I heard he's hung like a Tic Tac!

So Liz wrote a lil more abt what happened @ Shawna-Marie's wedding reception more than 2 wks ago:

April,

Okay, well, before I tell more about the wedding, I want to respond to your stupid friend Vicki, she says she is surprised I would object to drunk Mason since I am supposedly a big drunk myself at parties, well, you can tell her, there are rules of proper Patterson decorum, missy, and "stinking drunk" is fine for a party in the woods with all your friends where you ride on your best friend's boyfriend's shoulders and provocatively rub your crotch on the back of his head, and then end up waking up naked from the waist-down with your sleeping bag tangled up with your best friend's sleeping bag and you don't quite remember anything that happened after 11 pm, but that is not okay for a wedding, at a wedding, the most that is appropriate is "pleasantly sloshed," whereas Mason was just plain old "dead drunk."

Anyway, I was trying to wake up stupid Mason, my now ex-future husband, when Anthony came over to me and asked, "May I?" and I said, "You may," and I didn't even care what it was he was asking me to do, I hoped it might involve getting the minister to turn this into a surprise double wedding, sitting there with my drunk ex-future husband was making me very depressed about my marital prospects and I was figuring, hey, you know, at least I know Anthony doesn't have a drinking problem, and only likes to (mentally) cheat on his wife with me, and his big fault was just having an ugly mustache which is now gone.

So anyway, we were dancing, and for a second, I thought Dennis North might of put on Anthony's ugly brown accountant suit and new glasses and drawn on some freckles, because Anthony was never that good of a dancer, I used to come home from school dances with broken toes in high school, anyway, Anthony asked if my date would mind, and I said he wouldn't care, and Mason let out a snore to indicate his non-caring-ness, and then to be polite I asked him if his date would mind us dancing, I couldn't remember Miss Piggy's name, anyway, Anthony said he didn't think so.

Then Anthony said he had been wanting to dance with me for a long time, and I decided it was time to turn my Patterson Allure on him full-force, and I asked, "Just dance?" because I knew this was an allusion to sex, and a Patterson Hoo-Hoo is irresistible to men, that's what Mom tells me, anyway, that seemed to do the trick, because Anthony kind of dipped me, and said, "Just...everything," and of course everything includes sex, and I felt Anthony's hard man-thing pushing against my magical hoo-hoo, which suddenly felt kind of wet and squishy, and I knew right then that Anthony's man-thing was meant to go into my magical Patterson hoo-hoo, and that if we weren't careful, we were going to have to get married right there on the dance floor even if Shawna-Marie did not actually want a surprise double wedding, if you know what I mean.

More later.

Liz

OMG, Liz, U gave Anthony a boner @ the wedding reception! Was it all teeny-tiny, like ppl have been speculating?

NEway, I'm working @ Lilliput's this month, and then it's off 2 the farm next month. We're having a book sale, in case NE1's looking 4 summer reading!

Apes