For Better or For Worse

Yet another hospital story. Don't criticize me 4 that, Mike, U know this stuff is beyond my control.

So, I'm still telling U abt what happened a wk ago, eh? Liz and Anthony had rushed 2 the hospital rite after they finished getting married, once Liz realized Gramps wasn't there and found out from Mom what was up.

Lizthony and Iris were standing outside of Grandpa Jim's curtained-in area, Ant w/his rite hand on Lizzie's rite shoulder. Liz sed, "Iris, you've taken such good care of Grandpa Jim. He's so lucky to have you!" And Iris went, "We're both lucky, dear."

Liz was like, "But, so many things he can't do for himself now--and you're with him, looking after him day after day... It can't be easy!" And Iris went, "It's not easy. But we made a commitment--just as you did today--and although it's not easy, this is all part of loving someone--with all your heart...and, with all you have to give! It's a promise that should last a lifetime. It defines you a a person and describes your soul. It's a promise to be there, one for the other, no matter what happens, no matter who falls... For better or for worse dears... For better or for worse."

Then, the weirdest thing happened. They all looked down--and they saw this scrolling text, like just kind of floating thru the air: "This concludes my story.... With grateful thanks to everyone who has made this all possible ~Lynn Johnston"

Freaky, eh?

Apes

Yet another bedside story 4 U

4 sum reason, I have this creepy feeling that after 2morrow, I won't B telling U these stories I've been sharing w/U 4 the past three yrs plus abt a month. Sumthing's gonna end, and that'll B it. And if that's true, I'd think I cd @ least get U back 2 the reception in my telling U abt Liz's wedding 6 days ago. But 4 sum reason, I'm stuck telling U sum more abt Liz being in Grandpa Jim's hospital room. I have a feeling ppl R gonna show up @ Lilliput's this morning, buy coffee, and tell Mom that this story made them have tears in their eyes, reminds them of sumthing from their family, makes them wish sumthing or other, U know the drill. And they'll thank Mom a lot, 4 sum reason. I will hafta make sure I stay away from Lilliput's.

NEway, so Liz had sidled up 2 Iris, who was sitting by Grandpa Jim's bedside. Iris was all, "I watch him sleeping, Elizabeth--and I remember when I had babies. ..I watched them like this, you know. I watched them... Like this." And Liz sed, "Yeah, I caught that the first time U sed it, why'd U hafta say it twice?" OK, no she didn't. She went, "I'd like 2 have a baby sumday," as if the idea only just popped in2 her head @ that v. moment. And Iris told her, "I'm sure U will, dear! And U will teach yr little one* abt life and all its complexities, challenges, joys and sorrows... there's so much 2 learn." Then Iris gazed @ Jim all beatifically while laying a hand on his face, saying, "I think I know sumthing abt life, now. It takes corage 2 live life 2 the full, Elizabeth... And yr grandfather has courage." And Liz was all, "Yes, he has courage." Then she placed one hand on Iris's back and told her, "...But, he also has U." And 4 sum reason, Iris went all gobsmacky. MayB cuz Gramps had gone in2 silhouette just then, and Iris might have been worried it was like "the silhouette of death." MayB wherev she comes from, she heard that rite B4 U die, U go in2 silhouette.

Well, I hope I have sumthing different 2 tell U 2morrow. Sumthing not abt the hospital.

Apes

*Gah! "Little one." Don't U hate that expression? I do!

Endings to stories

While Liz was @ the hospital in Grandpa Jim's room (after she and Anthony committed their "hitch and run" Saturday--as Gramps so ritely criminalizes it), Liz went over 2 Iris, all, "How is he, Iris? Tell me the truth." And Iris went, "He's not well, dear. He's v. frail. He'll B home in a few days, tho... and, then we'll C." She went 2 one side of the bed, Ant stood @ the other, and Liz stood @ the foot of the bed. And Iris sed, "Look. He's gone back 2 sleep. But... He did C U in 'Marian's' dress--and it meant a lot 2 him." And Liz patted herself on the back w/"I know."

Then Anthony called Mom. He sed, "Hello, Elly? We'd like 2 stay a bit longer @ the hospital w/Iris and Jim. Pls tell every1 we'll meet them @ the reception." After Mom hung up w/him, Dad came over, w/Robin pulling @ his rite hand and Francie looking up @ him like she mite B thinking, "My standfather looks a lot like Daddy, and that scares me." Dad asked Mom, "Who called?" And Mom sed, "Anthony. --Everything's fine. My Dad is going 2 B OK, John. Everything's going 2 B OK!" Interesting, eh? That is NOT what Iris sed in the hospital. So who was lying? Anthony, on the phone 2 Mom, or Mom 2 Dad?

NEway, Dad sed, "That sounds like a nice way 2 end a story!" What normal person wd say that in this sitch? I know, my Dad and "normal" don't even know each other. And Mom sed, "...It's certainly a nice way 2 end 2day!" Sure, if it were true.

Apes

She did, when she finally noticed

More about Liz's wedding this past Saturday. When Anthony and Liz did their run down the aisle (with Liz trying 2 crib the look Dee had on her face when she and Mike did their trot @ wedding #2), sum1 was all, "Congratulations, U2!" And sum insensitive clod was like, "It's about time!" That mighta been Mom. Gordo, standing on the Antman's side, went, "Wooo-hooo!" And sum silhouette guy from Anthony's side went, "Ya-hooo!"

Then, even tho Anthony and Liz had charged down the aisle, suddenly they were back @ the front, w/the bride's-side crowd gawking @ them. And Liz had a teensy-weensy light bulb turn on over her empty head, as she went, "Anthony--where's my grandfather? And Iris! ...They're NOT HERE!!" Then she turned 2 Mom and sed, "Mom--sumthing's happened! Where's Grandpa?" And Mom went, "He's in the hospital, honey. He cdn't come." And Liz sed, "Then, we'll have 2 go 2 HIM!" Mom was like, "But, U just got married! Do U have 2 go NOW?" And Liz went all carp-mouthed and sed, "I do."

And... I'll tell U more 2morrow!

BTW, 2day is Mom's b-day. She sez she's 57. She's gonna B @ Lilliput's all day, having coffee and accepting b-day wishes and gifts.

Apes

My mom's not-funny gallows humour

The wedding is tomorrow! Is it wrong that I'm mostly relieved cuz that'll mean I can stop having premonitions abt that day?

Here's what I woke up knowing this time: When Uncle Phil gets 2 the wedding site, Mom will B all, "Phil! I was afraid U were going 2 B l8!" And Phil will take her hand and go, "It was close, Sis!" Cuz Phil, too, will B dorky enuf 2 call his sister "Sis." And Mom will ask him, "How's Dad?" Phil will say, "Not gr8, El--but, he's going 2 pull thru." Then he'll say, "Everything looks so nice! ...How's the bride?" And Mom will B all, "Nervous, giddy, tired... I wish Dad cd B here." Uncle Phil will tell her, "He'll B here in spirit, Sis." Then Mom will decide this is time 2 make a funny. She'll B like, "I thought U sed he was going 2 pull thru!!" And Uncle Phil will smirk @ her.

Howard, ugh, I can't believe we're having the rehearsal dinner @ the Gravy Boat! I can't blame U 4 sobbing when Iris told U that last nite. Not only is it all heart-attack food, but they don't serve a single thing I can eat! I guess I'll B packing a dinner 4 myself. Ugh, I wish Gramps hadn't made me promise not 2 try 2 prevent his heart attack! :(

Apes

Carry on Gobsmacked

I woke up knowing sum more abt what will happen on 23 August, Liz's wedding day. This time, I know sum stuff abt what Iris and Uncle Phil will talk abt by Gramps's bedside @ hospital.

Iris will have one hand on the rail of Grandpa Jim's bed and will tell Uncle Phil, "He's been fine 4 so long, Phil. If NEthing, I thought he mite have another stroke. ...But, it's his heart again." Phil will take both of Iris's hands in his own (and their hands will B oddly deformed just then), and he'll say, "Iris, I can't leave U like this!" Iris will go, "Go 2 the wedding, dear. We'll B fine. I want 2 B here when Jim wakes up." The 1st 1/2 of Iris's reply makes me think that she'll think he'll B offering 2 stay, but the 2nd 1/2 makes me think she'll believe he'll B suggesting she shd go 2 the wedding herself. MayB it's that she won't really know and will B covering both possibilities.

NEway, after she says that, she will take Phil by the arm and lead him out of the curtained area of Grandpa Jim's bed, while saying, "He's going 2 recover. I'm sure of that. --They're doing everything they can. So don't worry. Have a wonderful time... And just carry on as if nothing happened." And Uncle Phil will look gobsmacked.

Apes

Gramps! :(

OMG! OK, so Jeremy and I just got back from Gramps and Iris's apt. Early this morning, I'd gotten a phone call from Iris, all "April, you and Jeremy have to get here rite away!" So we totally did, and guess what? Gramps talked 2 us, like he did B4 he had aphasia.

He was like, "April, U have 2 listen closely. I can talk 2 U now, but I know it's only temporary and I don't know how long this will last. I had a premonition about yr sister's wedding day." I started 2 tell him that I've been having those, 2, but he waved his hand 2 let him continue. He went, "April. This is important. And you must not try change what I'm abt 2 tell U. On yr sister's wedding day, I'm going 2 have a heart attack." I was like, "NOOOO!" And Gramps put up his hand 2 quiet me and sed, "Yes, April. Here is how yr mother will find out. Yr father will B saying, 'It's almost time 2 go, El. Every1's ready.' And yr mother will B on the phone w/yr Uncle Phil, who will B w/us @ hospital. Elly (not 'El,' fergawshsakes) will tell him, 'Just a minute, John... It's my brother. Phil! Say that again? Where R U?!!' And Phil will say, 'I'm @ the hospital. Dad's had another heart attack. He won't B coming 2 the wedding. Iris is going 2 stay w/him. Georgia and I will B rite there--and Elly? Don't tell Elizabeth. ...He doesn't want 2 spoil her day.'"

I sed, "No! Gramps, we have 2 stop this! U R more important than the stupid wedding, and plus the whole reason Liz was doing all this rush-rush stuff was so U cd B there. MayB if we take U 2 hospital now. MayB if we throw out all that bad heart-attack food Mom has brought U this wk and refuse NE more!" Gramps shook his head vigorously. "April, no! Please listen to my wishes. The aphasia is going 2 come back and I'm going 2 go back 2 being a prisoner in my failing body. And no one even brings me my picture book NEmore!" I was like "I'll get U a new one," but he shook his head. "Stop, April! Listen, I don't know yet whether that heart attack will kill me, but if it does, that is the way it's meant 2 B. I'm already past my sell-by date, sweetheart. And frankly, that dress Liz is so anxious 4 me 2 C her gett married in looks nothing like the gown my sweet Marian wore when she was a strapping young airforce veteran!"

I just started 2 cry, so Gramps started addressing Jeremy. "Make sure she doesn't try 2 stop this young man. April has 2 pretend she doesn't know this is happening, because if her parents don't tell Liz, they surely won't tell April. She HAS TO put a smile on her face and go thru w/everything that's supposed 2 happen on that day. Everything that she's already reported on her blog, and all the stuff that will unwind afterwards, as well. The show has 2 go on!" Then there was sum more stuff I didn't even get, cuz I started 2 cry so hard I was practically dry-heaving, and Iris took me 2 the washroom 2 splash sum water on my face, and calm me down. Jeremy mite B able 2 fill in sum deets on what I missed.

When I got back from the washroom, Gramps was going, "Boxcar! No!" I was like, "Aphasia is back?" And Gramps sadly went, "Yes. Boxcar." :(

Apes

Ugh, whatever

Mom has gotten sum criticism 4 seeming 2 run off the moment Iris got home from her recent trip 2 Calgary, instead of sticking around 4 a bit and giving her a chance 2 decompress. So now she wants every1 2 know that she came by the next morning 2 treat Gramps and Iris to breakfast in bed. "I am SUCH a good daughter, April! Take notes!"

Mom sez that the 1st thing she did was pile a bunch of photo albums on the bed, so Iris and Gramps cd look thru them while Mom prepared their heart-attack food breakfast. Iris told me that while they were looking at sum old pix, Gramps pted 2 sum guy he knew from WWII, and Iris went, "Yes, that's yr friend Ernie. He flew a Lancaster, didn't he." Then Iris told him, "U C? U haven't 4gotten v. much, Jim!" Then she looked again @ the album, which was marked "1940-1947," and sed, "Thank goodness 4 photographs!" And Gramps went, "Yes!" Then they spent a bunch more time going thru that album and others, pting and laughing @ certain pix. Iris held an album called "Our Trip to England" as Gramps looked thru one called "1950-1967," and Iris was all, "The cottage @ Ka[w]kawa Lake!" Gramps sed, "Yes. Yes."

Looking @ more pix, Iris was all, "Here's yr son's graduation! ...The birth of yr 1st grandchild!" I hope they don't have pix of Mike's actual birth, don't U? Then, as Mom wheeled in the brekky cart, Mom was all, "So, how's the history lesson going, Iris?" And Iris went, "Fine, dear, just fine." And as Mom set up the cart and handed Gramps a tea cup, Iris sed, "We've worked our way up to the Middle Ages!" And of course, Mom laughed like that was the funniest thing she'd ever heard.

Gah, who calls going thru photo albums a "history lesson"? It mite B "history," but it's not a lesson, since obviously Gramps remembers all the stuff in it when he sees it. Way 2 set up sum super-lame wordplay. Again. Yuck.

Apes

Mom and Dad Made it About Themselves Again

When Mom got back from her visit w/Gramps, she found Dad grilling on the backyard barbecue. (Jeremy and I were inside making delicious vegan foods!) Dad was like, "So how's yr Dad, El?" Mom went, "I think he'll B fine, John--and Iris had a nice break from caregiving. Looking after him is a lot of work... U're always afraid that he'll choke or fall or something. He's so lucky 2 have her. He's so lucky to have sum1 there 2 care 4 him when he's failing, when he's frightened, when he needs help." Dad was all, "I know." Then he put an arm around Mom's shoulders and they simul-thoughtbubbled, "And I wonder... When the time comes... which one of us will play that role."

U prolly have noticed this is a pattern. Contact w/Gramps always leads them 2 consider themselves getting older. Hm. Make of that what U will.

Apes

Mucilage

OK, so I just heard what happened when Iris got back, ending Mom's few-day stay w/Gramps. Mom was all, "Welcome home, Iris!" And Iris was like, "Hello, my dear!" As Iris walked in2 the apt, she sed this 2 Mom, over her shoulder: "Thanks 4 staying w/yr dad, Elly. I did appreciate my time away."

She put down her bags and went, "And I'm sure he needed some time away from me 2! --He must get tired of seeing my face day after day after day!" And Gramps went, "No!"

Iris grabbed each of his hands in her own, and went, "U don't get tired of me? Well, that's good. Because I love U--and U're STUCK w/me! ...Bonded, fastened, cemented and glued!" Gramps thought-bubbled, "The feeling is mucilage!"

Is your first reaction "bwuh"? Is it to go look up the word "mucilage"? That was my reaction. Its definition from Dictionary.com is:

[myoo-suh-lij]

noun

1.	any of various, usually liquid, preparations of gum, glue, or the like, used as an adhesive.

2.	any of various gummy secretions or gelatinous substances present in plants.

And then mayB you're thinking, "Oh, so he means Iris sticks to him like glue. Is that good or bad?" And then you might be thinking, "But was he thought-bubble punning? What could be the pun? Oh, no. Was he punning on 'the feeling is mutual'? Gah, he was!" At least that what ran thru my head. This is an esp. weak pun (and I h8 puns 2 start with!). The only resemblance between the 2 words is the "myoo" sound at the beginning. [myoo-choo-uhl]/[myoo-suh-lij]. Ugh. Painful.

Apes

The Witch Finds False Teeth Hi-Larious

Guess who was on Good Morning, Milborough today? The Witch of Corbeil (WoC)! The hostess, Candi Clonkers, was interviewing her abt Mom's visit w/Grandpa Jim. Here's a bit I remember:

CC: I think we'd all agree that Mrs. Patterson is a nice, nice woman, who LOVES her father! An all-around wonderful daughter and human being!

WoC: Yes, yes! That's what people need to realize! Elly's not perfect, but her HEART is in the right place. And she tries!

CC [consulting notes]: So, as I understand it, the part of Elly's visit people will be discussing today, over coffee and whatnot, featured her asking her father, "You're OK, aren't you, Dad? In spite of, you know... Everything... You're OK?" To which Mr. Richards said, "Yes," while hoisting himself up from chair to walker.

WoC: Yes! Elly is so caring....

CC: Then, she put one arm around him while saying, "You mean so much to me--to EVERYONE! We don't tell you often enough how lucky we are to have you here with us." Correct?

WoC: Yes! And I think this is something many families can relate to, families with elderly relatives who...

CC: Some of my sources indicate that April Patterson is a notable exception, as she visits her Grandpa often and tells him how much she loves him.

WoC: April! Well, she's a teenager! And a little spoiled! She might be nice to her Grandpa, but what her parents have to put up with, having a teenager in the house! Well, maybe they'd visit Jim more often if they didn't have to deal with her!

CC: But would they, really?

WoC: No. Not really. But let's get back to Elly's visit. Don't forget their lovely HUG! Right after that dialogue about how lucky the Pattersons are to have Jim with them, Jim let go of his walker, walked his feeble, failing body over to Elly, and gave her a hug!

CC: Sources tell me that during the hug, your father's body, seen from the back, looked squat and womanly. And the back of his head looked quite a bit like Elly's daughter-in-law, Deanna's!

WoC: Horrible, picky people! I'd like to see them do better?

CC: Huh?

WoC: Er, never mind! Let's get back to how wonderful this moment was! Elly said, "Ooohh! I'm gonna feel this hug for DAYS!" Then Jim thought, "Me too." And after he and Elly disengaged from the hug, he put a hand to his shirt while thinking, "I left my teeth in my pocket!!!" [Laughs hysterically, tongue extended.]

CC: Why do you find false teeth so funny?

WoC: Aw, c'mon, isn't it obvious? They're TEETH, that come OUT of the MOUTH, that can be LEFT PLACES and LOST and BRANDISHED AT PEOPLE and can BITE their owner by mistake! What's not to find hilarious?! [Laughs again.]

CC: Didn't this "joke" scenario happen before, about seven or eight years ago, when Jim was living with the Pattersons? Doesn't that diminish the erstwhile humour?

WoC: NO! If it was funny then, it's still funny NOW! And most people aren't going to remember so far back, so it'll be new to them!

CC: And why the heck doesn't Jim keep his teeth in his mouth? I've never seen the logic of taking them out and sticking them in a shirt pocket.

WoC: Well, if you did loads of research and development as I do, you'd know--it's something OLD people DO! It's an "old" thing. You wouldn't understand!

CC: Okay! So, on that note, that's all the time we have for this segment! After the next break, join us for the toast-and-jam diet!

I didn't stick around for the toast-and-jam diet. I went right from seeing that to writing this. Now I'd better go get ready 4 my work @ the vet clinic and more errands 4 Liz!

Apes

Painful Punning

It turns out one of the reasons 4 Mom's visit was 2 infodump Gramps re. the wedding plans. While Mom was still sitting on the floor in front of Grandpa Jim's chair, she was all, "I'm glad Iris decided 2 visit her son, Dad. I've been wanting sum time alone w/U. I haven't been keeping U up-2-d8, but now I can tell U what's going on in our lives." And Gramps went, "Yes!" How odd, U'd think Mom cdn't keep Gramps' "up-2-d8" when Iris is around. It's not exactly classified info.

NEway, Mom went on w/"The wedding is all planned. We're having it on August 23rd." Hm, don't U think Gramps wd know that from having received an invitation? Or mayB he was one of the 10 non-RSVPs and Mom assumed that Iris threw away the invite and never told Gramps abt it? Sorry, I'm digressing again. Mom continued like this: "Elizabeth is going 2 look lovely in Mom's dress*, and Anthony's uncle is supplying formal wear 4 the men!" Don't U think the detail abt Anthony's uncle supplying formal wear is a weird thing 2 include? Y shd Gramps care abt that? Or mayB Mom feels the need 2 show how little this bride and groom actually had 2 pay 4. Found dress. Don8ed flowers. "Supplied" formal wear. What else?

Next thing Mom said was, "April's going 2 sing! Wait 'til U hear her! Michael's writing a wonderful speech [groan], the children R all in the wedding party!" Then Gramps is supposed 2 have thot, "I guess U cd call this a 'glow-by-glow' description'!" Y Gramps? Glow by glow? What has Mom done 2 his brain?

Doug McKenzie, in answer 2 yr question, we do have taverns in Mboro, but I don't know if that's what made Dad l8 that one time in 1980. He sez he doesn't remember the incident. I can't believe it--he's had lots of head trauma over the years.

Apes

*That's NOT Grandma Marian's dress!

Boring reminiscences again

Apparently, one of the movies that Mom brought 2 Gramps was abt a married couple where the guy left the woman after they'd been married more than 30 yrs. Mom got really emotional during the movie, cuz it was set up so U really sympathize w/the woman and feel like the husband leaving came totally out of the blue.

After the movie, it seems that Mom told Gramps that the whole sitch had her remembering sumthing that happened on August 24, 1980. Gramps tried 2 pretend he was sleeping, but it didn't work and Mom told him NEway. She remembered looking @ this weird clock she used 2 have, which was shaped like an apple that had been cut in half, so the clock face was on the white part of the apple. It didn't have all the numbers, just 9, 3, and 6, w/dots showing where the other numbers shd go.

Mom recalled that when she looked @ the clock, it was 7:00 PM. She remembered also looking @ her watch 2 corrobor8 the time, while holding little Lizzie and saying, "John's over an hour late! --Where cd he B?" Then she remembers putting Lizzie in her yellow high chair and pacing so hard she actually caused the word "PACE" 2 appear in the air 2x. Meanwhile, she remembers that she, Liz, and Mike were in a backgroundless void that was orange, and Mike seemed only 2 have a torso, while Liz and her high chair both seemed 2 abruptly end where Liz's knees were. As this happened, Mom thought, "Maybe he's had an accident. --He cd B in a ditch sumwhere ....seriously hurt!!"

She also remembered saying, "Where R U, John? I cdn't LIVE w/out U!" But then she remembers the backgroundless void turning Dayglo green as she thought, "Or.. What if he drove sum1 home. --A luscious young thing, perhaps... And what if he went in 4 a drink! --And if..."

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Dad SLAMming the door shut and going, "Hi, honey, I'm home!" while the backgroundless void went back 2 orange. A moment later, the orange gave way 2 white, as Mom shouted at him in white letters on a yellow background, "WHERE THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN!" While her face turned red.

After Mom finished that story, apparently Gramps went, "Boxcar! Boring! 1980!" And Mom got in2 a tiff abt him being grouchy and 1980 being a "fun" year 2 talk abt.

Apes

Bringing glurge smiles

Lilliput's had a special "breakfast" event this morning, and Moira and Beatrice asked me 2 help them set up 4 it. It turned out that most of the ppl @ the breakfast were the same peeps who R alwayz showing up @ Lilliput's 2 have coffee w/my Mom and talk abt our lives. It's creepy how much sum of these ppl know. And how much sum don't.

NEway, this one chick was going, "Elly is so wonderfull [sic]! The way she agreed to stay with her elderly father while Iris has a vacation is just so, so wonderfull [sic] and so, so NICE!" Sum1 else sed, "Yes, I know what you mean! Like for example, Elly told her father, 'I brought some of your favo[u]rite grub, Dad. I'm gonna make Shepherd's pie, chicken and biscuits, bread pudding and trifle!' Isn't that nice?" And sum1 else sed, "Nice? What's with Elly and the heart-attack-stroke-cancer food? Does she want to kill off her father so she doesn't have to deal w/him @ the wedding?" Another person sed, "Hey, who invited the mean ppl here?"

Moira interjected, "We do allow ppl of differing views!" And sum guy with an Indiana accent was like, "Well! You really should limit this to people who appreciate how warm and loving Elly Patterson and her family are. Except April!" And I sed, "Hey!" And he went, "Oh, Hi, April, I didn't notice you were here!" And the chick who'd been saying "wonderfull" sed "April who?" And the guy who'd made the comment abt the food was like, "April! John and Elly's youngest, who is 17 and still living in their house!" And that woman looked v. v. confused.

Then sum1 else sed, "As a family-dynamics counselor, I really appreciated the way Elly told him, 'And despite yr grouchiness, we're going 2 have fun.'" And sum1 else sed, "Oh, me, too! And as teacher, I also liked how she went on w/'I brought you some good movies, April's new book, recent family photographs and herbs from my garden.'" One woman @ the table went, "Michael's book! What has the poor guy done 2 deserve that drivel?'" And the easily confused chick was like, "No, not another mean person! Michael is a wonderfull [sic] writer, and his books R wonderfull [sic], 2!"

I sed, "U know, there's only one 'L' @ the end of 'wonderful,'" but then Moira shushed me and whispered, "We're not supposed to correct them. At least not so directly."

Next, sum woman sed, "I lovedd [sic] it wen [sic] Ellie [sic] told Jimm [sic], "I've brought you the noosepaper [sic], some musick [sic], some choklit [sic]... and--' and then went, 'U're smyleing [sic]! Woww [sic]! I C a smyle!!'" I whispered 2 Moira, "Wow, sum of these ppl R really lousy spellers!" She nodded and looked a bit weary. (Not 2 B confused w/"wary," BTW.)

And yet another woman was all, "Oh, but don't forget the very, very, very best part! As Elly sat cross-legged on the floor, looking quite lovely, by the way, and not at all frumpy, so take that, Elly's critics, her father thought this: 'Yes... you've brought me that too.' 'That' meaning a smile! C that? Elly is just the best daughter EVER! Ever, Ever, Ever!'" And a lot of ppl nodded their heads, tho a couple were muttering abt how they hope that my mom doesn't consider pics from 1979/1980 2 B "recent family photographs."

Then the woman who'd just sed that stuff abt Mom being the best daughter ever sed, "By the way, I thought of some more things that could be written about Anthony: 'Anthony was frightened yet excited about his upcoming nuptials to the lovely Elizabeth Patterson. After all, his first marriage had gone terribly, terribly wrong, and though Elizabeth was, of course, quite different from the first Mrs. Caine, Anthony was still Anthony, and he was terrified that he might make some kind of an error....'" I heard a couple a ppl whisper, "Oh, God, SHE's here?" And I figured this was a gd time 2 get outta there.

As I was leaving, a coupla ppl who'd been called "mean" @ the table came up 2 me and sed sum really nice stuff abt how I'd B OK, just so long as I focused on my goals, didn't let my fam get 2 me, and made sure I left Mboro far, far behind as soon as I left 4 uni. That was really nice 2 hear, and it made me think how that table must B like "opposite land" if those ppl were considered the "mean ppl."

Apes

Mom TRIES, yo!

K, so I heard sum more of what went on when Mom started her few-day stay w/Gramps. It seems Gramps was using his walker and had a storm cloud over his head while Mom was folding a towel. Mom told him, "Iris is only going 2 B gone 4 a few dayz, Dad--and we're going 2 have a gd time!" Poor Gramps, do U have the impression that Mom's plan was "remind Gramps every 20 minutes that Iris is away and Mom is staying w/him 4 a few dayz"? Yeah, me, 2.

Mom went on w/"We'll go outside, we'll watch movies, we'll make sum popcorn, and...." Gramps did a big "SNORT!!" and began 2 clump away from Mom, towards his armchair. As he was sitting, Mom was like, "Look. I know how hard it is not being able 2 talk, not being able 2 do the things U used 2 do. I know..." Gramps cut her off w/a "PFFTBLTTT." Then Mom stooped down 2 slitely below eye level w/Gramps and she went, "OK. So I DON'T know how U feel.... But I TRY!!" And it seems Gramps either smiled or smirked @ her.

Jeremy thanx w/yr help last nite making sure Gramps wd B safe. U R super-smart, yrself!!!

Apes

Good Grief!

OK, here's what I heard abt the start of Mom's "staying with"* Gramps so Iris cd go away a few days.

Iris went, "I shdn't B going, Elly." And Mom was all, "Of course U shd. U don't get away nearly enuf!" Then she zipped up Iris's suitcase and sed, "Dad and I will B just fine. The nurses will help with his bath, and he can manage with, U know... personal things." I guess we shd B gr8ful she didn't Brit-drop "the loo."

Then Iris stuck a finger in the air and was like, "Now, he likes a bit of oatmeal B4 bedtime, he gets up @ nite, so leave a lite on--watch him if he tries 2 use the stove, make sure he takes all his pills on time..."

Mom didn't say NEthing, she just grabbed Iris's suitcase, and in silence, they left the apt, went down the elevator, and left the bldg, where Dad was waiting w/his 'vASSe. Mom broke her silence then, w/"John's here 2 take U 2 the airport, Iris--and don't worry--Dad's in gd hands." Iris hugged Mom and went, "Good hands... Good heart..." Mom sed, "Goodbye." I wda sed, "Good glurge!" And Charlie Brown wda sed, "Good grief!"

Apes

*Yeah, I just felt like putting "quotes" around that.

Yesyesyes

So I heard that Mom showed up while Gramps and Iris were sitting outside. Mom was like, "Hello, Dad! They told me @ the front desk that I'd find U 2 out here." And Gramps was all, "Yes!" Then Mom was like, "It's so nice 2 have a garden behind yr apt." And Gramps again was all, "Yes." Then Iris went, "Elly has come 2 stay w/U dear--while I go and visit my son!"

Next, it seems Mom sat down by Gramps and went, "U know that I'm staying w/U 4 a few days, don't U, Dad. U remember, don't y..." And Gramps got impatient and cut her off w/"YES YES YES!" And Iris sed, "His memory's long enuf... It's his temper that's short!!" And Mom apparently looked mildly gobsmacked.

And so begins the story of "Elly stays w/her father so Iris can get away a few days." Calcul8ed 2 make U all think she's a "gd daughter" after all. We'll C if it works, eh?

Apes

Gramps the Conversation Piece

This morning, Gramps sent me another e-mail:

Hello, April!

In case you were wondering what happened after we got out of the elevator where no one was talking to me? Well, Iris wheeled me outside to the seating area where the olds in my building like to sit around and chit-chat. Two building employees came up to me--a young woman and a young man, and the young woman said, "It's good to see you outside, Jim!" She talked right to me, April! That was so nice! Then Iris said, "He's looking well, isn't he!" And the young man said, "Very well!" Then Iris told him, "He's had a few ups and downs, but in general, his health seems to be stable." And the man said, "Good to know, good to know."

Iris continued: "We've had some visitors lately and taken some nice drives. He watched a movie last night, and his daughter is coming to stay with him soon." If I could have spoken, I would have said, "Yeah, I'll believe THAT when I see it!" Also, I noticed that this nice young man was Asian and he almost seemed like an Asian guy drawn by a 60-year-old woman who has trouble drawing Asians without making them look as though their eyes are always closed! But then, I just thought, "I used to be part of a conversation.... And now, I'm a conversation piece!"

But don't feel too bad for your old Gramps. Your visit yesterday really brightened my day, as always!

Love,

Grandpa

Aww, poor Gramps. I hate when ppl talk abt me like I'm not there. :(

Apes

Talking walls

Gramps sent me an e-mail:

April,

Just a quick dispatch from your Gramps. Iris took me into the elevator recently, as she is wont to do. The elevator was quite full, and as soon as the door closed, the "oldies" in the elevator shared the most scandalous gossip! Iris forbids me from sharing the details, but I can tell you that I found myself thinking, "If only the walls could talk!" Wait, maybe the reason I was thinking that was because everyone seemed to be ignoring me, down at wheelchair level, while they swapped their gossip. And if the walls could talk, at least then, someone would have been talking to me!

Oh, my, there goes the old fert, getting himself depressed. April, I know you're busy with the vet clinic and Liz's wedding plans, but can you spare some time today to visit your old Gramps?

Grandpa Jim

So I wrote back and sed I wd def. make time 2 visit. I'll get Dixie out from where Mom has her tied up and also bring my guitar, of course!

Apes

Dad and Liz have an actual conversation?

It seems that after Dad emerged from the workshop, barely scathed by the glove 2 his head (via Mom), he found Liz sitting on the back deck with Edgar (Dixie was tied up sumwhere, prolly). Dad was all, "I hear the wedding plans have been moved ahead!" And Liz sed, "It's b-cuz of Grandpa, Dad. I want him 2 B there." Dad told her, "Yr mother wd like that, 2." Liz sez she felt herself getting a gobsmacked look on her face, cuz Mom had been acting all like having Gramps there was no thing and no reason 2 rush.

Dad sat down on the steps and told Liz, "It's been so nice 2 have him here. I never really knew my grandparents. They died when I was v. young." Liz sed, "I wish he wasn't [sic] so frail. I wish he wd just... live 4ever." And Dad was all, "That's what makes life so precious, hon...." Then he sat down next 2 Liz, put an arm around her, and sed, "We... all of us... R a 'time-limited offer.'" Liz sez she had this weird vision of ppl clipping out a pic of her and Dad sitting 2gether like that, and taping it 2 their fridges. Weird.

What no1 has told me yet was what happed when Liz clued in Anthony on this decision having been made abt their wedding. W/out consulting him and all. W8 and C, eh?

Apes