Mike has a random story from the past

Sadly, we R still in reminiscing. This time, Mike has a story 4 U, which he posted l8 last nite:

April,

Formerly little sis. Just the other day, as I caught my son trying to eat the telephone, I was reminded of a story of my past when I was just a little older than he was and I had to deal with the telephone. I said, “Son, I remember when I was just a little older than you are and I had to deal with the telephone.” In preparation for my story, his eyes took on an absent look, waiting for a reminiscence of great meaning to fill his young, small brain. This is the story I told:

I was lying on the floor, playing with Legos, as I usually did with my right hand bearing a strong resemblance to the letter Q and wearing those special pants mom made for me where she mismeasured the inseam so the crotch was about at my knee. I loved those pants. They were great whenever I wanted to play a merman. I loved the mermen. They always had naked chests and they never wore sea shells like the mermaids did.

On this occasion, I heard the sound “RRINGG!” Naturally I knew this was the phone and not the front door. I picked it up and said, “Hello?” I remember this was especially difficult, because my right arm had chosen that particular time to mutate my wrist and arm to look a little like a fried chicken leg. Little Lizzie must have thought the same thing because she headed toward me with hunger in her eyes. Let me tell you there is nothing worse than having a fried chicken leg-shaped arm, being gnawed on by a nearly toothless, younger sister. I had to deflect her assault somehow. The person on the other end of the line said, “May I speak to Elly Patterson?” I said, “No, she’s outside right now.—Wanna talk to my baby sister?” Then I handed the phone to Lizzie and the attack was deflected. Mission accomplished.

Lizzie took the phone out of my hand and with her massive, muscular, beefy arms; and said very clearly, “Glah? Da-da-da? COOKIE! Num-num!” I remember well thinking that this might be one of the most articulate moments of her life, and that has proven to be the case. However, the person on the other end of the phone didn’t think so, and he yelled out “*!!{Saturn}@*” at Lizzie. Lizzie was taken aback by the geometric shapes and took her head away from the phone receiver. I took this opportunity to take the phone back from Lizzie. She was upset when I did this and grabbed at the wire on the phone and turned red in the face. Interestingly enough, she did not start screaming until later, so I was able to speak again to the person on the other line. I had hoped to learn more geometric symbols; but the man became strangely quiet, and said he wanted to talk to mom again. I said, “Yeah? You still want wanna talk to her? OK--”

This was the tricky part. Mom had told me not to leave Lizzie alone; but the man on the phone wanted to speak to Mom. How could I get Mom and still not leave Lizzie alone? Brilliantly smart as I was, the answer soon came to me. I held the phone away from my mouth, and yelled, “MAAH” as loud as I could, in order to get her attention from the outside. As I put the phone receiver to my head to tell the man I had called for Mom, I was surprised by a few things:

1. I heard a “CLICK” sound which either meant the man hung up or he had started to speak Xhosa, that African language that uses clicking sounds to talk.
2. I suddenly realized that the phone receiver was bigger than my head.
3. I suddenly realized that the sleeves on my shirt were no longer the same length.

Mom heard my cry and came in with sweat upon her brow, and gardening gloves and a gardening trowel in her hands. I held the phone up to her with both hands in supplication and said, “It’s for you.” I was afraid of what would happen when she discovered the man on the other end of the phone had hung up. Fortunately, Mom is not nearly as accurate with a gardening trowel as she is with a coffee cup.

That was the lesson my son learned from me that day. Sure enough it worked. No longer does he try to the eat the phone. But he has developed a certain predilection for garden trowels.

Love,

Michael Patterson

I guess that was supposta B a lesson in how not 2 answer the fone, eh?

Well, l8 yesterday, the squat got raided! Zenia is convinced that "the guy w/the phallic nose and ridiculous ponytail across the street dropped the dime on us." Cd B. Weed is awfully worried abt property values. NEway, I called Jeremy from the jail and his Mom was so cube abt bailing me out. Dunc insisted on staying cuz "street cred," Eva refused 2 leave his side, and Zenia sed she had 2 stay cuz of her secret "exposé" she's writing.

So, I M back @ Jeremy's and he's trying 2 talk me outta being further involved in what Dunc's got going in TO.

Apes

Jungles vs. Zoos in the Distant Past

OK, prolly the last day of this run of flashbacks we've been in. Sumthing abt little Mike making animal noises 2 entertain baby Nizzie, and Dad coming home saying, "Whew! What a day... Elly, it's a jungle out there." And Mike making more of his animal noises. And Mom saying, "I'll trade U 4 the zoo in here." Whatevs.

So, still in TO. Eva and I have been trying 2 get Dunc 2 leave the squat where he's been staying w/Zenia and various squatters, across the st from Weed & Carleen's place. Duncan's been claiming Zenia needs his help, but Zenia was saying she was up 2 sumthing "top secret." All mysterioso-like. Zandra tried 2 warn him not 2 get sucked in2 one of her schemes, but he's not listening. Just this morning, I overheard Zenia whispering urgently abt how she's in grave danger cuz [name removed @ Zenia's insistence] wants 2 have her killed. She "knows 2 much." Including sumthing abt what [he] looks like naked. ::shudder::

Apes

Surviving

The flashback I'm ignoring 2day actually picks up from yesterday's. Mom had sent Mike up 2 his room w/out supper and then was considering bringing him up sum supper. Dad told her she can't go back on her word like that, and besides, he'd survive a nite w/out supper, and Mom sed that mayB she wdn't. But obvs. she did. And apparently she was having a "thin" day.

Speaking of surviving, Eva and I R still @ the squat where Dunc's been staying. I can't say that I'd wanna live this way all the time, but w/Jeremy away this wk, @ least it's keeping me occupied. I just saw Mike show up @ Weed's place when I was looking out the window this morning. MayB Mike will write in this wkend and say what he's doing there so early on a weekday.

Apes

Day 4 of "Who Cares"

So the flashback I M currently ignoring has sumthing 2 do w/Mom sending Mike 2 his room 4 being rude, and then regretting that she threatened 2 send him there. Zzzzzzzz.

Duncan showed Eva and me how 2 squeegee and we did pretty well w/the money. I was surprised, but Dunc sed, "Yeah, the girls always do better." Zenia claims she's got sum "top-secret assignment" she can't xxplain until after the fact. We ran in2 Zandra @ a Horny T's, and she was like, "Duncan, don't tell me U've been sucked in by another one of Zenia's stories." And Dunc was all, "U don't understand." She kind of gave up, muttering that he has 2 find out the hard way all over again.

Apes

Giving time 2 Gramps

So, after Eva bought that shirt she wanted w/out needing, and I had that creepy thought bubble abt giving Mom "credit," I told Eva I wanted 2 get sumthing from The Stuffed Shirt, which sells menswear and accessories. At reasonable, affordable places. (U guyz know where 2 send that cheque, eh?)

Once we were inside, Eva aked me, "What R U looking in here 4?" And I sed, "I want 2 find sumthing 4 my grandpa." I started looking @ ties, and I told Eva, "I like 2 take him stuff when I visit, but Eva, it's so difficult! He doesn't read very much, he doesn't go NEwhere... He can't hear very well... Abt all that's left is food!" I went eyeless 4 a mo during that last sentence, which made it hard 2 C the tie I was looking @. Eva sed, "So... get him sum chocolate!" And I sed, "He's not supposed 2 have candy.

I put down the tie, and we left the store in absolute silence. Then, once we were back out in the general mall area, Eva continued w/"So, what can U give him?" With my hands stuck in2 my pants pocket, Patterstyle, I sed, "My time." No, w8, I sed, "...My time."

Jeremy, sorry I didn't post @ all last nite while we were bowling w/Eva and Dunc. I was a bit distracted by how cute U R when U bowl!

Apes

Giving Mom "credit"

Ugh, I don't wanna tell U what happened next, after Eva bought that belt, but I guess I kind of have 2.

We were walking from one store 2 another, and Eva was all, "U're not gonna buy NEthing, April?" And I sed, "Nah. I don't have much money." We walked in2 a store, and Eva was like, "I just use my mom's credit card!" I sed, "Well, I hafta use my own cash--unless my mom's with me... an' then she uses her credit card." Eva started 2 look @ sum tank tops displayed on a table, and sed, "Bummer. She ought 2 trust U w/the card, man. I mean U're just gonna get stuff U NEED! And then we silently went 2 the checkout w/a shirt Eva had decided 2 buy, and once we got there, I continued our convo w/"Do U need that shirt?" And she was all, "Not really, but I like it." As we left that store I thought.......... Oh, no. I can't. I can't.

OK, I have 2. I thought, "I should give my mom credit!" Ugh, it was like my brain had been taken over by sum smug 60yo in Corbeil, who can't resist lame wordplay (credit/credit) and has 2 get in a message abt Elly Patterson being the bestest evah!!!!11!! Not only that, but I realize I was starting 2 have judgmental thought bubbles abt Eva, just like I used 2 w/Becky when our friendship was abt 2 go down the pooper. Uh-uh, I'm afraid Eva is abt 2 have the official "Becky" treatment. Next thing U know, Michael will B referring 2 her as "that slattern Eva" and my dad will B saying stuff abt her being 2 ambitious. Or fashionable. Or whatevs.

I'm scared.

Apes

Trying and buying at the mall

Eva's my friend and, when she's not giving me a smackdown 2 make me feel "spoiled," she's pretty cube. But she has some learning 2 do abt shopping etiquette.

While Connie and Mom were bizzy slurping coffee and remembering boring shizz that happened way back in 1980, Eva and I headed 2 one of the clothes stores in the mall (I'd mention which one, but then I'd xxpect them 2 pay me 4 the product placement!). Eva tried on a bunch of outfits. She got me 2 hold the clothes she wasn't wearing @ NE given moment. With each outfit, she wore this one belt that she liked. After she'd tried on the whole stack of clothes, she brought them ALL 2 the checkout counter where the saleslady, who'd been watching kind of anxiously as Eva tried on all those clothes, was all, "So, R we ready now?" And Eva went, "Yeah, totally!" Then she slammed the stack of clothes on2 the counter, where the saleschick took a moment 2 fold them all up v. v. neatly. And Eva went, "...I'll take the belt!"

Later, I told her, "Eva, I'm not sure how things were done in whatever place U lived where U were in a war zone, but here in Canada, U take the stuff U don't plan to buy and hang 'em up on those racks rite outside the fitting rooms. Or put 'em back on the racks U got 'em from. Then U take ONLY the stuff U plan 2 buy 2 the checkout counter. If U bring all that stuff U don't want, the poor sales clerk thinks a big sale is abt 2 happen. It's totally unfair." Eva sed, "At least I'm not spoiled." Shut up, Eva.

Apes

I write better than she does!

So, it was just Mom and Connie dropping off me and Eva @ the mall. Liz has been borrowing my car again. Soon after we got dropped off, Mom sent me a text asking where 2 pick us up. I wrote back and told her.

Much later, Connie told me abt what she and Mom had talked abt rite B4. Mom was all, "The whole time we were driving them 2 the mall, April and Eva were text-messaging each other!" And Connie went, "Kids!" Then Mom told her,"April and her friends are constantly sending little notes to each other. ::tsk:: ...They can't just save it all up and have a conversation!" Then she parked the car and told Connie, "And, they use some kind of code! Kids! Their language is eroding and nobody cares. They don't even know how 2 write NEmore! Writing's become a lost art!!" They got out of the car and Connie asked Mom, "Did they say where they wanted 2 B picked up?" Mom sed, "No!" Then she got out her fone 2 send the text 2 me, telling Connie, "...I'll send them a message." Apparently, this cracked Connie's shizz up, LOLfully.

So Mom thinks "kids" don't know how 2 write NEmore. I say we know how 2 write in different ways. The way I write a txt or a blog entry is NOT the same way I write an essay 4 English, as my A's in English will show U. I'd luv 2 C my Mom write an essay and get it graded by my English teacher. Then we'll C who doesn't know how 2 write NEmore.

Apes

Texting 4 Privacy

4 reasons I will xxplain l8er in the week, my mom recently drove me and Eva downtown. She had Connie Poirer in the front passenger seat w/her, so Eva and I were sitting 2gether in the back. Eva took out her fone and texted, "who = the old guy n front?" I texted back "no guy. mom's frnd connie." Eva texted back "ew." I texted, "yeah."

Then Mom sed, "R U girls comfortable back there?" And I sed, "Uh-huh." I was texting 2 Jeremy, "mom = annoying." Then she was saying sumthing abt, "It's taking a long time 2 get downtown. There's so much traffic." While she was stopped in traffic, she turned 2 look @ us, all, "U 2 R awfully quiet! Don't Uhave NEthing 2 say 2 ea other?" And I sed, "Yeah! Sure!" And Eva and I simulthought, "But not aloud" as I was TICKA TICK TEXT TICK TICK-ing sumthing abt how hard it is 2 tell Mom apart from Dad. "the rl rsn 4 the bun," I was writing. Eva went back 2 her own fone and texted, "lolololol!"

Thanx 4 the encouraging words, patrickrsghost. It's just so like Mike 2 lob out the low blows like that, and then act all innocent, like he's not a heartless bastard.

Apes

Promising

After Dunc, Eva, and I got back in2 the bldg after our not-deep talk on the bleachers and on the way back, I found Ger in the hallway, @ his locker. I sed, "Hey, Gerald... How's it going?" He was all, "OK." I sed, "R U still talking 2 me?" He was like, "Sure. Y not." Then I sed, "I was talking 2 Eva an' Duncan... An' we were saying that no matter what, ....No matter where we go, the 4 of us hafta stay friends. Alwayz." And Ger was all, "I'm cool w/that! ..U wanna keep in touch w/ME, April?" Which was kinda weird, cuz I thot that was what I'd just finished saying, but just in case Ger sumhow didn't understand, I was like, "Well, YEAH!" Then I sed, "Welll keep in touch w/Luis an' Becky and, sumday when there's a class reunion, an' we're all gray-haired an' OLD, we'll remember this day an' this promise--OK?!" And Ger sed, "Yeah! OK!!" Then we walked down the hall, him w/his arm resting on top of my rite shoulder, and me w/my hand on his back. And Ger sed, "But that day is SO far off... it's hard 2 even IMAGINE!" As he sed that, a portly old, balding male teacher walked by, and I guess that was supposta B sum kind of irony. I h8 when things happen just 4 that reason.

And as I write this, I realize that we made this big promise that "the 4 of us hafta stay friends" but we'll only "keep in touch w/Luis an' Becky." Y can't the SIX of us all B friends an' all? Hmm. And Y, Y, Y have we been talking like we're in grade 12, all farewellish.

Apes

Dunc channels.... my dad?

As U mighta guessed, on that day when we were discussing our plans of the future (or lack of plans), Eva had 2 have her turn after Dunc and I had had ours. So, while we walked back 2 the school bldg from the bleachers, I dutifully asked her, "What abt U, Eva?" And Eva decided 2 do the whole "Whoa" thing, too, and went, "Whoa. Future career. That's tuff. I can't give up singing. I'm not planning 2 B a professional singer... but I HAFTA sing! So I guess I'll take, like, general arts an' C where I go from there." I sed, "Yeah... U gotta start sumwhere." Then Duncan was all, "An' who knows! We cd all end up doing sumthing completely different from NEthing we ever imagined!" Then 4 no reason, Eva and I traded places (I had been 2 Dunc's left, w/Eva 2 his rite). And then Dunc sed, "Exciting, hum?" He actually sed "HUM." Just like my DAD does. Y doesn't he just say "Eh"? We R Canadians, after all! NEway, Eva and I got these terrified-gobsmacked looks on our faces and Eva went, "Yeah." And I was like, "Totally."

Apes

When Eva is a Laff Track

I don't even wanna tell U my latest story, cuz it ends w/me making a way lame kinda "wordplay" and I M ashamed. But here goes.

We (Duncan, Eva, and I) were still on the bleachers. I had just been talking abt my plans 4 vet school. Dunc sed, "Ummm...I'm sort of interested in business stuff. I'm also in2 sports... An' travel an' communications." I was listening, but also noticing I had gone eyeless and my body proportions were way off again, like I was built like a 6yo or sumsuch. It was v. v. disturbing!

I sed, "U cd open a travel agency!" And Eva sed, "An' organize worldwide sporting events!" Of course neither Eva nor I knew the slightest abt what it takes to do either of those things, but whatevs. Dunc sed, "Who knows..."

Then he sort of half got up, kinda sticking his butt out like he needed 2 poo. And he sed, "I mean, doors open, rite? U get started in sumthing an' U meet people an' doors open. There's always an open door." Eva had half-stood up, and I was also starting 2 get up as I sed, "Yeah..." Then as Duncan started 2 walk down the bleachers, I told him, "...U just hafta remember 2 let go of the knob!" Yeah, I know, that was stupid and made no sense, but Eva laffed NEhow. Like a laff track.

Zandra, I didn't C yr comment from last nite until this morning. Dunc, OMG, R U OK?

Apes

Eva interviewed me on my career plans

Duncan, Eva, and I all 4got our PE uniforms, so we hadta sit on the bleachers while everyone else ran around frolicking on the track or sitting in the field conducting foot self-massage. A couple of the kids who were frolicking had ink-black skin and no features. They almost looked like silhouettes, but U cd tell they weren't silhouettes cuz U cd clearly make out their gym uni's and sneakers.

NEway, Eva decided 2 interview me abt my longterm plans. She does that sumtymes, and it can B a bit annoying if U R not in the rite mood. She went, "Do U totally know what U're gonna do, April? ...Career-wise?" Y can't I have friends who talk like normal teenagers? And notice her "totally." Who "totally" knows @ this pt? Esp. in grade 11. I told her, "Um.... I think so. Well... Not totally. Stuff cd change, but we'll C." I held up one knee 2 stretch a bit, so I cd pretend I was doing sumthing vaguely phys-eddish, and I continued w/"I mean, I've checked out what I need 2 do 2 B a veterinarian, an' it's what I THINK I want. @ least, it's what I'm interested in. I'm sort of.... U know... leaning in that direction. An' ... who knows. It all depends, rite? @ least I'm gonna give it my best shot." Dunc looked kinda worried, and Eva went "Sweet." Then Dunc turned his head 2 smirk @ her while she sed, "....I wish I was as sure of myself as U R!" I felt a gobsmacked look forming on my face.

Dunc sed, "It's 'I wish I were,' Crazy! We just went over 'conditional' in English class, don't U remember?" Eva scowled and sed she was being colloquial. Dunc sed "colloquial" is not an xxcuse 4 "stupid."

I make a snotty dig @ Ger

On the day when I'd made that comment I told U abt, where I sed I wanna lead insteada follow, I was standing in a classroom w/Eva and Duncan (I'll let Dunc xxplain Y he's back from Barbados), just after class. Ger b-came a silhouette and snubbed us. Eva's face became kinda abstract looking as she asked, "What's w/Gerald, April?" Cuz I'm, like, his keeper or sumthing. And Dunc was all, "He just went by w/out saying NEthing 2 us! ...Did U guyz have a fite?" As we walked out of the classroom, I sed, "He sed he was gonna tour with Becky's band, an' not go 2 university... An' I guess I gave him a hard time." I still wasn't questioning Y touring this coming summer automatically means no uni NEXT YEAR, but I wasn't thinking super-clearly.

Out in the hallway, Dunc sed, "He's a really good drummer, April. MayB he's doing the rite thing!" And Eva sed, "Yeah! I mean, if it doesn't work out, he can alwayz go back 2 school. U know--as a mature student." Since I was in a mean, bitchy kinda mood, I joked, "With Gerald, 'mature student' is an oxymoron. Eva and Dunc laffed @ my joke. I think we all felt kinda insecure abt ourselves that day, since we all looked as tho we'd been v. badly drawn, and our proportions were way wrong. Eva and I had oversized heds, and the lower halves of our bodies were way too small 4 our torsos. Our legs were way spindly and our feet looked ridiculous. So jokes @ Ger's xxpense took our minds off all that, I guess. It was sucky, yeah, but @ the mo, I was just happy 2 get an EZ laff! Sorry Ger!

Apes

Easier

Happy New Year, ppl! Yay, it's 2008!

So, U know I went 2 Ger's NYE party last nite. When we rung in the New Year, Ger did that butt-hosting thing Patterson men and the men who d8 Patterson women like 2 do. As he did, we all yelled, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!" Dunc was kinda spooning Eva while they were both standing, and Eva was holding up a mug of something and shouting, "Wooooo-Hoooo!" Luis yelled, "Make it a good one!" His girlfriend Rosario used a little megafone 2 shout "Peace!"

Then every1 went in2 silhouette and Ger started a slowdance w/me even tho the music was fast (as he alwayz does), and I sed, "I wonder where we'll B next New Year's Eve, Gerald." And he sed, "Let's not talk abt that." Then he ran over 2 the stereo, which was like six feet away, w/out letting go of me, but by stretching one arm like that guy Rex Reed in the Fantastic 4. As he did that, he was all, "Let's turn up the music and dance. --Let's just think abt now. I asked, "Why?" He retracted his arm, went back in2 slow dance 4mation, and sed, "B-cuz ... it's easier," kinda into my hairline.

R U confused? I mean, Ger an' I had broken up, rite? And I've been d8ing Jeremy. So did we just get back 2gether 4 NYE? So that we cd break up again? And Y R we acting as tho we R in our senior yr of HS when we R only in 3rd yr? Well, things mite b-come more clear as I tell the rest of this story over the next few days. Or mayB they'll B clear as mud. Either way, have a faboo new year, and get bizzy w/those NY rezzos!

Apes

Recycling Liz lines?

So that boring schoolday I was tellin' U all abt of course ended w/a bus ride home. I sat w/Eva, who was all, "Gerald was pretty bummed when U didn't want 2 do music professionally." And I was like, "Neither does Duncan... and Luis sez he doesn't know what he wants 2 do." Eva was like, "Well, I want 2 keep singing, but it looks like our band is gonna have 2 break up, so....." And I sed, "So--let's make the best of it, Eva. We still have sum time left! We're still 2gether!" And Eva was all, "Yeah.... We're still 2gether." U'd think we were going off 2 uni 2morrow insteada in a yr and a half. But whatevs. Then I had this thot, as Eva and I both had our mascara run out the corner of each rite eye--this thot was like if sum1 who was in charge of corny lines had 4gotten that Liz had already dun this was sum months ago: "Sumtymez, when U look on the brite side.... the sun gets in yr eyez." C what I mean? Oh, and also my hair curse remembered that it had retooled my bun when I turned 16, and it went back 2 its "April @ 16" variant.

Jeremy, that was pretty krayzee @ Koolhaus yesterday. Thanx 4 helping me w/the whole toy-bunny sitch. That replacement really does look identical 2 the one that got confisc8ed. I hafta say I kinda enjoyed what happed around midnite--Becky's Dad/manager Thorvald McGuire storming in, grabbing Becky while shouting, "What did Fafa tell U abt that not-a-Viking Gerald Forsythe! Fafa is setting U up with Dustin Jimberlake!" And then he carried her out under her arm, like she was a newspaper! And Gerald just kinda whimpered. U were pretty good abt restraining yr laughter.

Apes

Fun and Fame

After what I sed yesterday abt wanting 2 party on Halloween, we all went outside. Luis, Ger, and Dunc all sat down on the front steps, and Eva and I stood behind them on the landing, wearing matchng jackets. Luis started having a pop and a danish cuz he gets the shakes if he doesn't snack every couple of hrs. Luis was all, "April's kinda rite, Ger... We don't plan on being professional musicians." Dunc sed, "An' work-wise, this is gonna B a heavy yr!" Luis was like, "Yeah... If I'm gonna pull in the marks I need, I can't perform on weekends." Eva draped her arms around Dunc's shoulders, kinda lookin' as if she was trying 2 get in2 his shirt pockets, as Dunc sed, "We can just... U know, play 4 fun!" Ger put a hand 2 his sternum, all, "FUN?! --U wanna B a band 4 fun? --I can't believe U guys! We are, like, the best in this area!" As in the front-step area? And Dunc was all, "Can't U B happy w/that?" Ger scrunched his eyes shut, extended both hands out, so the palms were parallel, and yelled, "I don't wanna B happy! --I wanna B FAMOUS!!" I stood behind him lookin' gobsmacky.

Hm. The fun-vs.-fame divide. I guess most of us have really absorbed my fam's ethos on this one. How many wanna wager that Ger's gonna end up playing in Becky's band for the longterm. And mayB play with Becky in other ways, 2, IYKWIM?

Apes

Wherein I channel Fleetwood Mac

Keesha, thanx 4 giving me the link 2 yr interview w/Mike 4 the school paper.

Hey, did U know I'm still in a band? And that Dunc came back from Barbardos? Well, I am [that may B ending] and he did.

So, the other day, I was standing in the hallway @ school w/Dunc and Luis, when Ger came along. Ger was all, "It's totally arranged, guys. We R THE BAND on "Wicked Wednesday." Dunc went, "Cool!" and Luis sed, "Aw-right." I was like, "Yay." Ger's ears went way hi on his head as he sed, "Yay"? ...U sound less than enthused." And I went, "Gerald, we're giving up another Halloween nite 2 perform!" Which, now that I think of it, is an odd thing 2 say, cuz when have we ever given up a Halloween nite 2 perform. Last yr, we played @ Gym Jam, but that was during the day--and what did we even do on Halloween nite? I don't remember. And the yr B4 that? What big Halloween performance did we do? NEway, w/this new chip in my brain that sez we R alwayz giving up our Halloween nites 2 B the entertainment, I was like, "Y don't WE party 4 a change?" And Ger was all, "Party?!! But we're popular now! We're on the ladder of success!" Eh, since when? I was like, "I don't wanna B on this ladder!" Eva, who had been consipicuously absent, suddenly appeared, as if a bad storyteller had only just remembered that she's in our band and oughta B present. Ger asked, "U wanna sit on the stump of mediocrity?" And I sed, "No. ....I want to go my own way." Then Eva busted out w/"U can go your own way/Go your own way/U can call it/Another lonely day/U can go your own way/Go your own way." And then, the next thing that happened was--aw, nuts, my fone's ringing--I'll hafta tell U 2morrow.

Apes

Famous But Lonely

After the telethon, U'll remember Dad drove 2 the telethon 2 pick up Eva and me. When we dropped off Eva @ her house, she was all, "Thanx 4 the ride, Dr. P! Have a good trip out west, April!" And I went, "Bye, Eva!" Then, as we were driving home, and Dad was looking scary w/his disheveled hair and 4 AM shadow, I decided 2 distract myself from how disturbing he looked by talking 2 him abt my convo w/Becky. I was like, "Becky came and talked 2 me @ the telethon, Dad. We went 2 the food court 4 coffee. She talked abt her band. She talked abt her father. As her manager, he's arrogant and controlling. He won't speak 2 her mom... and he's jealous when she does. She misses her mom. She's on the road so much she has 2 take 3 grade 11* courses over again. She's sed she was lonely. But she's FAMOUS! She must have a MILLION friends. How can sumbody famous B lonely?" And Dad replied, "...She's talking abt the PERSON inside the performer." And I glanced over @ Dad, feeling kinda bad 4 him. He was so tired, he really thot he'd made a pun there. Then Dad sed I really need 2 watch E True Hollywood Story more often, so I can see fame does not necessarily = happiness.

*U may B wondering how it is Becky is retaking 3 grade-11 courses when we just finished grade 10. Well, when I tried 2 ask her Y she'd sed "grade 11," she started 2 answer, but then a buncha kids with bad, gappy teeth showed up asking 4 autographs, and we got sidetracked.

Apes

After the telethon, I punned lamely

Dad drove over 2 the mall when I called him @ 4 AM. I was like, "Thanx 4 coming 2 pick us up, 'Pop'! The telethon's still going, but we're wasted!" Luckily he didn't pick on my poor choice of words and ask what we were wasted on. Dad was like, "No problem! ...I'm always awake @ 4 AM. We watched yr duet on television, and yr mom called in a pledge of 50 buxx!" I turned an looked over my shoulder @ Eva, saying, "We made sum money, Eva!" She just looked kinda resentful abt having 2 sit all alone in the back. I wanted 2 sit in the back w/her, but Dad was all, "There is no way U 2 R both sitting in the back as if I'm yr chauffeur!" Parents. NEway, Dad was like, "Yep! U 2 sang like there's no 2morrow!" And w/my lack of sleep, I popped out the first punny, stupid thot that popped in2 my hed: "Dad... There IS no 2morrow! It's already 2day!" Which is idiotic, since even that "2day" had a 2morrow." Dad had this look on his face like he was prolly popping a storm-cloud thot bubble out the top of the car.

Howard, sorry I hadta wield the frypan when Becks was still playing my "Gems" game on Playstation after midnite. 'Course that didn't do it either, only that call 2 Dunc and his promise 2 send Becky her own copy of the game did the job. Well, I DID say the game's like crack, eh?

Apes