Glimpse in2 our future?
@ the head table, Liz and Anthony were standing up, kinda huddling 2gether, looking @ Weed, who was crouching on the floor just in front of the table and taking a pic of Francie and Merrie holding hands while Shawna-Marie gave a toast just beyond them.
Meanwhile, a bunch of us were standing, kinda lined up and facing the head table. Lawrence (looking kinda purple) was standing on the left side. Gordo was to L's rite, but standing a bit in front. Then there was Mike, just 2 Lawrence's rite, holding Robin (asleep) and Dee leaning on Mike, like pressing her right cheek 2 his left shoulder while pressing her right hand 2 his back. Then came me, 2 Mike's rite, and then Dad, w/his rite arm around Mom.
Dad suddenly asked Mom, "Elly, if we cd go back in time, I mean... If I asked U 2..." And she interrupted him, saying, "Yes, John ... With all my heart." And just as she sed that last bit, Antman and Liz did a big, showy smooch @ the head table. And I was kind of disappointed she hadn't let Dad finish his question. What if he was planning 2 say, "If I asked U 2 join a commune in Upst8 New York?" Or sum other thing she didn't assume he was asking. Oh, well, she's known Dad longer than I have. I guess she doesn't have 2 let him finish his sentences.
But that's not even where things got weird. Suddenly, behind the head table, a big projection screen dropped down. A picture of Mom and Dad, seen from behind standing on some kinda deck and watching sum mountain scenery @ night, w/a crescent moon in the sky, appeared on the screen. And over the sound system, a voice that was booming and distorted, like the Wizard of Oz, said, "ELLY AND JOHN PATTERSON RETIRED TO TRAVEL, TO READ, TO VOLUNTEER IN THEIR COMMUNITY AND TO HELP RAISE THEIR GRANDCHILDREN!" I whispered, "Mom, U're already retired." And the booming voice sed, "NO INTERRUPTIONS FROM MARTIAN TEENAGERS!"
Then, there was an image of Gramps and Iris holding a baby. And the booming voice went, "GRANDPA JIM LIVED TO WELCOME ANTHONY AND ELIZABETH'S FIRST CHILD [together], JAMES ALLEN. JIM PASSED AWAY AT THE AGE OF 89, WITH HIS WIFE, IRIS, AT HIS SIDE.
Next, the screen showed Liz and the Antman dancing, she in an orange tank top and purple pants, and him in a yellow t-shirt and purplish-blue pants. The booming voice went, "ELIZABETH [Liz!] CONTINUES TO WORK AS A TEACHER. SHE'S DEVOTED TO HER WORK AND TO HER FAMILY, LOVING ANTHONY MORE EACH DAY." Then, the booming voice said, "THAT'LL SHOW THE HATERS!" The next image on the screen was Gord looking about 65 and Anthony looking like he does now, w/Anthony holding a newspaper that has a giant headline of "COTTAGES FOR SALE ." The booming voice went, "ANTHONY MANAGES THE MAYES MOTORS EMPIRE, HAS DRAWN HIS BRIDE INTO BALLROOM DANCING, AND LOOKS FORWARD TO OPENING A SMALL BED-AND-BREAKFAST."
Then, I kinda had to gasp at the disturbing image of Mike that was projected next. His lower jaw was distorted, like mayB Dad had just taken out all of his wisdom teeth. He was pictured sitting at a flatscreen computer monitor, holding up his head w/his right hand, and looking smug. The booming voice went, "MICHAEL PATTERSON HAD 4 BOOKS IN PRINT BEFORE SIGNING A FILM CONTRACT. HE CONTINUES TO WORK WITH JOSEF WEEDER AND TO WRITE FROM HOME--WHERE HE SAYS HIS INSPIRATION AND CONFIDENCE LIE."
Next, there was another disturbing image: Robin w/his mouth gaping open, muppetlike, his hair flipping up in a little curl on each side of his head, Merrie looking like she'd just gotten fresh collagen in her lips, staring ahead bug-eyed, and Dee w/her eyes squeezed shut apparently laughing at the most hysterical thing she's ever heard. Booming voice said, "DEANNA WORKED AS A PHARMACIST UNTIL SHE BEGAN A SMALL SEWING SCHOOL. SHE TAUGHT SON ROBIN HOW TO COOK. THEIR DAUGHTER MEREDITH WENT INTO DANCE AND THEATER. THE FAMILY GOES ANNUALLY TO THE MONTREAL 'JUST FOR LAUGHS' FESTIVAL." I went, "Sewing school? Why, does she go back in time to 1898?" The booming voice said, "DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU, TEENAGER! SEWING SCHOOL IS PERFECT FOR DEE! SHE LOVES TO SEW! SHE LOVES HER SEWING ROOM! SHE REMADE MARIAN'S DRESS!!!"
I decided I'd better shut up for the moment, since there was suddenly a pic of me up on the screen, holding a horse by the bridle and kind of snuggling up, w/the right side of my face against the left side of the horse's. The booming voice told us, "APRIL PATTERSON GRADUATED FROM UNIVERSITY WITH A DEGREE IN VETERINARY MEDICINE. HER LOVE OF HORSES LED HER TO A JOB IN CALGARY AND AN OPPORTUNITY TO WORK WITH THE CALGARY STAMPEDE. COUNTRY LIVING AND A COUNTRY BOY KEEP HER 'OUT WEST'!" I said, "You know, through my veganism and Jivamukti yoga, I've adopted the philosophy that animals are not ours to use. Even if I were given the opportunity to work with the Calgary Stampede, I think I'd decline." And the booming voice went, "INGRATE VEGAN FREAK! WELL, MAYBE YOU'LL BE ABLE TO CHANGE THE SYSTEM FROM WITHIN!" I said, "Well, I guess I have around eight years or so to figure that all out." And the booming voice went, "WHATEVER!"
Next, the screen went blank and then just had text projected on it: "THE EXTENDED FAMILIES, FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES OF THE PATTERSONS CONTINUE TO LIVE AND GROW, LOVE AND LAUGH AND EXPERIENCE LIFE AS WE DO... AS IF PART OF A COMPLEX NOVEL, WHOSE PAGES ARE CAREFULLY CRAFTED AND THEN TURNED BY ANOTHER HAND." Then the screen lifted up.
Francie went, "Wait! That's IT? What about ME?" She noticed some rustling behind a curtain on the right side of the reception hall and she ran and pulled it open. There, we saw the Witch of Corbeil! She was wearing a purple shirt, her hair had turned brown, and she was sitting at a drafting table! At first, she spoke into the microphone, so her booming voice was going, "PAY NO ATTENTION TO WOMAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN! I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WITCH OF CORBEIL!" Then as she saw Francie start to tear up a bit, she pushed the mic aside and went, "Aw, heck."
Then she said, "Thank you-- To my syndicate, publisher, family, staff, readers and friends for encouraging me these past 29 years--as 'For Better or For Worse' grew from simple sketches to an intricate 'saga' involving many characters. If I could do it all over again... Would I do some things differently? ...I've been given the chance to find out!! Please join me again on Monday as the story begins again... With new insights and new smiles. Looking back looks wonderful!" Then she signed a piece of paper she had on her table and held it up. The signature was "Lynn Johnston."
How weird is that? I don't even know what to say. Well, except thanks 2 all of U who have been checking in on my blog since I started it back in June of 2005. U've been through my grade-eight grad, my "band" drama, zits, Liz being "come after," meeting Paul, Mike having fights with his neighbours, making fun of them in his column, Mom flapping and honking, Dad playing w/trains, being clueless, Liz throwing away her relationship w/Paul, Mike running back in2 a burning building to save his lappy while leaving Dee to "fend for herself" on the fire escape w/2 scared lil kids, and on and on. Tomorrow, I think everyone in Mboro will be dwelling on the past--remembered in a diff way from how ppl ever remembered it B4. And I'll be focusing on my last yr of senior secondary school.
So, I guess I'm kinda saying goodbye to U all. Keeping this blog has helped me not go too crazy, being surrounded by my crazy fam always treating me like I'm defective (when they're not ignoring me). I dunno if I might check in here now and then 2 upd8 U on stuff, but my daily updates are def. over. Big love to all of U!