April's Real Blog

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


Sum more I woke up knowing abt Liz's wedding day, which is now three days away: Merrie will go, "Is this a real limousine? The kind movie stars use?" Really, Merrie, not even six years old, and THAT'S what U're gonna ask? Then Francie will B all, "How long B4 we get 2 the park?" And Robin will ask, "Will there B lotsa ppl?" And Merrie will wanna know, "Can we ride this 2 the reception?" And sitting next 2 Liz, I'll B sharing her POV, which will B that w/Francie and Robin squished 2gether on one side of the limo (Liz's left), and Merrie on the other (w/Candace and Dawn directly across fr us), it will seem like a teeny-tiny interrogation panel, as all these question will B directed @ Liz.

Then they'll switch off 2 sumthing else. Francie will B like, "My dad is gonna marry yr auntie, so that makes us stousins!" And Robin will go, "Stousins?" Francie will say, "Step-cousins! 'Stousins.'" OK, obviously, this will come from a grown-up telling her this. Even a 3yo w/"advanced verbal skills" won't come up w/that on her own. The only question is, "Which grown-up put that idea in her head?" My guess is Anthony. Wouldn't most normal grown-ups tell a little 3yo girl in this sitch that her new stepmother's niece and nephew were gonna B her cousins, and just leave out all that "step" stuff? That just seems nicer, don't U think?

Well, NEway, after Francie sez that abt "stousins," I guess sumthing will click off in Robin's brain, cuz then he'll B all, "Stousins! Stuzzins! Stooba gooba stubba nubba stousa loosa steeba deeba."

Suddenly, Liz will emit a huge, "STOP!" And this will cause Francie 2 B all, "Erp?" And Robin will B like, "Oop!" And a huge shadow will completely conceal Shawna-Marie, so U can't even C her silhouette. And I don't know whether Liz's outburst will just B Liz freaking out abt stopping Robin's chatter, or sumthing bigger like "Stop the wedding." The bigness of the "STOP!" has me thinking it's sumthing more than "Robin, stop being annoying," tho that cd B part of it. Like mayB it will dawn on Liz that there is no way she is ready 2 B a stepmother.

But I guess there's a gd chance that'll all come 2 nothing. Guess I'll know more 2morrow. Sorry abt the cliffhanger.


Labels: , , , , , , ,


  • At 8:47 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    It would never occur to the wet blanket that all this step-nonsense does is remind his child that she isn't really part of your family. It's sad that she has to be punished for not being Liz's kid but your mom never got over the fact that Anthony had a first marriage.

  • At 9:25 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    yeah, ant and liz have that bit in common--they can't think thru how stuff like that affects sum1. obliviliz and obliviant.


  • At 9:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I agree with dc2. I'm beginning to think that your parents wish that betrothing was still practiced, where you were predestined to wed a particular person, no matter what the circumstances. Liz would have married Ant right when she became of age (18 or 21), instead of fooling around with Eric, Warren, and Paul.

  • At 10:11 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i wuz rilly freaked out wen u got this prediction. u know, we were right in the middle of...doin’…um…thingz & then u sed, “stousins! stuzzins! stooba gooba stubba nubba stousa loosa steeba deeba." normally wen u start makin’ gibberish noises, i think thass a good thing cuz it means, well…um…ur havin’ a good tyme. but wen u yelled out “STOP!!” & i wuz like, “am i hurtin’ u?” & “wut’s wrong?” & all u cud say 4 awhile wuz, “i dunno” & “it’s a freakin’ cliffhanger”. thoze r not xxactly the kindz of thingz a guy xxpects 2 hear frum hiz gf, wen we’re doin’…u know. neway, i didn’t rilly mean 2 get mad. ur prediction kinda came @a strange tyme iz all. i am gonna b rilly happ, wen ur sis duz finally get married & i don’t hafta worry if wut ur sayin’ iz now or frum the future.

  • At 10:12 AM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. My wife, the lovely Deanna, was ecstatic about your prediction today. She said, “See, Mike, what a positive influence our little, linguist, step-niece Françoise is going to be on our children? Meredith said, ‘limousine’, and she is interested in the quality of her motor transportation. And our son is influenced by her verbal wordplay of stousins for step-cousins.” I said, “Maybe you’re excited, but I can tell that April’s description of Elizabeth’s yelling ‘STOP!!’ shows she has more sense than you do. I can just see her yelling it at about the point where my son and that Quebecoise girl have their lips puckered up for their first kiss as childhood sweethearts.” Deanna said, “There is no way Elizabeth said, ‘STOP!!’ just as our son and his stousin have puckered lips.”

    To settle this, we decided to ask you, the predictor of my son’s doom with a Quebecoise. When you foresaw Elizabeth saying, “STOP!!” what was the state of my son and the Quebecoise girl’s lips: puckered or unpuckered?

    Michael Patterson

  • At 11:55 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, sorry abt all that. u're rite, these premonitions have had sum bad timing! i'll also b glad when we r past aug. 23 so i can stop having these!

    mike, hm. i'm gonna have 2 think. i'm closing my eyes and trying 2 picture what will b happening when liz yells "stop!"

    oh, ok, i've got it. just b4, robin is doing all that weird "stooba gooba stubba nubba stousa loosa steeba deeba" stuff, and francie is smiling. just after liz goes "stop," robin reacts 2 the "stop" by going "oop," and his mouth forms the "oo" sound the way u'd xxpect it 2. francie @ the same time goes, "erp," also w/her mouth shaping the sound how u'd xxpect.

    i guess if sum1 saw them saying "oop" and "erp," they mite think that looks kind of like puckering. but my vision tells me they make those sounds in reaction 2 "STOP!" and not the other way around.


  • At 1:21 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. Thank you for the further description of your future prediction. My wife, the lovely Deanna’s response was, “’oop’ and ‘erp’ aren’t the sounds you make after you hear someone say, ‘STOP!!’. They don’t even rhyme. Those are the sounds kids make when they have been caught doing something they shouldn’t. ‘stooba gooba stubba nubba stousa loosa steeba deeba’ all rhyme. Not ’oop’ and ‘erp’. Liz is a school teacher. She wouldn’t stop children from rhyming. Maybe you are right, Mike about the childhood sweetheart potential. After all, we met in grade school.”

    Job well done, April. My son has been saved from the Quebecoise girl.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 3:33 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    mike, u and dee r both stupid. what does "rhyming" have 2 do w/nething? i think robin and francie will make those sounds cuz they'll b startled by liz's outburst. r u and dee never startled?


  • At 7:50 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. Startled, no. My lovely wife and I are much more fond of being gobsmacked. It is a family trait, as you know.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 8:00 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, ok that wuz weird. ur dad’z cousin, fiona brass, sed that the phrase, “stousins! stuzzins! stooba gooba stubba nubba stousa loosa steeba deeba” is used az wordz of power 2 remove sum1 frum a trance. mebbe ur nephew iz gonna say it by accident, cuz of little francie sayin’ “stousins” 2 him & that made sumthin’ happ 2 ur sis.

    wen fiona sed it out loud 2u, u shouted like, “STOP!! i just realized i don’t hafta b a veterinarian.” i sed, “i thot u wunted 2b a vet.” & u sed, “i do. but, i just realized i don’t have 2.” i guess thass kinda subtle, but u seemed 2b a little startled by it.

    so, can we leave now? i don’t like the way fiona’z cat iz lookin’ @me.

  • At 8:17 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    so, jeremy and i just left fiona's place. he's rite, the cat was giving him strange looks. i dunno y, but knowing i don't HAFTA b a vet is weirdly liber8ing. i do wanna b one, but 4 as long as i an remember, i thot i HADTA become one.



Post a Comment

<< Home