I make a snotty dig @ Ger
On the day when I'd made that comment I told U abt, where I sed I wanna lead insteada follow, I was standing in a classroom w/Eva and Duncan (I'll let Dunc xxplain Y he's back from Barbados), just after class. Ger b-came a silhouette and snubbed us. Eva's face became kinda abstract looking as she asked, "What's w/Gerald, April?" Cuz I'm, like, his keeper or sumthing. And Dunc was all, "He just went by w/out saying NEthing 2 us! ...Did U guyz have a fite?" As we walked out of the classroom, I sed, "He sed he was gonna tour with Becky's band, an' not go 2 university... An' I guess I gave him a hard time." I still wasn't questioning Y touring this coming summer automatically means no uni NEXT YEAR, but I wasn't thinking super-clearly.
Out in the hallway, Dunc sed, "He's a really good drummer, April. MayB he's doing the rite thing!" And Eva sed, "Yeah! I mean, if it doesn't work out, he can alwayz go back 2 school. U know--as a mature student." Since I was in a mean, bitchy kinda mood, I joked, "With Gerald, 'mature student' is an oxymoron. Eva and Dunc laffed @ my joke. I think we all felt kinda insecure abt ourselves that day, since we all looked as tho we'd been v. badly drawn, and our proportions were way wrong. Eva and I had oversized heds, and the lower halves of our bodies were way too small 4 our torsos. Our legs were way spindly and our feet looked ridiculous. So jokes @ Ger's xxpense took our minds off all that, I guess. It was sucky, yeah, but @ the mo, I was just happy 2 get an EZ laff! Sorry Ger!
Apes
Out in the hallway, Dunc sed, "He's a really good drummer, April. MayB he's doing the rite thing!" And Eva sed, "Yeah! I mean, if it doesn't work out, he can alwayz go back 2 school. U know--as a mature student." Since I was in a mean, bitchy kinda mood, I joked, "With Gerald, 'mature student' is an oxymoron. Eva and Dunc laffed @ my joke. I think we all felt kinda insecure abt ourselves that day, since we all looked as tho we'd been v. badly drawn, and our proportions were way wrong. Eva and I had oversized heds, and the lower halves of our bodies were way too small 4 our torsos. Our legs were way spindly and our feet looked ridiculous. So jokes @ Ger's xxpense took our minds off all that, I guess. It was sucky, yeah, but @ the mo, I was just happy 2 get an EZ laff! Sorry Ger!
Apes
Labels: Duncan, Eva, personality transplants
posted by April Patterson @ 6:25 AM
12 Comments:
At 9:00 AM,
duncan anderson said…
Oh man oh man oh man oh man.
Worst day evah.
Perdita & I closed the resto l8 last nite & I felt wack. I fell asleep like 5 min aft I got home.
Then I had the weirdest dreams. I dont rilly remember them but I was still creeped out when my alarm went off. My 'rents had already gone out. I tripped ovah Faustus while I was making brekkie & dropped the milk bag on the floor. Faustus was rilly rilly happy abt the spilled milk, @ least I think he was happy, I cld only c his silhouette.
So then I leave 4 work. My car's not there. No biggie, I thot mayb my mom or dad borrowed it but they usually leave me a note. I was rilly chuffed 2c a Horny Ts under construction, I thot, its abt time sum1 built 1 in Barbados.
Then my nitemare rilly began. I turned up the driveway where RHBM otta b, & it was RP Boire! My RHBM uni was a RP Boire uni! I reached in2 my bag 4 my cellfone & it was full of textbooks!
I called RHBM. I pretended 2b my dad, & asked Perdita if I was @ work. She said, "Yes, Duncan is here, but he's a bit vague this morning. I'm tired, 2. We worked quite l8 last nite. I'll have him ring u on his break."
I wandered in2 RP Boire. It was like I nevah left. Apes & Ger have had another fite & Ger's all pissed.
Crazee Cowgirl says sumthing. I say, "He just went by without saying anything to us!...Did you guys have a fight?" Apes says sumthing. I say, "He's really a good drummer, April. Maybe he's doing the right thing!" Crazee says sumthing. Apes says sumthing. And then I'm in English class. In Mboro.
Silhouette d00d, its war. U have my family, my home, my car, my $, my job & my Grade 12 diploma. Im coming aft u with a large flashlight & Im taking no prisoners.
Yr worst enemy,
The Real Duncan Anderson
p.s. Silhouette d00d, u can keep the real Faustus. Silhouette Faustus doesnt bite as much.
At 9:25 AM,
April Patterson said…
wow, dunc, i guess yr silouette got rilly jellus of yr gig in barbados. i can c how he wd, things were v. cube 4 u there. i m glad 2 have u back, but i also understand y u r so pissed!
apes
At 9:59 AM,
duncan anderson said…
Apes, I should of thot abt the milk bag. Mayb if I had gone rite back 2 bed aft I saw the milk bag, nun of this would of happened.
I h8 English class. Im not even supposed 2b here!!!
Yr v. confused best bud,
Duncan Anderson
At 10:45 AM,
April Patterson said…
dunc, i thot it was pretty funny when u answered our english teacher's question in rap! ;)
apes
At 10:53 AM,
Anonymous said…
I could tell you weren't thinking clearly when you started to say things that made no sense. I can understand your feeling angry but when words and meaning part company, it sounds as if you're channeling Herself from Corbeil
At 11:03 AM,
April Patterson said…
yeah, i get really scared when i start sounding like i m channelling u-know-who. that's NEVER good. i apologize in advance 4 what i mite have 2 tell u all 4 the rest of the week. mayB once i m outta mboro and away from my fam's influence i won't have moments like this nemore. i hope!!!
apes
At 6:31 PM,
Anonymous said…
Duncan,
Just stay in mboro, d00d. Perdita likes me better’n u, cuz I don’t talk ‘bout being pushed in the goat pen all the freakin’ tyme & I don’t hide in my bed wenevah I don’t feel like workin’. Plus, bambi von bon bon hazn’t evn noticed I am silhouette Duncan yet; but she will 2nite. I don’t think ur gonna b able 2 leave. Eva sed if I cud get u back in mboro, she wuzn’t gonna let u go back. She missed her duncy-wuncy.
Silhouette Duncan
p.s. Real Duncan d00d, u can keep the silhouette Faustus. Real Faustus doesnt bite as much.
At 7:19 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Formerly little sis. I don’t know why you think that you are channeling someone else, when everyone knows that these are your own personal beliefs. Elizabeth and I (and you too) have been told by mom all our lives how mom’s life was ruined when she had to drop out of school in order to support dad through dental school. She told me and Elizabeth that it was her greatest hope and dream that we could achieve the very thing she was forced not to do, due to our father’s extraordinarily inept financial planning for his university education. We all know that had it not been for mom’s timely arrival in dad’s life, he would have had to quit university before he finished dental school and have to have gone to work in a mine in Flin Flon. She made the ultimate sacrifice, so we would have the privilege of calling our dad by the sacred title of DDS.
Gerald Delaney-Forsythe has been a childhood sweetheart for you for a long time; so it is easy to see that you are just trying to let him know that a career in music is about the stupidest thing a human can do for a career, unless it is teaching music like Uncle Phil and your guitar teacher. The path to playing with that slattern, Becky McGuire, is the path to doom and destruction, and is almost as awful a path as marrying and having a child with a Quebecoise. When you are taking the time to warn someone about doom and destruction, you cannot mince words. As we Pattersons know, personal insults about the person are the best way to change someone’s ways, especially if they are done behind the person’s back or written in a publication using a fake name.
I am sure that someday, Gerald Delaney-Forsythe will realize that you only had his best interests at heart when you said, “With Gerald, mature student is an oxymoron”; and he will let you know how much he appreciated it, by getting on his knees and proposing marriage. There is nothing like being insulted and humiliated by your woman that causes the romance to stir in a man’s heart. I should know. Although Anthony Caine tells me that sexual assault trials are also pretty romantic.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 7:38 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, u know i don’t like talkin’ ‘bout gerald; but u did ask & i gotta be honest w/u.
eva & duncan can disagree, but i gotta say the guy iz rilly not that gr8 a drummer, & i don’t say that just cuz i don’t like him. he duz ok on the 4evah&eva kinda stuff, but a pro drummer knows how 2 switch musical genres. u don’t drum the same 4 c&w or reggae or hip-hop or pop or jazz. a good studio pro drummer can go frum 1 style 2 the next & the next.
gerald haz no trainin’. u’ve had trainin’ w/mr. bergan & so u can do diff styles on ur guitar. gerald is not evn in high school band. he’s nevah had ne trainin’ outside of 4evah&eva, that i know. if gerald evah decided 2 work 4 sum1 who wuzn’t becky, he prolly wudn’t get hired. he’z under 19, which means he can’t play ne over 19+ clubs & he’z way inexperienced. considerin’ that becky haz got the money 2 hire an adult drummer, hirin’ gerald iz prolly a mercy hire. or she’s innerested in him in sum ways that got nothin’ 2 do w/drummin’.
fyi, i rilly like this new game of “ru gonna go 2 university?” u have goin’, where u say, “ru gonna go 2 university?” & i say “yes” & then u kinda attack me. i can tell alreddy, i am gonna like higher education, eh?
At 8:19 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Silhouette d00d,
Stay away from Bambi. Shes my roadside gig.
Im coming 4 u as soon as I raise airfare. Thx 4 the $8.39 that u left in my account @ the Mboro Credit Union, jerkwad. My silhouette 'rents wont loan me ne $, either. They say I hafta get a summer job if I want 2 visit Barbados.
Ill b back 2 threaten u sum more aft I read The Diviners & rite the essay thats due 2morrow. U shld of started it sooner, slacker.
Yr worst enemy,
The Real Duncan Anderson
At 8:51 PM,
Anonymous said…
Duncan,
Stay away from my $8.39! Thats 4 Charles Wallace.
Ur essay is not The Diviners, its Divisadero u idiot & I alreddy turned it in, u idiot. I am sick & tired of peeps thinking that just cuz I am a silhouette, I am bad in school. Thats definitely prejudice against the illumination-challenged. Jerk!
Az 4 Bambi, I think she is gonna learn 2 appreciate the joys of silhouette. U should stick w/Eva, mainly cuz she’s gonna track u down, if u try 2 leave 4 Barbados again.
Yr silhouette,
Silhouette Duncan Anderson
At 9:43 PM,
April Patterson said…
omg, mike, i get scared when u compliment me. gerald will never propose 2 me and i'll never marry him.
so jeremy, u going 2 uni? oh, w8, i'm @ home, so we can't play rite now. ::sulk::
duncan and duncan's silhouette, u r both rite, there was a choice betw. the 2 books!
apes
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