April's Real Blog

Monday, March 17, 2008

Woman to Woman?

Liz has more to share about the fateful day she and Anthony mayB-sorta got engaged:

Ha! My turn's not over yet. Take THAT, Mike! I've been telling this since the end of February. By the end of this week, it'll have been more than four weeks of me telling this. Yay, me!

So when I heard that Anthony and Frenchy were ending their talk, I ran to the kitchen so Anthony wouldn't figure out I'd been snooping. I pretended to be about to wash my mug, so Anthony would be thinking how domestic-like and "making a home" I am.

Feeling my face looking especially Mike-ish, I asked him, "Is Françoise upset?" And Anthony answered, "A little. She's not quite sure what to make of our conversation." I put a hand to my breastbone and got that look Mom taught us to have when we do that, and asked him, "Did you tell her that I don't want to take the place of her mother?" Since Easter is coming up, I was kind of afraid Anthony might have said something like, "If you don't call Elizabeth 'Mommy,' the Easter Bunny will suicide himself." And while that might sound like a good parenting technique, our school psychologist tells me that kind of thing is "damaging."

Anyway, Anthony told me, "Yes. She knows you're a good friend, Liz. I think she's afraid that if we get married, she'll lose one of us." I wasn't sure which "us" he meant. "Us" as in ME and Anthony, or "us" as in "Thérèse and Anthony." Because I kind of think she doesn't really think of herself as having the "ME and Anthony" kind of "us," and besides, how would us marrying mean "losing" one of that "us"? But I wasn't going to ask Anthony all that. Instead, since I saw that Frenchy had trailed out of her bedroom, I bent down, put a hand on one of her shoulders, and asked her, "Francie....could we have a chat? Woman to woman?" And Frenchy said, "OK." I was holding her hand, and as we went into her room, she asked me, "Would you like some tea?" I had to smile because at least she learned somehow that you need hot beverages to have a real conversation. Well, unless you are having one in a car. Then you have the "moving vehicle" exception. But that's not important right now.

No, what's important is that IT'S MONDAY AGAIN AND STILL MY TURN! YEEEHAW! YAY, YAY, YAY! Stay tuned, April and maybe I'll share what happened in the woman-to-woman "chat" I had with Frenchy.

OMG, Liz, U musta totally gotten the newest Patterson manual on stretching out yr stories. U have managed to advance yr story almost none. Anyway, ppl, prolly more of this tomorrow.


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  • At 9:58 AM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. You can see that our sister is continuing her winning ways. I hope you are taking notes. When you and Gerald get back together and you have to deal with his half-Irish children from his prior marriage he destroyed so he could be with you, then there is nothing like a good tea to gain the confidence of the enemy. That way the child may be afraid she is losing one of you or Gerald or Gerald's ex-Irish wife (assuming that the rumours about whom he has been dating today are true), when in reality, once you ship the child off to the boarding school for half-Irish children, she will be losing all of you.

    If you portray yourself as Liz is doing with her half-Quebecoise child, then when the time comes for a boarding school, it won't be her powerless "good friend, who is definitely not replacing her mother" who is responsible, nor will it be her devoted father who is always there for her. The child will place the blame firmly on the shoulders of her birth mother, and that way Elizabeth can not only get the half-Quebecoise girl out of the house, but have her blame her own mother for the situation.

    Take note, little sis. Take note. This will be you and Gerald in another 12 -15 years.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 10:38 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i rilly enjoyed our plane ride back frum barbados. i didn't know air canada gave out "mile high club" stickers. i put mine on my backpack, just so peeps wud ask questions. the only 1 who haz asked 'bout it wuz gerald who came by 2 show off his new gf erin g. bragh. i told gerald u get the sticker if u particip8 in a tea party w/a girl in a movin' airplane ovah a mile high in the air, which az u know, is the truth, but not all the truth. gerald prolly wud've asked more questions 'bout it, if he wuzn't so bizzy tryin' 2 make a joke 'bout how he & erin were gonna go 2 sum st. patrick's day party & b4 the night wuz ovah she wuz gonna be "erin go bragh-less."

    by the way, did u get the e-mail frum perdita that "due 2 financial damages incurred @ farley hill frum the ides of march illusion levied at the illusion's reputed sponsor red hott bajan mammas, cheques 4 temp employees frum last week wud b delayed?" i think it means, thanks 2 arne, we spent a whole week workin' 4 nothin' xxcept a workin' vacay 2 barbados, where the only part of barbados i saw wuz wen we were goin' 2 & frum the airport. @least we had a few moments l8 @nite @the goat farm. i am skeeved out just writin' that. it's good 2b back in mboro. it may b a lot colder, but @least i don't hafta worry if the lips i am kissin' r urs or sum old goat's.

  • At 10:47 AM, Anonymous Duncan Anderson's silhouette said…


    You may have had a bad time in Barbados, but I had a great time. Not only does Eva Abuya want me, but a certain secret someone who lives in Toronto, has let me know that there is an interest in a guy "who's like Duncan but actually lives near Toronto".

    Duncan Anderson's silhouette

  • At 1:12 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    mike, y don't u ever listen 2 me. I AM NOT GOING 2 MARRY GERALD! gah, what is the matter w/u?

    jeremy, mayB u shd examine the headers of the e-mail that looks like it came from perdita. it cda been forged by arne. also, check yr suitcase 4 an envelope from perdita, who wrote u this message last nite:


    You will notice that there is a little extra in your wage packet. I was hoping that you might do me a favour in return. Please ensure that Mopey is no longer in the employ of Gordon Mayes. He is a menace to elderly women everywhere, and should be driven out of your fine town of Milborough.

    Also, it loox like arne's flyers advertised the sponsor as "red hot bajan mama's," which is actually a diff establishment. c zandra's xxplanation here.

    ger is being really weird abt that erin chick he's d8ing. but i hope they are v. v. happy 2gether 4ever and ever (amen).


  • At 1:59 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, ic the prob. i guess that y the e-mail asked 4 ne wages 2b returned 2 a local address here in canada. prolly that arne guy again, since he misspelled Redd Hott Bajan Mammas. wage packet, eh? i think i figgered out wut that iz now. i guess i shudn't be surprized it wuz in an envelope hidden in my suitcase. ok. well, i'm glad thass settled so quickly & w/o ne kinda complic8ed plotline.

    neway, accordin' 2 that note az long az i tell gordon mayes 'bout mopey the mascot b-ing a menace 2 elderly women everywhere & shud be driven out of mboro, then i have a little xxtra spendin' money. whoo hoo! ru free this evenin'? i promise we r not goin' 2 the same place az gerald & his new gf.

  • At 2:34 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    yeah, let's go out, and def not 2 the same place as ger and the new gf.

    sorry if u were hoping 4 a complic8ed plotline. we can make our own, if u like!


  • At 3:13 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, no thanx. i like uncomplic8ed plotlines. sum dinner. sum dancin'. sum kissin'. thass just right by me. altho, sumtymes it seems like there is sum1 out there makin' me have complic8ed plotlines in order 2 make up 4 how borin' ur bro & ur sis's lives r. weird, eh?

  • At 6:51 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i noticed the same thing, 2, jeremy!

    but so far i m really enjoying our uncomplic8ed plot this evening.

    (i m writing this while jeremy is using the men's room.)



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