. Then U can test after 8 months.


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  • At 7:18 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    Oh, dear. This isn't good. May I offer condolences in advance just in case or keep a good thought? However this plays out, you're in for a rough few weeks.

  • At 1:13 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…


    I understand that Mom thinks Grandpa Jim is finally dead, and I think I speak for everyone, or at least myself and Shiimsa, when I say, "Thank god it finally happened!", because I think you will probably agree with me that the story of Grandpa Jim's stroke is keeping the story of Elizabeth getting married and having her Boy and Girl Main Children from moving forward, now there will be a lot more time to focus on my needs, I am expecting the "fast track your wedding" memo from the Johnston INstitute for Better Living any second now, I am so excited, this is even better than the time that Grandma Marian died, because she did not intrude on the story of our family very much.


  • At 1:56 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Slightly older little sis. I think you are sadly mistaken in your pronouncement that you believe Mom thinks Grandpa Jim is finally dead. After a bit of looking I did find the memo from the Johnston Institute for Better Living which clearly states that no one else is supposed to die, except for people’s interest in what our family is doing. Judging from the last time I visited Grandpa Jim, I am not sure anyone aside from a trained physician would be able to determine if he is dead or just trying to shut out Iris.

    As for how this could affect your romance with Mr. Caine, clearly it is to your advantage. Anthony has proved he is the type of man who would forward his affection towards you using the events of attempted rape, the subsequent trial for the attempted rape, the dissolution of his marriage, and someone losing consciousness due to mixing alcohol and medicine at someone else’s wedding reception. He is clearly not a man who pursues the conventional methods of romancing a girl. I cannot help but feel that he could not help but take advantage of a dead or nearly dead relative to finally push your relationship to the next level. To some people, a proposal of marriage at a funeral, wake, interment, or an extended stay at hospital might seem a little odd, but that’s just the way Anthony is. No one does romance the way he does. I would envy him for his boldness, but I am already married.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 1:59 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I am stuck out-of-town on a Portrait Magazine business trip, but I will ask Beatrice to check on your grandfather as soon as she gets off work. I’ll let you know what I find out, if for some reason, you aren’t able to get any useful information out of your relatives.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 2:50 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…

    Ugly Brother,

    Thank you for trying to cheer me up even as you deliver the bad news that Grandpa Jim is probably not really dead after all, but it is no use, nevertheless, I continue to hope that he is at least in a permanent vegetative state or coma so that he can't keep hogging the story time with his cute stroke-victim antics, when they should be filled with cute Elizabeth's wedding antics.


  • At 3:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sgt. Royalson here.
    Frankly, I thought I was off this case. Your Gramps seeming recovery from Iris "The Black Widow's" first poisoning attempt caused us all to let down our guard. It looks pretty clear that she's finished him off this time. I suspect it was anti-freeze slipped into his morning Wheetabix. "Is there in truth no stopping this fiend?" I hear you asking. Don't worry, we'll track her down and bring this ugly old troll to justice, or I'm not,
    Your devoted public servant,
    Sgt. Royalson

  • At 5:21 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Slightly older little sis. I am afraid to report to you that even if Grandpa Jim ends up in a permanent vegetative state or coma, attention may be drawn from your wedding antics. Mom is currently deciding whether or not she could get Anne Nichols to cater the event with prime rib; how long she plans to hold a grudge against my son for preventing her from seeing Grandpa Jim say, “Boxcar” one last time; finalizing her plans to put in her living will that she will not do any rehab or speech therapy work in the event she has a stroke, since it is obviously a big waste of time; and whether or not she wants to add a seasoning of some sort to Grandpa Jim’s ashes.

    Sorry to be the purveyor of bad news.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 6:05 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    wow, dc2, u & howard r the only ones who have nething comforting 2 say. thanx, guys. when i tried 2 call iris an' gramps's # 2day, i kept getting bizzy signals. i wanted 2 skip school 2 go an' check in, but i cdn't get permission. every1 was saying i was overreacting 2 a hunch.

    i wanted 2 stop in after school, but mom made me go 2 lilliput's and work. it was horrible, i'm so worried. i still don't know what's going on.

    liz, u r just mean!


  • At 6:21 PM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    Not that you'll be allowed to grieve properly if the worst happens. Your idiot parents and worthless siblings will cry crocodile tears about how they never meant for him to die almost alone while setting your feelings at naught. You can also count on the jackasses they let you hang out (GeralDuncanLuisEva) with trivialize your feelings because you're not a starving, one-legged, blind war orphan.

  • At 8:16 PM, Blogger howard said…


    Beatrice had similar difficulties finding out what was going on. I am sure you and she compared notes on your frustration, while you were at Lilliputs'.

    Howard Bunt


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