Geneva Convention Considers This Torture

Dad's planning to spring another story on Dr. Ted 2day, 2 tell him abt something that happened in 1979 or 1980. This time it's abt a time that he was working on a patient and singing sum John Denver, like this: "Country rooooads take me hooome 2 the plaaaace I belooongg." Then he made sum adjustments 2 the nitrous-oxide machine, causing the machinery 2 say, "Adjust, adjust." Dad sez one of the nice things abt advancements in dental technology is not having equipment that sez "adjust, adjust" when U adjust it. NEway, after the adjustment, he continued w/"West Virginiaaaaah, mountayne ma-ma, take me hoooome." Then he told Jean, "I figure they're well sedated if they can stand my singing." Dad sez Jean smirked @ him when he told her that.

Poor patient, prolly 2 sedated 2 voice an objection, esp. w/Dad hands in the ol' mouth. And "mountayne"? I pted out that John Denver did NOT pronounce it that way. Dad insists he improved upon it. Made it more "proper." Whatevs. Hey, if NE of U happen 2 C Dr. Ted McCaulay, esp around lunch time, and U don't h8 him, U mite wanna find an excuse 2 occupy him (get him away from Dad's reminisce-o-stories). He mite even pay U $$$.

Apes

Oh, here we go again

More dentistry stories from Dad. 2day, Dad plans 2 have lunch w/Dr. Ted and tell him abt this one time, not @ band camp, but @ the dental practice back in 1979 or 1980, when Jean Baker warned Dad, "Brawling O'Brian is in here w/an emergency toothache, John." Notice she didn't call him "Dr. P" back then. Brawling O'Brian was this huge guy who towered over Dad and was abt 2x as wide as him. Dad greeted this guy w/"--Well, come right in, Mr. er... O'Brian." I think Dad was trying 2 remember whether the guy's 1st name was Erwin or Erwood. Then, O'Brian grabbed Dad by both shoulders, looked in his eyes in what Dad thot was a menacing way, and went,"--Not so fast, Doc.--" Then he threw his arms around Dad and cried out, "...I'M SCARED!!"

Dad thinx telling Dr. Ted this story will B a bonding xxperience. I think mayB Ted will look in2 moving 2 Toronto 2 get away from Dad's stories.

Apes

Offense

When Dad got home from work yesterday, he sed, "April, Ted enjoyed my story abt that cocktail party, where I xxamined some guy's teeth, so much, I've got another cocktail-party story4 him!" I sed, "He enjoyed it, eh?" And Dad looked a bit sheepish and sed, "OK, he tolerated it. Throw the ol' man a bone. This wk's memo sez I have to reminisce about 1979/1980, and I can't fight it." I sed, "I'm gonna h8 myself 4 asking this, but what's yr story?"

Dad's eyes lit up and he sed, "Well. Elly and I were at a different cocktail party. We used 2 get out a lot more back then. And BTW, yr mother wore her hair down @ this party." I sed, "No WAY!" And Dad sed, "Way!" Then he sed, "So, This obnoxious party guest came up 2 me @ the party, when I was standing w/yr mother, and he punched my left arm while saying, 'Hiya, Doc! How's the old dentist business!" I cd tell he wasn't really asking because he punctuated that sentence w/an exclamation pt instead of a question mark. Then he grabbed my left arm w/his rite while pting at me w/his left hand and saying, 'Drill 'em, fill 'em, bill 'em, eh, John? Ha! Ha! Ha!' Meanwhile yr mother looked @ me w/a mortified xxpression on her face. This man went on, grabbing my left shoulder w/both hands while saying, 'I HATE U guys! Ha ha... no offense, guy, ha ha! ...No offense!' Then he went to find an accountant so he cd complain abt taxes, and meanwhile, I told yr mother, '...I'm offended.'"

I sed, "MayB U and Mom just went 2 way 2 many cocktail parties back then." Dad sed, "R U kidding? That's just what was done back then! B-sides, we kept our babysitter in record albums and bubble gum while also getting away from the little monsters--I mean, yr brother and sister." I sed, "Record albums? Gah, I 4got this was like the music stone age!" Dad sed, "Now, now, just U w8. When U're grown up, U'll find sum of the technology U R fond of now will B considered old fossil material. That's everyone's f8. I sed, "Oh, goody."

NEway, yeah. It's only Tuesday. That means prolly @ least four more days of this. Let's C if Dad sticks w/dentistry stories.

Apes

Dad Remembering Party Dentistry

This morning over brekky (while Mom slept in), Dad was saying, "I'll bet ol' Ted wd like to hear abt sum of my memories this week! 2day, I'll tell him abt this one time when Elly and I were at a party 28 to 29 yrs ago. Sum lady @ the party said 2 yr mother, 'I love these little get-2gethers, don't U, Elly? ...And what abt that dentist husband of yrs. Does he like parties?'" I said, "What a strange thing 2 say." And Dad sed, "Yeah, in those days, ppl wd say weird, expository things like that in social situations. But @ least only the background ppl were in silhouette @ that party. NEway, yr mother's response 2 that woman was, 'I don't know... He always ends up talking shop.' One of the party guests had asked me 2 look @ one of his molars, which he thought might B impacted. 2 humour him, I stuck a finger in his mouth and had a look. But he'd been eating hors d'oeuvres, and really I prefer not 2 do that w/out the virtue of a hygienist getting in there and cleaning up 1st. Yuck."

I said, "So, you're springing that story on Dr. Ted, eh?" Dad sed, "Yep. I think he'll like it." I asked, "Really?" Dad paused and went, "No, not really. But this is what I have to talk about this week. And I'd rather talk 2 Ted about it than yr mother. If I talk 2 yr mother abt it, she'll go on and on abt how she was so much younger and thinner back then, and yell at me 4 not pointing out how pretty and poised she was @ the party. It's no-win. @ least Dr. Ted will sit there and indulge me while fantasizing abt golf." I said, "That's kinda sad." Dad sed, "Yeah, well. It's what I've got 2 work w/right now."

So, yeah. Reminiscing. It's prolly just gonna B that kind of a week.

Apes

Patience

The day after Mom and Dad had their convo abt Dad's retirement planz, Dad ran in2 his friend Dr. Ted @ the Spigott Medical Building, where they both work. Dad sez that as they both stood outside the building, in silhouette, Dr. Ted was all, "John, I heard the news! ...U're finally dun w/the drill!" And Dad told him, "Not entirely, Ted. I'll B working one day a wk." As they passed thru the main doors and stopped being silhouettes, Dr. Ted was all, "Not me, pal. When I give up medicine, I'm finished. The only appointments I'm gonna have will B on the golf course." He hit the elevator button and then told Dad, "It's been a gr8 career, tho. I wdn't change a thing." Dad sed, "I wd." Then he and Dr. Ted stood in awkward silence as they w8ed 4 the elevator, got on it, arrived at their floor, and got out. Finally, once they were on their floor, Dad added, "I wish I'd had more patience."

When Dad told me all this, I asked him whether he'd w8ed all that time between "I would" and "I wish I'd had more patience" as a way of testing Dr. Ted's patience. Dad laffed w/his tongue sticking out and then sed, "No. I guess I just zoned out 4 a while there. Elevators R distracting." I sed, "Uh, right." Then I sed, "U know, it's possible that Dr. Ted thot U meant U didn't have enuf ppl coming 2 yr practice 4 dental care over the year. U know--wish U'd had more P-A-T-I-E-N-T-S." Dad got kind of gobsmacked and sed, "U cd B rite. And he cd feel kind of smug rite now b-cuz he's always had many patients. That didn't cross my mind b-cuz I've trained myself 2 call them 'clients,' even tho I h8 2 do so. I'd better call him."

After Dad was dun talking 2 Dr. Ted, he was like, "Ted tells me he figured I was making a lame pun on patience vs. patients. "Lame," April? I'm crushed! I didn't have the heart 2 tell him his puns R always lame.

Apes