April's Real Blog

Sunday, August 17, 2008

A premonition for the Sunday people

I only got a coupla hrs of sleep after Liz's bachelorette party that went till dawn (not 2 b confused w/Dawn w/a capital "D"). But I still woke up knowing sum more deets on Liz's wedding day. But I kinda think these deets mite B sumwhat outta sequence and compressed, like they're a special assortment 4 the ppl who only get 2 hear abt us on Sundays.

So, like, I'm gonna tell Mom that Annie sez they'll B serving vegetarian nibbles w/dips on the side, and Mom will think, "Nibbles and dips?" I think this mite B a stupid reference 2 "kibbles and bits," but whatevs. Actually the nibbles and dips will B vegan (thanx 4 that lil concession 2 me, Annie), but I won't wanna confuse Mom more than she already is.

Dee will come up 2 Mom all, "Michael sez the musicians have arrived. ....When do U think they shd start?" Mira will say, "I have the flower girls dressed, but I can't find their baskets!" I'll say, "Aunt Georgia wants 2 know where 2 put all the gifts, Mom."

Dee will find a cuff link and ask Mom if it belongs w/one of the tuxes. I'll take a call from Anthony's mom and share that she wants sum1 2 take photos of the cake B4 it's cut. (That shd B a big "duh," cuz who doesn't do that automatically, but I guess she knows abt my fam and the Pattersnarfing.)

Robin will ask, "Who gets 2 go in the 1st limousine?" Merrie (holding the flower-girl basket that will have been found) will wanna know, "When do we get started?" Mira will ask, "Has NE1 seen the hair brush?"

Mom will sit @ the kitchen table and go all flabbergasty w/"::SIGH:: ...Elizabeth [LIZ!] and Anthony wanted a SIMPLE wedding, John. ....How did it turn in2 such a production?" Dad will put a hand on ea of Mom's shoulders and go, "I guess every1 wanted 2 B a part of it, El. Every1 wants it 2 B a wonderful, magical day." Then he'll lean down, hug her from behind, and go, "It's as simple as that." And mom will smile weakly.

Beatrice, sorry abt my sister being such a mean drunk @ her bachelorette party. I think she feels the need 2 reassure herself that she hasn't lost her "Patterson allure."


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  • At 11:50 AM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. I don’t mean to question your premonitions, but why would I ever call my wife Deanna to ask mom when the musicians should start, when it sounds like the entire wedding party is still at mom’s house? I can only imagine what prompted that kind of question: The musicians are street musicians who volunteered their time and want to start a musical jam the moment they get there. Or maybe the musicians are hired professionals who agreed to start at a particular time, and for some reason, the wedding party is unable to get into a limousine and leave, and that particular time has passed.

    Wait! I just realized the reason. The musicians arrive and see that I am the only one there wearing the lavender and teal colours of responsibility. They ask me a question, and realize that I am Michael Patterson, best-selling author; and ask if they can wait to set up their musical equipment while we have an impromptu autograph session. So, then I call Deanna to ask mom when they have to start, so I will know if we have enough time for that. That makes sense. I completely understand my question now.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 12:20 PM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    How very strange it was that your parents blamed other people for this catastrophe. It's as if they didn't notice they were pressuring people into handing them all this free stuff. WEIRD!!

  • At 1:22 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey Apes,

    Im rilly glad I dont hafta go 2 Lizs wedding, yr mom told my mom they already had enuf visible minority guests w/o us.

    Congrats on b-ing accepted 2 Guelph months ahead of time, I guess the witch rilly likes u.

    Sorry Ive b-n a bad friend this summer, Im a man w/ a mission & I hafta work alone. I take the 1st GO outta Mboro evry am & the last 1back @ nite, eat sum leftovah Seafood Surprise from the fridge, try 2 get sum sleep on the basement chesterfield & start all ovah again the next day. This weekend I'm @ the Dundas Cactus Festival looking 4 my nemesis, the witch. I hurd a rumour shes moving back 2 Dundas soon. No sign of her so far, but Ill keep hiding b-hind the cacti & watch 4 sum spoor.


    Duncan Anderson
    The Prisoner

  • At 6:10 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, congrats on guelph. good 2 hear 'bout it 1st frum duncan.

  • At 6:18 PM, Blogger howard said…


    Sunday came and I felt so much better. I read your story talking about what is going to happen on your sister’s wedding day and there was not one mention of your Grandpa having a heart attack, like it didn’t happen. Then I suddenly felt like it wasn’t going to happen, because today is Sunday. On Sundays, everything is bright and colourful. On Sundays, everything feels alive. On Sundays, you can talk about your sister’s wedding to Anthony Caine and not say one word about what your sister or Anthony Caine are doing. That is a great prognostication. I find that if I think about your sister’s wedding without there actually being a bride or a groom, it seems like a much happier event. Try it and see if you don’t disagree.

    By the way, how much did my wife, Beatrice Alfarero, drink last night at the bachelorette party? It’s 6 pm, and she is still asleep. I have to poke her every now and then to make sure she’s breathing. I hope she wakes up soon. She wouldn’t want to miss a Sunday.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 7:09 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    thanx, dunc and jeremy. don't feel bad, jeremy, i only just heard abt this from dunc, 2. then i asked mom abt it, and she was like, "that's supposed 2 b a secret. u're not supposed 2 find out abt that until the end of this month! don't 4get 2 act surprised when u find out!"

    howard, u r rite. thinking abt all that wedding stuff w/out liz or anthony does make it seem much nicer and more fun!


  • At 8:20 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Sorry Apes,

    I thot evry1 knew abt it. Yr mom told my mom when she called her 2 xplain y we werent getting an invite 2 the big wedding.

    If the witch makes me go 2 uni, it had better b 1 that isnt commuting distance from Mboro. Mayb if the witch hadnt made Therese so evil u wld of got preaccepted @ McGill.


    Duncan Anderson
    The Prisoner


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