Transformers? Bwuh?

Liz sent me another e-mail:

April,

Yay, we're still on me! I had a nightmare that we switched back to Mike and that he had a story about making some Kraft Dinner for those kids of his, but that they dumped it down the sink and Mike sent them to bed without supper while thinking a pun. I'm so glad we're on me!

Like I started to tell you, Candace and Rudy were at my apartment and Candace had asked me about how things were going with Anthony. And I told them that thing about taking things one day at a time. Well, Candace asked me some syko-babbly question about how compatible we are, and when I stared at her without answering, because I remember I had to learn "compatible" in a vocab quiz once but hadn't thought about the word in ages, she kind of sighed and said, "Are you and Anthony well matched?" I thought about how we are always finding we are wearing the same shade of brown or mustard yellow or eggplant, and I said, "Yes, we are pretty well matched." Candace had to get all competitive by saying, "Rudy and I are pretty well-matched too, Liz. We just sort of 'click', I guess." By then, we were all standing up, and Candace and I were holding our mugs. I saw that Candace was facing Shiimsa, who was on the counter, and I thought, "Oh, yeah, I have a cat."

Then I realized that Rudy was talking again, I think he heard about how Pattersons are always doing the best wordplay and he wanted to show off, because he started to gesture with his two hands, like he was pretending to open a jar, and he said, "Like those Transformers! You know, you get some goofy monster thing, then... click-click, you fudge around it and it turns into a car or something!?" Candace had put her mug down and picked up Shiimsa. I was putting my mug on the coffee table, and Candace was asking Rudy, "You're comparing me to a Transformer?" And Rudy said, "Nope! No psychoanalysis, Candace. You know what I mean. It's the way we figure each other out!" I sat on the couch and felt myself looking like Mike with a confused look on my face while Candace answered, "A 'goofy monster thing'?" Then Rudy sat next to me on the couch, grabbed his right foot, and said, "Click, click, click" while leaning in like he was going to put his face onto his foot. Candace asked, "What are you doing?" And Rudy said, "Putting my other foot in my mouth!" And I laughed. Because I saw there was no way Rudy was flexible enough to put his foot in his mouth. I said, "Maybe April can do that, with those yoga classes she takes, April does stuff like that to be annoying and maybe so that she can put her foot in my mouth." And then I laughed some more because I pictured you, April, with both feet in your mouth! Ha, ha, ha, I'm laughing all over again thinking about that!

More tomorrow.

Liz.

Liz, FYI, putting your foot in your mouth is an expression. When you say the wrong thing and realize you've accidentally insulted someone, that's called putting your foot in your mouth. And in case you care, I'm flexible enuf 2 put my feet behind my head, but I never put my feet in my mouth (at least not literally). Oh, and memo to Rudy, Transformers are "robots in disguise." Not "goofy monster things."

Apes