Giving Mom "credit"
Ugh, I don't wanna tell U what happened next, after Eva bought that belt, but I guess I kind of have 2.
We were walking from one store 2 another, and Eva was all, "U're not gonna buy NEthing, April?" And I sed, "Nah. I don't have much money." We walked in2 a store, and Eva was like, "I just use my mom's credit card!" I sed, "Well, I hafta use my own cash--unless my mom's with me... an' then she uses her credit card." Eva started 2 look @ sum tank tops displayed on a table, and sed, "Bummer. She ought 2 trust U w/the card, man. I mean U're just gonna get stuff U NEED! And then we silently went 2 the checkout w/a shirt Eva had decided 2 buy, and once we got there, I continued our convo w/"Do U need that shirt?" And she was all, "Not really, but I like it." As we left that store I thought.......... Oh, no. I can't. I can't.
OK, I have 2. I thought, "I should give my mom credit!" Ugh, it was like my brain had been taken over by sum smug 60yo in Corbeil, who can't resist lame wordplay (credit/credit) and has 2 get in a message abt Elly Patterson being the bestest evah!!!!11!! Not only that, but I realize I was starting 2 have judgmental thought bubbles abt Eva, just like I used 2 w/Becky when our friendship was abt 2 go down the pooper. Uh-uh, I'm afraid Eva is abt 2 have the official "Becky" treatment. Next thing U know, Michael will B referring 2 her as "that slattern Eva" and my dad will B saying stuff abt her being 2 ambitious. Or fashionable. Or whatevs.
I'm scared.
Apes
We were walking from one store 2 another, and Eva was all, "U're not gonna buy NEthing, April?" And I sed, "Nah. I don't have much money." We walked in2 a store, and Eva was like, "I just use my mom's credit card!" I sed, "Well, I hafta use my own cash--unless my mom's with me... an' then she uses her credit card." Eva started 2 look @ sum tank tops displayed on a table, and sed, "Bummer. She ought 2 trust U w/the card, man. I mean U're just gonna get stuff U NEED! And then we silently went 2 the checkout w/a shirt Eva had decided 2 buy, and once we got there, I continued our convo w/"Do U need that shirt?" And she was all, "Not really, but I like it." As we left that store I thought.......... Oh, no. I can't. I can't.
OK, I have 2. I thought, "I should give my mom credit!" Ugh, it was like my brain had been taken over by sum smug 60yo in Corbeil, who can't resist lame wordplay (credit/credit) and has 2 get in a message abt Elly Patterson being the bestest evah!!!!11!! Not only that, but I realize I was starting 2 have judgmental thought bubbles abt Eva, just like I used 2 w/Becky when our friendship was abt 2 go down the pooper. Uh-uh, I'm afraid Eva is abt 2 have the official "Becky" treatment. Next thing U know, Michael will B referring 2 her as "that slattern Eva" and my dad will B saying stuff abt her being 2 ambitious. Or fashionable. Or whatevs.
I'm scared.
Apes
Labels: Eva, Mom, playing with words
posted by April Patterson @ 7:03 AM
22 Comments:
At 8:10 AM,
Anonymous said…
Thankfully, your misery will soon be at an end. She From Corbeil will turn her attention away from you and yours in three short months. Granted, you'll have to defend yourself from being thought of as the improbable person we'll see in her silly, wish-fulfillment book she'll write about your destiny but, other than that, your thoughts will be your own.
At 9:17 AM,
Anonymous said…
Maybe you should check the back of Eva's neck for her "Best Before" date.
At 11:20 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Formerly little sis. I certainly not refer to Eva as “that slattern Eva”. “Extravagant” would be a better word until you tell us stories about her wanton roadside activities, as you did with that slattern Becky McGuire. No, April. We all know that Eva’s boyfriend is Duncan Anderson, a boy whose reputation is beyond reproach, since his father has played trains with dad, when Duncan was a very young lad. In fact, rumour has it that Eva and Duncan realized that they were destined for each other the moment that they first cast eyes on each other, which is more than I can say for a certain teenager who has strayed away from her childhood sweetheart.
As you so correctly pointed out by giving credit to mom, the problem with Extravagant Eva is not Eva herself, but her mother. If Eva was blessed to have our mom for her mom, then she would be no different from you, wanting to buy all kinds of slutty clothes, with only mom standing between you and your status as a pole dancer wannabe. It is a sad fact of life that there are other mothers in the world aside from our mom, and their children must suffer for it. Lucky for you and me, that’s not us. Indeed, you are right that we should give mom the credit she so richly deserves.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 11:30 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, we all know u have ur “60yo in corbeil” moments. eva prolly knows that by now, i guess. i know i have been ‘round u long enuff 2 know it. i mean, u know, it’s like wen we r doin’ sumthin’ 2gethah & then like outa nowhere u say, “i can’t do this w/u jeremy. ur mean. ur a villain.” then u get a weird, kinda snotty look on ur face 4 a bit. i know i just hafta ignore that stuff & w8 4 it 2 wear off. if it wuzn’t 4 w8in’ then i wud’ve nevah known u rilly liked it when do that swirly motion while we r…um…u know the thing we do the swirly motion w/. i mean if i had just gotten mad cuz u were callin’ me names & not w8ed till u got ovah it, then i wud nevah know. it’s just part of how u r sumtymes. so don’t worry ‘bout eva. she’s prolly figgered it out by now, if u sed sumthin’ 2 her, insteada just thinkin’ it.
At 11:32 AM,
Anonymous said…
Young lady,
How gratifying it is to see that you are not "spoiled rotten" as are so many of today's "kids." I am dismayed at your friend's extravagance and cavalier attitude. Is she not grateful to be living in Canada at all, rather than in some third world squalor? Perhaps it was a mistake to open our doors to those not appreciative of our hardy, healthy Canadian existence. I strongly suspect you will have to "cut her off" in any event, in order to spend more time with your lovely older sister as she makes her plans for her fantasy-come-true wedding to the hunky Anthony. I'm sure your sister will not be buying unnecessary items of clothing as she struggles to make ends meet with her new husband and half-Frenchified child.
A friend
At 11:34 AM,
howard said…
April,
It is with horror that I realized I parent like your mother. My daughters do not get to carry my credit card when they go clothes-shopping by themselves. Now, I have to rethink that decision; since my parenting rule of thumb has been "What would Elly do? Then do the opposite." for quite some time.
Love,
Howard Bunt
At 11:53 AM,
April Patterson said…
i hope u r rite, dc2!
patrickrsghost, gd idea, i mite just have 2 check eva 4 her sell-by d8, like she did 2 me that one time.
mike, that's confirmation that my thought was wrong. u agree w/it!
jeremy, i m so glad u understand that brain defect of mine and know 2 ignore it when it happens. i'm so sorry abt those mean things that come outta when my brain defect kicks in! i totally <3 the swirling. let's do it again soon!
anon, i dunno abt liz. she's been keeping 2 herself a lot and mite b spending extravagantly on herself 4 her wedding.
howard, while that's usually a good rule, u prolly need 2 keep in mind how old yr girls are. even eva's mom didn't let eva use the credit card when eva was as young as yr girls are. she didn't get 2 use it until this past yr.
apes
At 11:54 AM,
Anonymous said…
OMG, I'm scared! I don't want to be the next Becky!
Eva Abuya
At 11:55 AM,
Anonymous said…
April, not that it's any of your business, but I am not spending "extravagantly" for my wedding. I am only buying things I need. A bride needs very, very nice, very, very fancy, very, very expensive things.
Liz Patterson
At 1:38 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I am so glad you are finally back to being the nicest girl in Milborough. If you need someone to comfort you after your shopping trip with Eva, you know where to find me. I will be along the wall of the hall outside the Special Needs room. Where I have been all year. Waiting. Waiting for you to need me.
Love,
Shannon Lake
At 2:03 PM,
howard said…
April,
I don’t think you understand. Just because Eva’s mom didn’t let Eva use her credit card when Eva was as young as my girls María, who is 11 or Ana who is 13 is not the point. The point is that your mother doesn’t let you have a credit card. She is my measure for bad parenting in Milborough.
Not only that, but you have to remember girls start taking on very mature responsibilities at a very early age in Milborough. Your sister and Anthony started when they were 12. Your brother and Deanna started in grade school. You and Jeremy started early too, assuming you can count a potentially deadly, physical assault as an early indication of love.
My María is already pre-engaged to Paul Mayes, and poor Ana has to deal with girls her own age who call her old maid. If relationships can be established at those ages, which are expected to be permanent, then the level of trust for a credit card seems minour in comparison. Sorry, April, I think my rule of thumb is still pretty good. I am going to get María and Ana their own credit cards, and apologize to them for not trusting them earlier.
Love,
Howard Bunt
At 2:07 PM,
Anonymous said…
Eva,
Chica. Do not worry about being the next Becky McGuire. She is much more talented than you. I know. I am a Latino.
Luis Guzmán
At 2:20 PM,
Anonymous said…
Miss Patterson, I found Shannon Lake leaning against the wall in that corridor outside of the special-needs room, posting to this blog. She seems to put a lot of stake in what you have to say, so please encourage her to stop loitering outside the room and instead attend her classes.
Thank you,
Mrs. Sandrine Officious-Smythe
Special-Needs Coordinator
R.P. Boire Senior Secondary
At 2:22 PM,
April Patterson said…
shan, u hafta go 2 class! how r u gonna get yr til if u keep cutting class w8ing 4 me 2 show up? if i need yr assistance, i will send u a txt message. but don't w8 around messing up yr grades, eh?
apes
At 2:23 PM,
Anonymous said…
Luis, wait! What have you heard?
Eva Abuya
At 2:25 PM,
April Patterson said…
howard, it is not true that mboro current ages are gonna become "permanent." that's just a rumour. we'll keep aging in real time. the only difference is no1 will talk about us or care nemore.
apes
At 2:29 PM,
howard said…
April,
Sorry. I should have said, "If relationships, which are expected to be permanent, can be established at those ages, then the level of trust for a credit card seems minour in comparison." Although your point about the age is a good one.
Love,
Howard Bunt
At 2:34 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
You are so nice for writing back to me. Don’t worry about my classes. As you know, almost all the special needs kids sit in the hall outside our room; so most times Mrs. Sandrine Officious-Smythe teaches us in the hall. She’s new and doesn’t understand how important it is to have special needs kids lined up and ready to go, in case someone starts feeling sorry for themself and needs to see a nice line of special needs to perk them right up.
Love,
Shannon Lake
At 2:38 PM,
Anonymous said…
Eva,
Chica. You know the time I mean. Duncan was in Barbados. You were alone. You wanted Duncan, but you needed a man. Luis is a man and a Latino too. Need I say more?
Luis Guzmán
At 3:09 PM,
Anonymous said…
Guess what, Luis. Duncan is way more talented than you are. HUGELY more talented!
Eva Abuya
At 3:13 PM,
Anonymous said…
Eva,
Chica. Duncan is a nice boy. I like him. He cannot help it, but he is not a Latino.
Luis Guzmán
At 8:28 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i am not gonna compare eva 2 becky, eh? please tell eva 2 stop askin’. it’s rilly mbarrassin’ she’s askin’ me this right in fronta u. u know talkin’ ‘bout ex-gfs in fronta current gfs iz way down the list of thingz i wanna do, eh?
y r we bowlin’ w/duncan & eva again? all duncan duz is sit in the chair & play w/his bowlin’ shoes & mumble 2 himself “zed” ovah & ovah. then he gets up, throws a freakin’ strike & sits down 2 mumble again. i am beginnin’ 2 think he’z sum kinda bowlin’ savant. ‘course he winces every tyme eva sez that the worldwide sports & travel agent event he cud sum day organize might b4 international bowlin’.
& i am rilly tired of eva showin’ off the shirt she wunted but did not need & i am evn more tired of her xxplainin’ how “her mom trusts her, unlike sum othah peeps she knows.” i know u can’t tell me wut happed on the shoppin’ trip between u & eva; but it musta been sumthin’, cuz u keep sayin’ “put up w/this 4 me, jeremy. i deserve it.”
neway. u look rilly cube bowlin’. i think i cud watch u bend ovah 2 pick up a bowlin’ ball all day long, u look so fine.
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