April's Real Blog

Saturday, July 19, 2008


I'm just gonna turn this entry rite over 2 Liz, who is already hanging over my shoulder and trying 2 think of a made-up errand 2 send me on. Brace yrself 4 her blinding wedding colours.


Ha, smartypants April thinks she knows everything. I'm not going to use my wedding colours today. I'm going to use the colour scheme I'm thinking of using to redecorate the master bedroom after I marry Anthony and move into the house. And shut-up to all of you who keep telling people I already have. I am NOT that kind of girl (anymore), I still have my own apartment with a cat, and no one can prove anything!!

There, isn't that pretty? This would be the main colour, and this would be the accent. April is so mean, she asked me if I'm colour blind when I showed her my swatches. That's almost as bad as how her mean friend Shannon Lake is always asking if I've been evaluated for special needs. I don't know how April gets such mean friends!

Well, anyway, I have a story for you! It's one of those stories that shows that Anthony is JUST LIKE DAD, and therefore PERFECT HUSBAND MATERIAL!!!

Frenchy, and I had just finished our shopping, and we stopped at that outdoor greasy-spoon place where Pattersons who are not April like to have greaseburgers. Anthony and I were both having wraps, because those are "in" right now, and we all had fries. Frenchy asked me, "I get to be a flower girl when you get married, don't I!" And I told her, "Yes, Francie--you and Meredith will be flower girls." Frenchy asked, "Who gets to go first--me or Meredith?" And I cleverly told her, "Robin goes first because he's the ring bearer." This was so distracting, Frenchy never got the idea to ask who got to go second. Instead, she asked, "Why can't I carry the rings?" And I told her, "Because you'll be carrying flowers!"

Then I got this brilliant idea. It just hit me out of the blue, and I couldn't wait to say it: "And if you and Robin and Meredith are really, really, really good... I'll have a very special gift for you when the wedding is over." Anthony leaned over towards me and said, "Here comes the bribe!" I held my french fry mid air and felt my face getting that "gobsmacked" look, which is the perfect look to get when someone "zings" you with a pun like that. I thought, "Wow, that is EXACTLY the kind of thing DAD would say." And I felt SO proud of Anthony. Though part of me felt he was kind of, oh, what's that vocab word I was supposed to teach my grade fours in the last week of school? Oh, right, "undermined." Especially since he did that right in front of Frenchy. Oh, well, Mom told me that's what I need to get used to as a wife and mommy.

Liz Almost-Caine

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  • At 10:46 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i managed 2 find sum more tyme on a computer so i cud tell u more 'bout camp w/eva abuya. i hadda weird convo w/eva 2day & i prolly needta tell 'bout it. eva wuz talkin' 'bout how duncan (again, i know!). she wuz like, "we're destined 2b 2gethah & he seemz 2 like othah girls more than me. i ask him if he likes me better'n zandra or bambi & he sez, 'my mom comez 1st, cuz she'z my mom.' & then i say, 'y can't u xxclude ur mom, cuz she'z ur mom & not ur gf?' & he sez, 'cuz u come aftah my mom, cuz ur younger.' & then he sez, 'if i am rilly, rilly, rilly good...he'll give a special gift 4 aftah skool is ovah.' & then he disappears aftah skool iz ovah & no gift." & then she wuz like, "jeremy. do u like me or april better?" i say, "april." & she sed, "i mean who comes 1st in ur life?" i sed, "april." then she sed, "y can't i come 1st? it's just @camp & nobody will know." i sed, "ur not my gf." & eva sez, "dammit, jeremy. y can't u side-step my questions & spare my feelingz?" &i sed, "cuz i'm not liz patterson." that wuz a weird answer, but it seemed like the correct answer 4 sum reasn.

    neway, the big news frum camp is 1 of the camp counselors got in trubble 4 bribin' the kids w/candy 2 get good behaviour out of them & 4 touchin' their noses. the camp leader wuz more concerned 'bout the inappropriate touchin' than nethin' else. not a prob w/me or eva. the counselor sed she wuz just doin' a magic trick where she pulled a french fry outa the kids' noses. no1 b-lieved her & she got sent home.

  • At 11:08 AM, Anonymous Liz Patterson said…

    Oh, that's right, April's mean friend Jeremy just reminded me of a sweet little detail I forgot to tell you from my story. When I told Frenchy about giving gifts to her, Robin, and Merrie if they are really, really, really good, I touched the tip of her nose with the tip of my right index finger. It was a charming gesture! I can't believe that counselors got in trouble for that at the crazy camp where Jeremy and April's other mean friend, Eva, have been all week. Texas must be super-crazy.

    Liz Patterson, soon-to-be-Caine

  • At 12:07 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    hey, liz, so much 4 the "healthy food" thing u talked abt in the grocery store w/francie, eh?


  • At 12:09 PM, Anonymous Liz Patterson said…

    Shut up, April! We were just honouring our North-American heritage by eating at the greasy spoon. Don't you know anything?


  • At 1:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It's probably for the best that Liz is living in a fantasy capsule. That way, she has some good memories before she's forced out of it in a few years. At that time, her nose will swell and she'll be biting into phone books, flapping her arms, honking her nose and screaming about how the inevitable is unfair. Depriving her of bliss despite it being based on an illusion seems cruel. If she wants to believe that Anthony has her back, let her.


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