April's Real Blog

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Dad and Liz have an actual conversation?

It seems that after Dad emerged from the workshop, barely scathed by the glove 2 his head (via Mom), he found Liz sitting on the back deck with Edgar (Dixie was tied up sumwhere, prolly). Dad was all, "I hear the wedding plans have been moved ahead!" And Liz sed, "It's b-cuz of Grandpa, Dad. I want him 2 B there." Dad told her, "Yr mother wd like that, 2." Liz sez she felt herself getting a gobsmacked look on her face, cuz Mom had been acting all like having Gramps there was no thing and no reason 2 rush.

Dad sat down on the steps and told Liz, "It's been so nice 2 have him here. I never really knew my grandparents. They died when I was v. young." Liz sed, "I wish he wasn't [sic] so frail. I wish he wd just... live 4ever." And Dad was all, "That's what makes life so precious, hon...." Then he sat down next 2 Liz, put an arm around her, and sed, "We... all of us... R a 'time-limited offer.'" Liz sez she had this weird vision of ppl clipping out a pic of her and Dad sitting 2gether like that, and taping it 2 their fridges. Weird.

What no1 has told me yet was what happed when Liz clued in Anthony on this decision having been made abt their wedding. W/out consulting him and all. W8 and C, eh?


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  • At 7:11 AM, OpenID patrickrsghost said…

    That glove must have knocked something loose in your dad's brain that would make him mix up his words. I've always heard it as "Limited-time offer".

  • At 9:40 AM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey Apes,

    Y did u & Jer flake on me last nite?

    Worst. Birthday. Evah. Just me & her @ The Real Jerk, & then back "home" 4 a Thomas the Tank Engine birthday cake that Silhouette 'Rents got 4 me. Yr 'rents gave me a Dentistry Playset. Charles gave me a birthday card w/ a condom wrapper in it.

    I guess u like Silhouette Me bettah than Ril Me, like evry1 else.

    I suck.

    Yr former best bud,
    Duncan Anderson

  • At 1:18 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    duncan, i think we kinda hadda communication prob. april & i didn’t know the real jerk opened up a new location in woodbridge. i guess thass where u were w/eva (or her, as u call her). we figgered u wud’ve gone 2 the real jerk on queen street east in TO. we figgered it wuz the rite 1 cuz thass where zandra larson & zenia parkinson showed up w/thoze prezzies wrapped in black. we didn’t rilly talk to them tho & aftah awhile they left. april tried 2 call u, but ur cell just put her on voice mail. april sez thass wut u do wen u like, hide under bed or sumthin'.

    neway, aftah awhile we had dinner. april had the real jerk veggie surprise & i had the curry chickpea & potatoes. i had my eye on the curry goat / oxtail combo, but u know since april’s doin’ the vegan thing, i am tryin’ 2 do it 2. by the way, i dunno ‘bout april, but i do like silhouette u bettah.

  • At 1:25 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dunc, sorry abt the mixup! i still have yr prezzies. wanna meet @ ht's rite after school. i'll buy u all the dbl-dbl's u want.

    i prefer the real u!


  • At 1:26 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, ur b-ing rilly nice 2 duncan (& i dunno if he deserves it), but thass 1 of the thingz i luv 'bout u. actually i did discover last nite i like the taste of curry on ur...um...i think i bettah stop there.

    neway, oh yeah, duncan. sorry we weren't there 4 ur b-day. lotsa dbl-dbl's comin' ur way & sum prezzies 2. u'll know which 1 iz frum me.

  • At 3:16 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. It is interesting how Dad will use stray from using a pun to comfort someone, in order to use an analogy instead. While not as funny, it is a strangely warming feeling coming from your father. It’s like when he says, “Elizabeth’s courtship is like a long freight train - it takes a while to build up momentum and then boy, it's impossible to stop it!” Now that I think about it, it is unusual for Dad to use an analogy without using a train. I wonder why he went with an infomercial analogy. Maybe it was something he just saw on TV.

    What I found out recently was that Elizabeth regularly visits Grandpa Jim and they have interaction between them on a variety of topics: the wedding, her work, his health, the dress and so on. When she went to pick you up for the story you are currently telling, she was unable to see Grandpa Jim at that time and that’s why she didn’t come up to Grandpa Jim’s apartment to get you. You always have to bear in mind with our sister that you have to read between the lines and know that there is something going on in her life even if nobody knows it or has seen her do anything like it. After all those visits, then she has to ask you how Grandpa Jim is doing as if she doesn’t already know. Our sister can be quite the scamp!

    Michael Patterson

  • At 4:19 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    mike, since i have 2 read between the lines abt liz's life, shd i xxpect that when i don't c her 4 a while, she's doing international espionage?


  • At 4:20 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    also, duncan is on his, like, 10th dbl-dbl. i've never c'n sum1 have so many! he insists this won't keep him awake 2nite!


  • At 9:53 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, ok. i'll check on duncan in the washroom again, but it'll b the same as last tyme.

  • At 9:55 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. Elizabeth? International espionage? You must be joking. She hasn’t done that in years. You need to do a better job of reading in between the lines.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 10:02 PM, Blogger howard said…


    Beatrice said a wedding cancelled for next week, where your sister can take over the reservations. The marriage ceremony and reception would take place in the restaurant / bar The Three Kronen. They have a trained rabbit that is acting as the minister and also runs a karaoke machine for the reception. The groom of the cancelled wedding said he also has a magic act he is willing to throw in for free. The reception food would be primarily bar peanuts and the owner said he could probably find a jar of olives too. Do you think your sister would be interested?

    Howard Bunt

  • At 10:05 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    17 XL dbl dbls! A new record! MCDunC rulz! Im going 2 stay up all nite & study 4 my English exam on Mon! Then Im going 2 have 18 XL dbl dbls 4 brekkie!


    The Man

  • At 10:26 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, well that wuz weird. that old lady in the street. she wuz all like, “if i cud make a movie or a comic novel, i cud do it. if i had a paintin’ w/all kindza colours, i cud do it. if hadda a statue, where i cud show all the sides of the sitch, then i cud do it. if hadda novel, i cud rilly do it. if had a haiku, then i cud do it & express my interest in ethnic peeps 2. but all i have is 30 secondz every day. i can’t do it w/just 30 secondz every day. if i had 35 seconds, mebbe. but not 30. it’s just 2 short.” duncan sed, “you work w/the limitations - it’s part of making art, u foob. MCDunC knows art.” then he hadda run back 2 the washroom.


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