April's Real Blog

Friday, April 11, 2008

Liz Guest Blogs

Liz here. Even though I am very busy planning the wedding I will have with Anthony whenever it is we decide to do it, I am posting to you from April's account because she ran off to UGuelph for that "teenagers who think they might they might want to be animal doctors" thing. And she called me to say she can't post this morning. Well, all I can think to tell you about is a strange memory I had of being a baby and Dad holding me out to Mom, while she was at the washing machine, and asking her, "Should we put her in the hot wash cycle, pre-soak, or permanent press." I was very dirty from digging in the back yard, you see. I think I've had nightmares about this for years.

Liz Patterson

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  • At 11:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Wedding planning?
    Take my advice, hun, DON'T RUSH THINGS. Take it slow. A real catch like Anthony has to be reeled in veeeeery slowly, so he doesn't spit out the hook, if you know what I mean. You can start thinking about planning to do some wedding planning early next year, if you absolutely must. In the meantime, both of you should think clean thoughts. Think about the CFL season which is coming up. Do not obsess with marriage and "sex" or you will disappoint your legion of fans who believe sincerely you are not "that type of girl" (i.e. a "roadside gig.")
    A Friend

  • At 5:56 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I and my wife, Beatrice Alfarero, and daughters Ana and María were having dinner at the Country Kitchen (the restaurant Anthony Caine manages next to Mayes Midtown Motors); when who should come in and be seated somewhat close to us but your relatives. Their conversation was so loud, that eventually all we could do was to stop talking and listen. This is the conversation as best I can remember it.

    John: I ran out of soap in my shower again. I can’t understand it.
    Elly: You’ve been saying that since 1979 and when I go to look for the soap, I can always find it.
    John: But this time I was over at Michael’s house and he couldn’t find it either.
    Deanna: Michael. You told me you gave the kids a bath! Did you really, without any soap? {Then for some reason Elly and Deanna started giggling.}
    Michael: Yes, but Dad had to show me the old-fashioned way.
    Anthony: Dr. Patterson is very knowledgeable. I remember after my wife left me and took all the soap with her, he showed me how to make sure little Francie would still get clean.
    Elly: John. What kind of method is this?
    John: Well, back in the old days, you were the one who did it. But I think I learned your method pretty well.
    Michael: My kids were the cleanest I had ever seen them. Elizabeth, why are you crawling into the fetal position?
    Elizabeth: You’re talking about using the clothes washing machine aren’t you? I think I've had nightmares about this for years.
    Elly: Nightmares? Don’t be silly. When you’re out of soap, a family has to find another way. Besides you liked it.
    John: What method did you use on Lizzie? Was it the hot wash cycle, pre-soak, or permanent press?
    Elly: It used to be permanent press, until I found out that you waste a lot of water on that extra permanent press rinse cycle, and we Pattersons are environmentally self-conscious. So, after that we went to the quick wash with Lizzie. What are you thought-bubbling, Anthony?
    Michael: He’s imagining high school age Elizabeth naked and in the washer.
    Anthony: I am not. I would never imagine Elizabeth naked.
    John: I don’t know why not. I do it all the time. Father’s prerogative.
    Elly: Do you ever imagine me naked and in the clothes washer?
    John: Oh no! I am not going to fall into that trap again.
    Deanna: Michael. Did you really give the kids a bath in the clothes washer?
    Michael: Um. Yes? Dad was with me. He told me it was OK!
    Deanna: Oh Michael. Just think. Your children have been bathed in the very same clothes washer that you and Lizzie were bathed in. It’s a dream come true.
    Michael: Um. Was I bathed in there too?
    John: I don’t know. My earliest memories go back to 1979 and you were 5 years old and too big to fit in a clothes washer.
    Elly: 3 years old. Michael was 3 years old in 1979.
    John: He was?
    Michael: Yes, I was born in 1976.
    Elizabeth: And I was born in 1981, so I wasn’t even born when you washed me in the clothes washer.
    John: That must be why you had no problem fitting in.
    Elizabeth: These are pre-birth nightmares? I think I am starting to lose my mind.
    Elly: Liz. Try to get this straight for once. There was a time when time stopped progressing for about 3 years. I don’t know why you still find this confusing. I remember complaining to Connie Poirier about how awful it was to complain about getting older, when I wasn’t actually getting older.
    John: Those were rough years.
    Deanna: Michael. Just so I know. What were the washer settings you used for Robin and Merrie?
    Michael: I think we used the heavy duty cycle with my son with the quiet wash plus noise reduction to keep him from being too loud. With my daughter we used the whitest white cycle to help with future spouse selection and also with the adjustable extra rinse to make sure we got her hair cleaned. Is that right, Dad?
    John: We also used the fast spin speed for Robin and the slow spin speed for Merrie, so she wouldn’t throw up.
    Elizabeth: I remember throwing up in the clothes washer.
    Elly: Only the first few times, dear. Then you got used to it. Please stop curling up like that. A woman, who’s going to get married, doesn’t lie on a restaurant seat, curled up in a ball and crying.
    Anthony: That’s right. My first wife only did that after we were married. So, mother Elly, at what age did you stop bathing Elizabeth in the clothes washer? Was it about 15 or 16? Had she started developing yet?
    Elly: We stopped whenever we found the soap in the shower. Of course, John kept losing the soap, so we had to start again. {Elly and Deanna giggle again for some reason.}
    John: I never lost the soap. It would disappear. Oh, the food’s here.

    Then the conversation stopped and was replaced with a lot of eating noises. Beatrice and the kids started to get sick to their stomachs listening and watching it and the bits of food flying across the restaurant. So, we had to leave. That’s all I heard, but I thought you might find it interesting.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 6:05 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i miss u.

    i am baby-sitting ur niece, future niece & nephew again 2nite, while ur rellies r out plannin' ur sis' weddin' i guess. they told me 2 give them a bath & handed me a box of laundry detergent. it wuz kinda weird, but this stuff duz make pretty good bubbles in the bathtub. the kids seem 2 like it & ur nephew hazn't tried 2 eat it.

    i miss u.


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