April's Real Blog

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Easter, Sorry About the Flashback

I wish I cd say I have new content 4 U 2day, but I can't. It's time 4 another reminiscence from Mike. Here goes:

Formerly little sis. I remember just last year when my wife, my mother and my daughter went to church in Milborough all together for the first time on Easter. I had thought it was going to be an experience like I had remembered growing up, but it wasn't that way at all. If you recollect, my daughter was bored and restless and asked the question, "When do they get to the part where Jesus meets the Easter bunny?" Things had certainly changed since the time when I used to go to church with mom and dad and Lizzie.

I was thinking about that time back in 1980, which is possibly my first Easter memory. Dad was wearing a suit jacket that was way too small for him, and he was carrying Lizzie in one arm, while Lizzie was reaching her right hand out to dad’s chest because...hum!... I don't know why. The mysterious reasoning of babies, I suppose. As for me, mom was squatting down in order to button my shirt up to my neck in preparation for a necktie. Neither Lizzie nor I were making a fuss, which was unusual for us; but I think it was because we knew that day was a special day.

As mom led me into the church by the hand, I marveled at the beautiful stained glass in the church depicting a scene of a mother carrying a baby in her arms and both them with big sliced-up, circular things around their heads, kind of like pieces of pie. There was a man in a robe in the front and a choir behind him singing. The music was very beautiful and we took our seats, mom and Lizzie in front of dad and me, because there wasn’t much space to sit. Little Lizzie looked back at me with a smile on her face, which was either due to the music or it was due to messing her diaper. I am not sure which one; but I do know that shortly after that we were all sitting together on the same seat. I can’t quite remember why we did that.

However I do remember Lizzie chewed on a chew ring and I snuggled up to mom and dad crossed his arms so his elbow was stuck in my back. Despite this discomfort there was a smile on my face as I heard the man saying the words I remember to this day, "For Easter is not a time for sadness, but a time for rejoicing. Just as Spring awakens sleeping flowers and animals after a long cold winter, so Easter awakens us to the wonders and the love all around..." What a wonderful talk. I love it when people talk about flowers and sleeping animals.

After it was over, mom was putting on my outdoor jacket and as she did I said to her, "Is church open every Sunday, mom?" She replied, "Yes, Michael." as she pulled my jacket sleeves over my shirt.

This got me to thinking. Beautiful music. Beautiful stained glass. Great talks about sleeping animals and flowers and being happy. I could really get used to a place like this. So I said to mom, "Then how come we only come twice a year?" Unfortunately, I said that to mom right in front of dad and the guy wearing the robe, so the rest of the day was not as much fun. I guess they were a little embarrassed by that, because they liked people to think they went more often.

Last year, when we took little Meredith, I had this hope and expectation that she would be as impressed by Easter at a church as I was back in 1980. But it wasn't the same. The man in the robe kept talking on and on about Jesus coming back from the dead and what a great thing it was for sinners. There was not one word about flowers or sleeping animals, and as Meredith so correctly pointed out, not one word about the Easter bunny either. It was a complete failure as far as I am concerned and I think, correctly so, that last year's Easter will be the last Easter you will hear about a Patterson going to church. They have really let that place go to the religious whackos.

We might have to go to a church for Elizabeth's wedding, but I hope the man in the robe will keep the talk about Jesus and dead people to a minimum. The church really isn't the place for that kind of stuff.

Michael Patterson
Jeremy, I don't want U 2 worry I'll embarrass U and yr fam when we all go 2 church 2day. I know that the mother and baby Mike described in the stained-glass window wda been Mary and baby Jesus, and that they wda had halos around their heads, 2 show they're holy. Not random pie shapes. And that the guy in the robe was the pastor and the talk he gave was his sermon. C, I'm not all super-clueless like Mike. But I do come from a fam that hardly ever goes 2 church, so I won't try an' assume I know everything. I'll follow instructions and watch U 4 cues as needed!


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  • At 11:48 AM, Anonymous Liz Patterson said…

    Michael, why are you so stupid? The point of that story isn't that you ask stupid questions. Everyone knows you do that, but no one cares. The point is that I was cute! Everyone in the church was noticing what a CUTE baby I was. If Anthony and I get married and have babies of our own, they will be CUTE!


  • At 2:41 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Slightly older little sis. I think I have already admitted in public that you were cuter than I was. Cheeze, Liz. You don't have to rub it in. As for you and Anthony's progeny, I think I can say without any doubt and with the full support of my entire family, we hope your children look like you and not like Anthony. I am sure April will back me up on this one.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 4:29 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    yeah, looking like liz wd b way better than looking like ant. @ least liz when she was cute. well, she looks all right certain days, but other days she looks like u, mike. or mom. or even anthony. 2 bad liz and anthony can't have kids who look like thérèse.


  • At 4:31 PM, Anonymous Liz Patterson said…

    April, you are SO mean, how can you say such mean things. Frenchy might be a pretty girl, but she is half-Quebecoise! Don't you know what a disability that is!


  • At 7:04 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i wuz kinda sad 2 hafta leave u2 ur fam & their annual easter egg hunt w/ur niece & nephew, but i guess thass the way it iz. by the way, u did gr8 w/mom goin’2 church 2day. u don’t hafta worry ‘bout b-ing mbarrassed in church w/mom. mom didn’t usedta b religious @all. she sez wen she wuz married 2 dad, she wuz definitely not religious. but then there was that day wen i went aftah u on the bicycle & got hit & put in hospital & mom wuz convinced i wuz gonna die a terrible death ‘cuz i attacked a patterson. then u & ur mom visited me & i survived & w/o ne kind long term fx, xxcept 4 sum scarz u know ‘bout. mom haz been v. religious evah since, cuz she considerz it a miracle i survived. evah since we have been d8in’ aftah u & gerald broke up, she haz been convinced ur gonna take my life sumhow in a vengeance 4 how i didn’t die the 1st tyme.

    it kinda came up w/the death & resurrection theme of 2day ovah easter lunch w/my fam & i wuz so glad u xxplained how thingz r 2 my mom. wen u sed that pattersons were not about retribution, but were much more n2 humiliation & makin’ peeps pay 4 a long tyme; i cud c mom’s relief. u know u told her the stories ‘bout ur fam & gordon mayes, candace halloran, & brad luggsworth & u cud just see her eyes light up. then u mentioned how i had kinda told u stuff ‘bout thoze peeps who wrecked ur dad’s outdoor train stuff back then, & mom seemed happy 2 hear that.

    u know there’s part of me that rilly wunts 2 know wut u whispered 2 mom, wen she asked u how u were makin’ me pay ovah a long tyme, but there wuz so much gigglin’ aftah u whispered it, i am pretty sure that i rilly don’t wanna know. so don’t tell me, eh? it’s prolly sumthin’ i am bettah off not knowin’. especially since aftah u left 4 the easter egg hunt, mom haz been sayin’ 2 me, “jeremy. u bettah start workin’ out. ur gonna need ur stamina.”

    4warned iz 4 arms like they say, so i am doin' a little liftin' this evenin', just in case.

  • At 7:52 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, i had a gr8 time w/u and yr fam. i won't tell u what i sed in yr mom's ear. but don't worry, it wasn't bad.

    the easter egg hunt was just crayzee. meredith kept taking eggs outta robin's basket and putting them in her own, and when robin complained, mike just mumbled sumthing abt how merrie had found an "innov8ive way 2 increase her yield." and dee seemed 2 b humming "mother's little helper" by the rolling stones.


  • At 9:42 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey, Apes!

    Happy Easter! Its the 1st time we havent b-n 2gether 4 Easter since preskool. Weird, eh?

    Im about 2 go 2 grans 4 Easter dinner w/ the family & Bambi. Bambis work visa xpires in a few weeks & shell b back in TO. Im going 2 miss her.

    Perdita says that the hi tourist season ends in a cpl of weeks, then Im going 2 start working on my Grade 12 credits. Im thinking I can get enuf credits 2 gradu8 b4 the next tourist season b-gins. I dunno where I want 2 go 2 uni or what I want 2 study but theres lots of time 2 think abt that. If u go 2 Guelph mayb Ill come back 2 Ontario 4 uni.

    L8r. My 'rents r making a lot of bad jokes abt getting my goat if I dont hurry up.


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