April's Real Blog

Thursday, July 19, 2007


Well, it looks like Dee rewarded Merrie and Robin's trying 2 get those foto albums (after she sed they hadta w8). Here's what Dee had 2 say in another Dee-mail I just got:
Hello, 'April'!

I thought I'd tell you a little 'more' about what happened with my 'children' and those 'photographs' they wanted to see.

After I made sure neither 'child' was 'bleeding,' we sat right down on the floor and began to look through some of those 'albums' your mother left for us. Meredith pointed at a picture of your 'brother' and asked, "Is that Daddy?" And I told her, 'Yes... That's your dad when he was little." Meanwhile, 'Robin' (what were we thinking when we named him?) started to say "Mm!" I ignored him, because we are trying to get him to use his 'words.' Anyway, I pointed at some other pictures, saying, "Here's Auntie Elizabeth and here's Grandma Elly..." Meredith asked, "Where's April?" And Robin became more 'persistent' with his "Mmm! Mmm!!" as he pushed one hand into the photo album and used the other to reach behind himself and press down on my head.

I leaned back and handed the 'album' back to Merrie, Robin reached across my lap, trying to get another 'album,' and I told Merrie, "April wasn't born when these pictures were taken. She arrived later." As I began to notice a poopy smell and some 'stink' waves emitting from my little son's 'bottom,' Merrie asked me, "How come?"

Leaving her holding an open album, I leapt up, holding ol' Stinky Pants, and I thought (but didn't say), "Because--mothers can only handle so much stress at a time!"

April, I 'hate' to blame things on your 'brother,' but I really think that he stalled little Robin's potty training back when he told the children never to flush anything that hasn't first been eaten. Robin's been anxious about the potty ever since, because, as he's said, "Wobbin no eat Wobbin's poo!" I tried to explain about the digestive process, but I think that's too 'advanced.' Well, someday we'll get this 'all' straightened out, I guess!


OMG, Dee, if U R feeling so stressed out, Y the fark is Michael not HELPING YOU? Gah, U R the one who works full time @ the pharma and then comes home 2 a second shift! Mike already sends the kids off 2 school an' daycare and then has the whole day 2 "follow his muse" in silence. The least he can do when U come home is do his friggin' share!


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  • At 11:56 AM, Anonymous liz patterson said…


    When I heard this story about Dee, I became very concerned, and I called Mom, and she agreed with me, she was very worried about Dee's state of mind, and we went over to her house, you know, Mom still has a key, so we barged in and found Dee cleaning the kitchen floor, and we sat her down and had a nice long talk with her, you see, her words about how moms space out their kids and have only two at first and then an oops baby later to reduce on stress made us worried that she is planning an oops baby to happen in about 8 years or so, well, Mom and I sat Dee down and told her all about how an oops baby will ruin her life and the lifes of her Main Children, well, Dee had never thought about it like that before, but she did admit that oops babies sure get in the way, when you have turned 40 and are talking about dying and retiring and all that other important stuff you just can't wait to do, you have to drag them with you places like your new tiny house and the cemetery to shop for plots, Dee agreed, and said that she now saw that Oops Babies are a big mistake, and she is making plans to have her tubes tied so she won't ruin her perfect Family of Four with One Boy and One Girl with a stupid annoying in-the-way Oops Baby who is only cute for a few years, and then is just in the way, sorry to say it April, I know it hurts your feelings, but you did totally ruin my teenage years, what with being so cute and stealing all the attention from me and also with me having to babysit and also Mom is still blaming her potato nose on you, anyway, at least disaster is averted in the Mike and Dee household, you know Mike could never handle another kid either, he can barely remember the names of the ones he does have already, and besides, I know even you have to admit that an Oops Baby is just better off never being born, the way you've been talking lately, I can tell you are probably suicidal.


  • At 5:51 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, liz, u r so horrible and h8ful 2 me, and so is mom! but u r rite abt one thing, ne "oops" kid born 2 mike an' dee wd be treated awfully (even worse than i'm treated), so i guess it's a gd thing u talked dee outta that idea, even if u were h8ful abt it.



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