April's Real Blog

Thursday, December 06, 2007

W8ing [on]

Liz sez this:
Okay, more talking about Anthony and his brat, well, Anthony put Frenchy to bed, she is very spoiled, she has bunk beds, which I think is a sign that she has been overindulged, anyway, when Anthony came out I was putting on my boots to leave and he acted surprised and asked if I was leaving, he does this every time I go over, like it is a surprise I am not staying over the night, this is how Anthony is trying to trick me into sexy stuff before a ring on my finger, but now I am smart, and I have morals, so I am saying, "No, big diamond first!", so I told him I had grading to do, anyway, just as we were about to do a polite kiss on the lips Frenchy the Brat started howling about wanting stuff like water and a light and probably also a pony, who knows with her, so of course I told Anthony to go wait on her, and I would wait for him, so he would think I am not annoyed by Frenchy's evil ways, and hopefully get a proposal soon, because if I don't get a ring on New Years this year I will probably kill myself, with drain cleaner or something, goddamn it, I have been so patient, I am too old for this crap, I should be a housewife by now!!!!!

Liz, U kinda sound like U don't even LIKE Anthony, let alone LOVE him. Y R U so sure U want 2 marry him? I know Mom makes U feel like U R soooooooo old 2 still B single, but really it's not true!

Jeremy an' I R on our way back from TO. We oughta have just enuf time 2 stop @ our houses, get showers and changes of clothes, and go 2 school. It's gonna B so much fun driving in insteada taking the bus!


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  • At 8:12 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    Oh, crap!! It isn't just gonna be Deanna having to deal with an overgrown brat kid, is it? Anthony is gonna have to deal with two clingy little toddlers in a few months: the one his ex gave birth to and the one he married. I'd feel sorry but he's such a jerk, it's tough to care.

  • At 10:47 AM, Anonymous liz patterson said…


    Of course I love Anthony, he wants to marry me!!!!!


  • At 2:15 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, that wuz a gr8 nite in TO. i’m glad i called my mom 2 tell her we were stayin’ ovah in trinity w/my step-sis. my mom sed she wud’ve hadda call the police, if we didn’t call. she still wuzn’t v. happy i wuz out w/u, cuz i think she still thinks if i spend 2 much tyme w/u, i am gonna end up in hospital. but she wuz glad 2 hear i wuz w/my step-sis & not doin’ sumthin’ w/my dad, which it wut it wuz the last tyme i “mysteriously disappeared.” i know u were pretty upset wen u found out ur ‘rents didn’t evn know u were gone. they sure take that not ‘rents aftah ur 16 stuff seriously.

    as 4 my step-sis, i know u thot she wuz kinda takin’ advantage of the sitch by havin’ me go & get her water & cookies & crackers & pizza & poutine & stuff all nite, so u hadda w8 4 me 2 finish w/her b4 we had ne tyme 2gethah. but i wud say @least frum my perspective, u were definitely worth the w8. i wud b glad 2 w8 4u netime.

    also, i think i have sum stuff @the house 2 get that stain outa the back seat of ur new car. we’ll hafta try it aftah skool.

  • At 2:50 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    yeah, no feeling sorry 4 anth. i do feel sorry 4 francie, tho.

    liz, if sum guy u h8ed came up 2 u all, "elizabeth patterson, i want 2 marry u," wd u switch from h8 2 luv?

    jeremy, i had a total blast w/u, in spite of yr step-sis making u get all that stuff. when she was, like, "sorry abt that april, i'm having jeremy w8 on me while u w8 4 him," i had this weird feeling i was gonna hear sumthing v. similar 2 that, soon. and then i turned out 2 b rite, when i checked this blog this morning an' found lizzie's comment.

    thanx in advance 4 ne help w/the stain. oh, and i thot yr ideas 4 giving the car a name were pretty creative. thanx 4 using "it" or "car" when u talk abt it, and not "she," like my dad, gordo, and everycreepy1 else alwayz seems 2 talk abt cars.

    btw, did u find out what zandra was talking abt when she was, like, checking her text messages and going, "oh, no. arne. not again!"


  • At 4:59 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…


    It would depend, you know there is a fine line between hate and love, especially when you are an old maid with drying up eggs to consider, so let me think who do I hate, I never really hated anybody, that would be unPattersonly, but who makes me really mad, well Eric is a good example, he hurt my feelings very bad, but if he came to me today and asked me to marry him, yes, I would say yes I think, because it would mean he finally realized he was supposed to be The One, and as far as I know he has no bratty childrens, and also Anthony is being very slow asking me the big question, and besides, it would mean I could still squeeze in that Christmas wedding I always dreamed of, and also maybe some Main Children while my eggs are still not quite powdered.


  • At 5:50 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. You have such strange ideas about marriage. Marriage is such a huge decision. It’s a life-changing commitment. It’s almost as bad as buying a new house.

    You get into a new house and your wife wants to redecorate it. It’s the same with marriage. You get into a new house and you find all kinds of things which need to be repaired from the previous owner, but the previous owner doesn’t want to fix them, so you have to do it yourself. It’s the same with marriage. You get into a new house and your children find all kinds of things about the house they shouldn’t be putting in their mouth. It’s the same with marriage. You get into a new house and you find your mother has left her entire history there and it takes months of your time to deal with it, while your readership leaves in droves. It’s the same with marriage.

    You may think that marriage has to do with being with someone you like or love; you may think the person who marries you needs to run and shout about how he’s flying because you showed him even the slightest bit of affection; but those things are just temporary. Anthony tells me that he has been seeing Liz regularly since July, and already she has gotten to the point where, when he tries to go for some kissing affection, she flattens her hands against his chest and ribs and pushes away. This is not the behaviour of a woman who is going to inspire running and shouting. No, Elizabeth and Anthony are slowly making their way to a mature relationship, where the partners rarely touch each other, and don’t even like each other very much anymore. Yes, formerly little sis, Liz and Anthony are becoming more and more like mom and dad.

    You see, April, the true test of marital compatibility is whether or not your future spouse used to be your childhood sweetheart. Elizabeth may say someone like Eric Chamberlain could propose and she would accept; but that would be another boyfriend who is a waste of her time. She would have to find some way to mistreat him until he cheated on her, just like she did to him last time, and just like she did to all her other boyfriends after him. She is much better off waiting for Anthony to propose. Everyone thinks it will happen pretty soon. In fact they have been taking steps to insure it happens, some of which you may have noticed. If everyone can rally around to help Anthony destroy his marriage; then surely they can convince the big lump to spit out a marriage proposal.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 6:34 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i think i prolly shudn’t written ‘bout that stain on your car or your petit, rouge aéroglisseur, cuz eva abuya read it & she wuz like, “how did u make that stain, jeremy?” 4 sum reasn, she wudn’t b-lieve me wen i sed it wuz a root beer spill. ‘course neither did gerald or luis guzmán or shannon lake & all those peeps who read ur blog but don’t seem 2 write 2 it nemore.

    it’s kinda funny wen u have friends who spend tyme w/u wen u have a band 2gethah, but then kinda don’t do it az much wen there’s no band nemore. i shud warn u tho, gerald wuz talkin’ ‘bout how he mite wanna get ur band back 2gethah 2 play xmas parties, so u mite hafta decide if u wanna do that.

    so, neway, aftah the biz w/eva i am kinda afraid 2 mention wut zandra wuz talkin’ ‘bout w/her uncle arne, cuz u know he’z in barbados w/duncan’s sister perdita anderson, these days & i don’t wanna talk ‘bout duncan 2 eva. i didn’t ask 2 much frum zandra, but az near az i can tell either perdita iz xxpectin’ her & arne’s baby or perdita iz xxpectin’ sum money frum arne burnin’ down sum bizness she had, while he wuz doin’ a magick show, or mebbe sumthin’ diff. it cud’ve been sumthin’ diff, but zandra iz not a big talker, az u know.

    neway, leafs & rangers 2nite @7 @my house. i’m kinda grounded 4 a few dayz cuz of our trip out last nite, but the good news wuz ur ‘rents didn’t ground u @all. mom iz still n2 the discipline thing evn ur fam izn’t; but @least u comin’ ovah 2 study & watch the leafs duzn’t count. mom unnerstandz the mportance of rootin’ 4 the leafs.

  • At 6:45 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    thanx 4 helpin' me get the root beer outta the upholstery, jeremy. i m abt 2 come over 4 the hockey. shd i bring snaxx?


  • At 7:01 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, no snax r necessary. i alreddy have a kind of dinner 4 us 2 eat w/sum of that vegetarian stuff u like, cuz u kinda got xxcited the last tyme i made u dinner, so you know, mebbe u’ll b xxcited again. ‘course i dunno if it counts 4u on the 2nd tyme. it duzn’t matter. it’s stuff u like & i didn’t burn it & mom sez it tasted good wen she sampled it. ‘course she might of just sed that cuz she’z my mom.

  • At 7:02 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I have a question for you about bunk beds. My wife, Beatrice Alfarero, ran into Tracey Mayes when she was at Lilliput’s bookstore Christmas shopping, and she said she had a used bunk bed that they are trying to give away. Her boy Paul and her daughter Rosemary each have bunk beds in their rooms, and since Paul Mayes is 10 and about to turn 11, which is considered to be the age in Milborough when young men start to settle down with their first girlfriend, she thought a larger bed might be in order for him. Beatrice, at first, was horrified at the idea, particularly since our María is 10 and has a little crush on Paul Mayes. But then she thought about the kind of quality bunk bed the Mayes would buy and realized that there was no good reason to turn down the offer. Both our daughters, María and Ana have sleepovers and have been begging for a bunk bed for ages.

    Beatrice wanted to know how old the bed was, and Tracey said it was only a few years old, because Gordon and Tracey gave Paul’s first bunk bed to Anthony and Thérèse Caine, when Françoise turned 1 year old, with the understanding that it would be for Françoise when she was older. I had told Beatrice your story from your sister Elizabeth, how Françoise was already sleeping in the bunk bed, and Beatrice was horrified that Anthony Caine would put his 2-year-old daughter in the top bunk of a bunk bed. According to Tracey though, despite the fact that Françoise is only 2 years old, she exceeds the height and weight requirements recommended as the minimum for sleeping in the top bunk of a bunk bed. I haven’t seen Françoise in awhile, but she must be huge for a 2-year-old girl.

    Anyway, you have done baby-sitting for the Mayes’ kids before, and I was wondering how rough they are on their bunk beds. Beatrice wouldn’t mind getting the spare from Tracey, but not if Paul has torn it up.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 7:16 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy made a delicious dinner. so good! i'm gonna b v. v. nice 2 him l8rz.

    howard, lemme c. rosie is not ruff on bunk beds @ all. paul kinda likes 2 bounce on stuff, jumping up & down, that kinda thing. so it's poss that a bed from paul wd b in kinda bad shape, but a bed from rosie wd b in almost perfect shape. hth.


  • At 12:27 AM, Anonymous liz patterson said…


    When I got home that night, Anthony called me up and told me how he tricked his brat kid into letting us still date, he asked Frenchy, "So, you don't want me to be with anyone else?" and Frenchy said no so Anthony said, "That's too bad, I told Elizabeth we would meet her tomorrow for supper, shopping, and Santa," and that brat shrieked, "I wanna see Santa!" and Anthony told her I would cry if they went without me, so Frenchy said I could go, then Anthony told me how he made a mental put about "Clause and Effect" which is a triple pun because of clause and cause but also clause and Claus like Santa, and we laughed until we both wet our pants at that, and then I asked Anthony, "Doesn't it bother you that Frenchy doesn't like me?" and Anthony was confused, he said, "Why would it, I don't let little things like that stop me when I have a good idea, remember, I didn't want to marry Therese, but I didn't let that stop me! And Therese didn't want to have a baby, but I didn't let that stop me! It's no big deal that my daughter doesn't want a stepmother--it'll all work out in the end!" and I said, "Yes, excellent idea," because I hope that means he is going to propose for Christmas, there is nothing I'd like better than a giant diamond for a present, and also, since he doesn't care if Frenchy likes me or not, I think it means Anthony will be okay with us sending Frenchy to boarding school, heck, it is doing her a favor anyway, I told some people at school how Frenchy is only two but looks much much older, and the science teacher got all serious and said, "Oh, that's sad, progeria is a serious disease," and I said, "Prowhatia?" and the science teacher told me it sounds like Frenchy has this terrible disease that makes a person grow old way before her time, and that Frenchy probably won't live to be older than 15, and by then, she will be like a ancient old lady, so I said to the science teacher, "I guess Frenchy should have adventures while she can?" and the teacher agreed, so really, we shouldn't hold her back, we should let her leave home for boarding school so she gets a life experience that would be kind of like college, or heck, she could just run away from home or whatever it takes to make her have adventures before she sadly dies of this super convenient disease.



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