April's Real Blog

Friday, October 26, 2007

Boring thots abt my backpack

So, that schoolday I've been tellin' U all abt. It finally ended. My last class of the day, the teacher was all, "OK, folks! U have yr assignments. I'll C U here again 2morrow." As we were leaving the class, I was thinking, "Whoooo...I'm so glad 2day is over!" Just then, a fellow student whose name I may or may not share w/U l8r was like, "Hi, April!" Then she stood by my locker as I got my books 2gether and asked me, "Have U got that history essay 2 write?" After noticing that every single other student in the hall had gone in2 silhouette, I sed, "Yeah--an' a test 2 study 4 an' a science project 2 finish an' a book 2 review." Then, after I'd loaded up my backpack, I put it on me while shouting out "GRUNT!" Which is, like, sumthing all the kids in grade 11 R doing this yr. Then, while hunched with my torso almost perpendicular 2 the floor (cuz my backpack was heavy), I felt sweat droplets dripping from my face, my tung hung out, and I had this boring thot: "...Sometimes I feel like I have the w8 of the world on my shoulders."

Mike, I never suggested that MOM isn't my mother--only raised the poss that Dad's not my father. All yr "proofs" (even the lies, like yr insistence that I 8 rite out of the fridge, I don't know Y it's so important 2 U that U wanna spread that lie) are "Mom" tr8's--even puns, which I am making a conscious effort 2 avoid. EFFORT. It doesn't mean it alwayz works. But remember, Mom is a Richards, and she puns, 2. Say, MayB the fact that I don't WANT 2 pun supports my theory that I'm not a Patterson. U've got the pun gene from both sides, AND U embrace that stupid form of so-called humour. Hmm.

Jeremy, I won't ditch U. Let's check the movie listings and C if there's sumthing playing we mite wanna C. If there is, let's C a movie. If not, how 'bout we find an all-ages show 2 go 2, eh? And pizza either way.


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  • At 9:44 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, if u like i can carry ur pack 4u home frum skool. or i can show u howta pack it. it’s weird u w/the backpacks, cuz in the mirror world lirpa won a skool-wide contest 4 best posture carryin’ a 15-kg pack.

    The Darjeeling Limited, Dan in Real Life, Saw IV, Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead r the movies openin’ this weekend n mboro multiplex. my old work place (b4 i wuz fired 4 b-in’ “dead”) the kool haus has an all ages halloween thing 2nite, & u get in free if u come in costume. ne of thoze u like?

  • At 9:49 AM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. As a Patterson, it is important to let everyone know how hard it is to do the things we do. So, I applaud your efforts to show your little school friend that not only do you have more homework than she does, but your homework weighs considerably more than hers does. I hope you hobbled with it in front of the girl, and carried it in front of many of your other schoolmates besides.

    As for your discussion about whether dad is or is not your dad, it is not worth discussing. It implies that someone other than dad would be willing to do certain things with mom. If you think about that carefully, then you will realize that only dad would have the wherewithal to be your father.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 9:55 AM, Blogger howard said…


    Well that explains why you really like backrubs so much. The other night when you were over at the house and I had just given a backrub to Beatrice, and you had that sort of, anxious puppy kind of look, and then the reaction when Beatrice agreed it was OK for me to rub your back. Well, it makes sense now.

    My daughters also carry quite a bit of weight back and forth to school, but I suppose theirs doesn’t weigh as much as yours does, since they are not in Senior Secondary yet. If that’s what things are like at R.P. Boire, then I probably will need to get them into some weight lifting in preparation. Free weights of course.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 10:52 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, let's go 2 kool haus. and i can def use sum help packing my backpack better. i'm not sure y i'm having such trub w/that.

    mike, mom wasn't so icky back in 1990, so mayB it's poss.

    howard, free w8's r probably a good idea!


  • At 11:10 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    April, April, April! You have got to stop bringing your mother's cooking to school with you. Not only is her idea of a balanced diet adding about thirty pounds to the weight you have to carry already, the caf has less toxic menu options. Just scoop her bullet-proofing in a bag into the nearest garbage bin and you'll be surprised at how much beter your posture is.

  • At 11:34 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…


    i'm not taking my mom's cooking 2 school.

    mayB i shd take the dumbbells outta my pack, tho.


  • At 12:35 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, ok kool haus. thass soundz good. costume or not?

  • At 12:35 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. “Mom wasn't so icky back in 1990.” And exactly how would you know that? Perhaps you would like to sit down at a photo album with me and we can look at pictures of mom back in 1990 and discuss it at length. I tried to do that with my daughter, but she seems to be hiding.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 12:43 PM, Anonymous becky mcguire said…

    yo apes,

    i don't like 2 slum at ur blog nemore, but i came by 2 correct sum shizz i herd u all were saying here:

    1. i m not in2 girlz.

    2. i m considering ger 4 the position of my bf. he is v. cute an' i think we could b the next britney n justin. xxcept w/o the stuff that came after.

    3. mrs. p wuz pretty ugly already in 1990.

    4. i herd a rumor that apes is not rilly a patterson, but that mrs. p had a histerycul (sp?) pregnancy an' bought the baby off a pizza delivery man who showed up rite after the "birth." baby apes got smuggled in in a pizza box an' in her erly baby pics u can c she has cheeze an' pepperoni bits stuck 2 her.

    l8r, looozahs!


  • At 12:44 PM, Anonymous becky mcguire said…

    o, i got the story wrong. mrs. forsythe sez that mrs. p bought baby apes frum sum mysterious witch lady, an' the pizza delivery boy wuz just the courier.


  • At 12:53 PM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    Too bad you have to live with dumbbells. At least when you get home you can console yourself by listening to your mother's God-awful wordplay. Trying to figure out if your parents are dipping into your Dad's expired pain meds is a great way to forget the crap dumped on your shoulders.

  • At 1:33 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. I hope you are not giving any credence to what your slatternly friend is saying about your birth and the accompanying pizza. At the time, she would have only been a few months after her own birth and barely into her sluttish behaviour. I was there for your birth, and I can assure you when mom was eating that pizza during her delivery, there was no baby in the box. If there had been, you might have been accidentally swallowed by mom. However there is the possibility that a few pizza drippings may have gotten on you during your birthing. Wait! My lovely wife Deanna informs me that freshly-born baby flesh looks like cheese and pepperoni. My wife can be quite a source of knowledge.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 2:08 PM, Anonymous Thorvald McGuire said…

    Becky-Thora! I told you, let Fafa decide who your best mate/career move is. I used to have high hopes for this one you call Gerald, the former honorary Viking, but he has been a disappointment. Fafa's sources say his outlook is bleak: one failed marriage to a vaguely ethnic woman who leaves him for a co-worker, thwarted ambition, possible alcoholism, and a life-long obsession with Adalbjorg Ellysdottir (April Patterson). You will let Fafa fix you up with an appropriate ex-boyband member guaranteed to be Canada's Justin Timberlake.

    Now, enough slumming on blogs and back to your vocal exercises!



  • At 2:39 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, costumes 4 sure. mayB i'll put on green makeup and a lab coat and go as a zombie veterinarian.


  • At 8:41 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i gotta say green makeup suits u, altho i am kinda surprised by how many peeps picked u out as a vet, insteada sum othah kinda doctor. aftah all, ur just wearin’ a lab coat. i figger it’s cuz u have told lotsa peeps u plan 2b a vet, & not cuz vets usually look green.

    i know ur not 2 xxcited by my costume going az el chapulín colorado, but i think i am skinny enuff 2 pull it off. so far, only luis guzmán & his gf knew who i wuz. most peeps think i am the bumblebee man.

    also, don’t worry cuz u left ur money in ur backpack. i think i have enuff 2 covah us & i know ur good 4 it.

  • At 9:06 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, sorry abt leaving my $$ in the backpack. i like yr costume. u mite not have noticed that i've got lizzie's stuffed-animal bunny w/a fake iv attached 2 its rite 4leg. that's another clue peeps have that i'm supposta b a vet.


  • At 11:26 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i think u handled that rilly well. i mean there we r @the koolhaus & u spot gerald there w/becky & they spot u w/me & u did rilly gr8. u just played it cool & we kept on dancin’. then wen becky goes & gets the koolhaus peeps 2 let her sing a few songs 2 sum traxx she must carry w/her 4 those kinda occasions, u were doin’ rilly gr8 still. we just kept on dancin’.

    then wen becky did that improv number ‘bout girls w/propeller buns, i thot u were holdin’ it 2gethah gr8. i’m sure the security guyz were just overreactin’, eh? aftah all i don’t think becky wuz hurt wen u yelled out “hi-ya kowabunga super-bunny!!” & the bunny w/the iv managed 2 whack becky in the head az she wuz singin’ that song. i think most peeps were rilly mpressed w/ur throwin’ arm & ur aim. i know i wuz. plus the song wuz no good neway.

    i think i know a place where we can get a replacement bunny 4 ur sis that looks like the othah 1, so ur sis won’t know the diff.


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