April's Real Blog

Thursday, October 25, 2007


When I was getting sum books from my locker, Ger was standing there all, "U changed over the summer, April. When U came back from Manitoba, U were... different." Hm, no1 else seemed 2 notice that I was NEthing @ all when I came back from Manitoba. Xxcept 4 being sum1 who likes butter tarts w/no raisins. As we started 2 walk away from the locker, I told Ger, "I had a gr8 time when I was in Manitoba. They trusted me @ the veterinary clinic. They taught me a lot and made me feel like I really belonged. " Then we randomly stopped 2 face ea other in the hall, and I sed, "I want 2 study vet medicine, Gerald. It's gonna take a long time, but it's sumthing I know I can do. --It feels rite 4 me!" And Ger was all, "So, we'll B taking v. different paths." We started walking again, and I kinda snuggled up to whom, linking arms, putting my head on his shoulder, while saying, "But we can still meet along the way."

BTW, my hair curse has been back 2 its standard propeller bun. Bleccch.


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  • At 7:42 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    Don't fall asleep, whatever you do, kiddo. That's when the pods take over your body and you turn into Liz or Dee or something. On a more serious note, if you feel like you're trapped in one of the crappy romance novels with the overwrought dialogue your Mom thinks of as good literature, run with that feeling. You should be glad that Mike and your mom are gonna spend all their time flipping through photo albums soon That way, you canmake your escape and live a life that isn't a rip-off of a Harlequin novel.

  • At 9:47 AM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. Different paths? Meet along the way? No! No! No! I specifically said we do not need another Lizardbreath romance, and here you are, practically laying the foundation, the plumbing and the brickwork for another painful long term romance like Elizabeth’s with Anthony. Have you learned nothing from your sister? Do you want to go through a series of sad and even sadder and sadder yet romances with non-childhood sweetheart boys, only to have your heart broken again and again by their infidelity and their inability to hold a traditional 8-5 job? How long will you need to be in cow pasture with your arm stuck halfway up a cow’s hoo-hoo before you realize you are tired of your little adventure and your destiny lies in Milborough doing work with cute kitties and bunnies and Gerald Delaney-Forsythe? Will I have to write up an instruction manual on how to date you for Gerald, as I had to do for Anthony with Elizabeth? Honestly, April, I thought you had more sense than this.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 9:50 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i saw ur note last nite how u were nice 2 me aftah i wuz “dead’. ‘course it made me think i shoulda “died” earlier, if it wuz gonna make that happen. wut u rote today iz still kinda confuzin’ 2 me. in the mirror world, lirpa & dlareg (her version of gerald) decided 2 date but occasionally take breaks frum each othah along the way, if they needed 2. so ru broke up w/gerald or not? i can’t tell. ur bro is kinda rite, it almost sounds like ur tryin’ 2 do the same thing w/gerald she did w/anthony, u know w/kinda meetin’ every once in a while. i mean, if a guy decides he likes u, iz he just wastin’ his tyme, cuz u will still have gerald on the mind? not that i rilly needta know. i’m just askin’ ‘cuz i am curious u know, & cuz i wuz like lirpa’s bf in the mirror world, ‘till she got back w/ dlareg, so i feel i kinda know u bettah, evn if it wuzn’t rilly u. strange, eh?

  • At 9:52 AM, Blogger howard said…


    Are you aware the University of Guelph has both a vet school and a music school? Just a thought, in case you and Gerald should decide you are not really on different paths.

    Glad you liked the desserts last night and for not making too much of a big deal about that “different path” reason for breaking up with Gerald. I don’t want my girls to get the impression that they have to marry someone who works in the same profession they do, and they do look up to you. After all, my wife Beatrice works for Lilliput’s, and I work for Portrait Magazine, so we have different careers, so you would think they would know the difference. But, they do look up to you, so your choice may mean more to them than ours.

    I don’t think we have heard about what happened to you at the veterinary clinic which caused you to feel things so strongly about being a vet; so if you decide you have any stories to tell, we would be glad to hear them. However, stories where you try to make the girls vomit are excluded from that list.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 1:28 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dc2, i'll sure not let MIKE write my life, iykwim.

    mike, don't 4get i have other certified childhood sweethearts, w/the option 2 add more if needbe betw now and my 18th b-day. also, it's not like cow hoo-hoo's and mboro r my only options. mayB i'll set up a nice practice in downtown vancouver, toronto, or montreal and care 4 kitties, bunnies, and dogs.

    jeremy, wdn't lirpa have been d8ing ymerej when she was on breaks from draleg? is that y u2 (u and yr mirror self) didn't get along?

    howard, gd pt abt guelph. adam gentlesse (the vet student who is one of my approved childhood sweethearts) studies there and luvs it.

    i dunno if ger an' i r broken up. whenev i think we r, we're not, and mayB vice versa.


  • At 2:37 PM, Anonymous gerald forsythe said…

    Formerly dearest April flower,

    Biatch, please stop trying to snuggle up to me in the hall. I know you want my body, but get a clue: we are broken up. My hot body is now for some other girl. Some girl who is down with my "unhappy but famous" plan for life. Some girl who has recently has recently been made unhappy by the fact that her gay fiancee went off and married some other chick, who is uglier and older than her, and does not have her fashion sense. Some girl who I already know is smokin' hot in bed, 'cause I did her once.

    Anybody know what Becky's 7th period class is?

    Not devotedly, Gerald

  • At 2:54 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    whatevs, ger. u always come back 4 more april-snuggling.


  • At 3:44 PM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    Too bad the only reason Becky would go hands-on with him is if she thought it meant something other than making you jealous. The kid is so hungry for human contact, she'll tell herslf any lie.

  • At 7:39 PM, Anonymous nacnud nosredna said…

    Hey, Apes,

    Its 4 the best. Who evah hurd of a vet d8ing a musician? Musicians r skuzzy freaks.

    Im going 2 quit music, 2, cos I want 2 get in2 dental skool. Im taking that bass I rented back 2 Steves Music Store on Sat.

    Y dont u come ovah & hang w/ me & Eva 2nite? It was so cube of her 'rents 2 give me my own wing of the mansion. I dunno y my st00pid 'rents sold r house, but Eva's house is way better.

  • At 7:45 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. “I have other certified childhood sweethearts.” Oh, please. When you said to Gerald Delaney-Forsythe “But we can still meet along the way" you practically turned him into a Patterson homing pigeon, with a message tied on his foot saying, “April is eventually going to be your wife.” If you had said, for example,”I was talking about ending the band, not ending our relationship, you idiot. I hate you!” then you might have had a chance with those other sweethearts. When a Patterson promises to meet someone again in the future, then they do so, without fail. And that’s what you did, you unfortunate girl. At least if you are going to emulate Liz’s miserable love life, you have the advantage of having better breath.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 7:48 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, d8in’ ymerej, (her version of jeremy). uh, no. in the mirror world, lirpa likes ymerej, but ymerej h8s lirpa. i xxpect it’s prolly cuz he didn’t “die”, like i did, which turned things ‘round 4 me in this world. if he wuz “dead”, then he prolly wud’ve liked lirpa. as it wuz, i got along w/lirpa rilly well, ‘till she recently got back 2gethah w/dlareg (her version of gerald). it’s kinda confusin’, but think of everythin’ in the mirror world as the opposite of how it iz ‘round here.

    i been kinda havin’ probs gettin’ back n2 things. 4 sum reasn, most peeps n skool didn’t know i wuz “dead,” includin’ the teacherz. did u know i get bettah gradez when i am “dead” & not around than wen i am alive & around? it’s weird.

    my mom sold all my stuff 4 doin’ dj & sound work & all my clothez. well, she pretty much sold everythin’ i had includin’ photos of me 2 ur mom 2 put in sum photo album. mom made a lotta money outa sum of that stuff, but she spent mosta it on her weddin’. there wuz sum huge weddin’ originally scheduled 4 around september, but it got postponed ‘till next year & my mom took that spot.

    mom gave my motorcycle 2 my step sis who uses it @trinity where she goez 2 skool. i mite b able 2 get that back, but my guess is my step sis needs it more than i do, cuz u can walk everywhere in mboro.

    neway, the reasn i ask ‘bout u & gerald broken up is, i wuz wonderin’ if u wunted 2 do sumthin’ this weekend, u know just 4 fun, in case gerald & u aren’t rilly broken up. i kinda got 2 know lirpa, which is kinda like knowin’ u bettah, but rilly not, cuz she wuz n2 sum freaky stuff. i can’t take u ne place fancy, cuz my mom kinda took all my money while i wuz dead, but i can prolly get her 2 loan me enuff 2c a movie or get sum pizza @the double d. if u think it’s 2 early 2 go out w/anothah guy aftah gerald, thass ok 2. or if don’t wanna go just cuz it’s me, thass ok also.

  • At 7:49 PM, Blogger howard said…


    That’s good news about Adam Gentlesse at the University of Guelph. If you go there, then there will someone there you know. I suppose another possibility is to try to get in Vet School near where your aunt and your cousin live at the University of Winnipeg. Are they alumnae of that place? It could help you getting in, if they were.

    I think it is obvious from Gerald’s message to you, his logical leap from talking about your band to ending your personal relationship shows his true intent. He seems to be interested Becky again. He mentioned she used to have a gay fiancée, who married another girl. I didn’t know Becky was into girls. For some reason the discussion about Becky makes me remember something that was retconned away. I don’t know. My daughters want me to help them with their homework now. I forget what I was thinking about.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 8:26 PM, Anonymous Tangi Origami said…

    I heard Becky tell Gerald she can do a lot better and she's looking for a bf who's famous. She sed she wants 2 be 1/2 of a "power couple." Top-tier musicians, actors, models. MayB reality-show hosts in a pinch, but only in a pinch.


  • At 8:45 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    mike, have u considered the possibility that i'm not really a patterson, so mayB the patterson "rules" don't apply 2 me? hasn't it occurred 2 u that my hair colour and eye colour r v. diff from both mom's and dad's? hasn't that ever made u wonder if dad is really my dad?

    jeremy, movie an' pizza soundz cube. how 'bout we ea. pay 4 ourselves, and that way it's totally not a d8, just hangin' out?

    nacnud, did u slip out of mirror world? and if u did, have u traded places w/duncan? or is he still in our non-mirror world, only still in barbados?

    howard, i can almost remember a different past 4 u. it's like it's on the edge of my brain, and i can't quite get 2 it. is it the same kinda way 4 u?

    dc2, u mite b rite. but sum kids @ school r saying that becky's dad is working on getting her a d8 w/a guy who's supposta b like canada's justin timberlake.


  • At 10:32 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. Not really a Patterson. Hum! Let me review the facts:

    1. I was there when you were born and I am pretty sure you came out of mom.
    2. Of the jokes you have told in the last year, more than 50% have been puns, which pretty much guarantees Dad is your father.
    3. You had a 2 year feud with your slutty best friend over her leaving your band, only to have you do nearly the same thing yourself with no guilt feelings (nor should you have had any.)
    4. You love at least one pastry, butter tarts, enough to eat them directly out of a refrigerator (And please no more of those lies about eating a butter tart with a fork and knife at the table. People just don’t believe that, so you might was well stop trying to convince them.)
    5. Your main friends in school are a boy from Barbados, a boy from Mexico, a Special Needs girl, and a girl from someone unknown country that makes kids’ hair turn white. Your only Caucasian, semi-literate friend is your ex-boyfriend, and semi-literate is questionable for him.
    6. You broke up with your boyfriend, only to snuggle up to him and let him know that you would get together sometime later.

    Sorry, formerly little sis. You sound like a Patterson to me.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 10:35 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, goin’ dutch soundz gr8 if u wunt it 2 not b a d8. I can totally unnerstand that. that way if ne1 sees us u can just say we’re hangin’ out, or u can just walk away & pretend u don't know me or act like ur w/sum1 else nearby. it gives u a good out. soundz good. wudya wanna do? movie? theatre? ballet? hockey? dinner?

  • At 10:36 PM, Blogger howard said…


    Sometimes I have dreams about attacking your sister and pulling on her shirt and getting into a fight with Anthony Caine and this having something to do with Anthony Caine’s marriage to his first wife. Then later when I wake up, I remember that Anthony Caine’s marital difficulties had nothing whatsoever to do with me, or your sister, or my attacking her; and instead were all fully to blame on his ex-wife. It can be very confusing, when I have one of those dreams.

    Howard Bunt


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