Mike reminisces on the grim past

Mike wrote a comment last nite abt the bad old days:

April,

Formerly little sis. Just the other day, my wife, the lovely Deanna and I were discussing the role of parents in disciplining our children. My daughter and son were not paying attention to their mother as they often do, and Deanna turned to me and said, “Why don’t you get off your bottom and help?” We have had this discussion before and I had to say again, “But, honey, mom showed you exactly what you had to do to keep children in line. This is a good opportunity for you to practise that good advice.” Deanna just glared at me and went back to her usual, ineffective method, no doubt taught to her by her imbecilic mother.

The method mom used, as you are no doubt well aware from having the same mother, is the fine art of raising your voice to that level which is above the level of stern, above the level of threatening, above the level of angry, and right to the point where a young child might think that their mother is on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. As a young child, I learned to ignore stern, threatening, and angry; because mom was never very good at any of those kinds of emotions. However, I never got used to nervous breakdown mom, where you weren’t quite sure if she was going to pull out a wire hangar as a disciplining tool and not stop beating you until the police pried you out of her hands. Needless to say, when mom put on this voice, Elizabeth and I obeyed mom immediately.

I remember one occasion in particular, and if you ask Elizabeth she will remember it too. Mom had asked me to pick up my toys. And I asked mom why I had to pick them up, since I was just going to put them on the floor again the next day. Mom was holding Elizabeth and she put on that nervous breakdown tone of voice and said, “Because I SAID to pick up your toys THAT’S why!” I know that when Elizabeth heard the voice, she was probably panic-stricken to actually be in mom’s arms at that moment. Elizabeth told me she was in fear for her life, but fortunately for her, mom used a one-handed toss to throw her in her crib and said, “Then you get into your pyjamas OR ELSE!” I believe Elizabeth was quite grateful it was only a one-handed toss, and she said to mom, “Mama?” However, mom replied back to her, “Be quiet and go to sleep, Lizzie!” Needless to say, that is what Lizzie tried to do. Most children the age of Lizzie when she was in a crib, have a long drawn-out bed time routine before they can go to sleep. I know that my kids did, and there were many nights when I wondered what my mother would think if she saw me rocking my son or my daughter to sleep, instead of slinging them into their beds and giving them a good night bellow. However, sometimes as a parent you have to do the things your wife tells you to do and if she says, “Don’t scream your children to sleep,” then you don’t, even if you want to.

On this particular occasion with mom, I heard her yelling at Lizzie and I leapt into bed with my Super Teddy and tried to get to sleep as quickly as possible, Unfortunately, mom SLAMmed the door, and it woke me up. Then mom pointed a finger and me and said (as if the SLAM was the first part of her sentence) “…and I don’t want to hear a peep from you all night, understand?”

Nights after mom shrieked me and Elizabeth to bed were difficult. I had nightmares, terrible nightmares. I would dream that mom would go to the kitchen, and drink a hot beverage out of a wine glass and think, “SIGH” with the letters melting off. I dreamt she would go into Lizzie’s bedroom with a wild and crazed look on her face, and sometimes in mine the same way. I dreamt she would lean over Lizzie’s crib and look at her sleeping with her bunny and her pillow and her sheets pulled over her, like she had been put to bed by an actual parent, and mom’s face would somehow be able to occupy the same space as the crib railing, as mom would think, “You and Michael are such beautiful kids, Elizabeth…” and then she would say out loud, while crying, “How did you end up with a mother like me?” Those were frightening dreams, and Elizabeth tells me sometimes, she had the same nightmares.

However, I know they were just dreams. After all, there is no correlation between the beauty of a child and their mother’s near nervous breakdown. Not only that, I am sure you know that the mom who raised us has no regrets about her shrieking and screaming method of discipline. Otherwise she would have changed over the last 30 years she has had kids in the house. No, formerly little sis, mom loves her screaming style. One of these days, she is going to convince Deanna we should go to yelling at our kids. It may be soon. I can hardly wait.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Mike, what a horrible, awful, depressing story! I don't know how U can share the story, including how terrified Mom made U and Lizzie feel, and then get all warm and glowy about this being a good way 2 treat children. I M so glad Dee doesn't let this kind of thing happen w/Merrie and Robin (in case U R blanking on those names, Mike, they're yr kids!).

BTW, this morning @ brekky I asked Mom abt that dream U shared. She got tears in her eyes and said, "It's true, April. That really happened. I don't know how Mike and Liz picked that up in their dreams. I had behaved awfully with Mike and Liz. I don't know why I was like that." She looked at me and said, "Please tell me I'd mellowed a bit by the time U came along." I sed, "U'd mellowed a bit by the time I came along." She sed "good girl" and gave me sum $$ to spend at the mall. Hey, Jeremy, U wanna go 2 the mall 2day?

Speaking of dreams, I had that weird one abt being a woman in Albany, NY again. In the dream, it was my 41st birthday, and my five-year-old son told me, about the pic of Farley on Mom's website (in the Victoria Day splash image), "The doggie is squeeking a blue thing because it's yr birthday!" Weird.

Apes