April's Real Blog

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Laura musta missed my B-day song, eh?

So I packed cuz I hafta go back home after all. As I was filling my suitcase, Aunt Bev was all, "Packing already!" And I sed, "Yeah. It feels like I just got here!" Which was meant as a mild joke, cuz I DID just get back from my impromptu reappearance in Milborough 4 Mom's b-day. But that flew rite over Aunt Bev's head, so she was like, "U must have had a gd time!" I sed, "I had a gr8 time, Auntie Bev! I worked mostly in surgery this yr." And it crossed my mind that it was weird that I was only just telling her this as I was packing 2 leave. Y haven't we been talking the whole time? Then, my cuzzie Laura came in2 the room, all, "Yep! We let her do a lot! She was rite in there w/the sponges and the clamps, passing instruments and cutting sutures. This kid is so focused, NOTHING fazes her!" And I went, "LAURA!" Then I did that patented Patterson gesture of indignation, where you place one hand on yr sternum, pting @ yrself, and I went, "I am NOT a kid!!!" Laura looked gobsmacked, and Aunt Bev gazed up from under her glasses. I guess it was a look of "silent reproach."

Well, U know, Laura mite not have made that mistake if she'd only listened 2 my birthday song. Remember? "I'm 16, I'm not a kid NEmore. . . . ." If I sang it, it must B true! ;)


Labels: ,


  • At 9:45 AM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey,Apes, did u ask yr auntie wtf she thot u were doing all summer? U shld of told her that the BC Buds cheaper there than @ home.

    Zed sent me email, her 'rents r moving 2 TO this weekend. She doesnt care cos she still gets 2 live in residence.

    OMG. Arne just walked in. He said hes here 2 help us clean up after Hurricane Dean. Hurricane Dean didnt even hit Barbados. WTF?

    L8r. Arne & my dad want 2 go 2 the rum shop. If I dont talk them out of it, Ill b the only 1 working on the roof of Redd Hott Bajan Mammas 2day.

  • At 9:54 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    aunt bev has been a bit out of it this summer. i think she mite have a stash of manitoba buds, iykwim.

    lucky zed. i m jealous!

    arne, eh? is redd hott bajan mammas gonna start having an "illusionist" act on its sked?


  • At 10:09 AM, Anonymous Honoria Delaney-Forsythe said…


    Dearest future sister. I know just how it is never to be considered grown up, and always called a kid. After all, just because I am 14 years-old, doesn't mean I am not grown up. I am engaged to be married. I am probably not going to get any taller, since I am already as tall as my Mater is (just not as thin). But brother Gerald still calls me his kid sister, even though he is not engaged yet (although I know you two will eventually become engaged). I can tell when you are married to Gerald, and I am married to Bronson van Daam, we will be so like real sisters, no one will say to me, "Honoria. You are two years younger than April, so you must be a kid."

    I think the problem for you may be height. I know you are shorter than your mother and your sister. Are you shorter than your cousin or your auntie? Maybe they think you are still going to get taller. After all, 16-year-old girls are usually done with growing. Really 14-year-old girls too, but brother Gerald told me you had a growth spurt right at your 16th birthday. I thought it was just that your new hair style teased your hair taller, but Gerald tells me that last year there were some times when you were very short.

    If you are packing to leave Winnipeg, then I should see you sometime soon and we can go shopping. Mater says if you are like most Pattersons, you are already wearing long sleeve shirts rolled up to your elbows, which I have noticed your Pater and your brother wear almost exclusively. I don't think the girls in your family do that. We could get you something sleeveless, that shows just enough of your figure, so nobody would be calling you kid. They will be saying, "VA-VA-VOOM" instead.

    Honoria Delaney-Forsythe

  • At 1:02 PM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…


    You may be my formerly little sis, but you are still a kid. Just because you write a song about not being a kid doesn’t make it so. Remember the Patterson rules for maturity:

    To be considered an adult, a Patterson must:

    a. Be over 18 years old.
    b. Have graduated from university.
    c. Have taken at least one trip to an exotic location.
    d. Be married to your childhood sweetheart.
    e. Have done at least one household chore without mom or dad asking or reminding you.
    f. Have children.
    g. Have made a pun which resulted in other people sticking out their tongue while they laugh.
    h. Have said something in condemnation of the actions of another non-Patterson.
    i. Befriended and taken advice from at least one person with an ethnic background.
    j. Have friends who are not Caucasian.
    k. Have gone to work on the farm.

    I am sorry to say, you are not yet a mature Patterson. You are still a kid. On the other hand, your cousin Laura is also a kid, albeit a manly kid. Tell me truly; when you look at cousin Laura these days, does she look more male or female? How about if you just look at her face?

    Michael Patterson

  • At 1:27 PM, Anonymous Jeffy Keane said…


    I get sick and tired of people like you complaining you’re not a kid. Try being 3 years old for your whole life, and then you can talk. At least you got to get older. The only one in our family to get older is PJ after he was born, but he got stuck at 18 months old.

    Jeffy Keane

  • At 1:29 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    honoria, u mite b a bit confused cuz my height is not constant. there r times when i'm the same height as mom and/or liz, and other times i can b slightly shorter or taller. the "short" days have b-come more rare, tho. l8ly, i tend 2 altern8 between same height and taller. scientists r looking in2 this patterson phenomenon.

    mike, she looks like a girl w/a prominent jaw.

    jeffy, u r rite. that wd b terrible.


  • At 1:42 PM, Anonymous Charlie Brown said…


    I want to let you know I feel bad for what you are going through. Sometimes you go through life and make mistakes. You feel like you are such a blockhead. Some people may even call you wishy-washy. But there are times when your dog licks you on your face, or does a happy dance around his supper dish, or sits on top of his doghouse pretending to be the World War I flying ace on his Sopwith Camel which makes life seem like it is worthwhile. You don’t get to see those kinds of things when you are grown up. Enjoy being a kid.

    Charlie Brown

  • At 1:49 PM, Anonymous Leslie P. "Les" Moore said…


    When I was a kid, I remember my first kiss with my girlfriend Lisa, and our orthodontic braces locked together. Those were more embarrassing, but happier times. I agree with Charlie Brown. You should enjoy being a kid, while you have the time.

    Leslie P. "Les" Moore

  • At 1:57 PM, Anonymous Hilary Forth said…


    Oh my God. I hate being a kid. It took me forever to get from 5th grade to 6th grade. Do you know how long I was 10 years old? Definitely keep getting older and don’t look back.

    Hilary Forth

  • At 2:14 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to be called “kid”. My daughters are the same way. María is 10 and Ana is 12, and once they got to double-digits, they did not want to be called kid anymore. Tween or pre-teen is a less offensive phrase for them, although they act like little adults all the time. As you know, my youngest has a crush on Paul Mayes, since they are in the same class at school and calls him her boyfriend. It’s cute, but I wish they didn’t want to be grown up so quickly. At least, when Beatrice and I got married, she agreed to let me do the girls’ hair, so they wouldn’t have to have it in a bun all the time. With their hair down, the girls look much younger, even if they don’t act it.

    I see from your post you will be leaving Winnipeg soon, so I hope you are available to babysit for me and Beatrice this weekend. Ana is getting old enough to babysit others, so it may be one of your last chances to treat her like she is a kid, or at least like a pre-teen.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 6:10 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    sure, howard, i'd b glad 2 sit this wkend. the girls and i alwayz have a blast and u r so good abt stocking the fridge w/tasty treats!

    thanx 2 all of u who r trying 2 make me feel better abt the whole "kid" thing. v. cube of u!


  • At 6:44 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Oh, man.

    Arne, my dad & I worked on the roof 2day, well I worked on the roof & Arne & my dad sat on the roof & drank beers & passed me nails b4 they passed out. They r still up there.

    Arne keeps talking abt how hes abt 2 do his gr8est illusion on either Sept 3 or 10, he cant dcide when. I asked mom when Arne wld b outta here & all she said was we hafta b charitable 2 a refugee. Y doesnt he take refuge with Zeds family?


  • At 7:04 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i'll bet zed's fam, like, xxiled arne! prob they'll try an' keep their new addy secret fr. him.



Post a Comment

<< Home