Happy Easter, Sorry About the Flashback

I wish I cd say I have new content 4 U 2day, but I can't. It's time 4 another reminiscence from Mike. Here goes:

April,

Formerly little sis. I remember just last year when my wife, my mother and my daughter went to church in Milborough all together for the first time on Easter. I had thought it was going to be an experience like I had remembered growing up, but it wasn't that way at all. If you recollect, my daughter was bored and restless and asked the question, "When do they get to the part where Jesus meets the Easter bunny?" Things had certainly changed since the time when I used to go to church with mom and dad and Lizzie.

I was thinking about that time back in 1980, which is possibly my first Easter memory. Dad was wearing a suit jacket that was way too small for him, and he was carrying Lizzie in one arm, while Lizzie was reaching her right hand out to dad’s chest because...hum!... I don't know why. The mysterious reasoning of babies, I suppose. As for me, mom was squatting down in order to button my shirt up to my neck in preparation for a necktie. Neither Lizzie nor I were making a fuss, which was unusual for us; but I think it was because we knew that day was a special day.

As mom led me into the church by the hand, I marveled at the beautiful stained glass in the church depicting a scene of a mother carrying a baby in her arms and both them with big sliced-up, circular things around their heads, kind of like pieces of pie. There was a man in a robe in the front and a choir behind him singing. The music was very beautiful and we took our seats, mom and Lizzie in front of dad and me, because there wasn’t much space to sit. Little Lizzie looked back at me with a smile on her face, which was either due to the music or it was due to messing her diaper. I am not sure which one; but I do know that shortly after that we were all sitting together on the same seat. I can’t quite remember why we did that.

However I do remember Lizzie chewed on a chew ring and I snuggled up to mom and dad crossed his arms so his elbow was stuck in my back. Despite this discomfort there was a smile on my face as I heard the man saying the words I remember to this day, "For Easter is not a time for sadness, but a time for rejoicing. Just as Spring awakens sleeping flowers and animals after a long cold winter, so Easter awakens us to the wonders and the love all around..." What a wonderful talk. I love it when people talk about flowers and sleeping animals.

After it was over, mom was putting on my outdoor jacket and as she did I said to her, "Is church open every Sunday, mom?" She replied, "Yes, Michael." as she pulled my jacket sleeves over my shirt.

This got me to thinking. Beautiful music. Beautiful stained glass. Great talks about sleeping animals and flowers and being happy. I could really get used to a place like this. So I said to mom, "Then how come we only come twice a year?" Unfortunately, I said that to mom right in front of dad and the guy wearing the robe, so the rest of the day was not as much fun. I guess they were a little embarrassed by that, because they liked people to think they went more often.

Last year, when we took little Meredith, I had this hope and expectation that she would be as impressed by Easter at a church as I was back in 1980. But it wasn't the same. The man in the robe kept talking on and on about Jesus coming back from the dead and what a great thing it was for sinners. There was not one word about flowers or sleeping animals, and as Meredith so correctly pointed out, not one word about the Easter bunny either. It was a complete failure as far as I am concerned and I think, correctly so, that last year's Easter will be the last Easter you will hear about a Patterson going to church. They have really let that place go to the religious whackos.

We might have to go to a church for Elizabeth's wedding, but I hope the man in the robe will keep the talk about Jesus and dead people to a minimum. The church really isn't the place for that kind of stuff.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Jeremy, I don't want U 2 worry I'll embarrass U and yr fam when we all go 2 church 2day. I know that the mother and baby Mike described in the stained-glass window wda been Mary and baby Jesus, and that they wda had halos around their heads, 2 show they're holy. Not random pie shapes. And that the guy in the robe was the pastor and the talk he gave was his sermon. C, I'm not all super-clueless like Mike. But I do come from a fam that hardly ever goes 2 church, so I won't try an' assume I know everything. I'll follow instructions and watch U 4 cues as needed!

Apes

Happy Easter, Peeps!

Hey, so it's Easter, ppl! Have a Happy one! Check this comment that Mike posted v. v. early this A.M.:

April,

Formerly little sis. When it comes to Easter, there is nothing like having an elder family member give wisdom to a young child. This Easter, I was looking forward to our traditional Easter Egg hunt and chocolate bunny-eating celebration, and seeing how “hopped up” my children would get from the consumption of sugar, when my wife Deanna said these ominous words, “Now that we are planning to be homeowners in this community, Michael, I think it is time for us to take our children to church. It would help become more a part of the community.” My mouth dropped, and the rest of the family, which I will note included you, suddenly disappeared. Deanna then said in a loud voice, “But we can go shopping for Easter dresses.” This managed to lure my mother out of hiding, because she claimed she wanted to get a new scarf to de-frumpify her dress. Whether she was successful or not, I will leave that judgment to others.

Easter came and in order to beat the crowds, we opted to go to a very early service (early enough so I can write this to you) and it still be on Easter. Deanna was in her pink Easter dress, and my daughter was in her purple one and a white sweater. I was wearing a green jacket and striped green tie, which Deanna had picked out for me when she went shopping. I felt like a golfer, but I restrained myself from mentioning it to Deanna, who was still a little mad from what I said to her yesterday. Our son went into hiding, and then, as you know, mom said, “It’s time to go, April.” Then you said, “I’ll go find Robin by offering him some cake.” Then you disappeared and it got to be so late waiting for you and my son, we decided to leave without you (which I suspect was your plan all along).

The four of us (me, Deanna, mom, my daughter) went to the service, and as predicted, it was early enough so that the place was respectably full but not excessively so. I sat in my seat, very nervous because (to be honest), it had been so long since I had been in a church, I had forgotten what it was about. None of the women with me seemed to be bothered, and my daughter kicked her feet back and forth casually waiting for the service to start.

Once the service started, my daughter ‘s attention was initially rivetted, as she leaned forward with her elbow on her kneee. Then we saw a man and woman in robes speaking and gesticulating to the audience. It was at this point I thought I saw the man who assaulted Elizabeth, Howard Bunt, sitting directly in front of us with 2 burly women sitting next to him. I tried not to attract his attention, but drew my daughter closer to me in case he decided to turn around and pull my shirt or grab my daughter’s sweater.

Then we had to stand and look at this book kept in a rack in front of us. My daughter stood with us, but she was too little to be able to read the book. Then we sat down again, and I was so nervous, I had to take my right hand and hold on to Deanna for moral support.

Then my daughter leaned down in the pew with her little legs spread apart. Mom leaned over to her and said, “Meredith. Stop leaning down like you’re going to go roadside. It’s bad enough you look like Becky McGuire. You don’t have to act like her.” Then Deanna shushed mom and told her not to use that term with a 4-year-old in church. Mom seemed appropriately embarrassed and didn’t say any more.

Then my daughter turned to me. I was afraid she was going to ask me what “roadside” meant, but instead she asked me, “Daddy?” Fortunately, that was a question I could easily answer. I said, “Yes, Meredith!” But much to my surprise, Meredith had a followup question. She asked, “When do they get to the part where Jesus meets the Easter bunny?” My mind was racing. I thought back through It’s the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown, but I couldn’t remember any part which talked about Jesus meeting the Easter Bunny, or even the Easter Beagle. Listening carefully to the robed people in front, they seemed to be convinced Jesus had something to do with Easter, so it was possible a meeting took place.

I looked at Deanna, and she appeared to be just as confused as I was. Then mom spoke up and said, “Jesus died, an’ in free days, he came alive again! An’ ev’ybody was so happy they made hats! Den, the Easter Bunny liked the hats, so he gived ev’ybody some eggs an’ some chocolate.” I said, “Where did you learn that mom?” Mom said, “April went to Sunday School once a long time ago, and that’s what she told me. My daughter said, “Thanks for telling me, Grandma Elly.” And Grandma Elly beamed.

That’s what happened.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Mike, yeah, so when I told Mom that stuff? I was five! I can't believe Mom never realized a got the Easter story a bit mixed up. This reminds me of the stand-up routine where Ellen DeGeneres sez that Santa Claus didn't come along until Jesus was in grade four!

BTW, when I found Robin, he was curled up on Edgar's lil doggie bed. The poor guy was so pooped, I didn't have the heart 2 wake him. Dad and I R gonna take him 2 a l8r service this morning so he doesn't hafta miss out. Liz sez she can't go cuz she has cramps.

So, the d8 last nite w/Ger. Très Chère was a v. v. nice restaurant. And Ger was v. v. attentive. What I didn't realize was that his "marriage advisor" was going 2 B sitting @ one adjacent table, and that my "childhood sweetheart/potential Patterson spouse" consultant from the Johnston Institute for Better Living, Diana Artemis, Esq., Ph.D., Ed.D., would be @ another. And they'd B taking notes on their laptops and making screen captures w/lil webcams. That was kinda weird. But Ger was v. v. sweet.

Apes