So, after Jeremy an' I left Howard's place last nite, we were walking back 2 my house, and who shd we run in2 but Anthony. He had Françoise on his shoulders, and she was, like, asleep, using Ant's head as a pillow.
Anthony was all, "Hello, future sister-in-law and her consort!" Jeremy sed, "Isn't it a bit l8 2 B out w/yr not-even-3-yo? She's so xxhausted she's fallen asleep." Anthony sed, "Don't mind her. I'm not the kind of parent who rearranges his life 2 accomod8 a yung child. She has 2 learn 2 fit in2 my
life!" I sed, "She's v. v. yung, Anthony. U have 2 make sum adjustments. . . ." And he cut me off, "Stuff and nonsense!" I sed, "Oh, gah, U picked that up fr. Mike, didn't U?" And he sed, "Yr brother is a published author and Milborough's reigning celebrity! Y wdn't
I pick up sum of his language usage?" I bonked myself on the head w/my hand then, cuz I didn't know what
2 say. Anthony was all, "C? U don't even know what
2 say! If U paid closer attention 2 the published author in yr family, and emul8ed his speech habits, U wd alwayz
know what 2 say!" Jeremy jumped 2 my defence and sed, "There's nuthing wrong w/being speechless every 1ce in a while! Even Mike was speechless when Weed asked him 2 make a speech @ that party @ Weed's place, or so I hear. And just cuz Mike nearly always sez whatev st00pid thing pops in2 his hed doesn't make him brilliant, it makes him an idiot!"
Anthony was like, "Pish posh! But since it's the holiday seazon, I will let that comment slide. I M 2 xxcited abt my future w/Eeeeeeeeelihhhhhhhhhzaaaaaahhhhhbehhhhth 2 let the snide comments of teenagers ruin my bouyant mood!" I sed, "U can call her 'Liz' U know." And he sed, "Didn't U get the memo?" I sed, "Sure, and after I shredded it, it made an xxcellent liner 4 Butterscotch the dog-rabbit's cage, @ the Pattermanse."
Anthony shook his hed. "U really R
out of step w/the rest of yr family." And I sed, "Thanx!" Ant was like, "NEway. Yr SIL Deanna seemed v. relieved 2 C her parents leave Sunday nite, er, 'Xmas,' even tho her father was v. flattering, saying, 'That was a luvly Xmas dinner, Deanna.' Dee sed, 'Thanx, Dad,' and Mrs. Sobinski sed, 'Gd nite, dear.' Then it was our turn 2 leave. I wanted 2 stay longer, but that pesky Mira had made such a big deal abt the fact that Francie had fallen asleep, I had 2 leave just 2 save face. So Eeeeeeeeelihhhhhhhhhzaaaaaahhhhhbehhhhth and I put on our coats, and we got Francie in2 hers w/out waking her up. I picked her up so she was facing me, w/her hed resting on my shoulder. Eeeeeeeeelihhhhhhhhhzaaaaaahhhhhbehhhhth put a hand on my shoulder and I cd sense that she was looking @ Francie tenderly. Ha-ha, my plan is working! Oh, where was I? Yes, so I told Michael and Deanna, 'I think we'll B taking this one home. She's had a big day.' And Deanna sed, 'I'm so glad U cd come, Anthony.'"
Jeremy cut in w/"Hey, if this story has a pt, feel free 2 get 2 it." Anthony ignored him and went on, "When I was loading Francie in2 the car seat, which Officer Luggsworth forced me 2 buy, BTW, the little scamp woke 2 ask, 'Daddy? Is everything over? And I sed, 'No, sweetheart.' BTW, we'd loaded the car w/gifts, including a couple of plush-toys: a reindeer and a bunny. Eeeeeeeeelihhhhhhhhhzaaaaaahhhhhbehhhhth told me that the bunny showed that Francie has officially been accepted in2 the family! Well, I got in2 the driver's seat, and remembered the question Francie had asked. I continued my 'No, sweetheart' answer in my hed, 'I think everything's abt 2 begin.'" By then, Francie had fallen asleep, and Eeeeeeeeelihhhhhhhhhzaaaaaahhhhhbehhhhth had one of those blank looks I luv so much."
I sed, "W8 a minute. Do U EVER
give yr daughter a str8 answer abt NEthing
? Poor kid, all she meant was whether the nite's festivities were over. Yr 'no' answer made her think U were, like, continuing 2 another party." Ant shook his hed. "Yr brother is rite. U really R
a killjoy. Giving str8 answers 2 small children? Who does that
? Where's the comedy
I turned 2 Jeremy an' sed, "We have 2 promote that Francie therapy-fund website as much as we can. Poor kid." Anthony shook his hed and sed, "Well, I M not letting the official sourpuss of the Patterson family destroy my good mood. I'm going 2 keep walking around until sunrise and then wake up this little rugrat and tell her the sky is on fire
!" Jeremy sed, "I'm going 2 get on that therapy site rite away and make another contribution." And I sed, "same here."
That's it 4 now.
Labels: Anthony, Christmas, Dee, fire, Françoise, insta-family, Liz, Mira, Wilf