Dee an' Merrie Exposit

Mike sez this:

April,

Formerly little sis. The smell of turkey wafted through the air as the life of Leonard Driscoll in my second novel Breaking the Windjammer, came to me. Leonard is on leave from the sea life to visit his family at Christmas. As he approaches his childhood home, he opens the door and is not prepared for the onrush of well-wishes. “Leonard!” they cry, happy to see him safe and sound and returned from his adventures. They ask him about the scar on his forehead he got from the pirate queen who nearly ran him through before she fell for his manly charms and he for hers. They ask him about the rough life of the sea. They come to him crying about how all these people are coming to his house and no one is bringing presents and just food and how mommy thinks that is a present, when it really isn’t a present and how it just isn’t fair.

It’s Leonard’s little sister. No. OK. It’s my daughter. Let’s see what is upsetting her.

All right. She says she was in the kitchen with mommy and she said, “Is everyone coming to our house, mom?” Mommy was busy making her very first turkey in a giant pan. She said, “Yes. We have the most space!” Then my daughter said, “That’s not true. Grandma Mira’s place is bigger than ours.” Then I said, “Did you say that to your mother?” Then my daughter said, “No. But I thought it.” I told her she had done the right thing.

My daughter continued and said she said, “Are they gonna bring anything?” I said, “That’s ‘going to’ not ‘gonna’. You don’t want that half-Quebecoise kid coming to Christmas dinner to think you’re stupid. Continue, please.”

My daughter said, “Then mommy said, ‘Uh-huh! Grandma Elly is bringing dessert.’” I laughed a little at that. My daughter said, “Why are you laughing?” I said, “That dessert will never make it out of mom’s house. They will eat it all.” My daughter said, “Oh. Then mommy said, ‘Grandma Mira is bringing bread and potatoes.’” I said, “Typical. Grandma Mira is trying to show she is better than we are by bringing the most practical foods.” My daughter said, “This is bad?” I said, “Of course. Bread and potatoes are very filling.” My daughter looked confused.

Then she said, “Mommy said, ‘Elizabeth and Anthony are bringing salads and Iris is bringing the wine!’” I said, “What a disaster. Elizabeth and Anthony with food that has to be fresh. At least it’s a salad, and no one in the family will eat it, unless they fry it. Have you ever had mom’s fried salad?” My daughter said, “No.” I said, “It’s delicious. If you put enough batter on something, you don’t have to worry about if it’s fresh or not.”

My daughter said, “Oh. I was talking about presents. That’s what I said to mom. And then she said, ‘Speaking as the hostess, Meredith…Those are presents!'” I said, “What? No presents? Just food!?” Then I ran into the kitchen where Deanna was and said, “No presents!!! This is horrible! How can I write when there are not going to be any presents!”

Then Deanna explained that there were going to be presents, but as the hostess she considered the food to be the present. I said, “You don’t want any presents aside from the food? But I already got you something.” Deanna said, “Michael, I was trying to teach our daughter a lesson about the importance of things at Christmas. Everyone pitching in to help with the Christmas Dinner is more important than presents.” I said, “Oh right. Time instead of gifts. Very good, Deanna. That’s an excellent lesson.” My daughter was there and said, “Nuts!”

See you for Christmas Dinner, formerly little sis, assuming you haven’t eaten the dessert already,

Michael Patterson

Mike, U R worrying abt the wrong person when it comes 2 the desserts. I had a few walnuts and 1 cookie. Mom devoured all the rest of the baked goods she'd made, made another batch of everything, ate those, and then went out 2 the store 2 buy more ingredients. Dad suggested mayB she shdn't bake so far in advance, an' she threw a canister of walnuts @ his head.

Oh, and Dee 4got 2 mention that I M bringing cous-cous patties w/spicy tomato topping and daal makhani (an Indian lentil dish that's soooo delish!).

Apes