She did, when she finally noticed
More about Liz's wedding this past Saturday. When Anthony and Liz did their run down the aisle (with Liz trying 2 crib the look Dee had on her face when she and Mike did their trot @ wedding #2), sum1 was all, "Congratulations, U2!" And sum insensitive clod was like, "It's about time!" That mighta been Mom. Gordo, standing on the Antman's side, went, "Wooo-hooo!" And sum silhouette guy from Anthony's side went, "Ya-hooo!"
Then, even tho Anthony and Liz had charged down the aisle, suddenly they were back @ the front, w/the bride's-side crowd gawking @ them. And Liz had a teensy-weensy light bulb turn on over her empty head, as she went, "Anthony--where's my grandfather? And Iris! ...They're NOT HERE!!" Then she turned 2 Mom and sed, "Mom--sumthing's happened! Where's Grandpa?" And Mom went, "He's in the hospital, honey. He cdn't come." And Liz sed, "Then, we'll have 2 go 2 HIM!" Mom was like, "But, U just got married! Do U have 2 go NOW?" And Liz went all carp-mouthed and sed, "I do."
And... I'll tell U more 2morrow!
BTW, 2day is Mom's b-day. She sez she's 57. She's gonna B @ Lilliput's all day, having coffee and accepting b-day wishes and gifts.
Apes
Then, even tho Anthony and Liz had charged down the aisle, suddenly they were back @ the front, w/the bride's-side crowd gawking @ them. And Liz had a teensy-weensy light bulb turn on over her empty head, as she went, "Anthony--where's my grandfather? And Iris! ...They're NOT HERE!!" Then she turned 2 Mom and sed, "Mom--sumthing's happened! Where's Grandpa?" And Mom went, "He's in the hospital, honey. He cdn't come." And Liz sed, "Then, we'll have 2 go 2 HIM!" Mom was like, "But, U just got married! Do U have 2 go NOW?" And Liz went all carp-mouthed and sed, "I do."
And... I'll tell U more 2morrow!
BTW, 2day is Mom's b-day. She sez she's 57. She's gonna B @ Lilliput's all day, having coffee and accepting b-day wishes and gifts.
Apes
Labels: Anthony, Gordo Mayes, Gramps, Iris, Liz, Mom, stoopidity
posted by April Patterson @ 6:56 AM
12 Comments:
At 9:11 AM,
DreadedCandiru2 said…
What the bloody hell is wrong with your mother that she thinks Liz's presence at this kitsch atrocity is more important than a chance to be there for Jim? Was she born a horse's ass or did she have to work at it?
At 10:55 AM,
April Patterson said…
ooh, i dunno the answers 2 yr questions, dc2. i wonder those things myself!
apes
At 1:05 PM,
Anonymous said…
April! Today's entry should have been about what a super-caring person I am! If you weren't such a meanie, you'd know that.
Liz
At 2:10 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Formerly little sis. Today’s mom’s birthday and she made a point about not wanted to have giant scented candle in the middle of her cake like last year. She said she would rather have the cake, than a big hole in the cake for the candle. She is also expecting presents and a dinner tonight. Don’t worry about having to make the dinner. Mom says that ever since you started eating that Vegan food, you don’t make any dinners that any normal person would want to eat. So, Deanna is doing the cooking. I guess you can fill up on carrot coins. There will be plenty of those.
I am not sure why you continue to talk about Liz’s wedding when that was over on Saturday. However, since you are, I will have to say I was very impressed that our sister was able to recognize when Grandpa Jim was not there at her wedding. I especially enjoyed when she went up to the lady in the back in the wheelchair and said, “You’re not my grandpa!!” And the lady said something like, “No. It’s me. Sharon Edwards Taylor and this is my son, James Ethan.” And Elizabeth said, “I thought you were my grandpa; because of the wheelchair. I have to find my grandpa.” And then she rushed off checking all the old men who were there, to see if they were our grandpa. I suppose you will get to the part where we went to hospital to see Grandpa Jim later on.
By the way, I remember the man who looked like Gordon Mayes, who went "Wooo-hooo!" after our sister was announced as married. The way to tell the difference between him and Gordon was he was wearing a suit and tie, and Gordon was wearing a tuxedo and teal bowtie. That, and the fact that a person as important as Gordon Mayes would not ever say, "Wooo-hooo!" at a wedding. He might hire someone to do it for him. I suspect that this person may have been one of those stand-ins or body doubles, for persons who might have a problem with Gordon for selling those Crevasse cars with the really bad fuel economy. He’s been having trouble with people over that lately. Of course, if he was a double, he did a really bad job. The "Wooo-hooo!" was a pretty good giveaway it was not Gordon.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 2:15 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, u wunt me 2 come ovah 4 ur mom’s b-day party? omg. i thot i might just stay away & then call u up & pretend 2b sum1 w/an emergency @the vet clinic 2 get u outa it.
At 2:30 PM,
howard said…
April,
To me, one of the strangest things about what happened to your sister just after she got married was her ability to only answer questions with “I do” for quite some time after the actual ceremony was over. Gordon came over and said, “Do you want me to get a limousine to take you to the hospital?” And your sister said, “I do.” Then Anthony said, “Do we really have to go see your grandpa? We have a lot of guests here.” And your sister said, “I do.” Then Josef Weeder said, “Are we going to take some pictures here with everyone together before we go to the reception?” And your sister said, “I do.” And my wife, Beatrice, said, “Liz. Your eyes just stay completely wide open, like you’re in shock.” And your sister said, “I do.” Fortunately someone hustled her off to the hospital before she got any worse.
Beatrice and I did feel sorry for you. It has to be tough to receive that information the way she did, finding out that her mother had been keeping it from her.
Love,
Howard Bunt
At 6:12 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, ok. just 4u I sat down & wrote sum transcripts of this reception video, so u cud have it 4 ur blog. I went ‘round @the reception & got peeps 2 say sumthin’ like a special message 2 the bride & groom & stuff. aftah I finish writin’ down wut they sed then I’ll put it here 4u2c, eh?
Sharon Edwards Taylor: Hi, Liz. I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk much at the ceremony, when you accidentally thought I must be your grandpa. I heard he had a heart attack and you’ve gone to the hospital before you come back here. I hope everything is all right and he has a speedy recovery. I might not be here when you get back, so it’s good you have this video. Smart idea to be prepared. Just like a teacher. You probably heard, Lorne and I have a baby, James Ethan, born on Christmas Eve last year. He’s getting a little fussy, so I think we might have to leave in a few minutes.
Lorne Taylor: Plus I am starving. The catering manager won’t serve dinner until the entire wedding party is seated, and since they’re going to be at that hospital for at least an hour…
Sharon Edwards Taylor: Lorne, not on the video! Really, Elizabeth, we understand. The wedding was lovely.
Lorne Taylor: Yes, the colours were very in-teal-igently chosen. I love-ender them.
Sharon Edwards Taylor: Lorne! Honestly!
Lorne Taylor: You said she likes puns.
Sharon Edwards Taylor: That is true. I hope you appreciate Lorne’s puns, Elizabeth. I have known you since I taught you in elementary school. I ran into some of the people from the school where you taught in Mtigwaki. That’s a long way to travel for a wedding. You must have made quite an impression on them. They were very nice and very complimentary of your teaching. I know I can’t take credit for it, but there’s part of me that makes me feel good to know I was a part of your education and now you’re a teacher too. You should join the Ontario College of Teachers with me. They have all kinds of conferences and summits you would find interesting. Call me, and we’ll talk about it.
Lorne Taylor: I need to change the baby. Say something nice about the groom too.
Sharon Edwards Taylor: Anthony. I met you later than Liz, but I remember teaching you too. Oh, I just realized…Liz…there were some students from your school here, and I think they wanted to get a picture with you. I hope you get back from the hospital before they leave. One of my favourite pictures when I got married was me with my students. I wish you could have come to my wedding. I am glad I got to come to yours. I know your marriage is going to be just as happy as mine is.
At 7:42 PM,
April Patterson said…
whew, i m @ jeremy's helping him transcribe video. it's a big job. gd thing we got that, erm, veterinary emergency resolved @ the clinic, and oh, such a shame i hadta miss that celebration 4 mom @ mike and dee's.
apes
At 7:46 PM,
Anonymous said…
Hello, April! I am one of several "Gord-alikes" that Gordon Mayes hires has his "doubles," to accompany him to any event where there will be a large gathering of people.
That was me expressing my enthusiasm for the happy couple. I now realize it might not have been the most appropriate way to do so, and Mr. Mayes has disciplined me accordingly. My apologies.
Gord-alike
At 7:47 PM,
Anonymous said…
I do! I do! I doooooooooo!
At 8:11 PM,
April Patterson said…
ok, so i just got thru a bit of video w/2 of liz's students who just finished grade 4 this past yr:
betsy: hi, miss patterson!
eliza: i think she's mrs. caine now!
betsy: whatever! anyway, hi! we thought yr wedding was nice!
eliza: yeah!
betsy: miss patterson or mrs. caine or whatever, she taught me and eliza so much about grammar and how to talk good!
eliza: yeah, those lessons she gave betsy and i are gonna make us so ready for grade 5, we just know it, don't us?
betsy: yup! and don't forget maths! we learned it's not enough to count yr fingers.
eliza: nope, sometimes you hafta take off yr shoes so you can count yr toes!
well, that was it for those lil girls.
apes
At 8:18 PM,
Anonymous said…
April, I know that Gordon already gave us those limousines as a wedding gift, but I hope he'll also get me my own Liz-alike. She could go to the school and teach for me while I stay home and watch soaps!
Liz
Post a Comment
<< Home