April's Real Blog

Friday, July 06, 2007

Liz Hoist

Here's what Liz has 2 say abt the next thing that happed @ Shawna-Marie's wedding reception almost 2 wks ago, after she an' Anthony decided 2 try fallin' in luv:


This next part of my story is short, after I promised Anthony there was a chance we could possibly maybe allegedly fall in love again, we were so happy to finally at last maybe kind of sort of have that decided that we did this weird dance that included Anthony holding me up and dipping me and more kissing, by the way, why do men like to try to hold you up in the air when they like you, at least Anthony doesn't do that weird butt hoist like Paul used to, anyhow, all this while I thought I could feel someone spying on us in the dark, but I thought, no, what kind of pervert likes to watch a couple trying to fall in love?


As a matter of fact, it seemz like U were being watched, Liz. Yesterday, when I was working @ Lilliput's, Dawn came by 2 pick up sum bride mags, and she told me that when U an' Anthony had been away from the dancing 4 a while, she started 2 wonder where U 2 cd B. Esp. since Mason nearly choked on his own vomit. NEway, she told me that she found Julia @ the edge of the tent, gazing off in2 the distance, and so asked her, "Julia, do U know where Elizabeth and Anthony R?" And Julia was like, "Yes, I do!" And it seems she pted 2 where U guyz were smooching and mackin' by the lake, and sed "Physically.... they're over there!" Dawn mentioned that it creeped her out a bit that Julia seemed 2 B watching U an' Ant like U were television or sumthin'.


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  • At 12:58 PM, Anonymous Edda Burber said…


    Please. Please. Please leave ballet to the professionals.

    Edda Burber

  • At 1:18 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…


    Believe me when I say that I have even less interest in ballet then I have in kissing, I do not know why Anthony thought we had to do some stupid ritual dance of joy, it was very annoying, I just wanted us to go off and find a preacher to marry us right then, and get it out of the way, so I can stop being a spinster, but Anthony said that it was important for us to do some traditional "falling in love" activities first, like dancing and walking on the beach in the moonlight and of course the traditional "I love you so much girl" hoist, so I tried to get it out of the way all at once, by letting Anthony dance and hoist with me on the beach of the lake in the moonlight, I'm really hoping that we will be making it official at a justice of the peace this week or next, I am so sick of waiting to get married, this has been going on since I went away to college and it's time for it to just happen already, then everyone can stop looking at me like I'm a loser and they will have to look at me as successful because I am a married person with kids, like Mike and Dee, that is one good thing about a Stepchild, you get some attention for having a Stepgrandchild while you are waiting to get a Main Child, anyway, Francoise is something I'm willing to take on in marrying Anthony, is what I'm saying, also, I'm thinking of going to the doctor to get fertility treatments, so I can get twins (a boy and a girl, naturally) before I am 30, that will get my Main Children out of the way, and I will be specialer than Mike and Dee and even Therese because I had twins, and everyone will have to start talking about how wonderful I am, not Mike, anyway, this trying to fall in love stuff gets in the way, is what I'm saying, and also, Shiimsa is not helping me anymore, after I told her to buy me flowers and take me out to dinner, she went on strike, I mean, the flowers she got me were great, but when we got to the restaurant, they wouldn't let us in the door, because they said they don't serve cats, and she was offended, cats are such mysterious creatures.


  • At 6:07 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    hey, so i got a txt from jeremy saying he's gotta go 2 sum kinda "rogues' retreat" in south carolina this wkend. he didnt' give me ne deets xxcept 2 say he'd try 2 post if poss.

    i met honoria @ noon 2day, @ horny t's. i ordered a vanilla yogurt an' berries and an iced cappuccino, but honoria wdn't have nething xxcept a quadruple espresso, black, "2 lose w8." i tried 2 assure her she's not fat, but she was all, "u hafta say that cuz fat girls stick 2gether!" that kinda put me in a bad mood 4 the rest of the afternoon. i know she's just like that cuz of her mother, but still.

    neway, we agreed 2 meet @ the community theatre after i got off of work this evening, but when we got there, there was sum big holdup cuz david mamet was threatening 2 sue them over sum modifications the theatre troupe was planning 2 do on his play, sexual perversity in chicago.

    so we went 2 the forsythe house, and ger was there, and he wanted 2 make out in the basement, but that's where honoria lives, so we ended up sharing a bottle of wine three ways. and honoria puked hers up.


  • At 8:07 PM, Blogger howard said…


    My new friends Alyssa and Jen, your sister’s fellow bridesmaids had their usual perspective on things at Shawna-Marie and Brian’s wedding. This is what they told me, as best I can remember it.

    Alyssa: Howard. Usually when I eat something called “Death by Chocolate”, I doubt actual death will occur. This time I am not so sure.
    Me: I usually keep this defibrillator handy when I serve this dessert.
    Alyssa: Make sure it’s plugged in. Yesterday we talked about how Elizabeth and Anthony came back from their “private” dancing, but I think Jen and I didn’t really talk about the dancing much, did we? Personally, I was very surprised.
    Jen: Surprised? I think I was more on the revolted side. Everyone else was doing the Conga, and we could see clearly those two clearly maybe 10 metres away by the lake.
    Alyssa: I’m sure from their perspective it was more like 30 metres from the wedding tent. Milborough is just an awful place when you are trying to put distance in perspective, or really height, weight, and almost anything you can measure.
    Jen: I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like my body was drawn by a person whose never had an art class, but was recruited from a completely different kind of job, by the lure of a high salary. But I digress. The point is everyone in the wedding party could see them clearly. At first they were kissing, and then they started dancing and it was revolting.
    Alyssa: I don’t know. I thought their Arabesques weren’t bad, but I will admit their Ronds De Jambe A Terre needed some work.
    Jen: Please. Elizabeth didn’t even have shoes on. When she tried to go en pointe, she certainly didn’t have the toe strength to pull it off.
    Alyssa: OK. You’re right there. But what about the Battements Degages? I thought it was quite engaging.
    Jen: The Battements Degages and the Battement Frappes were awful, just like their Glissades. People were looking at them and saying, “I’m so relieved they only stumbled during their Releves.”
    Alyssa: Because all this was going on, the Conga dancing stopped and we just stared at them. Fortunately, someone thought it would be a good idea to cut the cake to break the tension. Shawna-Marie and Brian cut the cake and fed it to each other in a very polite manner. Then the cake was cut for everyone else to come up and have a piece. Of course, this meant our dancing pair was going cakeless, but that was fine by me.
    Jen: It wasn’t fine by Dawn Enjo though. She had two pieces of cake for Anthony and Elizabeth and she was running around trying to find them.
    Me: She couldn’t see them right outside the tent?
    Jen: No. I think Dawn has some night vision problems. So, she found Julia, Anthony’s date, and Julia just took one of the pieces right out of Dawn’s hand. I guess Dawn was too polite to say, “That was for Anthony”, especially considering Anthony had ditched Julia to dance with Elizabeth.
    Alyssa: Julia pointed them out and made some comment about how they were physically down by the lake, which I suppose meant they were mentally, emotionally, and spiritually some place else. If they had any sense of embarrassment, they might have wished they were visually someplace else too.
    Me: Then what happened?
    Jen: Alyssa and I told you yesterday what happened after they came back. I think we may be done talking about this wedding with you, Howard, unless someone has something else they want to say.
    Alyssa: Well, I want to say, Howard, this suit you are wearing is very nice. The dark blue offsets your bright clown red hair beautifully. I think I would like say some other things, but not about the wedding.

    That was the latest conversation with Alyssa and Jen talking about the wedding.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 9:43 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    thanx 4 the deets from jen and alyssa, howard! btw, the special order u put in @ lilliput's just got in this evening just b4 closing time!


  • At 12:10 AM, Anonymous liz patterson said…


    The next part of the story got told to me when I ran into Mason at the supermarket the week after the wedding, I guess he woke up after awhile and went to find Shawna-Marie, he was shocked to find that Shawna-Marie looked even manlier than ever by that point in the evening, and her features looked all stretched and freaky, well Mason said Shawna-Marie started yelling at him about how he was my escort, and he said he'd forgot, mainly because he was busy drinking up all the leftover champagne, then Mason said one of the other groomsmen told Shawna-Marie and Mason that me and Anthony ran off, and then Mason said "that fat girl" kind of came over and eavesdropped until Shawna-Marie asked her (Julia) if she thought me and Anthony were lost, and Julia knew this was her chance to spread the gossip about me and Anthony getting back together to the whole wedding, so she told Shawna-Marie that she thought we had found something we'd lost, and then Julia pointed out to Shawna-Marie and Mason where me and Anthony were cuddling in the dark.

    More later.



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