Washers and bad "fax" puns

Mike wrote sum stuff abt getting a new washer and dryer:

April,

Formerly little sis. Sometimes wives can be mysterious creatures. As you know, mom and dad had agreed to leave behind all their appliances when they moved, in order to provide me and Deanna with furniture, since we lost all ours in the apartment fire last December, and so mom could get all new things in your new house. I thought this was very gracious of mom and dad. However, we were not in the house for very long before Deanna had visited mom and dad and after viewing their new washer and dryer, she decided she wanted one of those too.

Obviously we couldn’t afford that, but Deanna talked to dad who talked to Gordon Mayes who gave us the card of a man who could get us a new washer and dryer, except there were some conditions. They were not the newest of new with the fancy touch-operated buttons. They still have the old-fashioned dials. We had to transport and install it ourselves from where the man had it stored in a van down by the Sharon River. It was an odd situation, but certainly worth it for the price, and especially for Deanna’s satisfaction at having a new washer and dryer.

Lawrence and Nick had barely got it into the house, when Deanna wanted to wash some clothes. She had been letting them build up. My son went along to observe his mother, and also to get his stuffed bear washed (don’t ask). My daughter was…um…I am not exactly sure where she was at the time. I was just getting ready to start working on my second novel again after Lawrence and Nick left, when I heard my lovely Deanna say, “Michael, the washing machine won’t work…and we just bought it!!

I could tell my wife’s happiness was waning. I went over to her near the washer and dryer to comfort her, but I was distracted by her low-cut blouse and said, “Hmmm…” I pretended to be thinking of a solution, when in reality, I was actually looking intently at my wife, trying to get as much height as I possibly could, in order to improve the view. I noticed my son had a fierce grip on my leg and I wondered why. I looked more carefully at my wife and saw the storm clouds overhead. My son has learned to fear his mother’s storm clouds, and I believe he did that much earlier than I did when I was growing up.

Not satisfied with my Hmmm-ing to solve the problem, my lovely Deanna decided to take the man who sold us the washer to task, in order to make herself feel better, I suppose. I heard her say, “I’m gonna call the guy who sold it to us!” Then I heard a sound I hadn’t heard in awhile, the sound mom makes when she is mad about something. It is something akin to listening to a herd of pigs snort, as you know. Who else does that kind of thing? Deanna does, when she is in a rage.

Well, I had to have something to cover that pig sound, so I checked to see if the washer and dryer were hooked up properly and discovered the washer had never been plugged in. Once I plugged it in, it made a nice “HUMMMSHHHHH” sound which covered Deanna’s noises nicely. I said, “Deanna! I forgot to plug in the washing machine! It’s OK!!!”

Then I heard Deanna complaining about not being able to contact the salesperson who sold us the washer, and she was going to…FAX him. I didn’t even know we had one of those machines, but we do. I managed to stop her just in time, by saying, “If it ain’t broke, then don’t FAX it!” That’s a hilarious joke, and I laughed and laughed the whole time Deanna was hitting me.

Wives are certainly mysterious creatures, formerly little sis.

Love,
Michael Patterson

My condolences about Dee making those Mom-like sounds when she gets angry. I wouldn't wish that on NE1. Terrible pun, by the way, esp. since I get the impression that this whole sitch happened just so U cd make up that pun. ::shudder::

Apes