Where they left off?
Liz sez that when she sat down 2 write abt her heli ride back from Mtig, she felt all these emotions coming up on her, and she was afraid that she was abt 2 get really depressed. As U mite know, she's been getting xxtra food and sleep whenev that happens l8ly, so she made a big pot of Kraft Dinner, scarfed it up, and then went rite 2 bed. Now she's all, "U handle it, April. But don't mess it up, or I'll chase U around the house, catch U, and pummel U!"
So, in the heli, Warren was all, "Ready 2 roll?" And Liz sez she liked that cuz it was such a "Dad" thing 2 say. She was, like, "Yes, sir, Captain!" So they were taking off and Warren asked how her visit was, Liz told him it was fine. He told her that she didn't sound fine, and she pressed on w/"Really. I'm fine." She totally h8's it when ppl try 2 get her 2 talk abt how she feels an' all. This is when Warren dropped his big bombshell: "Yr friend Paul is with Susan Dokis now.... That's gotta hurt." Weird that he phrased it as "yr friend Paul" when Paul was her BF. NEway, Liz sez she felt like sum1 had punched her in the stomach rite then. She kinda spun her hed towards him, and she was all, "Warren! U KNEW?!" And he was all, "When U fly in the north, U hear things. I didn't think U'd believe me if I told U." W8, he's based in Vancouver, and he hears Mtigwaki gossip cuz he "fl[ies] in the north"? What, do the pilots all gather in sum pilot lounge, watch soaps, and chit-chat abt the luv lives of the cops and teachers in every teensy town "in the north"? Gimme a break. But whatevs, rite? Liz was all, "So.... U dropped me rite in2 the middle of it!!!" And Warren was like, "I've never dropped U, Elizabeth.... I'm just hoping we can pick up where we left off!!"
W8 a minute, wha? Isn't "where they left off" that he lived all the way out in Vancouver, they barely kept in touch, and whenev Liz heard a helicopter, she'd look up and wonder if it mite B Warren, but it never was? Y go back 2 that? And Warren, I think U kinda 4got U were engaged 2 Marjee Mahaha, eh?
Dunc: Studying math and science. U're staying here. Gotcha.
Apes
So, in the heli, Warren was all, "Ready 2 roll?" And Liz sez she liked that cuz it was such a "Dad" thing 2 say. She was, like, "Yes, sir, Captain!" So they were taking off and Warren asked how her visit was, Liz told him it was fine. He told her that she didn't sound fine, and she pressed on w/"Really. I'm fine." She totally h8's it when ppl try 2 get her 2 talk abt how she feels an' all. This is when Warren dropped his big bombshell: "Yr friend Paul is with Susan Dokis now.... That's gotta hurt." Weird that he phrased it as "yr friend Paul" when Paul was her BF. NEway, Liz sez she felt like sum1 had punched her in the stomach rite then. She kinda spun her hed towards him, and she was all, "Warren! U KNEW?!" And he was all, "When U fly in the north, U hear things. I didn't think U'd believe me if I told U." W8, he's based in Vancouver, and he hears Mtigwaki gossip cuz he "fl[ies] in the north"? What, do the pilots all gather in sum pilot lounge, watch soaps, and chit-chat abt the luv lives of the cops and teachers in every teensy town "in the north"? Gimme a break. But whatevs, rite? Liz was all, "So.... U dropped me rite in2 the middle of it!!!" And Warren was like, "I've never dropped U, Elizabeth.... I'm just hoping we can pick up where we left off!!"
W8 a minute, wha? Isn't "where they left off" that he lived all the way out in Vancouver, they barely kept in touch, and whenev Liz heard a helicopter, she'd look up and wonder if it mite B Warren, but it never was? Y go back 2 that? And Warren, I think U kinda 4got U were engaged 2 Marjee Mahaha, eh?
Dunc: Studying math and science. U're staying here. Gotcha.
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 7:00 AM
10 Comments:
At 7:29 AM,
Anonymous said…
April, you don't understand. Anyone who dates a Patterson needs a backup plan. Eric Chamberlain had Tina as his backup plan. Anthony Caine had Thérèse. Paul (maybe unknowingly--for a while anyway) had Susan Dokis. And of course, remember Deanna had a backup (she was engaged when Mike reconnected with her) and Rhetta Blum had a backup, whom she ended up with. And the pilot gossip tells me that your Gerald makes a point of staying on good terms with your friend Rebeccah. Can we say it? Backup!
But before anyone points out that this is unfair to Pattersons, let me also point out that Pattersons always have backups, too--in fact they may have multiple backups. For example, Anthony and I were Liz's backups for Paul. Mike was lining up Deanna while still dating Rhetta, plus he always had Martha McRae in the back of his mind.
And you, April. Word is that you have two backups: Duncan Anderson and Jeremy Jones! So don't try and get righteous with me!
Marjee, love ya; stand by. Just in case!
Warren
At 7:29 AM,
April Patterson said…
warren, dunc and zeremy r my FRIENDS, not my backups!
apes
At 7:30 AM,
Anonymous said…
Right, of course, April. Just friends.
::wink::
Warren
At 7:31 AM,
April Patterson said…
STFU, warren!
apes
At 7:34 AM,
Anonymous said…
April, tell ur friend MCDunC I ain' afraida him. I'm tuff!
An' I stole the harmonica bak frum Ellen. Sucka! But it's OK cuz she shda just givved it bak to me. That's what ur sis taut me!
Jesse
At 8:47 AM,
Anonymous said…
April Dear,
What does "STFU" mean? I'm trying hard to learn the new "computer lingo" and have figured out what some of them mean, but maybe you kids can give me a hand with the ones I'm still a bit iffy on.
The big news over here today is that I decided to get a cell phone yesterday. Just like that! Actually I think it's a good idea. The salesman was a handsome young man and talked me into buying one of those Sidekick 3's, have you heard of them? It's like a mini computer! I'm still learning how to use it, perhaps you could come over this weekend with a couple of your friends and teach me a few tricks? Jim would love to see you and some of your friends, as would I. And I just happen to have chocolate chip cookie makings - perfect on a cold winter day!
Love,
Iris Richards
At 9:05 AM,
April Patterson said…
iris, i m on my way over w/eva. stfu has a bad word in it, so i'm not sure if u want me 2 tell u. it's, like, a longer, meaner version of "shut up."
apes
At 10:08 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about your sister talking to her ex-boyfriend helicopter pilot, Warren Blackwood as she was leaving Mtigwaki (Land of Trees). It was very confusing to me too. I remembered your sister had told me her ex-boyfriend Warren worked in Vancouver and she hadn’t seen him in over a year, so he was not competition for me. Vancouver is much too far away for him to “hear things” about Northwest Ontario. It is an obvious lie.
Your writings made me mad, because it meant on purpose Warren had brought your sister into Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) a day early so she could catch me with my girlfriend Susan Dokis, whom I call Chipper. I guess Warren, like most of the people in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) thought I had been with Chipper ever since I had gotten my transfer to the Spruce Narrows detachment or longer and I would never tell your sister I planned to break up with her, because I was keeping Chipper as a backup. I did plan to tell your sister personally when I picked her up in Spruce Narrows, as I told her. It doesn’t make any sense I would transfer to be with Chipper, and then not tell your sister; or that Chipper would accept being the backup for another woman. Your sister would figure it out when my address would change, or my phone number would change. Chipper has too much pride to accept second place. Some people may think an Ojibway woman has no pride in herself, and they may even write a comic strip or a book about it, but that doesn’t mean it is true. I suspect in those situations Warren described in his writing, both the primary and backup persons were unaware of each other. Now, miigwetch (thanks) to Warren, your sister not only hates me, but all of Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) for not telling her.
I told Chipper about the helicopter pilot wanting to pick up with your sister where he had left off, and Chipper said, “Well, Suds (her nickname for me), it doesn’t sound like she was really that heartbroken to lose you.” But then I pointed out the odd things, like Warren knew when to drop Elizabeth off, so she would be one day early, and how he even knew about Chipper. Chipper thought it was odd, too, and she went to ask Vivian Crane, if she knew anything. A few minutes later, Vivian Crane was in Chipper’s apartment, dragging Gary Crane in by his ear. Gary said, “Ow! Ow!! Ow!!!” Vivian said, “Gary has something he wants to tell you.” Chipper said, “Go ahead, boss.”
Gary said, “It’s my fault Warren Blackwood brought Elizabeth here one day early. Back in when Warren Blackwood called my house looking for Elizabeth, in December, 2005, I was infuriated she would go off with her ex-boyfriend in front of you and your ningitiziim (parents) as if an Ojibway man was not as good as a white man. I used the call display to get Warren Blackwood’s number and I knew I would need to use it someday. Once you started with Susan, you finally met your perfect match, since you shared the same heritage. I think everyone in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) knew the two of you were meant for each other. But I have seen the way men act around Elizabeth.”
Then Vivian punched him, and he said, “And I have seen the way I act around Elizabeth. I was calling her ‘girl’ and hugging her for too long. And I am happily married to Vivian. Happily. I knew if she could affect me, I couldn’t take the chance, she would come back and you would leave Susan for Elizabeth. So, I called Warren Blackwood and suggested a cunning plan to him. If Elizabeth came to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) and left hating you, then she would start with Warren, and you would be free of her at last.”
I said, “I was going to tell her about Susan, when I picked her up at Spruce Narrows.” Gary said, “No you wouldn’t. She would trap you in her allure. Warren Blackwood has seen her 2 times in the last 3 years, was engaged to another woman, and he was still in love with Elizabeth. He jumped at the chance to get you two broken up.” Vivian said, “If you were thinking clearly, you would have dumped her wiinin waabishki indiyaash (fat white bottom), when she shamed you in front of your ningitiziim (parents). Chipper said, “Or when she asked you to transfer to follow her two times in 3 months.” Gary said, “Or when she wouldn’t kiss you and barely gave you a decent hug.” Vivian punched Gary again.
After Gary told me this story, I understood your writings a lot more, and I hope my writings help you understand it too. I started writing to your on your Real Blog, when I was with your sister, and she told me it would be a good way to help understand her and her family. I say miigwetch (thank you) for letting an adult write to you. I am with Chipper now, and it no longer makes sense for me to write to the sister of my ex-girlfriend. And April, even though it didn’t work out between your sister and me, I want you to know that if you ever need a friend, or someone to explain something going on in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), I will be here or I can be easily found through the Ontario Provincial Police.
The next thing I have to do today is deal with a report Jesse Mukwa filed about a boy coming to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) threatening to steal something from him. Jesse has gotten into a habit of stealing things, so it is funny he would file a report about someone wanting to do the same to him.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 10:20 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. No. No. No. This can’t be happening. Elizabeth needs to focus on one man and one man only and that man is Anthony Caine. She does not need any more boyfriends to distract her. She needs a man who has a proven track record of marriage proposals. That helicopter pilot, who lives in Vancouver, is never going to propose to her. If he was, he would have done it right after Elizabeth graduated from university.
I got a call from Gordon Mayes this morning. Somehow Anthony found out the helicopter boyfriend wanted to pick up where he left off with Elizabeth, and he has started proposing to random women, just like he did when he found out Elizabeth had moved in with Eric Chamberlain in university. Gordon said Anthony has proposed to every woman who works at Mayes Midtown Motors and then he started proposing to the female customers, even the married ones.
Gordon told him to go home until he could come to work and not propose marriage to someone. Fortunately for everyone involved, Anthony looks older than dad, so unlike his university proposal to the Quebecoise woman, he has been refused each time he proposes. Our fear is that one of these days, he will chance upon a woman in Milborough who would accept him, an amourous octogenarian, or a woman with a severe mental illness; and we would have to go through another round of Anthony married the wrong woman and waiting for a divorce again. That is not acceptable. Elizabeth needs to visit Anthony Caine right now.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 10:59 AM,
Anonymous said…
Huh, I thought it was strange when I went to Mayes Midtown Motors to get my Crevasse Criata tuned up, and that weird Anthony guy in their restaurant proposed to me.
BTW, Warren Blackwood has a proven record of proposing and being accepted. You know, getting engaged to me.
Warren, are you asking me to wait for you? Something about that sounds very familiar.
Marjee
Post a Comment
<< Home