April's Real Blog

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Ugh, whatever

Mom has gotten sum criticism 4 seeming 2 run off the moment Iris got home from her recent trip 2 Calgary, instead of sticking around 4 a bit and giving her a chance 2 decompress. So now she wants every1 2 know that she came by the next morning 2 treat Gramps and Iris to breakfast in bed. "I am SUCH a good daughter, April! Take notes!"

Mom sez that the 1st thing she did was pile a bunch of photo albums on the bed, so Iris and Gramps cd look thru them while Mom prepared their heart-attack food breakfast. Iris told me that while they were looking at sum old pix, Gramps pted 2 sum guy he knew from WWII, and Iris went, "Yes, that's yr friend Ernie. He flew a Lancaster, didn't he." Then Iris told him, "U C? U haven't 4gotten v. much, Jim!" Then she looked again @ the album, which was marked "1940-1947," and sed, "Thank goodness 4 photographs!" And Gramps went, "Yes!" Then they spent a bunch more time going thru that album and others, pting and laughing @ certain pix. Iris held an album called "Our Trip to England" as Gramps looked thru one called "1950-1967," and Iris was all, "The cottage @ Ka[w]kawa Lake!" Gramps sed, "Yes. Yes."

Looking @ more pix, Iris was all, "Here's yr son's graduation! ...The birth of yr 1st grandchild!" I hope they don't have pix of Mike's actual birth, don't U? Then, as Mom wheeled in the brekky cart, Mom was all, "So, how's the history lesson going, Iris?" And Iris went, "Fine, dear, just fine." And as Mom set up the cart and handed Gramps a tea cup, Iris sed, "We've worked our way up to the Middle Ages!" And of course, Mom laughed like that was the funniest thing she'd ever heard.

Gah, who calls going thru photo albums a "history lesson"? It mite B "history," but it's not a lesson, since obviously Gramps remembers all the stuff in it when he sees it. Way 2 set up sum super-lame wordplay. Again. Yuck.


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  • At 12:47 PM, Blogger howard said…


    Your story about your step-grandmother Iris and your Grandpa Jim was interesting to me. Iris is very knowledgeable about many aspects of your grandfather’s life, as you can tell from the fact she remembered his friend Ernie and the Lancaster plane he flew. She could have only learned that from seeing pictures or talking to Jim about his life, long before he had his stroke.

    You might think she got this information from your mother’s website discussing your grandfather’s RCAF service, but there are no pictures there with people’s names listed and in fact, the pictures of aircraft there are not the aircraft used by the RCAF No. 408 "Goose" Squadron, your grandfather’s squadron. Iris explained to me once that your mother’s webmaster just took random pictures of WWII aircraft off the internet for the web page. She finds this inaccuracy to be a little irritating.

    There is a list of the aircraft they used and you can see that the Avro Lancaster was used during 2 periods in the squadron’s WWII history, and the other 2 aircraft were the Hampden and the Halifax. I think it is fascinating that Iris knows this, when your mother’s website does not. Iris is a remarkable woman.

    On the other hand, Iris does have problems with accuracy in her short term memory. For example, she doesn’t seem to be able to remember Jim’s son’s name (Phil) and his first grandchild’s name (Mike). Of course, I suspect that might have something to do with how often these two people come to visit your Grandpa Jim (hardly at all), and there might be a hidden message.

    Also, it is very common for people to misspell Kawkawa Lake as “Kakawa Lake”. If you do an internet search, you can find people who have made the same mistake. It’s how it sounds in some people’s ears. I am sure that if Iris were to write it down in some formal document where people all over the world might see it, then she would check the spelling first. She wouldn’t want to give people the impression she didn’t know how to spell things in the country where she lives, after all.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 1:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I, too, expect that Iris was making a subtle little dig at a couple of no-shows. She's sharper than she looks.

  • At 1:30 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, shoot me. if hafta lissen 2 anothah anthony caine story ‘bout his life. ur mom wuz talkin’ ‘bout ur grandpa jim gettin’ a history lesson frum iris & then anthony wuz all, “i have a history story 2 tell ‘bout my life” & then he tells this story ‘bout a christmas concert his mom & his dad didn’t show up 4. & then u sed, “tell me ‘bout it, my mom & dad haven’t shown up 4 ne of my musical performances since the battle of the bands, back in march, 2004.” & then anthony wuz like, “but wen i came home, my mom had left my dad.” & then u sed, “but that like temporary cuz i know ur mom haz taken care of françoise wen she wuz little.” & anthony wuz like, “that hazn’t happed since august, 2005. only my uncle is innerested in nethin’ in my life nemore.”

    & françoise wuz like, “daddy has ‘rents?” & anthony wuz like, “francie. don’t distract daddy. i am tryin’ 2 give a history lesson ‘bout how my mom left me & dad. then dad sed part of it wuz cuz i was becomin’ more like him.” & u sed, “how do u mean ‘more like ur dad’? how old were u wen u had this christmas concert?” & anthony sed, “elementary skool.” & u sed, “well how much cud u b like ur dad @that age?” & anthony sed, “i am not nethin’ like my dad. he worked all the tyme. i have promised elizabeth i will alwayz b there ne tyme she needz me.”

    & françoise wuz like, “daddy, u have a daddy?” & anthony wuz like, “of course, francie. every1 haz a daddy. don’t innerupt.” then anthony started talkin’ ‘bout how aftah that christmas concert, thanx 2 hiz mom b-ing gone, he came 2 rely so much on ur sis it scared him. & françoise wuz like, “daddy, u want elizabeth 2b ur mommy? i thot she wuz gonna b my mommy!” & ur mom wuz like, “no, little french girl. u hafta unnerstand that wen a man marries a woman, she gets 2 treat him like he is an inferiour child, but he is not actually a child, otherwise you won’t have ne1 ‘round 2 fix thingz or open jars w/tuff lids.” & u were like, “wen & if i get married, i am not gonna treat my husband like he iz a child.” then every1 @the table laffed, xxcept 4u & me. then every1 froze wen françoise sed, “thass wut mommy sez 2. don’t marry a man who acts like a baby.” & anthony sed, “who did u say? mommy? we talked ‘bout this, francie?” & françoise, “yes. i mean thérèse. not mommy.”

    then there sum more awkward moments & anthony sed, “i have evn more 2 tell u ‘bout the history of my life.” & i sed, “just shoot me.” & anthony sed, “wut did u say?” & u sed, “jeremy wuz sayin’ mebbe u need 2 shoot sum pictures of ur life so u can have photo albums like grandpa jim.” anthony sed, “i have a biographer instead. i am just givin’ u a preview. i don’t need photos.”

    so, seriously, can we do sumthin’ else othah than lissen 2 anthony?

  • At 1:47 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. “I was born around the time Uncle Phil graduated.” I wish I could never hear that one again. “My brother Phil has got his degree, but I couldn’t go back to finish my degree after John got his first job as a dentist, all because you were born.” I had to hear that all the time, until you were born and you started taking the blame. Thank goodness for that.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 6:46 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    ugh, well, jeremy and i managed 2 escape from anthony's stories abt his life. or his "life," if u know what i mean.

    howard, interesting take on what iris sed 2 gramps. yeah, i think she knows the names of phil and mike. i think she was making a pt.

    mike, don't get 2 secure. mom stills gets in moods where she blames u 4 stuff.



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