April's Real Blog

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

I DO Have Every Rite 2 B so. EVA!

So after Eva looked down the back of my shirt 2 check 4 my xxpiration d8 (as in "U R so spoiled, girl!") I asked her 2 go back 2 her mansion an' leave me alone. As she was leaving, Mom came along, all "Eva's going home already? How come?" And I was like, "We had a slite difference of opinion... abt this house." Mom sed, "Honey, come here." I scrunched my eyez closed and went, "Don't touch me!! U don't know how I feel! U DON'T UNDERSTAND!" She stood behind me, put her hands on my shoulders, and sed, "U're not having a gd time rite now. This move has been v. hard on U. We've turned yr world upside down!" Then I turned 2 face her, and she put one hand on my left shoulder and the other on the rite side of my face, all "U're hurt. U're confused an' U're angry... and U have every rite 2 B so." And I thot, "Rats." Then we hugged and I thot, "...She understands." The "rats" part was really cuz I was thinking, "WTF took so long 4 one of my 'rents 2 SAY this?" How long have they either been ignoring me, lying 2 me ("We're only THINKING abt MAYBE moving"), or acting like I'm the spoiled Martian-creature princess? Gah, was it so hard 2 say I have the RITE 2 B upset?

NEway, I'm wondering if the whole purpose of Eva being such a butt was 2 make my MOM look GOOD. Diabolical, eh?


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  • At 11:55 AM, Anonymous dpwpstegall@yahoo.com said…

    april, i gotta little break from “rogue’s camp” here in south carolina, so i thot i wud check n2 & c how thingz r goin’ on ur blog. we have a few classes on howta b a proper rogue & it’s kinda innerestin’ how 1 of the classes is specifically ‘bout how 2 defeat the good guys by makin’ urself look pitiful.

    it’s called the homer simpson approach. the idea is that wen the hero iz ‘bout 2 beat u up, u cry like a baby & lay sum sob story on them, so wen they’re feelin’ sorry & their guard iz down, u kick them between the legs & run. i wuz readin’ ‘bout ur story w/eva talkin’ ‘bout ur house, & i had the weird feelin’ she’s had this class. it wuz almost perfect execution w/evn wut the teacher wud call the metaphorical kick 2 the nuts, by grabbin’ the tag on ur shirt & callin’ u spoiled.

    1 of the best xxamples they taught in the class iz like wen every1 knows ur frum sum country othah than canada or the states, 2 talk ‘bout how awful it wuz in ur old country, particularly if no1 knows what country it is. the teacher sed he usedta say he wuz tortured in nazi germany 4 years, wen he wuz actually frum a wealthy family in switzerland. i don’t have that foreign country thing goin’ 4 me, but i wuz told i shud try 2 work that abandoned by my dad thing.

    neway, the whole camp went 2c the harry potter movie last nite 2 take notes on how lord voldemort handles a sitch w/self-righteous magical kids, altho invadin’ sum1's mind duzn’t rilly seem 2b an option 4 me. he had sum good threatenin’ lines tho. sum of the girls in the camp tried 2 control my mind, but honoria duzn’t hafta worry cuz, az u wud prolly guess, in rogue’s camp the girls all look kinda like kortney krelbutz, xxcept not az good-lookin’.

  • At 11:56 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, sorry that last 1 wuz frum me. it's hard usin' sum1 else's computer.

  • At 12:17 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. Our mother can be many things, but diabolical is not really one of them. However, she is master (or rather mistress) of good parenting.

    If you examine what she said to you exactly, you may notice a few things which make her the master editor of my written work that she is. She is so good at editing, my publisher took my work as is to turn into a best-seller, with no need for further editing. Notice the phrasing she used:

    1. You’re not having a good time right now.
    2. This move has been very hard on you.
    3. We've turned your world upside down!
    4. You’re hurt.
    5. You’re confused and you’re angry... and you have every right to be so.

    Mom never mentions herself directly and only indirectly implicates any poor behaviour on her part with the ambiguous phrasing “We’ve turned your world upside down”. When you think about that, it could mean anything. All she is really saying is that you have these emotional feelings and you have the right to have them, which is true of almost everyone in the world (except the Kelpfroths, of course). What you view as understanding and perhaps even comfort from one of the persons you feel has wronged you, is actually just an acknowledgment that you are allowed to feel these things.

    When I was growing up, it took me awhile to get used to the idea that mom is never going to say, “I feel bad for you” or “I’m sorry.”; but I realize now that it’s the best way to parent. Mom has been a sterling example for me on how to avoid complicity in poor parenting decisions, as I am sure she will be to you someday.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 6:44 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, i think honoria really misses u. she's been going 2 all-ages shows that have a dj just so she can watch the dj work the sound equipment. and then she kinda sighs the whole time. ger sez he's been trying 2 keep her mind off of missing u, but his methods mite b making things worse.

    mike, i think u r the only one (xxcept mayB dad) who thinx of mom as an xxemplary parent.



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