When U C Mike, just say, "DUH!"

Mike's got another story 2 show U his parenting is made of fail:

April,

Formerly little sis. I like sleeping. Don’t you? I find that after I have had a troublesome day, there is nothing like a good, long nap to ease my sorrows. It’s sort of like baseball – 3 strikes and you’re out and headed toward being pleasantly unconscious. One strike would be kids fighting over a vegetable peeler. Strike two would be fighting over a Galaxy game. Strike three would be fighting over getting to play with the bunny.

After my daughter and my son got into an argument over the differences between seeing and looking, I did the only sensible thing a father could do. I picked up the child who was the lightest and said, “Well, it’s obvious that you two can’t get along this evening, so I’m going to separate you.” So I picked up my son and he said, “No!” and my daughter said, “No, Dad!” I suppose they thought I might not be smart enough or strong enough to separate them; however I remembered that the boys in our family are always the lightest. My boy picked up his teddy bear for extra weight, but he was still the lightest.

I may not have mentioned this before, but this fight was going on your old room in the house, the rec room. I said, “Meredith, you stay in the rec room. Robin, you come upstairs with me.” My daughter uttered what must have been a magic spell with the words, “Nyaah!! I get to play with the bunny!” , because the bunny that I have not seen in months magically appeared on the floor along with a big, empty cage.

Upon seeing the bunny, my son started yelling, “I WANNA BE WIF THE BUNNY!!” You may note, formerly little sis, that my son did not say, “I want to play with the bunny.” He said, “be wif”. Obviously, I can’t let my son be a wif(e) to the bunny. Humans and bunnies aren’t allowed to marry in Canada, at least not yet, anyway.

Well, the thought of my son marrying a bunny simply took the energy out of me. As my daughter was going “Pfttt” behind my back and my son was crying a generous arc of tears. It was like I was talking about before. I suddenly became very sleepy. I said, “Maybe you both should go to bed.” That seemed like a great idea to me. I would get to sleep. My children would be sleeping and wouldn’t bother me. However, there was one problem:

My daughter said it best, “I don’t wanna go to bed! It’s no fair!!! We’re not TIRED yet!!” That’s right, April. You probably remember from my post last Monday that I had not yet finished supper, because while I was in the process of making it, I was taking time to read my newspaper. It was actually sometime around supper time, but unfortunately not late enough in the day for my wife, the lovely Deanna, to have returned home from the pharmacy. So, my kids were right that it probably was a little early for them to go to bed. I was at my wit’s end, trying to keep up with them. After all, they had disturbed my supper-making and interrupted my newspaper-reading and…there’s bound to be something else in there. Oh yes, they ruined my masterful use of a timer to break up a fight.

Then I felt something mysterious come over me and I suddenly felt like my face was beginning to look like Grandpa Jim’s face. My chin jutted out in a way it had never done before. My eyebrows lightened up, and I could feel the temperature on my forehead was higher and a few beads of sweat sprang off my forehead. I was thinking, “Who’s looking like Grandpa?” and my answer to myself was, “Well…I am.” Let me tell you, April, it is a frightening experience. Just remembering it again has shaken me and I need to stop writing now.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Mike, after all this time, I cannot believe U R referring 2 the rec room as my "old room in the house." NO! My "old room in the house" is the one U AND DEE TOOK OVER AND FOR WHICH U NEVER THANKED ME. I'll take those thanks from you anytime, Mike. Anytime.

Another thing. U have FOUR bedrooms in that house. Yr kids do not have a 2 share a room! Duh! Also, Robin's "wif" was mispronouncing "with," not "wife." Another "Duh."

Apes