April's Real Blog

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Ending without beginning

Liz sent me another e-mail, ppl, and it went something like this:

Not that it's any of your business, but I know you need something to blog about other than how Dad used to get depressed about being a dentist. So I'll tell you some more about what happened the last time Warren dropped by my apartment. Some people are saying that I shouldn't have encouraged his stalkerish behaviour by letting him into my apartment, but they don't know what they're talking about. I know Warren, they don't, so I know how to handle him in my own way.

Warren was holding my left hand and looking at the shine rays coming out of my ring. He said, "Wow. Engaged." I told him, "I'm going to marry Anthony Caine." Then neither of us said anything for the amount of time it took for me to make coffee, pour it into two mugs, with cream and sugar, and bring the mugs over to the coffee table, as Warren settled onto a seat.

Then, he picked up our conversation where we'd left off: "He's the guy with the kid, right?" It took me a second to realize he was responding to my telling him I was marrying Anthony. I answered, "Anthony has a daughter. Her name Françoise. " April, aren't you proud of me for saying "Françoise" instead of "Frenchy"? Anyway, I continued with "He and I have cared for each other for a long time. It was a friendship that grew into.... a lot more." Notice I never mentioned the part about dating in middle school and high school and breaking up after our first year of university. I didn't want to confuse him. Warren said, "So. It's over between us." And I looked at him all wide-eyed and said, "Warren--it never began!"

Ha! There! That'll answer all those mean people who keep saying I act as if Warren and I have had some big relationship when we barely had off-and-on dating, yet I was always expecting him to fly in to Mtig when I lived there. But anyway, I said it. "It never began!" Criticism deflected!

Whatevs, Liz. This still doesn't answer Y U acted like U did B4. Especially when it was pretty clear that Warren thought you were dating and then his going to Yellowknife made U all pissy, so U decided 2 ask out Anthony. And U never bothered to tell Warren.


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  • At 11:38 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, did uc that? eva sed 2 duncan, “so. u think it's ovah between us." and duncan sed "eva--it never began!" & eva sed, “that’s wut u think, travel agent & worldwide sports organizer.” & then i am not sure, but i think duncan kinda wet himself, cuz went rite 2 the guys' washroom.

  • At 1:38 PM, Anonymous Eva Abuya said…

    I am having a bad day, April. A bad, bad day!


  • At 2:09 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. This situation that your sister has with Warren Blackwood is sadly, something that you too might have to face. Any boy you may date, who is not your future husband Gerald, might get the idea in their head that until you are engaged and married, you are fair game. And if you are like Elizabeth, there are so many boys in her romantic life, which continue to be interested in her, the only way to distinguish them might have to be nicknames or mnemonic descriptions like “guy with the kid” or “guy who tried to kill me” or “guy who used to be in my band” and that sort of thing.

    Take care that you can an engagement ring from Gerald early, so you can avoid these problems.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 3:10 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…


  • At 10:36 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…


    I did not go 2 the mens room cos I kinda wet myself. I went 2 the mens room 2 try 2 lose the crazee. There r 2 many crazees in Mboro. Im not even safe @ home nemore.

    Duncan Anderson
    2nd Son

  • At 11:14 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey Apes,

    Im sorry Im been blowing u off. I was hoping if I didnt tell ne1 what happened Sun nite it wldnt b true. That didnt work.

    So I went home aft not finding Bambi. My Silhouette 'Rents & Dr. D00d were wolfing down their Seafood Surprise. I decided 2 sneak back out while they had their heads shoved in2 their bowls, but, sux 2b me, Silhouette Mom saw me & told me 2 sit down, I was l8. Im trying not 2 gag on the food when Dr. D00d says, "Duncehead, pass me the hot sauce." I look @ Dr. D00d. Its a bit hard 2 make out his features but he sorta looks like us, a cousin mayb. I think abt threatening 2 beat him up 4 calling me Duncehead, but even my real 'rents wld get pissed if I threatened a dinner guest.

    When they were not snorting & slurping their food, Silhouette 'Rents talked abt how gr8 it is that Charles (which is what they called Dr. D00d) has been accepted in2 med skool @ UWO & how happy they r that hes here 4 the summer. WTF? This d00d is staying w/ us 4 the summer & Silhouette 'Rents nevah even told me? I slipped my Seafood Surprise 2 Silhouette Falstaff & went 2 my room.

    Oh man oh man oh man. My bed was gone & there was a bunkbed where my bed used 2b. WTF? Silhouette 'Rents were letting sum strange d00d stay all summer in my room? No effing way.

    I went 2 Horny Ts until closing time. When I got home, Charles was asleep in the lower bunk. I guess I made 2 much noise when I was climbing in2 the upper bunk cos he woke up & kicked me rilly hard thru the mattress. He goes, "Duncehead, Im not sharing a room w/ a little twerp all summer. If u dont get outta here, Ill sic Faustus on u."

    I wasnt sleeping in the same room as a crazee, violent, vicious d00d. So I went & slept on the couch in the rec room. I got up ril erly so I cld warn the Silhouette 'Rents that even if this d00ds a cousin, hes bad news & hes gotta go. B4 I even open my mouth, Silhouette Mom goes, "Isn't it wonderful that Charles is home for the summer?" & then Silhouette Dad goes, "Im so happy 2 have both of my boys under the same roof again." I go, "WTF?" Then Silhouette Mom goes, "Oh, Duncan, I thot u were mature enuf 2b ovah yr jelousy of yr big brother. He'll b yr best friend in yr old age. And plz do not use the F word in our home. Its not nice."

    I was so freaked. I ran in2 the living room. I saw the family fotos on the mantle & end tables. Mom, Dad, me & an older boy. Charles.

    So Apes, now ur not the only 1 sleeping in the basement.

    Duncehead Anderson


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