Ger and I = More Than Friends Again

Ger an' I have been sharing a secret since Monday of last week.

U C, after Shannon's speech in the hallway, I went up 2 him, all "Gerald?" Ger was cleaning out his locker, and he turned 2 me, all "I thot U weren't speaking 2 me." And I sed, "Well I am. Our band shd do the telethon. I don't care if U R playing drums 4 Rebecca[h]... It's 4 a gd cause." And Ger sed, "Friends again?" And we stared @ ea other 4 what seemed like a silent penultimate panel, and then I sed, "MORE than friends again!" as we hugged.

In rel8ed news, Ger posted a comment l8 last nite:

Formerly dearest Becky flower,

I am sorry to have to break your heart, but I cannot be your concubine any longer. My dearest April flower came to me that day after Shannon made her speech in the cafeteria and told me she wants us to be "more than friends" again. I am not quite sure what caused her change of heart. Pater says that Patterson women have fickle and violent temperaments. I am kind of afraid of the "violent" part. Also, April is a Patterson, and Mater wants me to marry into the First Family of Milborough.

So, April and I have been secretly "more than friends" for a little while now. My relationship with you has been a sham for some time. However, I can no longer continue to see both of you, as my little April flower says there will be no more "comfy accommodation" from her until I break it off with you.

Anyway, thanks for the public exposure on that TV show and all. Also, it was fun losing our virginity together. That was the best day of my life.

Thanks again, and sorry, Gerald

I hope the "losing virginity" thing ends up b-ing an untrue thing staged 4 the Newlyfoobs reality show, like Howard hinted. If not, I mite hafta retcon myself 2 having slept w/Axel. Foob oper8ors R standing by.

Apes

Inevitable Pun on "Best Man"

U mite remember that Dad stopped off @ Mayes Midtown Motors recently, 2 have his car serviced. After having a convo w/Anthony, he went off 2 the restaurant. NEway, Dad sez that when he was in the restaurant having cinnamon buns and coffee, Anthony came in and joined him. Dad was all, "So, U took care of the accounting questions Julia had?" Anthony was like, "Oh, sure, it was really a simple matter after all." Then Anthony told Dad, "Julia is such a great girl, John!" Dad's face musta darkened, cuz Anthony was all, "No, w8, I know what U're thinking. I mean she's a gr8 girl b-cuz she encouraged me 2 declare myself 2 Elizabeth @ Shawna Marie's wedding!" Then Dad's face musta been all sunshine an' flowers, and Anthony told him abt how Julia was all, "As yr friend, Anthony, I've gotta tell U.... that girl U're so crazy abt still cares!" And how Anthony was like, "MayB," and Julia came back w/"What 'mayB'? Of COURSE she does! C the way she looks @ U? I think U shd make a move." Anthony told Dad abt being all, "Really?" And how while they watched the groom removing the garter from Shawna Marie's garter, w/Dawn, Liz, and Mason standing by Shawna-Marie, Julie went, "Absolutely. If U want that girl, 2day is the day 2 tell her so." Anthony was like, "But Julia, she's w/the best man!" And Julia winked @ him, all "U're better."

Dad sez that he told Anthony, "She encouraged U 2 declare yrself 2 Elizabeth and she made a pun on 'best man'? I knew I liked her! Say, give her this!" He extracted from his wallet a coupon for a free cleaning @ his dental clinic.

Jeremy, thanx again 4 getting Axel and me in2 the Fergie show @ Koolhaus. We had the most awesum time! Tho I hafta say, when Honoria asked U 2 settle once an' 4 all that rumour abt Fergie being a man in drag, I don't think that was what she had in mind!

Apes

Liz demands equal time!

Liz wrote in last nite with:

April,

I am more than a little upset that even though it is "my week," you and your stupid idiot no good friends do not want to talk about me, or Shawna-Marie's very interesting wedding, or my dress, or my basement apartment, or my attempted lesboid seduction of Candace who after all has long been known to harbor lesbotic tendencies and a salacious lesbacious love for me, if that isn't interesting, I don't know what is.

Anyway, Candace asked me if I was going to the wedding with Anthony, and I said no, he asked some other girl, and Candace helpfully pointed out that I was going alone, and that gave me a perfect opportunity to make some meaningful looks at her while I made myself sound as desperate as possible while I talked all about how great it would be to go to the wedding alone, which Candace should know is secret code for, "Please ask me out," because Candace has known me forever and knows that I will usually go to extraordinarious lengths to secure a date so I don't do the "loser" thing and show up alone.

In fact, to show my seriousness about being willing to commit to her, when I ate a whole bag of cookies over coffee, I shared the cookies with Candace, and Candace ate the cookies, and I looked at her expectantly, because surely Candace knows Pattersons well enough to know that if they are willing to give you some of their baked goods they could of eaten themselves, they must harbor a deep love for you in the very black depths of their souls, so I gazed at Candace lovingly, but all she did was gobble cookies while talking about how all you need to get married is a minister and your intended spouse, which just showed me Candace is not yet totally aware of the ways of Pattersons, because everyone knows that Pattersons think you need to have at least two weddings, one real and one fake, and two wedding dresses, one a hideous brown sweater dress and one a high-fashion creation commissioned by the Good Witch of the North herself, so I knew then I would have to try harder to seduce Candace, because she seemed quite clueless even after at least 15 years of knowing Pattersons, how disappointing.

Liz

Aw, Liz, it's only Tuesday. I'm sure we'll fit it lots of talking abt U an' Candace an' Shawna-Marie's wedding. But I heard that Candace is going 2 the wedding as Rudy as her d8. Sum ppl saw them shopping 4 a wedding gift and having sum discussion abt not want 2 get a gift they considered "boring" or "obvious" like a blender or a fondue set. And Rudy was saying sumthing abt how they shd just check Shawna-Marie's gift registries, and Candace was saying that wd take out the fun and surprise. Then they talked abt what they wd wear and whether they shd have a secret code 2 let ea other know when the reception was getting boring so they cd make their xxcuses and leave.

Jeremy, thanx 4 giving me an' Axel sum "private time" last nite. He was seriously bummed abt hockey, but I think I managed 2 cheer him up!!!

Apes