Lonely @ the top an' stuff

Well, Luis never did tell a "refugee" story on Sunday, but I had U wondering there 4 a while, eh? MayB he'll tell 1 sum other time.

NEway, after school yesterday, Eva an' I went 2 the mall again cuz I really needed 2 get outta that house, an' I was really surprised 2 C Becks, cuz I thot she was up in Mtigwaki staying w/Susan while Howard was in custody in Spruce Narrows. It turns out that they came back yesterday, as Howard ended up posting l8 last nite:

April,

We got back from Mtigwaki this afternoon and Becky said she wanted to go shopping. When she came back to see me, she said she had spotted you in the Milborough Mall with Eva Abuya, but she knows how Eva feels about her, so didn’t stop to say anything, because she wanted to avoid a fight with Eva. I have jail time tonight in Toronto, but they allowed me to write a little something to you, so you would know what’s going on.

My lawyer, Mr. Benis, said although my escape from the Milborough prison was necessary in order to prevent from being short drop hung, if I plead guilty on the escape charges, will probably spend about 10 - 30 days in custody. The likelihood I would be released on bail, pending the hearing of my appeal is remote, because of the prison break, which makes me a flight risk.

I’ll let you know as learn more.

Howard Bunt

But I didn't know NE of that then. I was really surprised 2 C Becks @ the mall, and I was gonna ask her what was up and if Howard was okay and all, but then she shot me a look that made me 4get what I was gonna say, and after she'd passed, I was all, "Did U C that Eva? Becky just walked by... An' gave us 'the look.' U know: the 'I'm-better-than-U'll-ever-B-no-matter-how-hard-U-try' kinda look." Eva was all, "And she's all by herself." And I was all, "So?" And Eva was, like, "It's lonely @ the top!" And I think I looked all gobsmacked 4 sum reason.

I don't know Y I'm so sensitive 2 Becky's "looks" but 4 sum reason, I am.

Howard, pls keep us posted when U can, an' good luck.

Apes

Being Right

Something that happened who-knows-when, since I've totally lost track of what happed on what day and when Liz was or wasn't here, Liz was pulling sum papers out of drawer in the guest room, and she was telling me, "I am so mad @ Paul and Warren. I'm so angry I cd...." And I wish I'd just let her finish that sentence, cuz now I'm totally wondering what she was going 2 say. But I interrupted her, all "Y R U mad @ Warren? I think he's totally cool! He flew up 2 Mtigwaki*, 4 1 thing, and he xxposed U 2 the truth! I bet he still likes U. Warren still likes U! Did he say he still liked U?" Which, of course, I know the answer 2 this, since we had up-2-the-min reports here @ the blog, so I was really just doing this 4 effect, I guess. And while I'd been talking, cd feel myself getting the speed-freak** eyez again. Liz had had her back turned 2 me this entire time, until I finished that last sentence. Then she turned 2 face me and she totally did a Mom, scrunching her eyez shut, snapping her jaws wide open (while sumhow still having the full lips o' beauty), and hollering, "APRIL--STAY OUT OF MY PRIVATE LIFE!" My eyez got even wider as I walked out the room grinning (looking kinda birdlike, I suspect), thinking "When I'm right--I'm right!!"

I'm just glad I didn't do sum godawful Wright/right pun abt Paul. U just know sum1 will have dun 1, either from my fam or sum1 we know well. I hope it won't have been me.

* I don't belong 2 the cult of "OMG RIDING IN A HELICOPTER IS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVARRRRR!" But Liz goes a bit crazy if U make a reference 2 her riding in 1 w/out saying sumthing abt it being teh kewl.

** Mike, that convo Mom an' I had abt what "spead freak" meanz? Totally 4 yr benefit. After U left the room, she laffed at U and sed she can't believe U don't know this:

speed freak

--noun Slang. an addict or habitual user of amphetamines, methamphetamines, or similar stimulating drugs.

Apes

No Gentle Breaks

So, once Liz had taken off her jacket, Mom got her 2 sit @ the kitchen table an' pour her heart out. Just Mom and Liz, understand. I was back 2 being "April who?" and lurking on the sidelines. As I peeked my hed in2 the kitchen, Liz buried her face in2 her hands and wailed, "Warren knew Paul was seeing Susan! That's U he offered 2 fly me 2 Mtigwaki a day early!" Then Liz sat up an' I crept in2 the kitchen as she went on w/"I thot it wd B a nice surprise--but it was awful, Mom! Paul was @ Susan's apt!" Mom was all, "Y didn't he tell U he was C-ing sum1 else?" Liz was, like, "He planned 2... When he picked me up @ the bus. He sed he was going 2 break it 2 me gently." Mom put a hand on one of Liz's hands and sed, "Honey.... ...There's no such thing." 4 sum reason, hearing Mom say that made my eyez bug out like a speed freak.


Mike, 4 heav's sake, stay out of the rec room and don't knock my things on the floor. I had all my homework organized on the couch cuz I have NO. WHERE. ELSE. 2. PUT. IT. It took me an hour 2 put it back in2 the rite order after U did that. If U want 2 watch TV, U can do it in the living room. U don't have 2 displace me even more than U already have. That does it, I'm training Shiimsa 2 guard the rec room!

Jeremy, I'm sorry, I didn't mean 2 not answer yr post yesterday. I wasn't mad @ what U sed when Ger an' I were discussing what does and doesn't count as cheating. And thanx 4 the warning abt Shannon. I did find her and get her 2 put the teapot away.

Apes

Where they left off?

Liz sez that when she sat down 2 write abt her heli ride back from Mtig, she felt all these emotions coming up on her, and she was afraid that she was abt 2 get really depressed. As U mite know, she's been getting xxtra food and sleep whenev that happens l8ly, so she made a big pot of Kraft Dinner, scarfed it up, and then went rite 2 bed. Now she's all, "U handle it, April. But don't mess it up, or I'll chase U around the house, catch U, and pummel U!"

So, in the heli, Warren was all, "Ready 2 roll?" And Liz sez she liked that cuz it was such a "Dad" thing 2 say. She was, like, "Yes, sir, Captain!" So they were taking off and Warren asked how her visit was, Liz told him it was fine. He told her that she didn't sound fine, and she pressed on w/"Really. I'm fine." She totally h8's it when ppl try 2 get her 2 talk abt how she feels an' all. This is when Warren dropped his big bombshell: "Yr friend Paul is with Susan Dokis now.... That's gotta hurt." Weird that he phrased it as "yr friend Paul" when Paul was her BF. NEway, Liz sez she felt like sum1 had punched her in the stomach rite then. She kinda spun her hed towards him, and she was all, "Warren! U KNEW?!" And he was all, "When U fly in the north, U hear things. I didn't think U'd believe me if I told U." W8, he's based in Vancouver, and he hears Mtigwaki gossip cuz he "fl[ies] in the north"? What, do the pilots all gather in sum pilot lounge, watch soaps, and chit-chat abt the luv lives of the cops and teachers in every teensy town "in the north"? Gimme a break. But whatevs, rite? Liz was all, "So.... U dropped me rite in2 the middle of it!!!" And Warren was like, "I've never dropped U, Elizabeth.... I'm just hoping we can pick up where we left off!!"

W8 a minute, wha? Isn't "where they left off" that he lived all the way out in Vancouver, they barely kept in touch, and whenev Liz heard a helicopter, she'd look up and wonder if it mite B Warren, but it never was? Y go back 2 that? And Warren, I think U kinda 4got U were engaged 2 Marjee Mahaha, eh?

Dunc: Studying math and science. U're staying here. Gotcha.

Apes

Gary's Goodbye

Liz wrote sum more stuff last nite:

April,

Well I am pretty sure you are lying about that whole Mom disagreeing about me giving away the harmonica thing, but it doesn't matter anyway, Mtigwaki is a part of my past now, I'm not going to be thinking about it anymore.

Anyway, Gary took me to where Warren's helicopter was going to land and he said, "I must say, girl--you do travel in style!" and I said, "I know! Flying with Warren sure beats the bus!", I liked that he said this, first he was using the proper native form of address for me ("girl") and also it is proper for lowly people like natives to express jealousness and amazemetude over how a Patterson does things, then Gary thanked me for stuff, like smiles and Christmas gifts, and made me promise to keep in touch, and I did, but of course we both knew I was lying, because everyone knows a Patterson has better things to do than to keep in touch with a bunch of people who are not going to ever give you anything like a husband or prime rib dinners, like Mom always says, if you aren't in a position to give something to a Patterson, you don't deserve our friendship.

Anyway, then Gary told me not to be sad for too long because my heart would mend and love would come again, and then Gary hugged me close, and when I thought we had hugged for kind of a long time I looked up and I was going to say, "Hey, are we done hugging yet?" but then Gary kissed me on the mouth, and I was surprised, and he said, "Girl, that's just how a native says goodbye," and I said, "Oh, I thought we were talking about love," and Gary said, "Well girl, I'll talk to you all day about it if you want," and I said, "About what?" and Gary said, "Love, girl!" and I said, "Oh," and Gary said, "Sometimes it's closer than you think," and then Gary winked at me as Warren walked up.

I think Gary was trying to tell me something, I wish I knew what it was, natives are so wise.

Liz

Liz, how dare U say I lied by saying Mom was angry @ U abt the harmonica! Mom was all, "That harmonica was SACRED because my dad had it in the WAR! Not just any war, but the one U can just call "the WAR" and ppl will know U mean World War 2! And that's where he met Marian Barclay, soon to be Richards! And that harmonica helped keep him sane! It was supposed to stay in the Richards-Patterson clan! And her nose got all swollen and red, so U know she really was pissed.

Liz, wow, first U had Jesse trying 2 do U in his bedroom, then U had Gary trying 2 do U out in the open, outside. I guess it's a good thing U got outta Mtig. It sounds like most of the men and boys there can't control themselves around yr Patterson allure.

So, U think of First Nations ppl as being "lowly," eh? That sounds pretty racist for a girl who's all "I don't know Y ppl talk abt being diff races when we're all running 2 the same place" or whatevs it is when U try 2 pretend U don't know abt that particular meaning of the word "race."

NEhoodles, I know yr story gets more interesting 2morrow. Can hardly w8 2 find out what U R gonna say abt it. BTW, Warren took me, Marjee, and Howard up in the heli once 2 go shopping in TO. It was OK, but it wasn't that cool.

Apes

Great Ppl in Mtig

Liz told me she was feeling 2 "emotionally fragile" 2 tell U the next bit of what happed during her Mtig visit, and she asked me 2 do it. She was, all, walking along outside w/Gary Crane as the huge, elliptical snowflakes hovered all around them. Gary was saying, "We've been 2 the community center, the band hall, the nursing station, the coffee shop and the school." And Liz was like, "I guess I've seen every1 I came 2 C." Gary asked, "And what about Paul. Have U nothing else 2 say 2 him?"

Liz sez she was upset w/Gary 4 saying that, cuz she really wasn't planning on seeing or speaking 2 Paul ever again, but was ready 2 bury the whole thing in her mind as soon as poss. But since she felt like he was putting her up 2 it, she went 2 Susan's apt and knocked on the door. As she did, the door actually said, "KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK," and from inside, Susan sed, "Coming!" This time, both Paul and Susan came to the door. Susan was sort of leaning in2 Paul and she was clutching one of his arms, like she was afraid Liz wd punch her or sumthin'. And Paul looked all startled. Liz sez that Paul was, like, "Elizabeth, we don't want 2 fite, OK?" And Liz sed, "I didn't come 2 fite. I came 2 say goodbye." Then she started 2 walk away while saying, "And Paul... Even tho it didn't work out for us, I want U 2 know that if U ever need a friend...." And she w8ed until she was, like, @ the end of the walkway B4 finishing that sentence: "There R sum gr8 ppl here in Mtigwaki."

Which, I don't know if she was B-ing all sarcastic abt the "gr8 ppl." Cuz she was mad@ them 4 not warning her abt Paul an' Susan. But she still insists they're "noble" up there whenev the subject comes up. And another thing is I'm kinda surprised Liz never sat with Paul (like in an interior setting) and had a convo abt what-all happed, instead of sum quickie words xxchanged outside Susan's door. U know, like what went wrong w/them, when it did, all that. I know Liz is hurt an' all, and I totally understand that, but I think I'd wanna know.

Apes

WHOSE harmonica?

K, so Liz wrote this last nite:

April,

First I want you all to remember that I am very musical, I love to sing and every year I put it on my "resolutions list" that I want to work harder at it and maybe get good at it someday, I have to confess that I do not have a lot of musical talent like April or Grandpa, or any writing talent like Mike and Mom, I take after Dad which means I have talent only for my job and also for a boring hobby like trains, except I don't like trains, I haven't figured out what my boring hobby will be yet, Mom says that since I'm a girl of course my hobby will be babies, she's probably right.

Well anyway the reason I didn't tell you more about my visit with Jesse was that I was afraid you would be mad, I did something I don't think you will like, see, me and Jesse went into his bedroom and closed the door and sat on his bed and Jesse came close to me and he said, "Miss Patterson, I've been wanting to be alone with you in my bed for ages!" and I said, "I know Jesse, your guilty conscience must have really ate at you," and Jesse said, "Yeah, sometimes, I know it's really not nice to want to do that kind of stuff to your teacher," and I said, "It's not nice to steal from anybody, Jesse, even if they're not your teacher," and he said, "Oh, yeah, right, I mean, I thought we were talking about something else," and then I knew that Susan Dokis can't be that great of a teacher if Jesse is having this much trouble following a simple conversation.

Anyway then I told him, "This was my grandfather's harmonica," and Jesse said, "I know, I took it last year when you were packing, I wanted something of yours...to keep," and then he said, "I'm sorry Miss Patterson, I should never of taken it," and of course that made me feel bad because Jesse gave me so much, like my spirit name, and I felt guilty, so I said, "No, you shouldn't have, I should have given it to you as a gift," because I should of read Jesse's mind that what he would want most of all would be Grandpa's spitty old harmonica, and not something more personal to me.

Here's the part that will probably make you mad April, I gave the harmonica back to Jesse and I said, "Here...learn to play it really well and remember me, OK?" I know this was drastic but you know he will need a special reminder of me since I am never going back to Mtigwaki ever again, now that I did my promise by going back one time, and also now I don't have a boyfriend there, so why bother, my life will be down south now, hopefully with the husband that my guide the Good Witch of the North has picked out for me, I will try really hard to remember Jesse, probably I will every time somebody steals something from me.

Anyhow then Jesse promised to learn the harmonica real good and then he said I taught him a lot of stuff and he wished I hadn't gone away, and then I closed my eyes and my lips puffed up with righteous Pattersonianism, that was exactly what I came to Mtigwaki to hear, how great I am, and then I thought, "What an awesome gift, and I only had to give him that nasty old harmonica to get it, I didn't even have to buy it with my own money!", just then I felt a hand on my chest and I opened my eyes and Jesse was touching me and I said, "If you're looking for something else to steal, I keep my money in my purse, and I left that at Gary and Viv's house!", then I did a sticky-outty tongue laff but Jesse said no, he was hoping we could play a game, I asked what game, and he said, "Noble Young Brave and Captured Missionary Lady," and I said sure and asked him how to play, and Jesse said I would have to get into a special position, but just then Aunt Marg opened the door and said the visit was over.

More Mtigwaki stories tomorrow, I have to brace myself to tell the next part, all I will say is, I was super brave!

Liz

K, so here's sumthing I wanna know. How come Jesse knew that the harmonica had belonged 2 Grandpa Jim, but NOT that Gramps had given that harmonica 2 ME, and that I had given it 2 Liz when she was 1st moving up 2 Mtig? Y no mention of it having also been my harmonica, eh? Was the fact that I gave it 2 Liz, when I was feeling all sentimental an' stuff, so unimportant 2 her that she never told Jesse and whoev else she told abt the harmonica 2? I think I'm really hurt rite now.

Dunc, thanx 4 offering 2 get the harmonica back. I think it's a really bad idea 2 reward Jesse 4 stealing it ("Oh, U stole it? That just means I shda GIVEN it 2 U!" ::rolleyes::) an' 4 perving after my sister who's so clueless she cdn't tell the kid was trying 2 DO her!

Apes

Harmonica

So Liz told me a bit abt visiting Jesse in Mtig. This was after she'd talked w/Viv and then w/Gary abt Paul hooking up w/Susan. NEway, when Gary an' Liz got 2 the house, Gary was all, "Margaret! Look who's here!" And Marg was all, "Elizabeth! We've been xxpecting U!" And Liz sez she "bravely" put on a happy face and that after she'd gone in and given her jacket 2 Viv, Jesse walked in2 the kitchen. He looked abt 17 yrs old and, according 2 Liz, "a little bit like Jeremy Jones in the grade-8 pictures." Liz was, like, "Jesse? Oh, my gosh! U've changed so much!" And Marg told her, "He's doing good in school, when he goez--an' he luvs music! He playz that harmonica U gave him all the time!" Liz: "Harmonica?" And Marg: "Sure! The one U gave him the day U left Mtigwaki!! Can I make U sum tea?" And Liz was like, "Yes....Thanks." Oh, my, first she had tea with Viv, then coffee w/Gary, and more tea w/Marg? No wonder Liz had the total jitters an' cdn't sleep 4 2 nites str8 when she got back (which was like 11 dayz ago, but she's still telling what happed in bits an' pieces, all Patterson style, U C).

NEway, after Marg went 2 make the tea, Liz, like, sidled up 2 Jesse and asked, "Hey...have U got a secret U wanna share?" And Jesse was like, "No... But I've got sumthing I want 2 give back."

I actually do know what happed next, but Liz forbade me 2 tell yet, cuz it's not "proper," and also she mite want 2 tell the next bit cuz she's "not sure [she] can trust [me] 2 do it correctly."

NEway, more 2 come. . . .

Apes

Liz Explains

Liz did a post last nite that totally xxplained abt Mom and thoze boots, and also told sum more abt her Mtig visit:

April,

Well I can tell you the secret of why Mom had those hoochie black boots, well there was this present that got sent to the house after Christmas, on the tag it said "Ms. E. Patterson" and on the inside it said, "Sorry this is late, ho ho ho, Merry Christmas!--Your Secret Santa," well Mom insisted the present had to be for her, since it's "her house," anyway when she saw the boots I said, "Mom those are obviously for a young woman, they must be for me," but Mom insisted, she said, "They're just my style! They go with everything I own!" and then tried to prove it to me by putting them on with all kinds of different outfits from the Milborough Matron collection, even I had to admit that they did not go together, but Mom insisted, even though she couldn't really walk in them too well, anyway you know after Mom and Dad went out on Saturday night I got a phone call, it was from Candace, she sent me the boots, she said she was trying to sex up my wardrobe and that it never occurred to her that Mom would think they might be for her, so you can imagine I was super angry when Mom came home and told me she had thrown away my boots.

Well now you probably want to know more about what I'm calling "the humiliation of the century," well it just never stops, I moped around Gary and Viv's house for a few days with my head in my hands and they were very annoying, making all kinds of excuses for Paul and for why they didn't tell me, then Gary had the nerve to blame me, he said it was partly my fault because I moved away down south on short notice, and what did I expect, that it was silly to think a northerner would be happy to just follow me to my home if I wasn't willing to stay in the place he called home, and that Paul did apply for a transfer to Toronto but got the Spruce Narrows transfer first, which made me wonder if Paul would of chosen me if the Toronto transfer would of come through first, but I don't think so because then Gary said Paul is Native and Susan is Native so they belong together, and that I guided their journey.

Then I had to cry again because it's so not fair, I want someone to guide my journey to a husband, and I know Mom says the Good Witch of the North is doing that, but it's not going fast enough, I need a husband soon, oh my god, I'm going to be 26 this year, and I am starting to see wrinkles in the mirror!

Liz

Liz, I know U will get mad @ this idea, but U shd prolly B told. There R ppl out there who R saying that U shd guide yr own journey, like take responsibility 4 yr own life.

NEway, I'm sorry this is late, peeps. I think I got sum food poisoning from eating more of Dee's cooking yesterday. I'm home sick from school 2day.

Apes

News Wire

Well, Liz didn't post abt the next bit of her visit, but no worries. I found a lil article from the Mtigwaki Tattler:

White Goose Returns

By Aunt Marg

So, we've had some excitement in these parts, what with the return of my nephew Jesse's formerly favourite teacher, Elizabeth "White Goose" Patterson (sorry, Liz, but her really, really loves Susan--and he's learned so much in school this year). As you all probably know by now, Miss Patterson arrived a day earlier than we expected, thanks to the "amazing" life she leads, which includes helicopter pilots who show up to give her rides to places when she was planning to take the bus.

Liz had an unhappy surprise when she learned that other thing you all know by now, that Paul "Suds" Wright and Susan "Chipper" Dokis have fallen in love, and that he was already at her apartment in the teacherage when Liz arrived. And surely you all heard the little exchange that occurred right outside of that apartment when Liz and Paul had their "just happened" dialogue.

So, of course, the next thing that happened was that Liz hopped over to the Crane half of the teacherage and, reportedly, sobbed to Viv that she needed "tea and sympathy." Viv remarks that since Liz has been gone, she's noticed that her tea supply lasts much longer than in used to! So, Viv made some tea, and these two ladies sat down for a chat. According to Viv, Miss Goose told Viv that she "had no idea" about Paul, since they reportedly "wrote to each other" and "talked on the phone." She therefore "never had a clue." Furthermore, when Paul told her that his transfer had come through, she thought it was to Toronto. But now she knows it was to Spruce Narrows (his original transfer request): "He was transferred up HERE!"

Viv tells me that her reply was, "He's a northerner, Elizabeth. He'd never adapt to the city..... And this thing with Susan, well, --One thing led to another, and...." But Miss Liz cut her off before she was able to finish that sentence and explain just how one thing led to another, leading up to that intervention we all had. That poor boy really needed help seeing what was obvious to the rest of us, that Susan was obviously loving and devoted. She's loyal, and steadfast, hardworking, with a gentle sense of Ojibway native humour, and she always looks out for Paul. She always has, even when they were kids on the Pow Wow trail. I know the young people are often drawn to the glamour and drama of dating southerners from the big city, but really, it was time to get some sense into that boy's head.

But as I was saying, Liz interrupted Viv. She pointed out that we all knew that Liz was coming here, and that we all knew about the transfer. Also, we all knew about his dating Susan. She wanted to know, "Why didn't anyone tell ME?!" Vivian thought fast and said, "...We thought it was none of our business."

Viv tells me she considered this the best reply because Miss Patterson is always saying that things about her personal life are none of our business. Surely there are many of you who recall when Jesse innocently asked her whether she prefers bikini briefs or thongs (because he wanted to know what to get her for her birthday), and she told him "None of your business!" Or when she was buying hot chocolate and Kraft Dinners at Phil Goulais's store, and Phil asked, "Say, does Paul like you on top or on the bottom?" And she snapped "None of your business!" She didn't even give poor Phil the chance to explain that he meant the top or bottom of the emergency phone tree.

Well, there is more to this story, as you know, but many of you were curious to know what passed between Liz and Viv right after you saw her slam that door shut following the big blow-up outside of Chipper's place. Thank you, Viv, for granting me that quick interview at the laundromat.

Ohhh, so he got that other transfer! Who knew that one was still active? I guess he never requested Toronto, eh? Oh, or what if he did request Toronto, without cancelling SN? OMG, Liz, this so seems like sumthing U wd do. I mean, he cd say, well, "I'll let fate decide whether I shd B in Spruce Narrows or Toronto! Hm, I guess there's a reason fate wants me in SN, now what cd it B?" Doesn't that SOOOO sound like U?!?!?!?

Well, I think I might B moving through the stages of grief on2 acceptance. MayB. I'll keep U all posted.

Apes

Edit: I just found out about the convo where Gary tells Liz that Paul applied 4 transfers in both places and the Spruce Narrows one came thru first. Yup, I gotta say, that's totally a "Liz" way 2 handle such things!

Things That Just Happen

Well, foax, here's the latest post from Liz:

April,

Okay, well the next part is short and sweet, I just turned around and walked off the porch at the teacherage, I was going to go back to the principalage and drown my sorrows in pie, but Paul followed me, he said, "Elizabeth! Wait! I was going to tell you! I was going to pick you up in Spruce Narrows and..."

Well that really ticked me off, because how is it somehow better if he tells me tomorrow right, so I said, "And what?!! Tell me you've dumped me for the teacher who took my place?" because let's face it, that's not what a girlfriend wants to hear when she finally comes to visit you, well of course Paul said, "I didn't plan this...it's just happened," which is typical, I know that line, I have used it myself, so I said, "Lying doesn't 'just happen,' Paul! Cheating and pretending and covering up doesn't 'just happen'! There is a specific list of stuff that 'just happens,' I know what's on it, here are some of the things: 1. Realizing you miss your mommy, 2. Realizing you miss your divorcing ex-high school boyfriend, 3. Accidentally giving your divorced ex-high school boyfriend the wrong idea about your relationship by hugging him and begging him for support during your very romantic rape trial, 4. Your ex-college not-boyfriend shows up and offers you a ride for no reason at all after you smashed his love hopes last year but still you email sometimes just as 'friends', those are things that 'just happen'!"

Well Paul couldn't hardly say anything, he was just like, "But...I didn't want to hurt you!!" well I'm glad I changed my mind about being Glamour Angry because that does not go with the choice I made next which is to do Crying Little Patterson Girl with big puddles of tears under her eyes, I thought that would make people feel more sorrier for me, and I said, "Well guess what, it just happened!"

There's more but I will tell it tomorrow, I think it is dramatic-like to stop here, besides, I am sure Paul will want to tell his stupid side of the story too.


Liz

Oh, and don't forget, Liz, abt how "In a town of 350 ppl, help just 'happens.'" Mom still talks abt that from when she drove U up 2 Mtig in January 2005: "Those nice northern natives, they're not just noble, they're also so helpful!"

NEway, I'm still mad-depressed abt all this. Candace, shd I just follow the dosing instructions on thoze Wellbutrin samples Gramps slipped me, or is it really really bad 4 me 2 do that w/out a real consult? Oh, an' U know who's totally NOT depressed. Mom. Dad. Mike. Gah, Mike and Dad have even made up a lil "I told U so" song an' dance they do whenev they think no1 else can C or hear. So lame.

Apes

Early and Late

So, Liz wrote sum more abt her Mtiggy visit:

April,

Well the next part of the story is very simple, Gary took me to the principalage and when we got there I saw that Paul's car was in the "driveway," which is a polite way of saying he was parked on the rutty part of the grass since the schoolpersonnelage doesn't really have a driveway for parking, anyway, I told Gary to carry my bags inside and he said, "Anything your heart desires! I am your slave! Devoted to you for life!" and I laughed, he is such a kidder, well Viv heard it and must have thought it was super funny too because she gave him one of those punches that says "you kidder!" but Viv probably really shouldn't do that, she's very strong, Gary almost fell over when she punched him.

Well while Gary and Viv were busy getting my things I went and knocked on the door of the teacherage, which as you know is attached to the schoolpersonnelage, anyway, Susan answered the door, you would have been very proud of me April, this time I am not letting any cheater jerk me around, I didn't even let Susan talk, I just said, "Hello, Susan," and informed her that Paul's car is in her driveway, which is how a prosecutor introduces incriminating evidence in court, then I asked to speak to him and I said please, but it was obvious that I was not being polite, it was said all stern-like, so Susan knew "please" meant "you are busted," but it was weird, it was like Susan didn't realize she was busted, she said "sure" I could see Paul, that isn't how it goes in court, when the prosecutor introduced incriminating evidence against Howard in court, his girlfriend Becky would usually do a lot of screaming in the background, but Susan didn't do any screaming, but I am not going to be fooled, I realize she was just trying to hide her guiltyness from me.

Anyway, then Paul came to the door, that Susan didn't let me into the teacherage told me there must be a lot of incriminating evidence in there, like used-up condoms and empty wine bottles and stuff thrown everywhere, well Paul came to the door and said, "Elizabeth! I didn't think you'd be here until tomorrow!" and I was super annoyed because I couldn't tell if his tone of voice was guiltylike or just surprised, and it was shadowy in the teacherage (low lighting = nasty sexcapades) so I couldn't see Paul's expression, but I put on my best angry, "I caught you" face and said, "Well...I got here a day early," because obviously Paul and Susan were confused about what was going on and couldn't figure that out for themselves.

Then the best part happened, I made my eyes go really wide, like I was so shocked by their behavior that it had drove me kind of insane, not like drooling insane but kill your cheating boyfriend insane, I have been listening to that Carrie Underwood song a lot lately so I know what crazy sounds like, so I tried to look how crazy sounds, if you get what I mean, anyhow, when I felt like I looked like I had just walked in on a murder scene or something I said, "And I see it's already too late!" because Elizabeth Patterson is no fool, she is not going to wait around to be told the obvious, when your boyfriend parks in a girl's driveway and is inside her apartment, you know it is a dirty sex thing, that's just how life is, I have learned a lot by having had many terrible things happen to me over the last few years, anyway, I could tell I did a great job because Paul looked kind of horrified, like, "Oh Great Spirit, I should of known I could never trick Elizabeth Patterson, she's too clever!" and Susan was looking at Paul like, "Oh no, we're busted! She's too good! What're we gonna do?!"

That's all I'm going to say today, when I told Candace, she said this was a disappointing installment in the story but then I reminded her it's only Thursday.

Liz

Oh, hey, wdn't it B cube if it turned out that Paul an' Susan had been planning this gr8, super-secret surprise, w/out cluing in Gary an' Viv? And they led Liz in2 Susan's apt 2 show her this big banner that was all, "Liz, will you marry me? Luv, Paul"? And every1 laffed abt what a big misunderstanding it all was? And Paul was like, "We were gonna get Jesse 2 organize a big party if U sed 'yes'"? And Liz was all, "Oh, Paul, I really shd have called an' told U I was gonna B early!" And Jesse was like, "Yeah, Duh, Goosegirl!"

Aw, who'm I kidding? This is just gonna B bad. Candace, I mite need U 2 hook me up w/sum of that Wellbutrin U were tellin' me abt.

Apes

OMG, here we go

Liz posted a comment last nite abt what happed next w/her visit 2 Mtig:

April,

Well I want to tell you what happened next before somebody else does, which you might think is not too likely, but as I just found out there are lots of people who know more about my private stuff than I know about it, for example Gary Crane, when we were in his truck, driving to the schoolpersonnelage after Billy Strongblood rescued us in the woods, Gary and I started talking, you know how that is, Natives love to talk, even though I noticed one thing, Gary looks a little more pasty white and a little less native than he used to, I wonder what that is all about, maybe he is using that skin bleaching cream I saw on the late-night infomercial when Candace and I were sitting up drinking wine and giggling while Rudy had to work late.

Well anyway, Gary said he didn't know why I was there early but it was okay because the guest room bed actually did have some clean sheets on it which he made it sound like that was unusual and a lucky coincidence, which worried me about Viv's housekeeping habits not being up to Mom's standards, but then he said Viv was baking a pie so I forgot about dirty sheets and started thinking about pie, I was going to ask what kind when I realized that Gary was looking at me like I should say something and I realized he wanted to know why I was there so early.

You would be so proud of me April, I lied like a pro, I said I was sorry to be early (NOT! SURPRISE!) and that I just couldn't wait to get there, notice how I just skipped over explaining why I didn't call, I know you were probably worried that I would mess up the all-important "lying and confusing people" part of your SURPRISE! plan, but I didn't, I was so proud I started to look self-satisfied almost like I do when I put on a seatbelt and I said that I had to hurry up and get in touch with Paul because I didn't want him to be all busy waiting for me at the bus stop in Spruce Narrows tomorrow and you know how it is in Mtigwaki if the phone lines aren't working we might have to use a smoke signal or send a messenger on snowshoes, I love the local native color but it sure takes a long time, and I didn't want the man the Good Witch of the North might want to be my future husband to freeze at the bus stop, so we needed to call Paul, bet you thought I would mess up the tricky "call Paul" part of the SURPRISE! plan too!

Then Gary surprised me a lot, he said I didn't have to call Paul, he was already in town with Susan, which made me upset, I said, "With Susan?" because I was thinking, if he is with Susan in Mtigwaki today how was he going to be in Spruce Narrows tomorrow at the bus stop, I mean he has a car but you know how unreliable cars are in the north, it might of broke down, but then I said "With Susan?" again because I realized something else, something much worser than bad emergency snow planning.

So I asked Gary "With Susan as in 'a friendly visit' or with Susan as in with Susan?!!" and Gary got all shifty-eyed and said, "Well, I think you'll have to work that out with them!" and that confused me, I didn't know quite what he meant by that, because and correct me if I'm wrong but if Paul is cheating with Susan then he's cheating with her, and that's that, but Gary made it sound like me and Paul and Susan could sit down together and decide whether Paul was cheating or not, it was very confusing, and I could see on Gary's face that he was worried I didn't get it, and I kind of didn't understand what he meant but Elizabeth Patterson does not get got the better of, except on sometimes when Eric cheats on her or April tries on her underwear, but even then Elizabeth Patterson knows how to cover up her not getting it, she pretends to get it and makes that pretending convincing by using violence, so with that in mind then I said, "With pleasure," because it sounded good and angry, and I looked good and angry, but in a glamorous way, I don't want to be an "ugly angry" like Mom, I want to be a "glamorous angry" like Dee, that is maybe Mom's one flaw, she lets her nose get too big and her under eye bags get too baggy when she's mad, well, that's not going to be Elizabeth Patterson, let me tell you something, Elizabeth Patterson got a full makeup kit (slightly smoke-damaged) from her sister-in-law for Christmas and she knows full well how to use the "Glamorous Angry" makeup palette that came with it!

More tomorrow.

Liz

Aw, man. Howard, this. This is what I didn't actually wanna say yesterday. This is what I've been afraid we were abt 2 hear. I, I, OH GAH. U C, I just have this ill feeling that the Witch of the North is, like, altering ppl's personalities 2 have Liz's luv life come out the way SHE wants it 2. I have to 2 go lie down. But I can't, I hafta get ready 4 school. I'm so depressed. Maybe the school nurse has sum Paxil.

Apes

Surprises

So, Liz let Warren in, all "Warren--it's been a while! Please come in." And Warren was all, "Thanks." And since Liz is alwayz treating me like I'm an immature, pesky little sister who never stopped being 12, I decided 2 act the part by being like, "Hooo! U're the pilot! U used 2 d8 my sis!!" And Liz narrowed her eyez, all, "April... get lost." So I receded in2 silhouette an' ducked in2 another room. I heard Warren: "I don't have much time, Liz, so I can't stay. --I know this is a crazy suggestion, but I have 2 fly north, 2morrow and I cd drop U off in Mtigwaki if U want 2 visit!" Liz was, like, "Warren, I have my tickets already. If I come with U, I'd get there a day early! --I don't know what 2 say!" Then I poked my head in2 the hallway and sed, "Don't B a doofus! 1st U say 'Yes', an' when U get there, U say, 'Surprise!!'"

Hm, I hope she doesn't walk in on sum v. unpleasant "surprise." Y do I have a weird feeling that she will?

Also, Liz, it shd either B "If I came with U, I'd get there a day early" or "If I come with U, I'll get there a day early." Geez, U teach?

Apes