April's Real Blog

Monday, March 10, 2008

MayB Cuz C-ing is Believing?

Aah, it'd B EZ 2 4get all abt Mboro when I'm in sunny Barbados, 'cept Liz e-mailed me again:

Yay, so we are still on ME! I know everyone wants to find out what happened on that night, whenever that was, after Warren left. Well, I phoned Anthony and said, "Anthony? It's me." Anthony said, "WHO? Oh, Elizabeth. Hi, Elizabeth." I said, "I'm sorry about the confusion on the phone. Warren's gone now. He just dropped in for a minute." Anthony asked, "WHY?" So I told him, "He quit his job." Anthony asked, "Yes, so?" I told him, "He was depressed and needed someone to talk to." Anthony said, "At this hour?" And I said, "I know it's late. That's why I asked him to leave." Anthony went, "Is there anything between you anymore?" Of course, I replied, "There's nothing between us anymore." Anthony was quiet for a bit, so I added, "...I hope you believe me." He replied, "Of course I believe you!"

But then he added, "Hey, we're both tired." That's when I realized he'd probably fallen asleep in the five, or maybe six minutes between the end of that last phone call and my calling him back after Warren left. How does he fall asleep so fast? I always have to count Peeps for at least 65 Peeps jumping over the fence. Anyway, next, he said, "Why don't I pick you up after work tomorrow, and we can talk then, OK?" I said, "OK," but then after I hung up and thought, "He doesn't believe me!!!"

Of course I can't tell you what happened the next day when we talked. Nyah, nyah, nyah, you'll just have to wait and see. And don't be such a show-off with Barbados. I have to spend my March break catching up on all the grading I've neglected worrying over my love life. And I'm going to do a week's worth of lessons plans so I won't have to pull any all-nighters next week, I swear it!

Liz? It's counting sheep. Not Peeps. And mayB Anthony is all "seeing is believing" like U, and that's Y he needs 2 C U B4 he can believe U? But whatevs, I know whatever happed happed already and U R holding out on us w/the Patterson story techniques. ::yawn::


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  • At 9:21 AM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man,

    So I go 2 the parlour last nite & fall asleep w8ing 4 my sekrit sum1. Im having a gr8 dream that my sekrit sum1's kissing me. I wake up & Im still b-ing kissed. Im enjoying my dream come tru when all of a sudden this d00d starts whacking me with a Carib promotional cricket bat. Then I hear Evah screaming, "Stop it! Don't hurt my Duncie-Wuncie." I get 2 the bathroom, Im wiping the blood off of my face, & this silhouette follows me in. I was about 2 take him down w/ a blast of air freshener, but Evah got him from bhind w/ 1 of the lamps from the parlour. My moms going 2b so pissed about that after she's finished b-ing pissed @ Arne.

    Silhouette, d00d, u had bettah do the morning shift @ RHBM while I get sum stitches. Evah is all yours, k? My posse & I will cu l8r.


    Sekrit sum1, where were u last nite?

  • At 9:27 AM, Blogger Zandra Larson said…

    I'm not sure who your secret someone is, Duncan, but I guess it wasn't either me or Bambi, since we were still working at 2:00 a.m.. We didn't have last call until 4:00, thanks to the cricketers and magicians. Charles Wallace was busy putting the mascot/Arne fight up on Youtube this morning, and came over to wake me up to see it. He's gone back to the kitchen to his dishpig duty, and I'm going back to sleep. I really, really hate magicians. And cricketers.


  • At 9:58 AM, Blogger Zandra Larson said…

    What? RHBM didnt close till 4 am? Who was working BOH? CW & Andy?

    Thats it. Im going in2 work. Silhouette, d00d, u had bettah b there & no how 2 squeegie.

    Duncan Anderson
    Head Dishwasher
    Redd Hott Bajan Mammas LLP

  • At 11:14 AM, Anonymous Liz Patterson said…

    April, why would I want to count sheep when I can count delicious, marshmallowy Peeps? You make no sense at all.


  • At 11:15 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    man, i cannot believe we worked until 4 AM! when i posted my blog entry, i still hadn't gotten ne sleep, so i went 4 a nap rite afterwards. i wasn't xxpecting yr wake-up call, dunc!


  • At 2:21 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, u gotta b-lieve me. i wuz just tired frum everythin’ that happed last nite, & i wuz gonna take a little nap there on the chesterfield, b4 i went back 2 the goat farm 2 sleep, wen those 2 enormous cats of duncan’s laid down on me while i wuz sleepin’ & then bambi von bon bon thot we (the cats & me) were sum kinda fur-blanket & then she fell asleep on top of the cats & me. u sed it sounded a little 2 uncomfortable 2b a believable story, but bambi duzn’t weigh that much & u know there r parts of her that kinda fluffy like a pillow. not that i wud wanna use them az a pillow. i wud rather use u4 a pillow. not that ur like sum object i cud just use. it’s just that u have fluffy parts on u2. & that duzn’t mean ur like flabby or nethin’, but u know, cuz i, it’s just, i mean…oh, i bettah just stop rite now.

    neway the little kid, andy, found us in the morning all on the chesterfield & dumped water on us & thass y u heard peeps tellin’ the story ‘bout bambi & me together w/wet pussies. there’s nothing between bambi & me. u gotta believe me. plus, wen eva tellz the story & sez it wuz her on the chesterfield and not bambi, i dunno y she iz sayin’ that. i know u sed u believe me, but u had that kinda tone 2 ur voice that sed mebbe u don’t rilly b-lieve me.

  • At 4:24 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I got a call from Marjee Mahaha today from the airport. She and her sometimes fiancé, Warren Blackwood, apparently have reconciled. He showed up at her place with a big bundle of cash he had gotten for some work he did, and the two of them are off to some hidden vacation bungalow. I asked Marjee about Warren’s behaviour for the last week, and she said that all was forgiven. She was mysterious about the whole thing and said that Warren’s job was hush-hush, except she hinted broadly that sometimes some people don’t do things they are supposed to unless there is a spirit of competition. Anyway, she sounded happy and that’s good enough for me. Marjee may add more details about this later on herself, or she may not.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 4:56 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, u prolly wanna keep an eye out on arne, if u c him 2day. apparently mopey, the mascot frum mayes midtown motors, & also the president of the southern ontario mascot association, who stopped the fite last nite iz an old bf of perdita, the prez of redd hott bajan mamma's & arne’s gf. i think i heard mopey & perdita talk ‘bout how he gave up hiz old job of b-ing the
    > carlton the bear
    4 the toronto maple leafs, so he wud have a nice stay@home job so he cud spend more tyme w/perdita & how he wunts 2b a part of her life again. arne haz been actin’ suspicious evah since he found out, evn 4 arne.

  • At 6:57 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i believe u, jeremy. weird things keep happening down here. like i cda sworn i saw marjee mahaha and warren blackwood get out of a helicopter that had landed by a bungalow @ that resort that's just a lil bit down the road from us. weird.


  • At 10:13 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Oh, man, u mean Carlton the Bear used 2b Ozzy Ozone? Ozzy used 2 live about a mile from the goat farm. I dunno if Ms Priss evah d8ed him but Ill try 2 get the 411 from Gran.

    Bambi says she's starting a pool on when Perdita will dump Arne. I have 25 loonies bet on Saturday. Bambi has Sunday. NE1 else?

    2 sekrit sum1: 1:30 am. Parlour. 2nite.

  • At 11:01 PM, Blogger Zandra Larson said…

    Mopey kept hanging around the bar this afternoon. It was annoying, since he fixed himself on the one seat with a good view of the kitchen, hoping to see Perdita. That seat was right in front of the draft taps. I had to keep lifting pints around him or over him all afternoon. He wasn't much for conversation, either.
    "So, you were Carlton the Bear," I asked.
    "So, what's Mats Sundin like?" I was getting desperate, and I really needed to take a tray of Carib to Table 7.
    "Swedish. And he used to have hair." After he said that he started sniffling into his Chocolate Choo-Choo.
    "Don't cry in that, it'll congeal," I said.
    "I quit my job once for Perdita. I'd do it again. I'll follow her anywhere: Milborough, Toronto, Barbados, Oshawa, I'd even go to New Jersey for her. I asked her to wait for me but she didn't."
    "Were you in the bear suit then?"
    "Yeah. I guess she couldn't hear me though the hockey sweater." Something lit up near the fire exit, and I had to go see what it was.


    Duncan, did you forget to log me off from Charles Wallace's Blackberry this morning?

  • At 11:11 PM, Blogger Zandra Larson said…

    There. It took a while to clean up the canary mess near the fire exit. I wanted to ask Mopey why he trailed Perdita and her ex-husband and her kid during her visit to Canada two years ago, all the while dressed in his Carlton suit, but he had left his Chocolate Choo-Choo on the bar and was slinking off to the parking area out front.
    "Thank you for coming to Red Hot Bajan Mama's, and please come again," I said.



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