April's Real Blog

Monday, August 25, 2008

The wishes he had the whole time he was married 2 Thérèse

So, after the officiant took Liz and her Antman thru the standard vows, he was all, "Anthony Caine and Elizabeth Patterson... I now pronounce U husband and wife. U may kiss the bride!" Mom and Dad had, 4 sum reason, stood up 2gether and watched the vows from the middle of the aisle, so they cd B, like, parallel 2 the wedding couple. It was weird. Then, they went in2 silhouette as they watched the kiss. Then, Anthony told Liz, I'm the happiest guy on the plant! And Liz went, "One more kiss and make a wish!" Poor Liz, she thinks she has 2 create special reasons if she wants more than the prescribed amt of kissing. And Anthony was like, "I don't have 2 make a wish, Liz..." Then he went 4 another kiss while saying, "2day, they've all come true."

Hm, I can almost imagine it now. "Francie, when Daddy asked your birth-Mommy to marry him, he wished she were Elizabeth! When the minister pronounced them husband and wife, Daddy wished he were pronouncing Daddy and Elizabeth husband and wife. When your birth-Mommy gave birth to you, Daddy wished Elizabeth could be yr Mommy! Now all of Daddy's wishes have come true!"


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  • At 8:11 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    Here's an old saw that will come back to haunt the drearry dullard: "Be careful what you wish for; you might get it." That idiot has no idea what he's in for.

  • At 8:59 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    true, dc2. i think the liz he built in his imagination is not exactly like the real liz.


  • At 12:50 PM, Anonymous Ralph Drabble said…

    Dear Elizabeth,

    Your wedding was very romantic. I think it was almost as romantic as my wedding day to my wife, June. I like your dress better than June’s.

    Ralph Drabble

  • At 3:27 PM, Anonymous L’il Abner Yokum said…


    Ah is readin’ thet story on how yew got hitched. The folks in Dawgpatch tell me yo’ had th’ most unromantical wedding of all time. Ah proposed to Daisy Mae to be like my comic strip ideel, Fearless Fosdick, ornly his wedding was fake. Mine was real. Ah thought my wedding was th’ most unromantical wedding. Cuss it, yo’ has beat me.

    L’il Abner Yokum

  • At 4:06 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. I know you would like to think the officiant said, “You may kiss the bride” but he actually said, “You may kiss your bride.” It was another area where Elizabeth’s wedding was superiour to mine. In my wedding, we wanted the officiant to say, “You may kiss your bride.” But my monster-in-law Mira Sobinski was completely against it. “Just because you are getting married to Deanna doesn’t mean my daughter is your property” and blah-blah-blah. So we had to go with “You may now kiss the bride.” Anything to keep the peace with Mira. I was quite relieved to see that Elizabeth got this part of the wedding right.

    Her officiant was quite clever too. Did you notice that he put on a moustache during part of the ceremony and started talking like Walter Cronkite? I asked him what that was about and he said, “If Sparky can get a CBS special hosted by Cronkite before he ended his strip, then so can I.” I didn’t quite understand that, especially when his voice sounded like a 61-year-old woman. However, I know that when you are trying to find people to volunteer their time for free, perhaps you don’t get the highest quality officiants.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 4:24 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    mike, oops, yeah, you're right abt the/your. i knew that, but my fingers decided 2 type what that officiant guy should have sed. your bride? ick. mira was right.


  • At 6:47 PM, Anonymous Liz Pattercaine said…

    I can't believe how mean and picky you are, April! I'm finally a married lady, and all you can do is find things to pick, pick, pick about! Picky-face!

    Liz Pattercaine

  • At 8:19 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    My wife, Beatrice and I were quite surprised when the officiant for the wedding announced the couple as “Anthony Caine and Elizabeth Patterson”. I think we both expected the pronouncement of “I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Caine.” We looked to see if your parents were shocked, but they seemed very pleased. I never suspected your sister would keep her surname. I guess it goes to show how much pride your family takes in your name.

    Like your brother, we were a little taken aback, when the officiant put on the moustache and started doing the Walter Cronkite imitation. Then when Anthony said, “I give you this ring as a visible and constant symbol of my promise to be with you as long as I live,” I thought it was a little inappropriate for the officiant to say, “And that’s the way it is.”

    Howard Bunt

  • At 8:19 PM, Blogger howard said…


    Pardon. That last one was from me.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 8:28 PM, Anonymous Liz Patterson-Caine said…

    Howard, I just haven't decided what my name is going to be. I'm trying out some things to help me decide. When that guy who made us be married asked me what I was going to do about my name, I yelled, "STOP!" And I told him I couldn't decide yet.

    Liz Patterson-Caine

  • At 8:29 PM, Anonymous Liz Cainerson said…

    Or maybe "Cainerson"?

    I hate decisions!


  • At 9:08 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i am still recoverin’ frum wut happed durin’ the weddin’. i got put on the groom’s side w/all the silhouettes. ur bro wuz usherin’ & sed villainz & silhouettes sit on the groom’s side. i guess it wuz no surprise 2 find out peeps from the local silhouettes shelter were brought in 2 fill out the groom’s side. i try not 2b prejudiced, but between the lavender & teal & all those diff colour silhouettes, i started 2 get a little sick. i don’t think my eyes r used 2 it. mebbe if i wuz around silhouettes all the tyme, then i might get used 2 it. wen ur sis started kissin’ w/anthony caine that did it. the silhouettes started wavin’ their handz & i cudn’t b-lieve how many tymez ur sis & anthony kissed up there. it wuz 2 much 4 me 2 look @. so, good thing it wuz an outdoor weddin’ & it wuzn’t 2 hard 2 find a bush 2 vomit n2.

    neway, the othah big surprise wuz wen u handed me a video camera & asked me 2b the videographer, cuz sumhow that wuz left out wen all the weddin’ lists were b-ing made. not a prob, cuz i have done that kinda stuff b4 & i felt a lot bettah aftah i upchucked. by the way, wen i went ‘round the tables @the reception & got peeps 2 say sumthin’ 4 the bride & groom, i got sum gr8 stuff. i’ll hafta show it 2u, az soon az i feel a little bettah.

  • At 9:44 PM, Anonymous Liz *.* said…

    Jeremy Jones, it is not Anthony's fault that he has almost no friends! He's been very busy managing Gordon's business and being a single father! You should be thankful we allowed you to be there for my special, special day!


  • At 9:45 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    ignore liz, jeremy. thanx 4 putting up w/my fam, and sorry, again 4 the sickness!


  • At 3:12 AM, Anonymous Tracey Mayes said…

    Dear April

    Thank you for the recap. You may or may not have noticed, but I didn't make it because Gord was so busy trying to make sure that Anthony got to the ceremony that he forgot to come back and pick us up. The kids weren't that interested anyway, but after all I'd heard about how they wanted such a simple wedding, well, part of me just wanted to see how far off the mark it was.

    I managed to call Gord on his cell after the service and he said that there had been a bit of confusion when your brother went to seat him, as Mike couldn't figure out where Gord should sit: he drove Anthony to the wedding and is Anthony's boss, but (as Mike reminded him) he does owe your parents everything for helping him get the garage up and running. Gord finally made the decision and sat on Anthony's side because there was so much more room. He says that he did shout a "Wooo-hooo!" on behalf of Team Mayes and is hoping there's enough time to swing by and pick us up before the reception starts. He also said your sis and new bro-in-law just up and left for the hospital but your mom didn't seem to think they should -- what's up with that?

    Anyway, hope to catch up with you at the reception, but if not, the kids say hi.



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