April's Real Blog

Friday, May 23, 2008

Mike and Weed "Hug"

I'm sorry in advance 4 NE scarring images this entry mite create in yrs heads. Consider yrselves warned. Here is the l8est from Mike:
April,

Formerly little sis. Ah the good old days of university. I remember them well. Just the other day, when my lovely wife Deanna and I went to Toronto to our old apartment building to visit with Josef Weeder and his significant other, Carleen Stein; I was sitting in front of a coffee table which held some snacks, and I felt the rush of memories from days gone by. I said to Josef, “We’ve been friends for a long time, Weed.” Weed had his hand in the snack bowl and said, “I’m guessing it’s like 13 years.” Weed is not particularly good with exact dates and times because of all his years when Weed was not just a nickname but a way of life for him. However, 13 years seemed about right to me too.

I looked down at his hand in the snack bowl, and it brought forth another rush of memories. I said, “Remember? We were so broke!...Living in that dingy apartment…” I was about to mention our old landlady Mrs. Dingle but whenever I do that, I have to call and make sure she hasn’t had another stroke, I mean heart attack, no stroke. Anyway, Weed continued by saying, “Begging for laundry money…eating beans!” instead of eating fine snacks.

Suddenly it went dark and being in the dark with Josef brought forth another rush of memories of times when Weed and I were in university in the dark. Weed said, “And now we’re doing OK!” and he “WHAK”ed me in the head. I said, “Yeah! We’re doing OK!” and I “BOOT!”ed him in the knee. Then we were wrestling, just the way we had done in university. I grabbed Weed’s right arm while his left arm had me in a headlock. So, I put his left knee between my thighs and oh my…just a moment….I need to step back a little.

OK, I am back now. Just needed a little rest. Where was I? Yes, Weed and I were wrestling and I grabbed him from behind so his back was resting against my chest. His right arm was reaching back for my head, as he attempted to buck me off him. We were starting to get sweaty, as our bodies writhed against each other and…oh goodness…I need to take another brief rest.

Well, I feel much better now. I am certainly glad I got that out of my system. Unlike when I was in university rooming with Josef, this wrestling ended with my lovely wife Deanna and Carleen Stein walking into the room as Deanna said, “Isn’t it nice to see guys hug.” It was embarrassing, I must say. One of my biggest nightmares is the idea that my wife would walk in on me and Josef doing the types of things we used to do when we were young and foolish and living together in university. It is certainly not the kind of behavour she would expect out of her husband and the father of her children.

It just goes to show that when you have a good friend like Josef Weeder is to me, there is always that sense of playfulness about us, no matter how successful we may each become.

Love,
Michael Patterson
Uh, ew. And it was closer 2 14 yrs ago. Fall of 1994.

So, Friday. We get @ least another day of Mike and his book. NE wagers on whether this continues Monday?

Happy long wkend 2 my peeps in the st8s!

Apes

Labels: , , , ,

14 Comments:

  • At 9:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    OMG April, I thought it was bad hearing more about Mike's book, but it is even worse hearing about him having sex with Weed!

    I don't mean to insult your family, but I'll be really happy for you when you can get away to uni.

    <3
    a friend

     
  • At 10:18 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    yeah, i'm gonna b really happy when i get 2 go 2 uni, 2.

    apes

     
  • At 11:19 AM, OpenID patrickrsghost said…

    They're hugging? I thought they were fighting because Weed was jealous because of Mike's success.

     
  • At 1:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sgt. Royalson here.
    Back in my academy days we would occasionally find cadets "wrestling" like this in the barracks if they thought they were unobserved. The Commissioner invariably saw through the sham and dismissed the lads involved as "not quite the thing," as not "the sort of manly men" the force needed. Do I have to explain further?

     
  • At 1:29 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i know u won’t like it, but i hadda fight w/gerald. i finally had enuff of him. “i’m gonna b april’s d8 2 her sis’ weddin’ & while we’re there, we’re gonna slow dance & she’z gonna talk ‘bout how she wunts her wedding ceremony w/me 2b. she’s gonna say we’ve been friends 4 so long, we shud be partners. u know it’s true, jeremy.”

    every day i hafta lissen 2 this & i wuz so tired of it, i finally lost it. neway, thass y i am in the principal’s office 4 wrestlin’ w/gerald. the weird part is that the principal izn’t upset ‘bout the wrestlin’. 4 sum reasn, the principal thinkz gerald & i r sum kinda gay lovers & we were… i am not evn gonna say it.

    ok. the principal thinks gerald & i were “huggin’”. i have a big gash on my arm. gerald has a bloody nose. the principal things we’re huggin’. & this is the worst part. az punishment gerald & i hafta make up signs that say, “R.P. Boire is a ‘Hug-Free’ Zone” & put them up all ‘round the skool.

     
  • At 1:37 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    I ran into Carleen Stein in Toronto again. I said to her, “Carleen. Why are you walking around and constantly touching your stomach? Do you have indigestion? Unless it is my imagination, you walk a lot like a pregnant woman.” Carleen said, “Howard!! Shut up! It’s just your imagination.” That’s what she said; but I am not so sure.

    Love,
    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 3:27 PM, Anonymous Agnes Dingle said…

    April,

    Thanks for the call. I don’t know if I can answer the question though. You say that Josef Weeder, who used to be a tenant of mine when he was in university, said he used to go begging for laundry money. That does seem like an odd thing to say. That would mean that the students who roomed at my house were not allowed to use the washer and the dryer and had to go to a Laundromat. I don’t know many who did that. The laundry soap I bought was part of the rent, so there wasn’t any need to beg for money, unless a student wanted to use something special in their wash. I hate to say something against what Josef said, since he and your brother Michael were some of my favourites of all the students who roomed in my house. And especially your brother Michael, since he saved my life with that phone call the time I had my stroke, I mean heart attack, no it was a stroke.

    Sorry but the only thing I can remember Josef Weeder begging for money for was this girl he called Mary Jane. I never met her myself, but she seemed like too much of a handful for Josef. He was constantly spending money on her and asking people for money to spend on her. That’s all I can think of.

    Thanks again for the call, and be sure to let your brother know he can come to visit whenever he likes,
    Agnes Dingle

     
  • At 3:30 PM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…

    April,

    Formerly little sis. If you are looking for an investment, I have 2 words for you – hover-ottomans. Josef Weeder introduced them to me, since he has one in his apartment. They are great. No matter how short or tall you are, the ottoman adjusts to that height and can even carry you above the ground so you can cast some very interesting shadows.

    Josef said it is the best whenever you need something to support you at just the right height when you are bending over. We tried it out several times, and it works perfectly. You should definitely consider it for your university room.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 4:56 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, i don't blame u a bit 4 fiting w/ger. i wda slugged him, 2, cuz i m totally sick of his saying that stuff abt me!

    thanx 4 writing in, mrs. dingle. i was curious.

    hm, so carleen seems 2 b sporting a baby bump, eh, howard? i m not surprised mike didn't say nething abt that. he's 2 self-absorbed 2 notice that kind of thing.

    apes

     
  • At 5:37 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i’m rilly sorry ‘bout the whole fitin’ w/ger thing. it’s just wen he sez thingz like that ‘bout u&him, he seems rilly certain, not like he’s sayin’ sumthin’ he knowz iz a lie 2 get 2 me, but sumthin’ he knows iz the truth. & that rilly gets 2 me. but thass no xxcuse.

    i mean peeps r sayin’ ger & i r like a couple now & thass gotta b not so good 4u, i mean if peeps think ur current bf & ur previous bf r gay lovers. i’m rilly sorry i messed up ur rep. evn wen u did that thing where we were kissin’ out in public in fronta skool, it wuz weird wen peeps wud walk by & say, “april, don’t u know he’s gay?” & “jeremy, shame on u4 cheatin’ on gerald.”

    neway, we’ll c indiana jones 2nite & then u sed u wunted 2 try out a hover-ottoman ur bro loaned ur dad? i dunno wut 4, but ok. i’m not sure y u wud want an ottoman that cud lift ur feet higher up in the air than a regular ottoman but…oh, i get it. feelin’ st00pid now. i am rilly lookin’ 4ward 2 tryin’ out sum new ottoman tech now.

     
  • At 8:40 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    we just got outta the movie. when sum1 was all, "how dare u cheat on gerald like that," i was like, "gerald and i broke up a while ago," and the person was like, "no, i was talking 2 jeremy jones." that was awkward.

    we r on our way back 2 my house 2 xxperiment w/that ottoman.

    apes

     
  • At 1:46 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, omg. omg. i have got 2 get 1 of these ottomans. it makes u seem like ur floatin' on air & u actually r. then wen we r both on it floatin' it made u feel like i wuz completely absorbed n2 ur...um...tmi 4 the blog. neway, i gotta get 1 of these hover ottomans.

     
  • At 1:48 AM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…

    April,

    Formerly little sis. After a fun evening of wrestling with Josef Weeder, while my wife Deanna and Josef’s significant other Carleen Stein watched, we finally had to head back to our home in Milborough. I think Deanna got a little excited, seeing manly men like me and Weed wrestle. Her eyes were all perked up and she said, “It’s been an exciting day, hasn’t it.” I had the feeling she might have gotten a little aroused about seeing my wrestling skills, and might want to put me in a few wrestling holds of her own. To stave this off, I simply said, “Yes…I’m exhausted!” That usually works when Deanna says it to me.

    I think that Deanna sensed what I was saying, and she began to try to convince me otherwise. She leaned over to my side of our car causing a shift in weight which made the wheels on our vehicle to actually touch the road. Deanna moved in close to me. I could feel her hot breath so close to mine. She nibbled on my ear and then engaged me in one of my favourite topics of conversation, which almost always turns me on: My mother. Deanna said, “We’re lucky that your mom takes the kids for us. She makes life so much easier.” Then when she said, “easier” she gave me a sultry look telling me she had just made a pun on the word “easier”. As you know, April, a pun is the way to man’s heart. I was beginning to warm to the idea of wrestling with Deanna. I responded with “She really is a godsend!”

    Deanna did not react well to this. Deanna said, “A godsend? Oh good grief, Mike. If she were a godsend, she would have come to our house to sit the kids, so they could go to sleep in their own beds, instead of insisting that we bring the kids to her house. When we have April baby-sit us, she bathes the kids and puts them to bed in their own beds. I’ll bet we are going to find our children wallowing in their own filth.” I did not like the way this was going. I was getting out of the wrestling mood. I said, “Let’s stop and get the flowers.” Deanna said, “Yes. I suppose we are going to have to get them from now on, ever since you forgot your mother on Mother’s Day.

    As we approached mom’s house, Deanna was still fuming. I tried to placate Deanna’s anger by saying, “I can’t imagine what we’d do without her.” Deanna sighed and said, “A lot less, that’s for sure.”

    Mom was there in her night robe and her hair was down. Deanna looked briefly perplexed. I said, “It’s mom. She just has her hair down.” Deanna said, “She wears it down?” Mom sensed her indecision and said, “For me?!!” as she took the flowers out of Deanna’s hands.

    We got the children, and I for one was grateful for the extreme care mom had given my children. I mentioned this to Deanna and she said, “You know, Mike. When I picked up Robin and felt his very full diaper, it brought a smile to my face.” I wasn’t sure why, but at least Deanna didn’t make me change the diaper.

    That’s all I have for this week, April. Perhaps I will regale your readers again next week.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 1:59 AM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…

    April,

    Formerly little sis. Mom read my writeup and wanted me to point out that as we left, she thought the thought, "Grandchildren: The Gifts that Keep on Giving." I said to her, "Is that supposed to make sense?" Mom said, "It will make the perfect design for the side of a marketable coffee cup one day." It was difficult to argue with that logic.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

Post a Comment

<< Home