Oh noes, is he cuing a flashback again already?

So, here goes with the bed-buying tale w/Mike:

April,

Formerly little sis. Well, who should happen to show up at the furniture store to make sure I didn’t mess up in buying a bed but my wife, the lovely Deanna? I guess a little bird must have told her I was doing a majour furniture purchase without her input. Called her up, didn’t you April?

Deanna got there and she pointed me over to the beds with the “SALE” sign on the wall and I was informed that this is where I could look for a purchase. I said, “But Deanna, Anthony Caine has a bunk bed for his daughter and we can’t have his little half-Quebecoise girl showing up our daughter, who is a Patterson.” Deanna mumbled something about Anthony Caine as an example for parenting; but I could tell that she had given in to the pressures of social standing.

My kids were already on the bunk bed having politely taken their shoes off. It was kind of an interesting design, April. Most of the other bunk beds had one bed directly below the other for space savings, like Anthony’s Caine’s did; but this one had the other bed poked under the top bunk with the short end of the bed first so it extended out from the bed and it was not attached to the upper bed in any obvious way. I could tell why this bunk bed was on sale, in other words.

My daughter said, “Is this the kinda bed, Dad?” I said to Deanna, “Anthony Caine’s daughter’s bed is better than this.” Deanna glared at me and pointed to the “SALE” sign. So, I grabbed hold of the ladder giving it a mighty Patterson pull, which is always the best way to check a bed’s safety and quality of design. If the ladder can withstand my might, then I’m sure the bed is safe, eh? I said to my daughter, “It’s what I had in mind!” Deanna just stood to the side with her hands in her coat pockets glaring at me.

I felt the time had come for a discussion of my philosophy of bed-buying. I said, “If we get this, Merrie, we can have company! Either you can have a friend for a sleepover or Robin can stay in your room and we can use his room for a guest.” You have to play up the positive aspects of these things to fool the child into thinking things are getting better for them. After all, if my daughter thought about it, she would realize she has more room in her old giant bed than these 2 bunk beds put together.

I was under the impression my son was going to question me about the matter, when I said, “When I was a kid, we called these 'bump beds'!” You see this is the sort of leading statement a Patterson parent uses for distracting their kids---a story about the history behind a pun. My son fell for it immediately and said, “How come?”

As if on cue, my wife, the lovely Deanna had wandered under the bunk bed and stood up too quickly underneath the bunk. The sound of her head to the faux wood of the bunk bed made a “BONK!” noise. My daughter said, “You got it wrong, Mom! Your head is supposed to make a ‘BUMP!’ sound to go along with Daddy’s joke.” She’s such a good girl. I can tell she is going to be a first class punner.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Mike, please don't B setting up 4 another flashback to 1979/1980. It's only Tuesday, yo! And no, I did not call Dee. How cd I possibly have dun that when I didn't even find out abt yr bed-buying until after U had already dun it? U goof.

And what's all this abt the bunk bed b-ing such a gr8 thing cuz U can have guests? I can just C how this cd go. Suddenly Weed loses all his $ thru bad investments and "needs" 2 stay @ Mike's house. But just "temporarily," until he's back on his feet. So Merrie and Robin hafta go back 2 sharing a room, "Oh, we know U won't mind, after all it's just temporary." And next thing U know, Weed is just living there w/no end in site, and it looks like Robin is never going 2 get his room back. I know what that's like!

Apes