April's Real Blog

Wednesday, July 23, 2008


So I heard that Mom showed up while Gramps and Iris were sitting outside. Mom was like, "Hello, Dad! They told me @ the front desk that I'd find U 2 out here." And Gramps was all, "Yes!" Then Mom was like, "It's so nice 2 have a garden behind yr apt." And Gramps again was all, "Yes." Then Iris went, "Elly has come 2 stay w/U dear--while I go and visit my son!"

Next, it seems Mom sat down by Gramps and went, "U know that I'm staying w/U 4 a few days, don't U, Dad. U remember, don't y..." And Gramps got impatient and cut her off w/"YES YES YES!" And Iris sed, "His memory's long enuf... It's his temper that's short!!" And Mom apparently looked mildly gobsmacked.

And so begins the story of "Elly stays w/her father so Iris can get away a few days." Calcul8ed 2 make U all think she's a "gd daughter" after all. We'll C if it works, eh?


Labels: , ,


  • At 8:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I doubt that it will. You know how poorly your mother reacts in stressful situations. If she doesn't freeze up because she's confused by the obvious, she'll be baying at the moon because the predictable blindsided her. Either way, Jim was better off with Iris.

  • At 8:56 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    yeah, i'm a bit scared 2 find out what i'm abt 2 find out this wk! :(


  • At 9:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm a bit worried as well as to what may happen in the next couple of days.

    One thing that concerns me is your mom may mistake Grandpa Jim's detached comments or replies as his official reply when she invites him to Liz's wedding.

    She will tell him how they've altered not-Grandma Marian's dress, how the invitations are done, that Lawrence is donating the flowers, Anne is preparing all the food (I hope everyone's insurance is paid up), among other deets.

    He might boxcar a few times, or even asterisk-dollar sign-at sign, even when she tells him how they've butchered, er, altered not-Grandma Marian's wedding dress, and everything looks beautiful for the wedding.

  • At 11:01 AM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. I see that you have begun to tell the story about how mom is going to prove to everyone that she is the best daughter in Milborough during the course of a few days. It is a daunting task, but if anyone can do it, mom can. After all, when you consider her competition, she really doesn’t have to do much to be the best daughter in Milborough. My daughter, while a beautiful young girl with moments of cuteness, seems to spend most of her time trying to prove she is the exact opposite of what mom is trying to achieve. Anthony Caine’s little girl is Quebecoise, so she is out of the running. And as for you, you have way too much history as a angst-ridden teenager to have a chance. I think mom is going to have an easy time of it.

    My wife, the lovely Deanna, looking over my shoulder, says if I am going to make such statements about my mother being in competition to be the best daughter in Milborough, I need to include Rosemary Mayes (Gordon Maye’s daughter) in the competition. Cheeze. She’s right. Rosemary is a dream daughter. Maybe mom should try for best Patterson daughter in Milborough. At least she would be guaranteed to win that competition.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 11:11 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, waddya mean u hafta do all the cookin’ & cleanin’ in ur house while ur mom’s stayin’ w/ur grandpa jim? waddya mean ur mom gave u a list? ur workin’ full-time @the vet clinic & ur dad iz only workin’ part-time. y shud it b ur job? i know. wut shud i xxpect, aftah seeing the way ur dad pitched in (not) w/the weddin’ prep?

    ok. i’ll calm down. & yes, i am gonna help u. u know i will. i luv u. while ur workin’ @the vet clinic, i’ll go buy sum vegan groceries that mebbe u can disguise az foods ur dad will eat. &i’ll do sum cleanin’ so ur not like, overwhelmed wen u get off work. but i am not, i am totally not shavin’ ne sheets.

  • At 11:23 AM, Blogger howard said…


    Thanks for the warning that your mom is staying with your Grandpa Jim, while your step-grandmother Iris is visiting her son in Calgary. I know that last time I talked to Iris, she mentioned that she had not gotten to see any of her children, except her daughter who lives close by in Barrie, since your grandfather had his first stroke in October, 2006. She hasn’t seen her son since January, 2006, so it will be the first time in 2½ years. I know she’s going to be excited to go. There were times I know when she used to despair she would never see her children again. My wife, Beatrice and I have offered from time-to-time to substitute for her in taking care of your Grandpa Jim, but Iris can be very stubborn about whom she will accept, as I am sure you already know.

    I see from your story, your mother is off to a grand start by questioning your Grandpa Jim’s understanding of things over and over until he gets angry. I think I will stay away from visiting your Grandpa Jim until after Iris comes back. He is probably going to be in a foul mood for most of your mother’s stay.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 3:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    michael patterson,

    Maybe mom should try for best Patterson daughter in Milborough. At least she would be guaranteed to win that competition.

    Especially with Elizabeth tearing her hair out because ten people out of two hundred haven't returned her RSVP for a wedding that's a month away. Why she's stressing out when April, your mother, mother-in-law and wife are doing her work for her is beyond me. Maybe you could get a book idea or two out of it.

  • At 6:36 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Amazon River catfish. I like your thinking. I have thought about writing a story about my sister Elizabeth’s love life before, but when I mentioned it to Elizabeth she has threatened me with physical violence. However, now that she is too feeble to do her own wedding planning, it might be a good time to broach the question again. The other possibility is that I could wait until after she’s married and just ask her new husband Anthony for permission instead. He is a much more agreeable fellow and even if he gets upset, everyone knows his type of physical violence involves ear-tweaking; which is a lot less painful than the frying pan-type of violence Liz uses. Not only that, but if I get Liz upset, she is much more likely to use the frying pan on Anthony than me, and I still get the story. It’s win-win for me.

    Thanks for the suggestion,
    Michael Patterson

  • At 7:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    michael patterson,

    You're welcome. Glad I could help you.

  • At 9:18 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    mike, mom's not even a patterson daughter. she's a richards daughter. and the only way she'll win best daughter in mboro is by being her own judge. i have no doubt she'll do that.

    jeremy, thanx soooo much 4 helping w/the cooking. dad was totally fooled in2 thinking that the seitan in the mock-chicken stirfry was chicken.

    howard, i don't blame u 4 planning 2 stay away from gramps until after mom's gone.


  • At 9:41 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, that wuz so funny. i mean, i know ur prolly still mbarrassed, but once u calm down, u'll prolly think it's funny. i wuz goin' "Yes! Yes! Yes!" & then ur dad walked in 2cy ur grandpa jim wuz in ur room.

    ok. i know u were all, "i nevah wunted my dad 2c me doin' that!", but it wuz dark. i don't think he saw nethin'. i just sed, "it's jeremy, dr. p. it wuz me saying 'yes' & not grandpa jim" & then ur dad sed, "well ok then" & turned 'round & left. if he saw nethin', he prolly wud've sed more than that.

    i guess i shud uze a diff word than "Yes!" wen u do that thing that makes me wanna say "Yes!" how 'bout "Boxcar!" ok. just jokin'. i think ur suggestion of "i luv u, april!" iz a lot bettah choice.


Post a Comment

<< Home