What's for dinner? MEATLOAF!
April,BTW, Mike, I didn't have a puppet. That was Merrie (yr daughter) looking v. strange.
Formerly little sis. Mom’s 56th birthday. I wanted to make it special for her, kind of like it was really her 60th birthday, even though she still has 4 more years to reach that milestone. Deanna and I decided we would get a birthday cake from none other than the store The Pastry Chef. Personally I think it reminds me a lot of a great place I remember from North Bay, Ontario called The Swiss Pastry Chef, who was involved with the Heritage Railway and Carousel Company during their "Adoptions Day" at the Winter Wonderland Carousel.
But such remembrances do not matter. What is important is that my lovely wife, Deanna went to the store and I got mom a birthday cake, and not one of those multi-leveled cakes they had in their windows. I picked it out all by myself, while Deanna went to the Lingerie store nearby to see if they had any pink lingerie to match her all pink outfit. As we were leaving, Deanna remarked that she thought the business buildings were extraordinarily tall and she wondered why the upper windows had no window treatments, but I was so excited about the cake I did not really notice. I even did a little Irish step dancing to celebrate, right there in the street.
We got into our car and as it hovered along the road I once again got the feeling our car always seems to look different every time we drive. But the road near the The Pastry Chef is one of those roads where everything seems to tilt at 15-degree angle, so I was too busy trying to keep the car on the road to think too long about anything else.
Finally, back at our house, the whole family gathered around as I revealed the cake. I was so excited; I could feel little lines flowing out of my head. Liz was there, my lovely Deanna was there, and you were there of course and you had one of the googly-eyed puppets or dolls and you were showing it the cake. It said, “Happy Birthday, Mom!” and it had a picture of 8 flowers, mom’s favourite flowers, the little roses which stick right out of the ground and have no thorns.
I had gotten 56 candles and I was getting ready to light them up when Liz made some kind of hand gesture where her pinky finger was sticking out. For some reason, Liz was speaking in pictograms, but I could clearly see she felt the smoke from 56 candles would overwhelm mom and her glasses would fall off.
So then I raised the French fry which sometimes masquerades itself as my right hand’s index finger, and I decided to use a pictogram too. My pictogram was of a lit light bulb with little black lines coming out of it. This picture was to symbolically indicate how much I liked light bulbs. Liz seems startled, and you had a look on your face which I think you told me meant, “Surely you are not thinking of using a light bulb instead of candles.” “Well, of course not,” I responded as I went for idea #2, flammable dishware.
You crossed your arms and looked at me skeptically, as I reached up for a glass on the top shelf of our cabinet. The cabinet looked especially neat, with even the coffee cups stacked on top of each other. I could tell Deanna had been getting ready for mom to come over.
Not to fear though. I had a cunning plan. Instead of lighting the glass on fire, I would use the glass to cut a circle out of the cake with a FWUMP sound. You looked at me curiously then, but Liz was horrified. I think she said something about “How dare you mutilate mom’s cake? She puts the ‘grand’ in grandma.” I said to Liz, “When will you ever trust me? I know what I am doing.” But Liz just stared at the cake with the hole in left by the glass, and you looked back at that little piece of her hair which kept coming unbunned.
Deanna and I got out an old box of giant candles, she found left by mom from when she moved out. The box was labeled XL Candles, and it actually was extra large candles and not candles with the Roman numeral XL (40) on them, which is good since mom is 56 years old and not 40. We found a one of the candles had already been previously lit, so we decided that was the one to use. After all, we knew it could light, because there was drippy candle wax all around the top of it, which a regular unlit candle would not have. And it was a birthday miracle; I did not have to cut out more from the hole in the cake to put the candle in. After all, candles and glasses are usually not scaled to the same width and circumference.
We were finally ready for mom’s birthday.
I called dad who brought mom over. We sat her down at the table in the chair of honour, and I brought out the cake. We sang “Happy birthday dearrrr….” And then things kind of dragged as each person tried to remember their relationship to mom. You and Liz sang “mom.” My children sang “grandmaaa”. Dad sang “Elly”, Deanna and I sang generic notes because we really couldn’t fit in “great woman without whose old candles this birthday would never have happened”. There was more to the song, but your head got in the way of finishing it.
Mom stared down at the candle for a long time before she blew the candle out. Afterwards, I asked her what she thought of the cake. Her response, “Did you keep the part of the cake you cut out?” She cried when I told her I threw it out. It was a great birthday party, until mom asked where the presents were. I knew there was something I forgot.
April, Dear, I know how you like to tell your story in bits and pieces, so I thought I'd try that with your mother's recent visit to see your Grandpa and me. So, here comes the next installment.Aw, Iris, I can understand wanting to fit in, but it's not worth it. Making puns like that just to impress my fam? Well, that's the kind of thing that chips away @ yr soul, I think.
Your Grandpa was standing by the window, using his walker for support, and staring out at something. I put one hand on his back and said, "Jim? Elly brought your favourite casserole. I'll make some salad, and we'll have a nice dinner." He didn't say anything, and I walked over to your mom and told her, "He doesn't seem to listen to me. If he is... he doesn't respond." Your mother said, "He's been depressed. Maybe we should ask about increasing his medication." I told her, "But... he's already taking too many pills!" Then I took her into the kitchen to show her all the pills your Gramps takes. I told her, "He takes these before breakfast, those at noon, thse at dinner, and these before bed!" As I put the pills back into their cabinet, I said, "He's so full of chemicals, I call his stomach a hazardous waist site!" I couldn't see your mother at that moment, since she was behind me, but I had a distinct feeling we had a moment of bonding over my pun! She might start thinking of me as "family" after all, April!
LOL, Mike, U R just as literal-minded (no, not "literary-minded") as yr 2 yr, 9 mo old on! Yeah, I've described sum tymes when the whole fam have eaten 2gether, but I guess Robin had 4gotten.
[Dear formerly little sister], Since you are stuck in Winnipeg, I thought I would let you know about the great social gathering we had in the back yard of our new house. My lovely Deanna felt we should entertain, since we have the big house now. She said to me, “Who should we invite?” I said, “Naturally, my family and not yours.” Deanna said, “I mean who outside of your family?” I said, “We could invite Gordon and Tracey and their kids.” Deanna agreed. Then I said, “And we could invite my Grandpa Jim and his wife Iris, so Gordon and Tracey will have someone close to their age to talk to.” Deanna said, “I thought Gordon was only one year older than you.” I was confused for a moment; but then I remembered she was right.
Then I got a bright idea. I said to Deanna, “Let’s make it a weird hat party.” Deanna disagreed. However, when I was calling people up to invite them I would say, “It’s a weird hat party.” The only really odd call was to Grandpa Jim and Iris, because when I invited them, Iris broke down and started crying, “It’s been 21 months since we have been invited to Sharon Park Lane. Bless you Mike.” I started to take back my invitation. After all, who wants crying old people at a party? Then I remembered Gordon and Tracey would need them to talk to.
Then I got a call from mom saying how Elizabeth had managed to collar Anthony Caine, so we had to extend an invitation to him too; since he will be family pretty soon. However, I told him that we would not be serving any French food for his half-Quebecoise kid.
As the day arrived, I put on my funny blue hat and began the cooking of the burgers, dogs, and buns on the grill. Anthony Caine showed up and he did not have a funny hat on, but he did have possibly the whitest legs I have seen on a man. He said his daughter told him he looked old in a funny hat, so he decided not to wear one. Gordon and Tracey were there in their funny hats. I knew I could count on Gordon, even though he took his hat off every time Anthony Caine took off his shoes and socks. I didn't understand it, but I was too busy to question him about it. When he arrived, I gave him a beer, and said, “The old folks are back there, if you need someone to talk with.” He and Tracey sat down with Grandpa Jim and Iris. I noticed only Grandpa Jim was wearing the funny hat. Of course dad showed up with his choo-choo engineer hat for his weird hat.
The burgers were so sizzling, they sizzled with an extra ‘z’. I was master of my domain. The king of cooking. As I lifted each burger off the grill with my two-pronged fork, I realized that burgers fall off those pretty easily. Then I was the prince of picking up burgers off the ground before Edgar got them. I really wish mom and dad had left those dogs back at their house. They top my list of animals not to bring to a picnic.
Mom was an eating machine. While she was passing out shrimp, she ate almost half the entire shrimp plate. The first burger of the day went to Paul Mayes, Gordon’s oldest. Gordon held him in his arms and I said without thinking, "You and your grandfather look really good together." Of course, I corrected my mistake.
Later I put all the hamburgers and hotdogs into buns and ran though the mustard and Ketchup to make sure each burger was properly marinated. I passed these around to everyone, and I saw mom grab a burger while she still had her hands on the hotdog. Some people complained they didn’t want mustard or ketchup on their burgers, but they weren’t wearing a funny hat, so I ignored them.
Apparently, my son has never seen his grandmother eating before, and it was quite an eye-full for someone that young. This is kind of odd since we all lived together for 7 months, but I cannot remember a time when we all sat down to eat together in that time. Can you?
Then Mom pronounced, “Whooohh!! If I eat one more thing, I am going to blow up.” My son took what mom said at face value, and started screaming for me, when my daughter offered mom a marshmallow she cooked for her. I got to my son and said, “What’s the problem, and thanks for asking for me and not your mom this time.“ He explained to me why he was scared. I didn’t have to hear any more. I grabbed my son, threw him to the ground and covered his body with mine to protect him from the blast. Lucky for us, the blast didn’t come. It would have injured quite a few people if it did. I congratulated my son for warning us. We did have to ask mom to sit away from us, until she had digested enough not to be a threat to anyone.
@ sm's wedding rec, i asked ant. y he shved the mustache. ant. said his dghter asked him 2. her mother said it made ant. look prof. ...francie said it made him look old. now when he looks in the mirror he thinx his face is missing smthing. i tell him it is and say 'this' and i lay a big kiss on his face!Wow, so Francie got the whole concept of shaving off a moustache, rather than thinking it was like sum permanent part of Daddy's face, and she got the idea of him looking older w/it and younger without? And she's only two? I think there must have been a day when she was playing in that little kiddie jailhouse of hers, when Anthony got distracted, and sum1 replaced his toddler with a mini-adult. Oh, and the mustache was Thérèse's idea/fault? Right, OK.
April,My condolences about Dee making those Mom-like sounds when she gets angry. I wouldn't wish that on NE1. Terrible pun, by the way, esp. since I get the impression that this whole sitch happened just so U cd make up that pun. ::shudder::
Formerly little sis. Sometimes wives can be mysterious creatures. As you know, mom and dad had agreed to leave behind all their appliances when they moved, in order to provide me and Deanna with furniture, since we lost all ours in the apartment fire last December, and so mom could get all new things in your new house. I thought this was very gracious of mom and dad. However, we were not in the house for very long before Deanna had visited mom and dad and after viewing their new washer and dryer, she decided she wanted one of those too.
Obviously we couldn’t afford that, but Deanna talked to dad who talked to Gordon Mayes who gave us the card of a man who could get us a new washer and dryer, except there were some conditions. They were not the newest of new with the fancy touch-operated buttons. They still have the old-fashioned dials. We had to transport and install it ourselves from where the man had it stored in a van down by the Sharon River. It was an odd situation, but certainly worth it for the price, and especially for Deanna’s satisfaction at having a new washer and dryer.
Lawrence and Nick had barely got it into the house, when Deanna wanted to wash some clothes. She had been letting them build up. My son went along to observe his mother, and also to get his stuffed bear washed (don’t ask). My daughter was…um…I am not exactly sure where she was at the time. I was just getting ready to start working on my second novel again after Lawrence and Nick left, when I heard my lovely Deanna say, “Michael, the washing machine won’t work…and we just bought it!!
I could tell my wife’s happiness was waning. I went over to her near the washer and dryer to comfort her, but I was distracted by her low-cut blouse and said, “Hmmm…” I pretended to be thinking of a solution, when in reality, I was actually looking intently at my wife, trying to get as much height as I possibly could, in order to improve the view. I noticed my son had a fierce grip on my leg and I wondered why. I looked more carefully at my wife and saw the storm clouds overhead. My son has learned to fear his mother’s storm clouds, and I believe he did that much earlier than I did when I was growing up.
Not satisfied with my Hmmm-ing to solve the problem, my lovely Deanna decided to take the man who sold us the washer to task, in order to make herself feel better, I suppose. I heard her say, “I’m gonna call the guy who sold it to us!” Then I heard a sound I hadn’t heard in awhile, the sound mom makes when she is mad about something. It is something akin to listening to a herd of pigs snort, as you know. Who else does that kind of thing? Deanna does, when she is in a rage.
Well, I had to have something to cover that pig sound, so I checked to see if the washer and dryer were hooked up properly and discovered the washer had never been plugged in. Once I plugged it in, it made a nice “HUMMMSHHHHH” sound which covered Deanna’s noises nicely. I said, “Deanna! I forgot to plug in the washing machine! It’s OK!!!”
Then I heard Deanna complaining about not being able to contact the salesperson who sold us the washer, and she was going to…FAX him. I didn’t even know we had one of those machines, but we do. I managed to stop her just in time, by saying, “If it ain’t broke, then don’t FAX it!” That’s a hilarious joke, and I laughed and laughed the whole time Deanna was hitting me.
Wives are certainly mysterious creatures, formerly little sis.
Hi, April guess what! The telethon made 45 thousan bucks!! It's all for kids with special neds. Thank you for singing. You and Eva were really good. I'm glad Becky is nice to you again. I stayed for all the 24 hours. It was very cool. Mr Mays who own the big car company ask me to help with the telethon next year and guess what I said yes!! Now why? Cause you help me have self confidence. I am different for a reason and I am going to make a difference.After I read the e-mail I smiled and didn't even have a lame thot bubble. NEway, I think we're finally dun focusing on the telethon here @ this blog. 2morrow oughta B the usual sumthing diff, and Monday, who knows? Shannon, I don't think I ned a fiend, but I can always use a friend. :)
P.S. If you ever ned a fiend, pls let me now.