April's Real Blog

Sunday, July 29, 2007

No1 else wants 2 play choo-choos

Yesterday, I got a package from Dunc! It had a Playstation game in it, a game called Gems, which is apparently only available in Barbados. It's like a knock-off of Bejeweled, but made for Playstation. I figured I'd pop it in our unit and give it a try, esp. since Dad was outside getting his new model-train layout set up, so it was gonna B one of those days.

Sure enuf, as soon as I was getting really in2 playing this new Gems game (warning: it has that same "crack" effect U get from Bejeweled!) Dad was there @ my shoulder, in his embarrassing choo-choo overalls and cap (bad enuf he plays w/toy trains--he also hasta play dress-up as a train engineer). He was all, "April! Wanna come outside an' C what I'm doing w/my trains?" (Note 2 Mike: Yes, Dad sed "an'.") I was all, "No thanx, Dad... I'm on a roll!" 'Course he didn't just take the hint and move on, instead he was totally "U've gotta C my new workshop! I've got it all organized!" And I sed, "OK ... MayB l8er."

Then Dad grabbed the fone, and I guess he figged that since Mike lives down the street from us now, he's available for "look at my choo-choo" calls, LOL. I heard Dad saying, "Hey, Mike! Wanna check out my new layout?" Then I heard him pausing and sounding sad as he sed, "Oh. OK. Sure. I'll call 2morrow......... 'Bye." Watch out, Mike. That means Dad will call U 2day! Have U prepared an xxcuse not 2 come look @ the choo-choos this time?

NEway, I heard Dad making a coupla other calls:"Steve! --It's John Patterson! What? Hey-- no problem! Go 4 it! Get a hole in 1 out there, buddy!" After his call 2 Steve Nichols, he even got out his address book 2 call sum guy Dave that he barely knows: "Dave! Wanna come over? No? Well... Say 'hi!' 2 the grandkids 4 me!"

L8er on, Mom cdn't find him when supper was ready, so she went out 2 the back deck, and she found him sitting on the steps looking mopey. When she asked him what was wrong, he was all, "::snort:: ....I've got nobody 2 play w/."

BTW, during the time when we were making our plans 2 move and actually moving, I got a lot of v. supportive e-mails from peeps who understood Y I was upset abt how my fam had been handling our move. Lots of U wrote "Yr dad had better make good on his promise 2 renov8 the basement in2 an apt 4 U--if that's what U want, NEway!" Well, as U can tell, that didn't happ. The 1st thing Dad did after we were unpacked and had the basic repairs dun was 2 start working on those idiot trains and his choo-choo workshop. Tho I guess I wasn't xxpecting diff. MayB hoping a lil bit, but not xxpecting. Oh, well, next month I go 2 the farm! And tune in 2morrow, prob 4 more on that telethon.

Edit: Oops, I didn't C the last few comments 2 yesterday's post until after I published this entry. Shannon, sum ppl tell me that keeping everything in while acting "nice" is not v. "nice" @ all, but passive-aggressive instead. But when I talk 2 ppl abt what bothers me, I will try 2 B nice abt it. Jeremy, I will try an' pretend U didn't imply that I tell things boringly. Honoria, U're welcome 4 my Ger-Chihuahua house call yesterday. I'm glad I had sum samples of worm meds from Laura's vet clinic. I won't repeat the thots Ger had rite B4 he passed out, cuz I know how much U value bein' a lady an' all.

Apes

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17 Comments:

  • At 10:09 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, so thass wut that wuz about. wen i went by ur house this mornin’, ur dad wuz standin’ by the road w/a sign that said, “will play with trains for food.” i sed 2 him, “dr. p. ru sayin’ if sum1 gives u food, u will play w/trainz?” then he looked @me funny & sed, “oh, rite. i need a new sign.”

     
  • At 10:13 AM, Anonymous Honoria Delaney-Forsythe said…

    April,

    Dearest future sister. When I took my brother and pet Chihuahua, Gerald, out for a walk this morning (apparently after my Jeremy flower was walking by himself. Jeremy upsets Chihuahua Gerald for some reason), your father’s sign said, “Friendless. Please Help. Thank You". Some lady was trying to give him money, and when he said he wanted her to check out his new layout, she slapped him silly (or perhaps sillier is a better term).

    I picked him off the ground and said to him, “Dr. Patterson. Do you really not have any friends?” And he said yes. It was very sad, April. I said I would be his friend, but then your dad had his hands wiggling in the pockets of those pinstriped bib overalls he was wearing and he said, “Do you want to see what I am doing with my trains?” I kind of lost interest. Sorry.

    By the way, you are quite correct to not inform me of my brother’s thoughts in dog form. A lady should never know any man or dog that intimately, even her brother. For example, I get the feeling Gerald wants you to check him over for worms again. He has been making all kinds of doggie motions to communicate this to me and I am quite happy not to be able to read his thoughts for the more explicit details. He seemed to really like what you did yesterday, when you examined him. You must be a very good future veterinarian, April, to get this good a response from one of your patients, even if he is your boyfriend.

    Love,
    Honoria Delaney-Forsythe

     
  • At 10:15 AM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…

    April,

    Formerly little sis. Trains? That’s what dad was talking about when he asked me to look at his new layout yesterday? I would have come over for trains. My lovely wife, Deanna, is in complete home redecorating mode and I would use any excuse to get out of the house.

    Almost any excuse, actually. I thought dad was talking about those magazines he likes with the pictures of the skinny, wrinkly old ladies. I can’t stand looking at those and I hate it when dad wants me to look at them with him.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 10:17 AM, Anonymous shannon lake said…

    April,

    I am so glad you wrote me you are going to be nice when you tell people things about them that bother you. I still don’t want you to tell me things about me that bother you though. I get very upset when people do that. I made a speech and I think I wrote at least part of it.

    Are we still talking about the telethon tomorrow? I hope so. When my brother Blair and I walked by your house, your father had a sign that said, “I'm a friendless railroader, have 3 kids, have no friends to play with my trains, are willing to work to get friends. Anything helps, God bless.”

    Blair took me across the street so we didn’t go near him. He said I should stay away from people like that. I would have done something, but I knew since your dad has you, the nicest girl in Milborough as a daughter, he was not actually in trouble. I am sure you will finish with your Gems game eventually.

    I really hope we are still talking about the telethon tomorrow. I can’t wait!!

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 10:21 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Becky and I tried to get to your house to discuss wedding plans, but we couldn’t make it through the crowd. Your dad had a sign out that said, “Free Beer!” and I think he attracted every alcoholic in Milborough. Many of them were used to riding on trains, so they had quite a bit in common while he was playing with his model train setup. He was hugging a lot of them and saying, “At last, I have someone to play with and he smells really bad.” Becky said, “You never know what is going down when it comes to Pattersons.” She was right as usual.

    I think we will come by later today, assuming that the crowd has died down by then. I expect it probably will after the beer runs out. By the way, Becky has gotten the idea that she needs to do some jail time and she is considering a prison wedding. With the business with Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie and Lindsay Lohan, she’s convinced it’s the trendy thing to do for pop stars. Please help me talk her out of it.

    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 12:06 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    hey, every1, i'm sorry abt the way my dad is behaving, w/his signs an' lookin' all pathetic like that.

    howard, i think the beer is almost all gone. the crowd is thinning, and i heard dad sobbing sumthing abt how ppl spilled "suds" on his trains and train ppl. oh, and mayB we can convince becks that the dui/jail thing is a bad career move. or try. @ least get her 2 w8 a bit an' c how this thing pans out 4 lindsay and 4 nicole richie.

    shannon, so if there is sumthing u do that bothers me, and remember i sed IF, u don't wanna know. i will keep that in mind.

    mike, i can't say i blame u 4 not wanting 2 look @ the scary "skinny senior chainsaw babes" calendars an' catalogs. just 2 give u fair warning, u prolly do NOT wanna open the mail that arrives 4 u from dad this coming week.

    honoria, i have a feeling that @ the conclusion of my discussing the telethon (if i'm continuing w/it 2morrow, which i'm not 100% sure abt), the witch will have gd feelings abt ger and change him back 2 human form.

    well, back 2 gems. thanx again, dunc! last time i played, i got up 2 level #206!!!

    apes

     
  • At 3:55 PM, Anonymous shannon lake said…

    April,

    Yes. I don’t want people to say anything they don’t like about me to me, even the nicest girl in Milborough, which is still you. I have had enough of that in my life. Didn’t you hear my speech on table? I thought you were there.

    If there was a cartoon character made about me, I don’t want people to say something about the cartoon character they didn’t like to me, because it would be like someone saying something bad about me.

    Also, if someone were to make a dessert and call it after me, like Shannon Sherbet, I would not want to hear anyone say anything they didn’t like about the dessert. Those things hurt my feelings, like I said in the speech. Don’t you remember?

    I can’t wait to talk about the telethon next week. Can we talk about it the week after that too? I love talking about the telethon.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 4:02 PM, Anonymous Honoria Delaney-Forsythe said…

    April,

    Dearest future sister. I do not mean to speak out of turn, but your last statement to me seemed a little like you were in control of the witch and not the other way around. If you are the one really controlling whether brother Gerald continues as a Chihuahua, then I want you to know I like him better this way. He is so much more attentive a brother than he used to be, and he does not raid the wine cellar (where my bedroom is) nearly as often as he used to. And frankly, after his time in obedience school, he leaves the washrooms a lot neater than he used to as a boy.

    I don’t know how you feel about having a long term relationship with a dog, but my vote is to keep him this way. I just love having a brother I can fit into one of my purses.

    Love,
    Honoria Delaney-Forsythe

     
  • At 4:08 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…

    April,

    Formerly little sis. Thanks for the warning about the mail from dad this coming week, although it doesn’t really matter. My lovely wife, Deanna, pays all the bills, and she usually gives the other mail to my kids to play with. I think the last mail I looked at was the envelope you got for me from the publisher with advance from my book. I’ll tell her to keep a lookout for something from dad and to make sure it goes to the kids and not me.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 4:18 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Free tire rotations? How did your dad get Gordon Mayes to agree to do that for people to come watch him play with his trains? Let Becky and me know when the crowd eases up. At least it’s a higher class of people than the alcoholics.

    Becky has this ghastly idea of bridesmaids wearing prison uniforms with garish, multi-coloured prison stripes. “I am not going to make the same mistake Paris Hilton did, and not be properly dressed for prison.” Becky must be stopped. I knew it was a mistake for her to wear that Wonder Woman dress for the telethon. It has infected her fashion sense.

    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 4:20 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    shannon, yeah, i listened 2 yr speech, but the idea i got from it was not "u shd never, ever criticize me," i thot the idea was "treat sn kids like ne1 else"--u know, the whole "give us a chance" thing.

    honoria, u misunderstood. i just had a hunch was all. i've got no control over what the witch does, and if i tried 2 influence her one way or another, u never know when it wd backfire if she were in one of her contrary moods.

    mike, no, i m gonna ask dee 2 watch 4 that envelope 2 make sure that merrie (yr daughter) and robin (yr son) do not c the "skinny senior chainsaw babes," cuz thoze pics wd give the poor kiddles nightmares.

    apes

     
  • At 4:22 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    howard, the crowd is dying down. this wd prolly b a good time 4 u 2 get yr tires rot8ed.

    mayB tell becky that stripes clash w/her freckles?

    apes

     
  • At 5:58 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Absolutely right about the tire rotation. Gordon said it would probably take awhile, since it takes longer for tires to be rotated than it takes for people to get tired of watching your dad play with his trains. In other words, there is a huge backlog of cars waiting for tire rotation at Mayes Midtown Motors.

    As for Becky and stripes, remember that striped dress she wore in the second set of the telethon. Too many stripes, eh? Well, not to her, freckles or not. Just think of that outfit for bridesmaids and the stripes are wider and horizontal. By the way, your mother thought Becky's idea was wonderful, and that didn't even stop her. I think I have a Bridezilla on my hands.

    No! Wait! We're in Canada, not Japan. How about a Bridendigo (Bride + Wendigo)?

    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 6:19 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    hm, howard, mayB if u try that "bridendigo" word on becks, that will scare her off from the stripes? i dunno, i'm trying here. btw, while u were w8ing 4 the tire rotation, becky came in here and asked if she cd try my "gems" game. now she's so in2 it, i can't get the controls back from her. can u come in and lure her back home?

    thanx,

    apes

     
  • At 10:45 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Becky promises she will leave soon. Really for sure this time.

    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 12:02 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Becky is almost done this time. I think we are absolutely leaving this time, if the Gems fairy blesses it, of course.

    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 1:15 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Do you really think a frying pan is necessary?

    Howard Bunt

     

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