April's Real Blog

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Getting Bigger

Liz had sum disturbing stuff 2 share abt the Anthony-Françoise dynamic:
Okay, so the next thing what happened was that Anthony tried to correct Bratty Frenchy's rude ways by saying I was sitting on the couch first, but I of course had to show Anthony that I would be a good stepmom so I didn't say Yeah have good manners or I'm sending you to boarding school, instead I said I would clear our cocoa cups but instead of going to the kitchen I listened in, and that brat Frenchy started complaining why come I'm over their house all the time, and Anthony said he likes sharing things with me, and I mentally giggled because mostly what he likes to try to share with me is in his pants, and I keep having to tell him not until the wedding night because I am a virgin*, and then Frenchy told him something like she should share that stuff with her, and I almost giggled out loud, because that would be illegal by what we learned in school, and Anthony tried to tell her he needs a big girl for that stuff, which I almost got mad about, okay so I don't weigh 125 but I am not totally fat, I don't have my own postal code yet like Mom, anyway, Frenchy said she would grow, and I thought that this was definitely true because in like 2 years she has growed enough for 6 or 7 years, probably by our wedding she will be a teenager and will want to go to the boarding school I get for her, because she will be all martiany and strange like you April, anyway, it is clear the apple felled not far from the tree and Frenchy is just like her mom, what's her name, Mrs. Frenchy, or whatever, you know, the selfish bitchy one who didn't like me and ran away with a man, that is something I could look forward to I guess, Frenchy running away with a man, anyway, I thought to myself that Anthony would be very lucky to get out of this sitchuation without having to tell about s-e-x, so we will see tomorrow how it all went, I have to go find Shiimsa and put the glasses and freckles on her, and practice fending off Anthony's advances some more, he is hard to convince, I keep saying, "Who do you think I am, some French whore?" but it hasn't worked yet.

And she added this afterwards:
Oh yeah, as far as Anthony knows I am pure and untouched, that is what I told him, and anyperson who says different to him is gonna eat a knuckle samwitch.

Wdn't it have been kinder and less damaging 4 Anthony 2 tell Francie that he needs adult, non-relative female companionship?

Oh, and don't worry abt me b-ing the NEperson who sez "different" 2 Anthony. He deserves whatevs he gets w/U.


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  • At 7:06 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    She'd be better off in boarding school that having to endure the company of a selfish, immature, mewling, cretinous, hypocritcal, manipulative jackass of a woman the the Great White Goof so Liz would end up doing the kid a good turn she didn't intend. Ah, well. 'Evil will will often Evil mar.'

  • At 1:01 PM, Anonymous Candace said…

    Told you, Liz! Is this how you are "handling it," by running out of the room?

  • At 1:30 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. I know the thought that Elizabeth might send her little half-Quebecoise “soon to be” daughter to a boarding school appears to be simply a means to remove her from Milborough. Let me assure that the truth is much kinder. Sometimes when you are born from a particular ethnicity, like half-Quebecoise, you need special training to allow you to preserve the history and the culture of your ethnic background. As our Lizardbreath knows from the time she tried to share the history and culture of those northwestern First Nations kids with them in their school, this is not an area in which she excels. When you are a parent, you need to stick with your strengths. Anthony will be there for all the talks about bad behaviour, but when it comes to learning what it means to be a half-Quebecoise, and despised by most decent people in the world, then that sort of teaching can really only be done at a special half-Quebecoise boarding school. I am sure when you think about it, you would agree the best place for that little half-Quebecoise girl is as far away from them and their cultural ways of doing things as possible.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 1:31 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i enjoyed studyin’ english w/u last nite, evn tho it wuz a little diff w/all the textin’ tween u & ur sis. i guess thass still bettah than u textin’ tween u & duncan, xxcept 4 that kinda pop quiz u gave me on parentin’. i know i guess i always figgered u wud wanna have kids sumday aftah u were a vet or sumthin’, but i kinda didn’t xxpect we wud b talkin’ ‘bout it kinda serious like so soon. i guess sum of thingz ur sis sed 2u kinda got u mad & u hadda talk ‘bout it 2 calm down. thass cube. ‘course aftahwardz, wen i thot ‘bout it, u nevah sed, “our kids” or “my kids”, u always sed, “wen u have kids, jeremy, ru gonna…” & then there wuz the question part.

    like, “wen u have kids, jeremy, ru gonna send them 2 boardin’ skool?” or “wen u have kids, jeremy, ru gonna ignore them & do stuff only w/ur wife like take vacationz 2 mexico w/o ur kid?” or “wen u have kids, jeremy, ru gonna call them names like frenchy or martian or the creature?” or “wen u have kids, jeremy, ru gonna go 2 the playground & play w/them or ru gonna sit on the park bench & not evn watch them?” or “wen u have kids, jeremy, ru gonna read them ne xxcerpts frum books my bro haz written?” “wen u have kids, jeremy, ru gonna go 2 their concert they do @a telethon or just watch it on tv & say, ‘well we pledged sumthin’ 2 the telethon. wut else do u wunt?’” or “wen u have kids, jeremy, ru gonna act like ur not a dad nemore, just cuz ur daughter turned 16?”

    i wuz kinda hard answerin’ all those questionz, cuz u were sayin’ them kinda fast & angry & mad & sad all @the same tyme. i wuzn’t sure if ur gonna hit me or wut, so thass y i sed, “april, i dunno the answers 2 all those questions. but u’ve seen me w/ur niece & nephew wen we did baby-sittin’. thass prolly how i will b w/my kids 2.”

    u seemed 2 rilly like that answer. i know sumtymez i say thingz the wrong way, but it didn’t seem like i did it wrong that tyme. it’ll sound funny, but sumtymez i am rilly glad ur ‘rents don’t pay that much attention 2u now ur 16, cuz i dunno wut i wud’ve sed if they walked in ur room rite then. i kinda doubt they wud b-lieve that story u thot of in case they did, ‘bout how a cheezy-puff sumhow got in the wrong place & u needed help gettin’ it out.

  • At 1:48 PM, Blogger howard said…


    There is a temptation, when you are dating a single parent, to step aside and let the parent handle all the discipline issues. After all, you are just dating, and the parent may have ways of dealing with situations. Like with Beatrice and me, I remember being told by her daughters that “daddy was a pilot for the US Navy who was killed in Afghanistan and I was not brave enough to be a daddy”. Well, there is no use in arguing that point, and the proper course of action was to let Beatrice step in and tell her daughters it was a little rude.

    On the other hand, when we had a brief infestation of electrified rodents in our house, I got to show off a little wooden broom action getting them out of the house, and the girls were impressed enough with my bravery. Of course, when I think about electrified rodents and me with a wooden broom handle, I seem to remember some other incident involving you and your rabbit. In any case, there are times for the future stepparent to act, and times for them to step aside.

    In the case with your sister, if she plans to win over her future daughter, little Francie, she should probably do some girl things just with her, so they could bond together. Naturally, I would suggest your sister avoid things like shopping for clothes, or your sister’s fashion sense may traumatize the little girl. Maybe they could cook Kraft dinner together. Most kids like Kraft dinner, and I understand it is one of the things your sister knows how to make.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 3:34 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    howard, since rabbits r not rodents, it is a relief 2 me that if u had a problem w/electrified rodents, it wd not have been electrified bunnies.

    i think u r rite abt what liz oughta do, but she duz not listen 2 me.

    dc2, u mite b rite.

    mike, yr prejudice against the québecois is horrible.

    jeremy, sumtymez i need reassurance that u r not like my fam. thanx 4 that!


  • At 5:35 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. My prejudice against the Québecois is horrible? Whatever are you talking about? Do honestly think the Lizardbreath or Anthony Caine are going to give that little half-Québecois a proper education in her cultural background? I should say not. They can’t even do love talk with each other, without having to read their notes; and no matter how many times I write the script for Anthony which says, “Elizabeth, will you marry me?”, he always seems to lose it (the script that is).

    How is that prejudice to think that half-Québecois little girl should go to a boarding school, which specializes in half-Québecois culture? Elizabeth spent 2 years of her life teaching First Nations kids, and you know half her lessons had to do with preserving their culture, like speaking their language that nobody but they speak, and making dreamcatchers and the moccasins and the like. Why shouldn’t Anthony Caine’s child have the same privilege? If you ask me, persons who want children to lose their ethnic heritage are the ones who are prejudiced.

    Take the town of Milborough for example. Every business is represented by an ethnicity and the whole town embraces it. That is the sign of a true global diversity. I would have thought someone like you, April, whose closest friends consist almost entirely of persons whose families have recently emigrated from other countries to Canada, would have a better appreciation of these things.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 5:38 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, predators @the leafs 2nite @7:30. r we still up 4 that? also, if u need nemore reassurance that i’m not like ur fam, i am definitely up 4 that.

  • At 6:18 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    mike, i was referring 2 yr "despised by most decent people in the world." how is THAT not prejudice? u r clearly endorsing such prejudice by saying it is harboured by "most decent ppl." i wd counter that it's INDECENT 2 despise ne1 4 being québecois or 1/2-québecois.

    jeremy, we r so on. an' i m gonna need LOTS of reassurance.


  • At 2:42 AM, Anonymous liz patterson said…


    Isn't it exciting I get a whole week about me and my love life, but dang it is a bummer to get it all messed up by that brat Frenchy and her stupid problems, anyway, I thought Anthony got the brat all packed off to bed and just when I thought we could talk about when he is finally going to make me Mrs. Anthony Caine he started blabbing about Frenchy, so I had to tell him it was okay and I understood why she was jealous since it was just him and Frenchy so of course they have a unnaturallike close relationship, and then Anthony said that Therese has been gone a long time, like a few months or something, and she should of got over her motheral abandonment by now, but I kind of ignored all the Frenchy talk because Anthony said something about "another woman in his house" and I knew that meant me and I got all carried away on fantasies about being Mrs. Anthony Caine and wearing a frilly apron and baking pies and roasts and clipping coupons and vacuuming in high heels and a pearl necklace and a fetching shirtwaist dress and hosting meetings of the Milborough Ladies Aide Society and starting up my very own emergency casserole telephone tree on Striver Drive where Anthony's house is, but then I realized that Anthony was staring at me and he hadn't actually proposed yet or anything so I quick said something like how I could be patient and wait or whatever for Frenchy to come to me, you know, Anthony really eats up that kind of talk, just then that brat Frenchy came back yelling "Daddy Daddy" and she threw herself into Anthony's arms, probably to keep him from taking me in his arms and proposing, so I thought to myself, "Ready when you are...to start shopping for boarding schools."



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