Flashback 2 the Last Time We Had a Friggin' Flashback

OMG, here we go again. AGAIN. This is like torture. (Note 2 Luis, I know it isn't REALLY like torture, so pls don't lecture me.) NEway, Mike is launching in2 flashbacks again:

April,

Formerly little sis. As I predicted last Saturday, the stupefied expression on my wife Deanna's face when I talked about how my little sister Lizzie deserved to be teased when she was little because she was cuter than I was, has led me to remember about a time back in 1979, when I was teasing Lizzie because she was cuter than I was.

Actually, now that I think about this more carefully, "teasing Lizzie" was mom's interpretation of what was going on. It was really something completely different. You know how sometimes we Pattersons let the hair cleanliness go a bit and we attract little fleas near our scalp. Sometimes they look like little dots flying near our head. I've seen them on you from time-to-time, particularly when you go through a long period of having your hair perpetually in one of those super strong hair clips.

Well, on this particular occasion, those little fleas were bugging my sister, Lizzie. So she sat down, as I squatted behind her and reached to see if I could get some of those fleas out of her hair. We didn't have your hair clip excuse back in those days. Mom was just not much into bathing children. It was a fear of potential drowning I expect. She would often say, "If you keep splashing that water, Michael, you're going to drown me." As I remember this occasion, I either wasn't wearing any pants or I was wearing one of those pairs of pants which mom said were from the brand name "Artist too stinking lazy to draw" pants.

Well, I decided to reach for those fleas without opening my eyes and so I accidentally grabbed one of Lizzie's hairs and pulled it. She said, "YAAAH". Mom was on me in an instant, grabbing me with her right hand, which as I recollect had 2 thumbs and then I reached out with my right hand, which also had 2 thumbs. Then the fleas from Lizzie's head jumped to my head and started taunting me. Suddenly I am beginning to wonder if I am remembering this from real life or if I am remembering a dream. The physical details are starting to seem either too much like the illogical sequence of events in a dream, or the illogical sequence of events conceived by a middle-aged housewife living on the edge in Lynn Lake, Manitoba, who could care less how many thumbs a hand has.

In any case, this dream mom said, "Michael, are you going to stop teasing Lizzie, or am I going to have to punish you?" That was a curious question. I was very tempted to ask, "Who are you? What did you do with my mom? And what is this punishment thing about which you speak?" Instead of saying that, I said, "I don't know—what's the punishment?" using my middle finger of my left hand to pick at my teeth, where those fleas had gotten caught. I don't think mom got the message of that gesture. I suppose I should have said, "What is punishment?" to be clearer, but I was young then and not as well-versed at writing as I am today. Even little Lizzie seemed confused by the question of what punishment is, and she stared plaintively at mom for an explanation. Mom looked dumbfounded, as if she never expected anyone to call her on that question.

More memories tomorrow, April. See you then….

Love,
Michael Patterson

Well, this is sure 2 B xxcruci8ing. BTW, I M posting this entry by e-mail cuz I M having Blogger trubs. Sorry if the formatting comes out wonky. And I do NOT have fleas, U freak!

Apes