April's Real Blog

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Gramps the Conversation Piece

This morning, Gramps sent me another e-mail:
Hello, April!

In case you were wondering what happened after we got out of the elevator where no one was talking to me? Well, Iris wheeled me outside to the seating area where the olds in my building like to sit around and chit-chat. Two building employees came up to me--a young woman and a young man, and the young woman said, "It's good to see you outside, Jim!" She talked right to me, April! That was so nice! Then Iris said, "He's looking well, isn't he!" And the young man said, "Very well!" Then Iris told him, "He's had a few ups and downs, but in general, his health seems to be stable." And the man said, "Good to know, good to know."

Iris continued: "We've had some visitors lately and taken some nice drives. He watched a movie last night, and his daughter is coming to stay with him soon." If I could have spoken, I would have said, "Yeah, I'll believe THAT when I see it!" Also, I noticed that this nice young man was Asian and he almost seemed like an Asian guy drawn by a 60-year-old woman who has trouble drawing Asians without making them look as though their eyes are always closed! But then, I just thought, "I used to be part of a conversation.... And now, I'm a conversation piece!"

But don't feel too bad for your old Gramps. Your visit yesterday really brightened my day, as always!


Aww, poor Gramps. I hate when ppl talk abt me like I'm not there. :(


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  • At 7:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'd rather not see your mother try to take care of him. You know how frustrated and confused commonplace things make her. That means that he'll be parked at Sunset Acres quicker than he can say Boxcar.

  • At 9:45 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i am so glad 2b back frum dallas, aftah spendin’ a week helpin’ 2 run a youth camp w/eva abuya, 2 stand in 4 duncan anderson, who skipped out on doin' the camp w/eva. i rilly luvved the way u sed “i missed u” wen i got back in. az they wud say back in dallas, i feel like a horse that haz been “rode hard & put away wet.”

    aftah i got ur welcome back greetin’ i wuz back @my home & my step-sis sed, “it’s good 2cu inside our home, jeremy!” & my step-dad sed, “he’s lookin’ well, isn’t he!” & my mom sed, “very well!” & my step-sis sed, “he’s had a few ups & downs, but in general, his health seems 2b stable.” & my step-dad sed, “good 2 know, good 2 know.” i sed, “wut ru talkin’ ‘bout?” my mom sed, “jeremy. every1 knows that aftah u go 2 camp, a patterson breaks off a relationship.” i sed, “oh. u mean like wen april went 2 winnipeg & she came back 1 year & she split w/becky mcguire & anothah year, she split w/gerald delaney-forsythe? april isn’t goin’ 2 winnipeg this year. i’m the 1 who went 2 camp. i don’t think that counts.” well, then they told me sum1 wuz outside ur house & heard me makin’ all kinds of sobbin’ noises & they thot i wuz sad cuz of u breakin’ up w/me. it wuz kinda embarrassin’ 2 xxplain 2 my fam the real reasn i wuz makin’ those noises wuz cuz i wuz so happ 2cu again aftah a whole week. aftah all, that iz the truth (altho not the whole truth).

    i can't w8 2cu again aftah u get done @the vet clinic 2day. altho, i think i need 2b a little quieter durin' our "conversations".

  • At 10:14 AM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. I am back after being stuck in Corbeil to get properly trained on what to say and not to say with respect to you and your relationship with Gerald Delaney-Forsythe. The official line is that Gerald is not husband material for you, since he is engaged to some other girl, and I should not point out the obvious similarities to that situation and when Anthony Caine was engaged to that Quebecoise woman. Lesson learned.

    I swear if I never hear the word “red herring” again, it will be too soon. All week long, it was, “You can’t have a romance without red herrings. The most important part of a romance is trying to figure out which man the girl will pick. Remember how people thought Elizabeth was really going to end up with Paul Wright? Remember how people thought Elizabeth had a chance with Warren Blackwood? None of those relationships would have worked as red herrings, if people didn’t believe they were possible.” Now, of course I had to endure lectures about why it was important not to make the red herrings seem too appealing or when the heroine ultimately switches to the prime rib she was always intended to eat, people will prefer the herring and how this will irritate the people in Corbeil to no end, because it should be perfectly obvious that prime rib is the preferred food and not red herring especially after the people in Corbeil explain in long letters about why people should prefer the prime rib. So, until the prime rib is revealed to be the prime rib, I need to act like the red herring is the prime rib. Confusing, eh? Well it will all be explained in some book from Corbeil called Lives After Lives Behind the Lines, which hasn't been published yet.

    In any case, it’s good to be back. Mom revealed as soon as I got back she planned to spend a little time with Grandpa Jim in order to: (a) give Iris a break from taking care of him and (b) to prove people wrong about how she takes care of her own father who lives in the same town she does. The last part didn’t make much sense to me, but I often don’t understand all of mom’s motivations.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 1:32 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dc2, i hope u r wrong, but also v. scared u cd b rite.

    jeremy, i m soooooo glad u r back, and can't w8 2 show u again how glad i m!!!!!

    mike, all that talk of prime rib and herring makes me gladder than ever that i'm vegan!


  • At 7:58 PM, Blogger howard said…


    Sorry, we haven’t written in awhile. It took my wife, Beatrice, a little bit to recover from her part in your sister’s wedding preparations, and by recover I mean calm down. However, when your mother told her that the wedding preparations were completely done and she was going to spend some time with her father, Beatrice found that idea to be so amusing; she is in a much better mood. As Beatrice puts it, “Only Elly would consider wedding preparation to be completely done 3 weeks before a wedding. I guess there aren’t going to be any bridal showers at this wedding.”

    In any case, we are having a good time at a benefit going on here in Milborough, to raise money for the Blind Asians of Milborough or BAM!! As you probably already know, these are Asians who are not actually blind, but have simply lost their ability to open their eyes. The fund-raiser is to raise money so that these Asians can have operations to open their eyes, so they can see like Asians in the rest of the world. I think it is a worthwhile cause, so I (with the help of my girls) am providing food for the fund-raiser. You can stop by if you like. There are a few Vegan items available, although I have to admit that it takes meat and macaroni to appeal to most Milboroughans, so that is what is mainly for sale.

    I hope you can stop by.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 8:58 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy and i r @ the bam benefit, and i noticed that dawn enjo is here, 2. it was really cube of howard 2 make sure there were sum gd vegan options.


  • At 10:58 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, yeah, that convo w/dawn enjo wuz pretty freaky. she sed she hadda take a couple of weeks off her graphic design job in ottawa just 2 make sure ur sis had her weddin’ all planned & she sed she gets 2 go back 2 ottawa az soon az ur mom starts talkin’ ‘bout thingz that happed in 1979 again. i wuz gone 4 a week, but did ur sis do evn 1 thing 4 her weddin’ aside frum try on that dress? it soundz like u, ur sil, & ur sis’ bridesmaids did all the work.

    neway, i didn’t know this biz of asians havin’ ur eyes closed & slanted wuz such a big deal, ‘till i saw i think every person w/an asian background w/their eyes closed & operatin’ just by touch. dawn sed she didn’t have this problem last summer 4 shawna-marie’s wedding. so, it wuz kinda freaky it wuz happenin’ this summer, like mebbe there wuz an offensive stereotype festival 2 go along w/ur sis’ weddin’.


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