Trying and buying at the mall
Eva's my friend and, when she's not giving me a smackdown 2 make me feel "spoiled," she's pretty cube. But she has some learning 2 do abt shopping etiquette.
While Connie and Mom were bizzy slurping coffee and remembering boring shizz that happened way back in 1980, Eva and I headed 2 one of the clothes stores in the mall (I'd mention which one, but then I'd xxpect them 2 pay me 4 the product placement!). Eva tried on a bunch of outfits. She got me 2 hold the clothes she wasn't wearing @ NE given moment. With each outfit, she wore this one belt that she liked. After she'd tried on the whole stack of clothes, she brought them ALL 2 the checkout counter where the saleslady, who'd been watching kind of anxiously as Eva tried on all those clothes, was all, "So, R we ready now?" And Eva went, "Yeah, totally!" Then she slammed the stack of clothes on2 the counter, where the saleschick took a moment 2 fold them all up v. v. neatly. And Eva went, "...I'll take the belt!"
Later, I told her, "Eva, I'm not sure how things were done in whatever place U lived where U were in a war zone, but here in Canada, U take the stuff U don't plan to buy and hang 'em up on those racks rite outside the fitting rooms. Or put 'em back on the racks U got 'em from. Then U take ONLY the stuff U plan 2 buy 2 the checkout counter. If U bring all that stuff U don't want, the poor sales clerk thinks a big sale is abt 2 happen. It's totally unfair." Eva sed, "At least I'm not spoiled." Shut up, Eva.
Apes
While Connie and Mom were bizzy slurping coffee and remembering boring shizz that happened way back in 1980, Eva and I headed 2 one of the clothes stores in the mall (I'd mention which one, but then I'd xxpect them 2 pay me 4 the product placement!). Eva tried on a bunch of outfits. She got me 2 hold the clothes she wasn't wearing @ NE given moment. With each outfit, she wore this one belt that she liked. After she'd tried on the whole stack of clothes, she brought them ALL 2 the checkout counter where the saleslady, who'd been watching kind of anxiously as Eva tried on all those clothes, was all, "So, R we ready now?" And Eva went, "Yeah, totally!" Then she slammed the stack of clothes on2 the counter, where the saleschick took a moment 2 fold them all up v. v. neatly. And Eva went, "...I'll take the belt!"
Later, I told her, "Eva, I'm not sure how things were done in whatever place U lived where U were in a war zone, but here in Canada, U take the stuff U don't plan to buy and hang 'em up on those racks rite outside the fitting rooms. Or put 'em back on the racks U got 'em from. Then U take ONLY the stuff U plan 2 buy 2 the checkout counter. If U bring all that stuff U don't want, the poor sales clerk thinks a big sale is abt 2 happen. It's totally unfair." Eva sed, "At least I'm not spoiled." Shut up, Eva.
Apes
Labels: Eva, fashion, stoopidity
posted by April Patterson @ 6:58 AM
11 Comments:
At 10:12 AM,
howard said…
April,
I think I know the store where you and Eva went shopping. It’s a strange-looking place with pipes hanging down all over. I have to be careful when I go there, because I have hit my head on those pipes or the hanging lights a few times. They also have weird fitting rooms that sometimes have handles on the doors and sometime do not. My girls love going there for the retro-1990s clothing styles. I can understand why that’s a store you might like. It’s a pretty fun place.
I remember the last time I was there, something similar happened to the situation you had with Eva. I was there with my wife Beatrice, and my 2 daughters, and we brought a big pile of clothes to the counter. Then Beatrice said, “Howard. What are all these clothes? We are not buying them. They are way too big for me or the girls.” Somehow or another I had ended up taking quite a few plus size dresses to the counter and then the saleslady ended up having to put them up. It was a little embarrassing. I don’t suppose the clothes Eva took to the counter were plus sized, were they?
Love,
Howard Bunt
At 10:13 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Formerly little sis. There comes a time in every Patterson woman’s life, when they have to face the ordeal of shopping with another woman. As you learned from your experience with that slattern, Becky McGuire, womanly friendships are made or broken over the trials and travails of shopping. In my opinion, the only other more important place for womanly relationships is over a cuppa. If you and your friend Eva can make it past this shopping expedition with your relationship intact, then maybe you should consider asking her if she wants to share a cup of steaming, hot, caffeinated friendship. If it doesn’t work out, at least you are not at the age of mom where you have to worry about whether or not to be offended or excited by a senior discount in front of a potential friend.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 10:22 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, i’m glad 2 finally hear ‘bout the shoppin’ trip. mebbe i will finally find out the truth ‘bout wut it iz gerald haz been tellin’ me happed on that trip. frum wut u sed, eva iz 1 of thoze girls who likes 2 try on lotsa stuff. thass totally believable. i know frum back wen. better u shop w/her than me. watchin’ eva put on 1 outfit aftah anothah wud drive me crayzee.
so, iz this the shoppin’ trip where u bought that choker necklace? gerald sed it wuz cuz ur n2 retro 90s clothes. i know u d8ed him 4 a long tyme, but i h8 it wen he knows more ‘bout u than me & then makes a big deal like i don’t know nethin’ & i shud just give up cuz ur gonna end up w/him neway. so, i hope u get 2 the part in ur story where u run n2 gerald pretty soon. i rilly wanna tell him thass not wut happed; cuz i wud b rilly depressed if wut he sed happed, did happ.
At 11:12 AM,
Anonymous said…
Howard, those clothes were in my size. I do not wear plus sizes. What have you heard?
Eva
At 11:17 AM,
April Patterson said…
howard, u r rite abt the clothes store being the one w/the pipes. let's not say the name of it, tho, since they have not given me ne product-placement loonies, eh?
jeremy, i bought the choker on a dare. eva sed, "i bet u wdn't get that necklace. i dare u 2 get it!" i know that's a stupid reason 2 buy a necklace, but it was on clearance 4 $1, so i thot, "what the heck?" also, eva sprayed me w/stinky perfume in one of the dept. stores, so i bought a crop top that was on sale 4 $2.50 and dumped the stinky top i had on b4.
as 4 ger, it is possible that we didn't run in2 him @ all. but according 2 the rules of patterstorytelling, i will have 2 keep u in suspense on that. sorry!
apes
At 11:47 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, u sed u bought the choker on a dare? girlz have weird kinda dares. w/boyz, dares r usually “i dare u2 eat sumthin’ disgustin’” or “i dare u2 do sumthin’ st00pid, which cud possibly kill u.” ok. now i think ‘bout it, girl dares r not that weird. i mean, if u wear the choker then mebbe sum1 will laff @u, but it won’t like kill u or make u sick or nethin’.
az 4 crop tops, u know i like thoze better’n the 2-3 shirts girls wear theze days. it’s lot ez-er 2 take a crop top &…um…tmi 4 ur blog i think. neway, i hope u didn’t meet gerald. it wud b gr8 if the stuff he’z been sayin’ ‘bout that trip 2 the mall r all lies.
At 11:49 AM,
howard said…
Eva,
I have not really heard anything. In fact, when it comes to you, I have heard practically nothing at all. However, I think I have confirmed my accidental attempt to purchase plus size was an incident limited to just me.
Love,
Howard Bunt
At 1:29 PM,
Anonymous said…
I really don't think Eva put too much thought into what the groundrules for clothes shopping are. She bought what she wanted and probably thought that making the saleslady, who already felt bad about watching her commission evaporate, was supposed to put the stuff away.
At 9:39 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, stanley cup playoffs. can u please get eva 2 stop showin' off that belt she bought? it is distractin'. i asked her a couple of tymez & she is not listenin' 2 me. wut did u do wen u went shoppin' w/her? did u have 2 say she looks hott & sexy w/the belt on or sumthin'? i mean, i'll do that if it wud get her 2 stop, but i don't wanna ncourage her, eh? cheeze, duncan just looks beat down frum it. he keeps mumblin' "zed" ovah & ovah again, like thass gonna do nethin'.
At 10:02 PM,
April Patterson said…
eva, cut it out!
apes
At 10:03 PM,
Anonymous said…
No! I don't wanna!
Eva
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