April's Real Blog

Monday, May 05, 2008

Dad Remembering Party Dentistry

This morning over brekky (while Mom slept in), Dad was saying, "I'll bet ol' Ted wd like to hear abt sum of my memories this week! 2day, I'll tell him abt this one time when Elly and I were at a party 28 to 29 yrs ago. Sum lady @ the party said 2 yr mother, 'I love these little get-2gethers, don't U, Elly? ...And what abt that dentist husband of yrs. Does he like parties?'" I said, "What a strange thing 2 say." And Dad sed, "Yeah, in those days, ppl wd say weird, expository things like that in social situations. But @ least only the background ppl were in silhouette @ that party. NEway, yr mother's response 2 that woman was, 'I don't know... He always ends up talking shop.' One of the party guests had asked me 2 look @ one of his molars, which he thought might B impacted. 2 humour him, I stuck a finger in his mouth and had a look. But he'd been eating hors d'oeuvres, and really I prefer not 2 do that w/out the virtue of a hygienist getting in there and cleaning up 1st. Yuck."

I said, "So, you're springing that story on Dr. Ted, eh?" Dad sed, "Yep. I think he'll like it." I asked, "Really?" Dad paused and went, "No, not really. But this is what I have to talk about this week. And I'd rather talk 2 Ted about it than yr mother. If I talk 2 yr mother abt it, she'll go on and on abt how she was so much younger and thinner back then, and yell at me 4 not pointing out how pretty and poised she was @ the party. It's no-win. @ least Dr. Ted will sit there and indulge me while fantasizing abt golf." I said, "That's kinda sad." Dad sed, "Yeah, well. It's what I've got 2 work w/right now."

So, yeah. Reminiscing. It's prolly just gonna B that kind of a week.


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  • At 1:47 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. It is strange that some of things which happened to dad and mom in Milborough 28 to 29 years also happen to Deanna and me. Just the other day, we were at a party held by someone from Deanna’s work at the pharmacy, and some woman came up to Deanna and said, “'I love these little get-togethers, don't you, Deanna? ...And what about that writer husband of yours. Does he like parties?'” Deanna’s response to that woman was to look over at me and say, “Mike, a dinner party for pharmacists is not the place to sell autographed copies of Stone Season. Stop it right now!!”

    Isn’t it amazing how history repeats itself?

    Michael Patterson

  • At 3:20 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    only if u r using "amazing" as a synonym for "depressing."


  • At 6:00 PM, Anonymous Liz Patterson said…

    April, Ugly Brother is right. It is amazing the way history repeats itself. Just recently, Anthony and I went to a party one of the other teachers at my school was having. Another teacher came up to me and said, "I love these little get-togethers, don't you, Elizabeth? ...And what about that accountant fiancé of yours?" I looked across the room, and there was Anthony checking over the hostess's expense records. I was so embarrassed!

    Liz Patterson

  • At 6:38 PM, Anonymous Eva Abuya said…

    Wow, this is so weird. My mom said that she and her dad went to a cocktail party just last night. One lady came up to Mom and said the same thing, "I love these get-togethers, don't you? ...And what about that businessman husband of yours?"

    Then Mom says she found Dad telling one of the party guests a sad story about the exiled widow of a former Nigerian diplomat, who had a fortune tied up in Nigerian bank accounts, but which she could not access without the confidential assistance of a kind, caring Canadian citizen who'd be willing to front a little bribe money to get the money wired out of Nigeria, and who would later be rewarded for these efforts by being paid a percentage of this vast fortune.

    Dad is always working!


  • At 7:08 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i prolly owe u an xxplanation ‘bout how that happed.

    i wuz walkin’ home cuz u normally drive me, but ur sis haz ur car & u were takin’ the bus cuz u sed u had sumthin’ 2 talk ‘bout w/eva, az u know. well, ur dad drives up by me & sez, “jeremy. wud u like a ride home?” i sed, “dr. p. i guess so. ur not gonna try 2 look in my mouth ru?” & ur dad sed, “no, jeremy. i’m retired.” so i sed ok & he opened the passenger car door 4 me 2 get in.

    i don’t think i really realized how big ur dad’s crevasse is, since i haven’t ridden in 1 for awhile. so he sed 2 me, “u know, jeremy. i have been thinkin’ a lot ‘bout how thingz were in 1979 l8ly. years ago, wen i met elly, she wuz cute az a button. she hadda a nice figger. she dressed like a woman her age. she hadda little petite button nose. we usedta go 2 parties & even tho elly wuzn’t the best-lookin’ woman there, she held her own.”

    i sed, “thass nice. i think i’ve seen a lotta pics of that l8ley. ‘course i saw sum of ur wife frum back last september frum wen she wuz in university & she looked more like she duz 2day.” & ur dad sed, “yes, the september retcon frumpy pics. don’t pay ne attention 2 thoze. back in 1979, elly richards wuz a beautiful young woman. wen uc my wife 2day, u can compare & c the whole tragedy of the way her appearance haz changed ovah almost 30 years. sum peeps may think large noses r funny, but aftah the joke is done, what u have left is not a pretty picture, jeremy. not a pretty picture.”

    i sed, “ok.’ i guess ur dad missed the way ur mom usedta look. then ur dad sed, “i know u’ve been d8in’ april. april is a very pretty young lady like her mother wuz, xxcept mebbe a little fatter. u realize that sumday she’z gonna look like my wife duz now?” i sed, “well, yeah.” then ur dad sed, “really, jeremy, can u imagine b-ing married 2 sum1 like my wife? there’s men who have the stamina 4 it, like i do. u might wanna consider anothah girl 2 d8, who’s not gonna end up with a nose the size of a large turnip.”

    i sed, “but ur nose iz the size of a large turnip 2.” & ur dad sed, “thass diff.” i sed, “april haz always sed she’z gonna have rhinoplasty.” & ur dad sed, “plastic surgery won’t do a thing. connie poirier had sum surgery so she cud try 2 be prettier than elly & she went right back 2 ugly az soon az no1 wuz lookin’. april can talk rhinoplasty all she wunts but ultim8ly, she’z gonna have a turnip nose just like her mom & dad. wudya think of that, eh, jeremy?”

    i sed, “jeez, dr. p. i w8ed since 2003 for april 2 realize gerald wuz a twit & break up w/him, cuz i’ve liked her ever since she visited me in hospital aftah my accident. just cuz she’z gonna get a big nose wen she’z old like u & her mom, duzn’t mean nethin’ 2 me.” then ur dad sed, “rats. oh well, i guess i tried.” then he pulled n2 ur house & sed, “u can walk frum here, jeremy.”

    neway, thass wut happed & y i wuz @ur house wen u got outa the bus.

  • At 8:42 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, i cannot believe my dad sed those awful things. 1st of all, i m not "fatter" than mom was in 1979. i m not "fat." 2nd, i will NEVER look like mom. and 3rd, just cuz connie's eye job got botched doesn't mean my rhinoplasty wn't work. how horrible he shd say all that stuff! w8, i'm gonna go ask him y he wd say such awful things.

    k, i'm back. i didn't need 2 ask him. i overheard him telling mom he tried 2 scare off "the jones boy" 2 clear the way 4 gerald. it figures.



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