CRANE, Mike, not CROW

Mike had another premonition about Liz's wedding day, 23 August:

April,

Formerly little sis. I had another moment where I foresaw something from Elizabeth’s wedding day and it is my delight to share it with you. As you may or may not remember, in addition to delivering a magnificent speech at Elizabeth’s wedding, it was decided to also take advantage of my celebrity status and have me act as a greeter and seater. Plus I could sign a few copies of my latest novel, Blood Cargo, if necessary. When people come to the wedding, I will say, “Are you friends of the bride or the groom?” and then I seat them in the seats on the left if they say, “Bride” and the seats on the right if they say, “Groom.” Or is that the other way around? I am sure I will get it right by the wedding day. Mom said I could reshuffle the guests if it turned out there was no one who would claim to be a friend of the groom, which mom thinks is likely.

Back to my foretelling. I am standing there at the wedding ceremony location, looking good. I had already seated an Asian woman and her stalker and they were almost sitting in their chairs the right way. Then a First Nations man, and a lighter-coloured woman show up. My initial thought was that this was the constable Liz used to date, whom I never met. I thought he was there to flaunt the fact he found another almost-white woman to date in front of Elizabeth on her wedding day. Only he made a mistake, because this woman was a lot fatter and uglier than Liz is. I know you are probably thinking there is no way anyone would go to the wedding of their ex-girlfriend or boyfriend to show off their date. That would be exceptionally rude, thoughtless and tasteless. I have heard of it occurring before; but I can’t remember when. Nevertheless, this was the thought that crossed my mind at that moment.

I figured I could probably take him, if he made trouble. I was getting ready to spring into action, knock him on the ground, and give his ear a good tweaking; when it occurred to me that this was not the first responsibility of the greeter. First you greet. Then you tackle.

They came up to me and said, “Excuse me, is this the Patterson-Caine wedding?” I responded with “Yes! Are you friends of the bride or the groom?” in perfect greeter fashion. The man said, “Friends of the bride!” “Ha!”, I thought. "You’re no friend of the bride, cowardly ex-boyfriend. Get ready to eat a Michael Patterson knuckle sandwich.” Then he said, “…We’re from Mtigwaki, the village where she taught…” I was about to slam him to the ground, when I suddenly remembered that there were actually people from that place Liz invited to her wedding. My mind flashed quickly down the guest list. What were their names? It would be so impressive of me, if I could remember their names without asking or looking at the guest list. I remembered it was a bird name, and it started with “cr”. I thought, “Crake? Crab plover? Crossbill? Crow?” Then I thought, “Crow. That has to be it, because that sounds just like one of those First Nation names.” So, I said, “You must be Mr. and Mrs. Crow!” They didn’t say they weren’t, so I knew I got it right. Score one for Michael Patterson. I grabbed a lavender chair and said in my best greeter voice, “Welcome! Please sit down. Elizabeth will be so glad you came!” I foretell those greeter lines will come so naturally to me.

As they sit down, I notice Lawrence Poirier is standing next me. Obviously he was amused that I did not immediately recognize one of Elizabeth’s friends with close to the same skin colour as he has. I explain, “My sister has a lot of friends, Lawrence. Some of them I’ve never met before!” Lawrence responds with a great joke, “That’s the thing about weddings, Mike…It unites the ‘Who’s Who’ with the ‘Who’s that?’” What great joke, playing on the word “Who.” I foresee myself laughing a lot at that one. I’m not laughing at it now; but I foresee I will find it very funny.

That’s where it ends. Isn’t that a great prediction? I am going to find out that Liz has friends I don’t know. Who would have thought it was possible?

Love,
Michael Patterson

Aw, Gary and Vivian, why R U going 2 B 2 polite 2 correct Mike? Mike, as patrickrsghost commented last nite, their last name is CRANE not CROW. Tho their not correcting U has me wondering the same thing patrickrsghost does, which is whether their names will silently get changed on that Who's Who site Steph maintains for Mom.

I know you are probably thinking there is no way anyone would go to the wedding of their ex-girlfriend or boyfriend to show off their date. That would be exceptionally rude, thoughtless and tasteless. I have heard of it occurring before; but I can’t remember when. Nevertheless, this was the thought that crossed my mind at that moment.

Mike, what you're not-quite remembering is that Liz showed up to the Anthony-Thérèse wedding with her dancing date Dennis North.

Apes