April's Real Blog

Monday, July 28, 2008

Painful Punning

It turns out one of the reasons 4 Mom's visit was 2 infodump Gramps re. the wedding plans. While Mom was still sitting on the floor in front of Grandpa Jim's chair, she was all, "I'm glad Iris decided 2 visit her son, Dad. I've been wanting sum time alone w/U. I haven't been keeping U up-2-d8, but now I can tell U what's going on in our lives." And Gramps went, "Yes!" How odd, U'd think Mom cdn't keep Gramps' "up-2-d8" when Iris is around. It's not exactly classified info.

NEway, Mom went on w/"The wedding is all planned. We're having it on August 23rd." Hm, don't U think Gramps wd know that from having received an invitation? Or mayB he was one of the 10 non-RSVPs and Mom assumed that Iris threw away the invite and never told Gramps abt it? Sorry, I'm digressing again. Mom continued like this: "Elizabeth is going 2 look lovely in Mom's dress*, and Anthony's uncle is supplying formal wear 4 the men!" Don't U think the detail abt Anthony's uncle supplying formal wear is a weird thing 2 include? Y shd Gramps care abt that? Or mayB Mom feels the need 2 show how little this bride and groom actually had 2 pay 4. Found dress. Don8ed flowers. "Supplied" formal wear. What else?

Next thing Mom said was, "April's going 2 sing! Wait 'til U hear her! Michael's writing a wonderful speech [groan], the children R all in the wedding party!" Then Gramps is supposed 2 have thot, "I guess U cd call this a 'glow-by-glow' description'!" Y Gramps? Glow by glow? What has Mom done 2 his brain?

Doug McKenzie, in answer 2 yr question, we do have taverns in Mboro, but I don't know if that's what made Dad l8 that one time in 1980. He sez he doesn't remember the incident. I can't believe it--he's had lots of head trauma over the years.


*That's NOT Grandma Marian's dress!

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  • At 7:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It's strange how little your family has to actually pay for all this splendor. Maybe the Johnston Institute is greasing the wheels to make Elly look better than Mira. After all, since things came together effortlessly, that means your mother won't be racing around screaming at people or meddling.

  • At 10:01 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    it cd b that. and also mayB a way 2 show my fam as being so totally beloved every1 wants 2 bend over backwards 2 help. ::barf::


  • At 1:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Has Anthony even promised a dowry to your parents? I know in some wedding traditions, the groom-to-be is supposed to promise the parents of the bride some kind of dowry. This is highly practiced in parts of India and some other countries. I found something I think your mom would like. Someone could probably even add it to the wedding registry for Liz and Anthony's wedding, since Liz is looking more and more like your mom.

  • At 5:19 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, u shud've known u wud get booked 2 do musick 4 the ceremony aftah dawn & shawna-marie had that convo where they talked 'bout how the guy they hired 2 do the musick live during the ceremony & the dinner, cudn't come. i thot ur 1st couple of songz were rilly good. i thot Why Are You Marrying Anthony Caine? Have You Gone Totally Insane?" wuz a classic. ur mom didn't like that 1 & 4 sum reasn didn't like ur follow-up That's Not Gramma Marian's Dress. neway, ur actually song is pretty good, evn if it iz a lot more sugary than ur 1st 2 choices.

    i gotta say the scary part wuz wen ur sis came ovah & wunted 2 know where ur mom wuz & u sed she wuz ovah @grandpa jim's place finally tellin' him that she wuz gettin' married, since iris wuz outa town. i wuz kinda like, "y duzn't she want iris 2 know 'bout ur weddimg?" & she wuz like, "if iris knows, then she may show up." & u were like, "well duz that mean sum1 iz gonna go & get grandpa jim 4 the weddin' w/o iris figurin' it out?" & ur sis wuz like, "no. no1 iz gonna get grandpa jim. thass iris' job." & u sed, "how iz that iris' job, if ur not invitin' iris?" & ur sis wuz like, "u picky face. ur gonna mess everythin' up & everythin' is planned." & u sed, "wut? have u booked ur transportation 4 the wedding, have u done nethin' w/the rehearsal dinner, have u arranged ur honeymoon, have u picked ur ushers, have u booked ur hair & makeup, have u gone 2 ur bridal showers & sent out thank u notes 4 them, have u gotten ur marriage license, have u done ur seatin' chart?" & ur sis sed, "martian angster. mom sed the weddin' plannin' wuz all done & so they're all done." & i sed, "sheesh, april. how do u know all theze thingz?" & then u waved that list ur mom left 4u2 do. i sed, "i don't think u can do all thoze thingz. duzn't it hafta b the real couple 4 a marriage license?" & u sed, "yeah, u think?" & then u were in ur sis' face & sed, "i can't do all this stuff. & i think leavin' out iris rilly stinks!"

    well, then ur sister fall apart & i dunno if she's evah gonna stop cryin'.

  • At 7:40 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, i m so glad u liked my 1st 2 songs, even tho mom didn't appreci8 them. i can't believe all the wedding stuff mom dumped on me. i have 2 @ least get liz and anthony 2 get their own marriage licence!

    patrickrsghost, if anthony is offering a dowry, no1 has told me abt it. lol on the sheet shaving.


  • At 7:41 PM, Anonymous Liz Patterson said…

    April is so mean and unhelpful! If she tries hard enough, she can find a way to get that marriage licence for Anthony and me, who are far too busy to deal with such little details!

    Liz Patterson


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